My relationship of the past 2.5-3 years or so has had its share of drama, but things were better the past several weeks, or so I thought. Ironically things seemed better while her grandmother (with whom she was extremely close) was dying and then did die of cancer. That put me in supportive boyfriend mode and not really thinking about much else.
This past Sunday, I can tell something is wrong and she confesses it: She went out to a restaurant not with her mom as I'd thought, but with another dude whose name I'd known but whom I don't think I've met. Rather than get angry, I calmly tell her that it's over while she's bawling. Of course it doesn't end there. Over the next few days, there was a lot of back and forth, and I'm ashamed to admit I crept on her Facebook. I honestly wish I hadn't - not because of what I found but because I already knew enough. What I found was pretty bad, but not smoking gun material. But I had enough to be upset and feel like a fool.
That led to a fight, then a conversation. I've basically taken this whole week off to not be at work (yes, we work at the same company) and to think or not think. I was about to go to a happy ending massage joint to take my mind off things when she shows up unannounced at my door with lunch. I let her in and we have a long heart to heart where I confirm that it is over.
I'll give her credit, she was mature about it and owned up to her major fukk up. She insists there was no sex or kissing, but honestly I'd already made peace with myself that there might have been. The only reason to believe her was most of her/our time was taken up with her sick grandmother, so if she did pull off a weeks-long fling simultaneously then I tip my hat to her and also feel pretty sorry for her because that'd be some messed up shyt. But I'll never know and it this point I do not care.
Anyway, over several hours of her sobbing, she acknowledged that she majorly messed up and wishes she could go back and take it back, yadda yadda, and at some point said "I admire you for making a decision and sticking to it." Gents, in my younger years, I might have taken her back. But I had said many times to her that this kind of thing was a deal-breaker for me. Honestly, the potential sexual part does not bother me so much as the lying and how stupid I felt because I KNEW something was amiss that night and the next day but could not pinpoint it. Once I found out, I knew what I had to do, and it was more a matter of weathering the shyt storm.
As for what led to this - you're wondering how I slipped up, I bet. Well, not to make excuses for her but I pushed her away a lot. I didn't want to move in, didn't want to marry her, didn't want to have kids, told her recently I felt better when single, stuff no woman wants to hear. This other dude gave her attention and probably seemed nice, so there you go. Still, she made her series of decisions and has to live with the results.
DJs, trust your instincts. They say women have intuition, but you know your male survival technology is there to help you, too. Trust it. Don't go looking for problems, but if something doesn't add up, there is usually a reason.
Your support is welcome. I'm sad, for sure, but I think things were heading toward a breakup anyway. It's a shame this happened but when you've got the red pill in you, I guess it makes you more stoic.
This past Sunday, I can tell something is wrong and she confesses it: She went out to a restaurant not with her mom as I'd thought, but with another dude whose name I'd known but whom I don't think I've met. Rather than get angry, I calmly tell her that it's over while she's bawling. Of course it doesn't end there. Over the next few days, there was a lot of back and forth, and I'm ashamed to admit I crept on her Facebook. I honestly wish I hadn't - not because of what I found but because I already knew enough. What I found was pretty bad, but not smoking gun material. But I had enough to be upset and feel like a fool.
That led to a fight, then a conversation. I've basically taken this whole week off to not be at work (yes, we work at the same company) and to think or not think. I was about to go to a happy ending massage joint to take my mind off things when she shows up unannounced at my door with lunch. I let her in and we have a long heart to heart where I confirm that it is over.
I'll give her credit, she was mature about it and owned up to her major fukk up. She insists there was no sex or kissing, but honestly I'd already made peace with myself that there might have been. The only reason to believe her was most of her/our time was taken up with her sick grandmother, so if she did pull off a weeks-long fling simultaneously then I tip my hat to her and also feel pretty sorry for her because that'd be some messed up shyt. But I'll never know and it this point I do not care.
Anyway, over several hours of her sobbing, she acknowledged that she majorly messed up and wishes she could go back and take it back, yadda yadda, and at some point said "I admire you for making a decision and sticking to it." Gents, in my younger years, I might have taken her back. But I had said many times to her that this kind of thing was a deal-breaker for me. Honestly, the potential sexual part does not bother me so much as the lying and how stupid I felt because I KNEW something was amiss that night and the next day but could not pinpoint it. Once I found out, I knew what I had to do, and it was more a matter of weathering the shyt storm.
As for what led to this - you're wondering how I slipped up, I bet. Well, not to make excuses for her but I pushed her away a lot. I didn't want to move in, didn't want to marry her, didn't want to have kids, told her recently I felt better when single, stuff no woman wants to hear. This other dude gave her attention and probably seemed nice, so there you go. Still, she made her series of decisions and has to live with the results.
DJs, trust your instincts. They say women have intuition, but you know your male survival technology is there to help you, too. Trust it. Don't go looking for problems, but if something doesn't add up, there is usually a reason.
Your support is welcome. I'm sad, for sure, but I think things were heading toward a breakup anyway. It's a shame this happened but when you've got the red pill in you, I guess it makes you more stoic.