on low self esteem girls

[chinaski]

ok time for another update.

no sex yet, we saw each other three times during last week. slept together every time.

i went from "acting" more alpha, trying to be dominant and controlling (first evening) to being absolutely carefree and funny (last day). i didn't cared about any of the **** test she threw at me. i literally saw her reactions to me not reacting or agreeing and amplify and the more i did that, the more she let herself go. she went from being nervous and a little distant the first day to very, very affectionate the last day. the moment i "dropped" the act of being alpha and just let things flow and didn't took her so damn seriously the situation changed - almost like when i met a new girl. about sex: tried, obviously, but i saw that the more i tried the more she physically resisted and was being uncomfortable, but the more i DIDN'T tried the more she kept getting physically closer and closer.

viewing this girl simply as a plate makes me manage things better. last day we went to the beach and i honestly had a good time, just not taking herself so seriously like when we met moths ago (like you said the soul-mate relationship) make a big difference.

anyway, i'm excited for my new job and this week i have other three girls waiting to see this week me so no big deal. i guess that for now things are good as this, and i intend to keep her in rotation.

we are not exclusive and i expect that she has interest in other men but i know that if i keep going like that this will not be a problem, and i know that i can become better and learn from those lessons. of course right now i expect nothing and most important i don't expect "motherly love" or being accepted: i'm just focusing on my career, more women, building a new social circle and being carefree with her.
don't taking her so seriously helped a lot, discarding the idea of a female equivalent of supporter helped a lot, now i want to see if i can really internalize this state of mind to see how far can i go.

 

[chinaski]

mmmmh i can feel emotional dependence rising again in me. this is the part where i usually **** up things, and this part cannot be explored while i'm not in any kind of relationship. i want to work on that now. i asked to my therapist telling her the exact feelings (the anxiety if she doesn't write, the fear of losing her for someone else, the fear of not being able to contain beta actions and so on) but she wasn't much help. since i am in this situation right now, and since the exact same situation keeps repeating since i'm 17, how can i manage things?

thanks sosuavers.

 

[Dash Riprock]

As a woman, emotional connectivity gets my panties WET. Think about that guys, words cause my body to react and make me feel close to you.

Lack of emotional connectivity eventually has me feeling ignored, unimportant, and feeling as of I can do better, find someone who will value me more.

Hey @sazc,

I get what you're saying on the whole emotional connection thing. For women, I think it is the number one factor that contributes to attraction and is the key ingredient in LTRs and even marriage.

That being said, in your opinion, how does a man emotionally connect with you without simultaneously coming across as needy, beta or AFC? I realize there's no definitive line of demarcation and every man and woman is different, but sometimes I think I struggle in revealing too much of myself out of fear that she'll get bored, feel the mystery is gone, think I'm weak, AFC, etc.

Sometimes I'd like to reveal a bit more but the aforementioned thoughts keep me from doing it. Generally, in the early stages of dating, my M.O. is to let the woman chase me a bit by being somewhat elusive, and I am a busy man IRL. And they usually do. It's a good litmus test for me to check for high interest. I certainly err on the side of being the prize and unavailable (or limited) vs the guy who is hot on the trail and pursuing heavily. I only text/call when necessary. However, on dates I do have very good communication skills and am quite outgoing with a good sense of humor, so I can usually ensure (90%+ of the time) she is having a great time. I've always felt women are more interested when they're unclear on how you feel about them, hence I play my cards pretty close to my chest early on.

I, and I think many other current or aspiring DJs here, would welcome your comments and thoughts on the whole balancing act between creating that emotional connection, which is huge, and not being seen as too AFC/revealing.

Thanks.

~Dash