Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
Hey guys,
Disclaimer:
- - - - - - - - - - - -
I know my way around chicks, but,
Recently I have some life changing events, that got me into a completely different position from where I was before, confort wise.
If some of you followed my latest posts, earlier this year I've met with my highschool crush (Dy), had a relationship with her, and pretty much moved from Brazil to Portugal, because of her, just to be promptly dumped.
So, I was in a new country, in a new city, in a new job, without my friends, family, or anything familiar, and the only thing that I knew discarded me, so it really brought me down to stage 1.
This thread is not about this, or her, or oneitis, this thread is about everything that unfolded after that, and, the "Friendzone"
(This story bellow happened in the short time span of a month, from September 18, to October 30)
- - - - - - - - - - - -
I'll give you guys some context, in order for you to understand the different framing
Dy - HB 9, Single Mom, 1 kid, Divorcee, 33 yo:
She said: 'Lotus, you are being too heavy, I need something lighter. Let's just be friends' <---1st Perspective: Bad Frame
It crushed me, but, after long years my gut knew the proper response. Which was: 'Sorry, I have absolutely no interest in being friends with you'
It wasn't hard for me saying it, because I knew that there's no other way (even though the AFC in me kickecd and screamed in regret for days on).
She got ultra mad, and kicked me out of her house. She said I was just like the other guys and whatever, I said I wasn't, 'cause I was being honest with her and being honest with me. I didn't want to be a boy toy after all we had.
I knew all my flaws, in needyness, and being overly available and clingy. But there was nothing I could do.
By the time, she was the only thing real here in Portugal, and I tried to hold onto that.
So I left, and that was that. Just a quick note, I had a motorbike accident, broke the collar bone 2 minutes after I left her place. Went to the hospital and had a surgery. The 5 days I was there, she never went to visit me. She called me a week later just to check how I was, and that was the last time we spoke.
And from that moment on I was out of place and underdressed (also recovering from a broken heart and collar bone op)
What are you suposed to do in such situation? Can't workout, only work. Can't go out, only rest?
Back to the basics. Worked around my schedule, routine and habits. Read some Ryan Holiday, Marcus Aurelius, The Prince, Art of War, Mode One, No More Mr. Nice Guy and the good and old Book of Pook, to put me back on track.
And it did!
So after a while, I was out on the field, and decided to go back to my natural state of direct gaming.
» Note: Direct game has been working for me for a long time now, and after reading Mode 1, it just gave me more certainty about it. «
Kirs - HB 8,7, Divorcee, 29yo:
Long story short, met this German chick (Kiki), and after 20 minutes of talk just said that I find her really atractive, and I wanted to make out with her, and since we are grown ups, I could still talk to her like a regular person, but now she knew what I really wanted, and she could do whatever the f she wanted with that information. She blushed.
I could see that she was into me, so I left her in purpose (false time constraint), but when I saw her again, she decided that she wanted to leave, and told me that She understood how I felt about her, but she rather be friends! This time, with this chick, I said of course, why not, you are a fun chick. Let's do it.
Patience is the refined sense of confidence. <---2nd Perspective: Good frame.
One day she texts me, telling me that she wanted to do some Muay Thai classes. I can't because of my collar bone, but I took her to the place. She got out super excited. It was a fun action date. She was super touchy feely, but since she decided to rather be friends, I took the high road, and remained friendly towards her.
So I invited her to my place, got her inside, and was super friendly on my words (not on my actions though). She left. I knew I had her from that moment on, and again, I got nothing but time, so I let her walk.
Last friday she said she wanted to go out to the Muay Thai classes again, but since I had a date, I said let's do it monday. She was in. So monday came, and so came she. I told her, let's meet at the mall, she said, 'why not at you place?'... >
tell me about friendship huh. She got home, left her jacket there on purpose, and we went to the classes. On our way back, again super excited from the endorphyn, once we got home, I told her it was cold and that she needed to warm me. One thing led to another, and she went from friend to friend +!
Tild - HB8,5 Single mom, 2 kids, 37yo:
In between all this hot mess, I've met a Portuguese chick (Tild), whose at the time, was dating this french guy.
So from ground zero, I was into the friend zone.
We partied and whatevs, but, since she was actually portuguese, I aimed for the friendzone, considering I knew no one in the city, and she is like super well connected. That night we just bonded as friends. On our way home, I deciced to flip the script, and before anything could ever happen, I told her:
'Hey Tild, you are a super fun chick to be around, let's be friends!' <---3rd Perspective: Awesome Frame
We went out a second night. That time she wasn't with the guy, and I kindda brought her into my world. I was in a large group of people that I was the central piece (Kirs was there as well), and other 2 chicks from the office, so lot's of social proof and DHV.
That night I did not made a single move, she introduced me to her cousin, which was instantly into me, and I ditched an Israelly chick to leave the place with her. We shared a cab home. And that was that. Didn't spoke to her again.
2 weeks after, she texted me inviting me over to a party. First stop, her place. Over there I played the friend role, again saying one thing, but acting in a more sensual vibe, and we all know, only the sexual one's gets the girls. Her cousin showed up, we went to the party, and my frame was badass. I got there with two hot chicks, so all the chicks in the party wanted to talk to me... you know the drill.
And so I did spoke to all the chicks, improving my value by the minute in Tild's eyes. By the end of the night, I got the cousin. Not my type, so I was aloof, which made her invest even more. So we bounced to another club, and by then I was on fire, talking to everyone. It didn't take long for Tild to come up to me and kiss me.
We went back to her place, made out, slept, and then she made me coffee, and drove me home, with a kiss goodbye.
- - - - - - -
So, my point here is, being "friends" or in "the friendzone" is not all the desperation it is painted to be. It is all about your framing, and how you proceed with it.
In the first scenario, I was already in a relationship with the chick, and displayed lot's of beta behaviour up until the point of no attraction. In that particular case, being in the friendzone would be like dead in the water. So the best course of action was to bail, go No Contact, and cry alone in the dark. That situation is hopeless, and being friends does no good for you, and all good for the chick.
In the second case, I accepeted being friends, because we have just met, and I knew she had an attraction spark, so patience was key (also having a backup chick to maintain me occupied). Eventually, by being a fun guy to be around, not doing regular stuff, things could spark. As they did.
And in the last case, I choose being friends because it was beneficial to me. The girl knew all the cool places in town, so being around her, was a key to many doors. Also, being a hot chick, blonde with green eyes, this is always good social proof for the other chicks to lean on me.
- - - - - -
Bottomline:
As with everything, you gotta look from which perspective you are coming from, and what frame you are imposing. So yes,I agree with pook in all of his lessons, but, depending on the outlook, you should not abandon all hope if you enter the friendzone.
You might even reap some benefits from it!
Thats it guys! Have a nice week
Disclaimer:
- - - - - - - - - - - -
I know my way around chicks, but,
Recently I have some life changing events, that got me into a completely different position from where I was before, confort wise.
If some of you followed my latest posts, earlier this year I've met with my highschool crush (Dy), had a relationship with her, and pretty much moved from Brazil to Portugal, because of her, just to be promptly dumped.
So, I was in a new country, in a new city, in a new job, without my friends, family, or anything familiar, and the only thing that I knew discarded me, so it really brought me down to stage 1.
This thread is not about this, or her, or oneitis, this thread is about everything that unfolded after that, and, the "Friendzone"
(This story bellow happened in the short time span of a month, from September 18, to October 30)
- - - - - - - - - - - -
I'll give you guys some context, in order for you to understand the different framing
Dy - HB 9, Single Mom, 1 kid, Divorcee, 33 yo:
She said: 'Lotus, you are being too heavy, I need something lighter. Let's just be friends' <---1st Perspective: Bad Frame
It crushed me, but, after long years my gut knew the proper response. Which was: 'Sorry, I have absolutely no interest in being friends with you'
It wasn't hard for me saying it, because I knew that there's no other way (even though the AFC in me kickecd and screamed in regret for days on).
She got ultra mad, and kicked me out of her house. She said I was just like the other guys and whatever, I said I wasn't, 'cause I was being honest with her and being honest with me. I didn't want to be a boy toy after all we had.
I knew all my flaws, in needyness, and being overly available and clingy. But there was nothing I could do.
By the time, she was the only thing real here in Portugal, and I tried to hold onto that.
So I left, and that was that. Just a quick note, I had a motorbike accident, broke the collar bone 2 minutes after I left her place. Went to the hospital and had a surgery. The 5 days I was there, she never went to visit me. She called me a week later just to check how I was, and that was the last time we spoke.
And from that moment on I was out of place and underdressed (also recovering from a broken heart and collar bone op)
What are you suposed to do in such situation? Can't workout, only work. Can't go out, only rest?
Back to the basics. Worked around my schedule, routine and habits. Read some Ryan Holiday, Marcus Aurelius, The Prince, Art of War, Mode One, No More Mr. Nice Guy and the good and old Book of Pook, to put me back on track.
And it did!
So after a while, I was out on the field, and decided to go back to my natural state of direct gaming.
» Note: Direct game has been working for me for a long time now, and after reading Mode 1, it just gave me more certainty about it. «
Kirs - HB 8,7, Divorcee, 29yo:
Long story short, met this German chick (Kiki), and after 20 minutes of talk just said that I find her really atractive, and I wanted to make out with her, and since we are grown ups, I could still talk to her like a regular person, but now she knew what I really wanted, and she could do whatever the f she wanted with that information. She blushed.
I could see that she was into me, so I left her in purpose (false time constraint), but when I saw her again, she decided that she wanted to leave, and told me that She understood how I felt about her, but she rather be friends! This time, with this chick, I said of course, why not, you are a fun chick. Let's do it.
Patience is the refined sense of confidence. <---2nd Perspective: Good frame.
One day she texts me, telling me that she wanted to do some Muay Thai classes. I can't because of my collar bone, but I took her to the place. She got out super excited. It was a fun action date. She was super touchy feely, but since she decided to rather be friends, I took the high road, and remained friendly towards her.
So I invited her to my place, got her inside, and was super friendly on my words (not on my actions though). She left. I knew I had her from that moment on, and again, I got nothing but time, so I let her walk.
Last friday she said she wanted to go out to the Muay Thai classes again, but since I had a date, I said let's do it monday. She was in. So monday came, and so came she. I told her, let's meet at the mall, she said, 'why not at you place?'... >
tell me about friendship huh. She got home, left her jacket there on purpose, and we went to the classes. On our way back, again super excited from the endorphyn, once we got home, I told her it was cold and that she needed to warm me. One thing led to another, and she went from friend to friend +! Tild - HB8,5 Single mom, 2 kids, 37yo:
In between all this hot mess, I've met a Portuguese chick (Tild), whose at the time, was dating this french guy.
So from ground zero, I was into the friend zone.
We partied and whatevs, but, since she was actually portuguese, I aimed for the friendzone, considering I knew no one in the city, and she is like super well connected. That night we just bonded as friends. On our way home, I deciced to flip the script, and before anything could ever happen, I told her:
'Hey Tild, you are a super fun chick to be around, let's be friends!' <---3rd Perspective: Awesome Frame
We went out a second night. That time she wasn't with the guy, and I kindda brought her into my world. I was in a large group of people that I was the central piece (Kirs was there as well), and other 2 chicks from the office, so lot's of social proof and DHV.
That night I did not made a single move, she introduced me to her cousin, which was instantly into me, and I ditched an Israelly chick to leave the place with her. We shared a cab home. And that was that. Didn't spoke to her again.
2 weeks after, she texted me inviting me over to a party. First stop, her place. Over there I played the friend role, again saying one thing, but acting in a more sensual vibe, and we all know, only the sexual one's gets the girls. Her cousin showed up, we went to the party, and my frame was badass. I got there with two hot chicks, so all the chicks in the party wanted to talk to me... you know the drill.
And so I did spoke to all the chicks, improving my value by the minute in Tild's eyes. By the end of the night, I got the cousin. Not my type, so I was aloof, which made her invest even more. So we bounced to another club, and by then I was on fire, talking to everyone. It didn't take long for Tild to come up to me and kiss me.
We went back to her place, made out, slept, and then she made me coffee, and drove me home, with a kiss goodbye.
- - - - - - -
So, my point here is, being "friends" or in "the friendzone" is not all the desperation it is painted to be. It is all about your framing, and how you proceed with it.
In the first scenario, I was already in a relationship with the chick, and displayed lot's of beta behaviour up until the point of no attraction. In that particular case, being in the friendzone would be like dead in the water. So the best course of action was to bail, go No Contact, and cry alone in the dark. That situation is hopeless, and being friends does no good for you, and all good for the chick.
In the second case, I accepeted being friends, because we have just met, and I knew she had an attraction spark, so patience was key (also having a backup chick to maintain me occupied). Eventually, by being a fun guy to be around, not doing regular stuff, things could spark. As they did.
And in the last case, I choose being friends because it was beneficial to me. The girl knew all the cool places in town, so being around her, was a key to many doors. Also, being a hot chick, blonde with green eyes, this is always good social proof for the other chicks to lean on me.
- - - - - -
Bottomline:
As with everything, you gotta look from which perspective you are coming from, and what frame you are imposing. So yes,I agree with pook in all of his lessons, but, depending on the outlook, you should not abandon all hope if you enter the friendzone.
You might even reap some benefits from it!
Thats it guys! Have a nice week
