Oneitus

[Fruitbat]

I have been considering oneitus.

I suffer from it. I have had some bad times because of it.

The last time I spent the whole time reading this forum while trying not to get it, but still got it. Badly.

I had so many warnings, I knew what was happening. You tell yourself you're not getting it, but when you're messed up after you realise you had, it bad!

However, something weird has happened to me following this:

I am so burned out with bull****, worrying, caring, thinking about this ****, it's got to the point where I just feel so jaded that I am losing the ability to become enchanted. I see them more as mermaids, pretty but the allure of them makes you vulnerable....something to be resisted...is this just why older guys don't get loved up? Is it repeated burnings which make you a solid man?

I am not sure if I could have learned what I have gone through....I had to live it to understand.....so is oneitus a matter of experience? Can any older DJ confess if they still feel it?

 

[Square Hammer]

I'm 48, and despite my best effort, I have it right now. I know it's probably just limerence, but it's tough to overcome.

I'm getting past it day by day, and the girl has no idea. I've managed to limit my contact with her and my availability (which is probably what attracted her).

For perspective, she is 35, and I've wanted her for a long time. When I finally got her...it made me crazy.

I think most still suffer from it time to time, no matter the age or experience level. You'll get through it.

 

[Fruitbat]

I'm 48, and despite my best effort, I have it right now. I know it's probably just limerence, but it's tough to overcome.

I'm getting past it day by day, and the girl has no idea. I've managed to limit my contact with her and my availability (which is probably what attracted her).

For perspective, she is 35, and I've wanted her for a long time. When I finally got her...it made me crazy.

I think most still suffer from it time to time, no matter the age or experience level. You'll get through it.

I don't have it currently, I was postulating that repeated burning and heartache extinguishes the ability to get it. At 48 you must have had a few more than me so perhaps it endures....damn it.

 

[Serenity]

Had it bad before, I don't anymore. Infatuation is stupid and delusional, it's just a way to hurt yourself. When you touch a hot plate a couple of times you kinda stop being tempted to continue.

So if you still have oneitis and can't resist it, then you haven't been fvcked over bad enough. If you had you'd rather want to fvck a donkey than have more oneitis.

So how bad does it have to get before you snap out of it and never return to oneitis? 10 rejections? 20 years as a doormat being cheated on and treated like sh!t? Marrying, having kids and getting divorced from some sh!tty woman you settled with because the stupid part of your brain gave you oneitis?

It doesn't have to go that far, you can prevent it now if you really understand the consequences and how brutally it can fvck you up. You don't want to ruin your life and end up in a sad place where you contemplate eating a bullet do you? That's what you risk with oneitis.

tl;dr Don't have oneitis, it will fvck you up.

 

[Fruitbat]

Had it bad before, I don't anymore. Infatuation is stupid and delusional, it's just a way to hurt yourself. When you touch a hot plate a couple of times you kinda stop being tempted to continue.

So if you still have oneitis and can't resist it, then you haven't been fvcked over bad enough. If you had you'd rather want to fvck a donkey than have more oneitis.

So how bad does it have to get before you snap out of it and never return to oneitis? 10 rejections? 20 years as a doormat being cheated on and treated like sh!t? Marrying, having kids and getting divorced from some sh!tty woman you settled with because the stupid part of your brain gave you oneitis?

It doesn't have to go that far, you can prevent it now if you really understand the consequences and how brutally it can fvck you up. You don't want to ruin your life and end up in a sad place where you contemplate eating a bullet do you? That's what you risk with oneitis.

tl;dr Don't have oneitis, it will fvck you up.

So true on every level.

I just couldn't learn that without the pain of finding out for myself.

 

[Square Hammer]

Yeah....it is stupid

 

[FwoGiZ]

You gotta look at why you get it if you wannna prevent it/cure it.
Here are a couples reasons;
1- You **** too many low qual girls. You can't go around and **** 4-5s and think that you won't get oneitis when an 8 shows up.
2- Scarcity mentality. It's BS. Just ask yourself, are the girls you keep getting into relationships with are getting better and better, or do you still wished you had the 1st gf you ever had cause she was the best? As you get older, you get better at spoting deficiencies and crazies. It'll only get better. There is no The One or unicorns.
3- Understand that you turn her off big time by having oneitis... so if you care too much, she stops caring... think about yourself a bit more then she'll be all over you. This is just how it works. Women are attracted to men that have their own life going... don't have YOUR life revolve around HERS. Include her in yours and she'll make you happy

 

[resilient]

I can get oneitis if I make a plate a main plate too early before she's invested herself or proven herself worthy of commitment and the causation of dropping other plates too early.

The above guys have the right perspective. Protect your heart.

Don't get overly emotionally involved or attached.

Use your past dating experiences to guide your gut and instinct when evaluating red flags. Know that in a similar way, you'll also be compared to previous ex's to see how you measure up. It's just game.

Have an awesome life outside of dating so that you're focused on your career, hobbies, health, and social circles. You'll feel less oneitis when the main plate drops.