No Success At All...

[CanuckinSK]

Note: The boot camp will give you some set backs. I decided to eye-contact and say hi and try it for a few days, the positive responses are few and far between at first. You'll get way more rejections than acceptances ... just carry on. One day I was 1 for freaking 30 on saying 'hi' and getting 'hi's back. One for 30 -- I thought I was an A-1 chump. I waded through it.

I did try with 3 different clerks at the grocery store the other day. She was cold as ice until I made a non-chalance comment about them being the only store in town to carry this item. Then she perked up and made some little joke out of it and we exchanged big smiles.

The other two, I forced myself to turn and look right at them, made eye contact, and gave them a big smile. To my amazement, they actually returned the smiles.

As a sidenote, these women were more or less average, not raving beauties, but not unpleasant either. I think it'll be a while before I try this on really good looking women, but it's a start anyway.

 

[hithard]

CanuckinSK--

Dont try to be something youre not. You cant go out and 'act' like a loudmouth extrovert and have success, you need to find what works for you.

Yes so stay quiet and shy and unsuccessfull

Ok the jist of my post was that was what I wanted in my life and it worked for me. I identified the problems I had ,planned how I needed to rectify them. And had a final outcome in mind to what I wanted to become. Then a progressive tweaking ever since. I had a fairly detailed goal of what I wanted to achieve from the social scene. After you have a plan at the start , the rest isn’t that much work.

Canuckin what exactly do you want to achieve?

Do you know what type of partner and characteristics you are looking for apart from breathing?

Do you have a clear idea of which problems are currently holding you back?

You need to be clear on where you are going and follow your own progress carefully.Its very easy to end up back at square one with no idea where you went wrong otherwise.DJ bible is a good start

 

[speakeasy]

The Bible??? How will that help me?

Oh man was that funny! Even if accidental. :crackup:

 

[CanuckinSK]

Oh man was that funny! Even if accidental. :crackup:

Yeah, I guess it was, lol.

 

[CanuckinSK]

Canuckin what exactly do you want to achieve?

Do you know what type of partner and characteristics you are looking for apart from breathing?

Do you have a clear idea of which problems are currently holding you back?

Initially, I wanted to develope the ability to attract women. After reading the first dozen or so pages of the DJBC last night, I think I really need to work on my confidence more than anything. Ironically, I had WAY more confidence as a teenager than I do now. I didn't date much then either, but I had no trouble ATTRACTING women then. Of course my ego and conceit levels were off the chart then too.

Lack of confidence (and its associates: low self-esteem, negative thinking, anger, and depression) is my is a weak area I cannot camoflage by augmenting my appearance or by forcing a fake smile. Argueably, this is the most difficult area to make improvements in, but certainly the most crucial. Most of the time, I am simply terrified around women. I don't have any women friends, and there are no women at work, so opportunities to practice on and socialize with them are very limited.

As for ideal characteristics in a partner? Breathing is always good, but I value intelligence, warmth, kindness, good sense of humour, and a positive attitude. Pretty much what they want in a man. Physically, I'm not holding out for a raving beauty, but I do amit to being attracted to the slim petite type of woman who stays in shape. Extra weight is a real turn-off for me. Might sound shallow, but that's just the way I'm wired.

 

[Colossus]

As I posted earlier in this thread, lack of self-esteem is the mother of low confidence, poor self image, and subsequent anger and depression. 'Don Juan' is really just a state of mind. There is no textbook DJ, and everyone's opinion of what a DJ is differs somewhat, but all of us can agree that, in essence, a DJ is a man with a different state of awareness and thinking that separates him from other guys who are getting played, to varying degrees.

Self esteem is paramount, as you realize. Unfortunately for those of us who are deficient in this area, it takes time to build. Time and action. No one's path is the same, and we all have different objectives we'd like to acheive, but there is congruency in the methods.

A lot of guys get so caught up in the technical aspects of being successful with women that they forget the the most important thing, and that's bettering themselves first. When you better yourself, the seemingly paramount importance of having a woman in your life begins to fade somewhat, and you see things for what they really are. You realize your importance and venerability as a man, and when this happens, the blocks start falling into place. You carry yourself differently, you talk to others differently, and you become acutely aware of those feminine wiles that snare many a good fella. You respect yourself, and damnit, you wont tolerate anything less from your woman.

On a side note, I will caution you to be aware of the pitfall of misogyny, which is very pervasive around these boards. You will see in a lot of posts that there is essentially an underlying disrespect or hatred of women. Guys come to embrace this for varying reasons, but in doing so they are worse of then before they came here, because they become master manipulators and users of other human beings. Im not saying everyone is like this, in fact they are probably a minority, but just be aware that it exists.

 

[WestCoaster]

Self esteem is paramount, as you realize. Unfortunately for those of us who are deficient in this area, it takes time to build. Time and action. No one's path is the same, and we all have different objectives we'd like to acheive, but there is congruency in the methods.

A lot of guys get so caught up in the technical aspects of being successful with women that they forget the the most important thing, and that's bettering themselves first. When you better yourself, the seemingly paramount importance of having a woman in your life begins to fade somewhat, and you see things for what they really are. You realize your importance and venerability as a man, and when this happens, the blocks start falling into place. You carry yourself differently, you talk to others differently, and you become acutely aware of those feminine wiles that snare many a good fella. You respect yourself, and damnit, you wont tolerate anything less from your woman.

On a side note, I will caution you to be aware of the pitfall of misogyny, which is very pervasive around these boards. You will see in a lot of posts that there is essentially an underlying disrespect or hatred of women. Guys come to embrace this for varying reasons, but in doing so they are worse of then before they came here, because they become master manipulators and users of other human beings. Im not saying everyone is like this, in fact they are probably a minority, but just be aware that it exists.

Tremendous post, golden, thanks Colossus. Couple things from this: self-improvement (especially with the boot camp) is not an overnight thing, it takes months. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Just keep working on it, each step forward is a step in the right direction.

I also fall into the women-hating trap sometime, particularly after getting burned by a woman, which seems to happen every three months. It's not good to get into that. I rip on women's quirks all the time here, but I don't want to get to the point where I hate women. It's not healthy.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Since today's woman is "hard" (masculine) you then need to put on a harder persona!! Although you may have the masculine physical build, your are lacking in the masculine mental mindset - which women are so attracted to!!