Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

PA cloud has moved in...WTF?

Dash Riprock

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 16, 2005
Messages
1,748
Reaction score
3,440
Location
Mile High City, USA
Hey Mature SS Posters,

This is a bit difficult to post but I'd like some feedback--positive comments/advice only please.

I was in a 9-year relationship that ended about 2 years ago. Have been dating for about the last year and a half. I never had a problem with PA (performance anxiety) with 9 year ex, but we did wait almost 6 weeks before we had sex. No problem getting wood at any time with her after for 9 years. Historically, on occasion (thinking back to college days mainly) PA cropped up with maybe 10-20% of new partners for whatever reason. Once I saw them a few times or started dating them, it cleared up. So yes, in my 20's I did have a few isolated bouts with PA.

Fast forward to now.

PA seems to hit the first 2-3 times I try to have sex with any new partner. It's not a physical problem. I can go from zero to bullet proof in about 60 seconds if watching porn or no porn at all though it might take a minute or two longer without. Since I've been single, I have been using a lot more porn and I sense that may be a contributing factor (have read about porn induced ED) but not the only one. There was a girl in the summer I was seeing, a HB8+. The first few times we were intimate, I could maybe muster 50% "readiness." Then, maybe the 3rd or 4th time, no problem, then the 5th time banged her for 20+ minutes, 95% wood, and could have gone longer.

It's embarrassing though the first few times with the new partners. There have been maybe 4-5. I'm not sure where the PA is coming from; too much porn, the chicks are too hot (all have been HB8s at least), too young (most are more than 10 years my junior as I can pull them easily) and it's psyching me out, or something else. I haven't tried Viagra or Cialis yet though I do have some low-dose Viagra pills my doc gave me. Reason being, there can be side effects one of which is sudden hearing loss (very rare occurrence) and I have do have an ear issue so I'm a bit paranoid to take the meds.

There's a lot of info on the web regarding PA talking about relaxing, etc, etc., but easier said than done. I am very driven, passionate about most pursuits and have admittedly a big ego and can be compulsive in pursuits so I think this may contribute too. Kind of like your biggest asset also being your biggest weakness.

It's frustrating as all h*ell when you know nothing is physically wrong with you. As a matter of fact, I'm probably in the upper 1% in terms of fitness for all males over 40.

So, any tips, advice, or recommendations are welcome. At this point, I'm open to trying anything but would like to think the meds are a last resort.

Thanks much.

Ciao,

Dash
 
A

AJ84

Guest
Hey Mature SS Posters,

This is a bit difficult to post but I'd like some feedback--positive comments/advice only please.

I was in a 9-year relationship that ended about 2 years ago. Have been dating for about the last year and a half. I never had a problem with PA (performance anxiety) with 9 year ex, but we did wait almost 6 weeks before we had sex. No problem getting wood at any time with her after for 9 years. Historically, on occasion (thinking back to college days mainly) PA cropped up with maybe 10-20% of new partners for whatever reason. Once I saw them a few times or started dating them, it cleared up. So yes, in my 20's I did have a few isolated bouts with PA.

Fast forward to now.

PA seems to hit the first 2-3 times I try to have sex with any new partner. It's not a physical problem. I can go from zero to bullet proof in about 60 seconds if watching porn or no porn at all though it might take a minute or two longer without. Since I've been single, I have been using a lot more porn and I sense that may be a contributing factor (have read about porn induced ED) but not the only one. There was a girl in the summer I was seeing, a HB8+. The first few times we were intimate, I could maybe muster 50% "readiness." Then, maybe the 3rd or 4th time, no problem, then the 5th time banged her for 20+ minutes, 95% wood, and could have gone longer.

It's embarrassing though the first few times with the new partners. There have been maybe 4-5. I'm not sure where the PA is coming from; too much porn, the chicks are too hot (all have been HB8s at least), too young (most are more than 10 years my junior as I can pull them easily) and it's psyching me out, or something else. I haven't tried Viagra or Cialis yet though I do have some low-dose Viagra pills my doc gave me. Reason being, there can be side effects one of which is sudden hearing loss (very rare occurrence) and I have do have an ear issue so I'm a bit paranoid to take the meds.

There's a lot of info on the web regarding PA talking about relaxing, etc, etc., but easier said than done. I am very driven, passionate about most pursuits and have admittedly a big ego and can be compulsive in pursuits so I think this may contribute too. Kind of like your biggest asset also being your biggest weakness.

It's frustrating as all h*ell when you know nothing is physically wrong with you. As a matter of fact, I'm probably in the upper 1% in terms of fitness for all males over 40.

So, any tips, advice, or recommendations are welcome. At this point, I'm open to trying anything but would like to think the meds are a last resort.

Thanks much.

Ciao,

Dash
I dated a guy who had this happen and here's my female advice which worked for us.


Viagra (optional)

Not drinking too much alcohol

Try to get her off first, with your tongue, fingers etc, women enjoy being given an orgasm no matter the method. If you can do that with something other than your penis that may help ease anxiety so that an orgasm with a penis is like a bonus not the main event.

The other option is to focus solely on your own pleasure which can also work, if the girl is into letting you do whatever you want. In this way, not thinking about her orgasm and what you need to do to get her there may help get you over the hump until you are relaxed enough to focus on her getting off.

Or you can combine both options, maybe get her off first then do your own thing with her. If you start overthinking things while in the act just let the thoughts pass, don't follow them, imagine they are clouds passing in the sky and get back into the present.

Stop watching porn for a bit.
 

BeExcellent

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 16, 2015
Messages
4,614
Reaction score
6,452
Age
55
I concur with @AJ84 totally. It's such a sensitive topic for guys and is much more psych yourself out than many folks realize. Porn is a legit issue. My guy is mid-40s and gets wound up in his head and gets PA sometimes too. He worries about not being hard enough, he worries about me not getting off, he worries about whether I'm going to see him somehow as less than, he worries that I will think he doesn't find me sexy (he does)...its a delicate topic. He has a bit of ED, has the pills too, but when he is fully relaxed and not all up in his noggin he is fine without pills. He's more relaxed when he has had a bit to drink (not too much) because he's less up in his mind analyzing stuff. He finds it to be more of an issue when he really likes the woman in question (because he cares more about the outcome.)

With porn there is no PA because there isn't a partner you are worried about or worried about what the partner thinks. But the problem with porn, as I'm sure you have read, is that you essentially are using operant conditioning to get off. In other words, if you take away the specific stimulus/conditions and you have a tougher time getting the result (erection, climax, etc). Porn is not real at all and real women are rarely if ever going to measure up to the photo-shopped, close up angle, airbrushed images in porn. Real relationships just aren't like that. Real women are not like that - not even the porn starlets themselves. If you add to that the real anxiety you are feeling in your mind about measuring up to the (younger - harder - whatever-er) men you *think* these younger hot women have experienced the PA makes some sense.

I recently had a similar conversation about porn with my guy. He's going to give it a break and see what happens. Meanwhile just relax as much as you can and go with the flow of an interaction. You are fit and healthy and your body knows how to get aroused. Slow things down and relax and just kiss a while and touch and take all the pressure of climax out of the equation and see where things go. Check out information about tantra as a means of getting more fully into your erotic mind. And think about/focus on her pleasure as the priority without worrying about your junk. My guess is once you focus on her arousal her sexual state is going to excite you naturally.

Wishing you many happy endings.
 

Desdinova

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 15, 2004
Messages
11,660
Reaction score
4,712
PA is always an issue for me when I'm not in a LTR. I went and got myself a prescription for the v-pill. It doesn't completely fix it, but it certainly makes things easier. Once you're completely comfortable with her, you won't need them.

So yeah, go get yourself some of the v-pills. Get yourself a pill chopper, and cut them in half because you won't need a full one.
 

sazc

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 23, 2016
Messages
4,512
Reaction score
3,435
They're no shame in needing to get to get comfortable with a woman before you can get immediately aroused. There's also no shame in Viagra as an aid while you get know her.

What does suck is being the chick who likes the guy, having him get PA on attempt one, and having him bail because he was embarrassed.
 

bmp2cpm

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Oct 24, 2009
Messages
428
Reaction score
495
Location
PA
Early on, I told my now wife that “it takes me a while to get comfortable with a new partner and don’t feel like I am rejecting you. I just need some time to get comfortable with you.”

That made her work work like crazy to please me the first time with were together. After our first night, no problems ever again.

It’s all on your focus and how you spin the situation. Focus on the negative and it’s a problem. Focus on the positive, in this case sharing something intimate with them and it’s now a positive.
 

derby1

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 10, 2017
Messages
3,316
Reaction score
3,461
Since I've been single, I have been using a lot more porn and I sense that may be a contributing factor (have read about porn induced ED) but not the only one
I didnt read past this part i didnt need to .... I will tell everyone reading this as 100% solid advice

if you Cease Porn Completely and also stop any w4nking for a while

I couldnt believe the polar opposite change, all it took was was a plain jane to breathe down my neck and i was ready to thrust a greasy hippo up a pair of ladders......
Excellent mother nature feeling

Its a win win scenario because you will also be much more turned on by her natural beauty, her boobs might be smaller than porn boobs etc which at the moment is actually Sub Conciously bothering you

Also your Penis will be 100% Erect and believe me you havent seen him 100% Erect for while its quite a proud moment

if you do W4nk a lot you need to stop this aswell a vagina does not feel the same as W4nking and your penis is conditioned to your hand grip method .......
 
Last edited:

derby1

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 10, 2017
Messages
3,316
Reaction score
3,461
Like ive said @Dash Riprock cease porn forever and cease masturbating....then in 4 weeks time report back on when some plain jane gets close
 

Dash Riprock

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 16, 2005
Messages
1,748
Reaction score
3,440
Location
Mile High City, USA
I concur with @AJ84 totally. It's such a sensitive topic for guys and is much more psych yourself out than many folks realize. Porn is a legit issue. My guy is mid-40s and gets wound up in his head and gets PA sometimes too. He worries about not being hard enough, he worries about me not getting off, he worries about whether I'm going to see him somehow as less than, he worries that I will think he doesn't find me sexy (he does)...its a delicate topic. He has a bit of ED, has the pills too, but when he is fully relaxed and not all up in his noggin he is fine without pills. He's more relaxed when he has had a bit to drink (not too much) because he's less up in his mind analyzing stuff. He finds it to be more of an issue when he really likes the woman in question (because he cares more about the outcome.)

With porn there is no PA because there isn't a partner you are worried about or worried about what the partner thinks. But the problem with porn, as I'm sure you have read, is that you essentially are using operant conditioning to get off. In other words, if you take away the specific stimulus/conditions and you have a tougher time getting the result (erection, climax, etc). Porn is not real at all and real women are rarely if ever going to measure up to the photo-shopped, close up angle, airbrushed images in porn. Real relationships just aren't like that. Real women are not like that - not even the porn starlets themselves. If you add to that the real anxiety you are feeling in your mind about measuring up to the (younger - harder - whatever-er) men you *think* these younger hot women have experienced the PA makes some sense.

I recently had a similar conversation about porn with my guy. He's going to give it a break and see what happens. Meanwhile just relax as much as you can and go with the flow of an interaction. You are fit and healthy and your body knows how to get aroused. Slow things down and relax and just kiss a while and touch and take all the pressure of climax out of the equation and see where things go. Check out information about tantra as a means of getting more fully into your erotic mind. And think about/focus on her pleasure as the priority without worrying about your junk. My guess is once you focus on her arousal her sexual state is going to excite you naturally.

Wishing you many happy endings.
Great feedback. Thanks.
 

Dash Riprock

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 16, 2005
Messages
1,748
Reaction score
3,440
Location
Mile High City, USA
I dated a guy who had this happen and here's my female advice which worked for us.


Viagra (optional)

Not drinking too much alcohol

Try to get her off first, with your tongue, fingers etc, women enjoy being given an orgasm no matter the method. If you can do that with something other than your penis that may help ease anxiety so that an orgasm with a penis is like a bonus not the main event.

The other option is to focus solely on your own pleasure which can also work, if the girl is into letting you do whatever you want. In this way, not thinking about her orgasm and what you need to do to get her there may help get you over the hump until you are relaxed enough to focus on her getting off.

Or you can combine both options, maybe get her off first then do your own thing with her. If you start overthinking things while in the act just let the thoughts pass, don't follow them, imagine they are clouds passing in the sky and get back into the present.

Stop watching porn for a bit.
Thanks for the reply. Yes, what you described above is pretty much my M.O. If the PA strikes, I certainly don't make a big deal out of it and we just do other things. I'm a mature man so let's just say I've honed my skills over the years and the d*ick game is just one play in my playbook. The girl I'm with now is a lot younger than me and we've been together twice. I did tell her I usually need to be with someone for a few times before all the equipment works and she seemed to be fine with it. We had a good time anyway and both got off.

I've found most women understand and are ok, but have had a couple huff and puff and roll their eyes, so to speak. I never call these types again. Little do they know had they hung in there another date or two I probably would have been one of the best dudes they would have ever dated. Of the ones that have taken the "no big deal" approach, many have been keepers and some have been in a LTR with me.
 

Dash Riprock

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 16, 2005
Messages
1,748
Reaction score
3,440
Location
Mile High City, USA
PA is always an issue for me when I'm not in a LTR. I went and got myself a prescription for the v-pill. It doesn't completely fix it, but it certainly makes things easier. Once you're completely comfortable with her, you won't need them.

So yeah, go get yourself some of the v-pills. Get yourself a pill chopper, and cut them in half because you won't need a full one.
Yes, I have some pills; 20 mg of generic Viagra (sildenafil). As mentioned in my OP, I do have an ear issue so I'm a bit paranoid of taking it even though the risks are probably quite minute. I do take L-Arginine which is a nitric oxide booster and has been shown to act as a "natural" Viagra. Good for pumping iron too which I do a lot of.

You said you crack a pill in half and it helps. So how much are you taking in terms of mgs? Any side effects?
 
Last edited:

derby1

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 10, 2017
Messages
3,316
Reaction score
3,461
Agreed. Read a lot about this. Have definitely cut back the past two weeks but I think I need to eliminate 100%. REALLY tough for me given my personality type.
you need to cease it completely my friend, trust me also cease masturbating for now, your dck is conditioned to the feeling and grip of your hand

and your mind is conditioned to the great filth of porn........

I did the above, and after about a month all it took was was some plain jane to get a little close and it was time to play ballllllll

also you will get 100% erections bk , theres an erection and theres a 100% erection......................
 

GT40

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Dec 29, 2016
Messages
358
Reaction score
225
Age
51
Location
Canada
Eat healthy foods and drink 2 L of water daily.
Stop jerking off all the time
Stop watching porn. It ****s with your mind and kills the animal instinct for sex. Who needs that junk anyways.
I concur about the L Arginine as well. I take it daily for the gym and yes it stiffens my **** too.
 

Murk

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 17, 2017
Messages
4,321
Reaction score
3,233
Age
35
Location
London
As everyone has said stop porn and jacking.

With the pills, I only use 1/4 not a whole one, but I don’t actually need them so 1/4 pill is enough.
 

Dash Riprock

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 16, 2005
Messages
1,748
Reaction score
3,440
Location
Mile High City, USA
As everyone has said stop porn and jacking.

With the pills, I only use 1/4 not a whole one, but I don’t actually need them so 1/4 pill is enough.
Thanks for the info. How many milligrams is the pill you're only taking a 1/4 of? Viagra comes in 25, 50 ,and 100 milligram pill sizes.
 

Murk

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 17, 2017
Messages
4,321
Reaction score
3,233
Age
35
Location
London
100mg of kamagra, not viagra
 
Top