Nice guys get dumped? Read this!

Discussion in 'Don Juan Tips' started by jesterguy25, Mar 29, 2001.

  1. jesterguy25

    jesterguy25 New Member

    Mar 29, 2001
    Likes Received:
    Here is a recent newsletter I received regarding "nice guy syndrome". It is entitled "great sexpectations" and can be subscribed to at

    Today's Topic: Nice Guy Curse

    Perhaps you remember the letter I printed in reader comments
    a few weeks ago? Some poor tortured soul wrote in about the
    fact that the woman he treated like gold, broke up with him
    to take up with someone he considered several links down on
    the food chain. After scrutinizing his relationship he sar-
    castically declared to attract his next mate by losing his
    job, using foul language, and practicing less than a sound
    hygiene regiment. I wouldn't want to discourage anyone from
    trying to improve their romantic endeavors, but I think there's
    a better way to handle this situation.

    What's really happening here has nothing to do with being too
    nice. Women have no problems with nice; they have a problem
    with ambivalence, passivity, androgynous behavior, and a
    wishy-washy demeanor. Women are attracted to confidence and
    strength, but when there's no conflict..."yes dear, no dear"
    it leads to boredom and hostility.

    You know you've entered the first stages of "nice guydom"
    when you notice your gal becoming slightly more acidic with
    you. Her attitude will cool and you'll notice that she no
    longer asks you for your opinion because you've lost yourself.

    Rule number one is never lose yourself to a woman. You can't
    wrap your whole world around her without sacrificing your in-
    dividuality. Most women adore a man who has a sense of him-
    self, and knows who he is. It goes beyond just knowing who
    you are; it entails asserting yourself and honoring your
    ideals. Don't change them to agree with her. If you do she'll
    see how much of a doormat you can be. I'm not saying that
    women take a cruel interest in pushing someone a little too
    hard. It has more to do with pushing for a reaction. ANY re-
    action would be welcome except another "okay, whatever you
    say." Disintegrating into a spineless wonder only creates more
    hostility. Pretty soon she'll be pushing the envelope just to
    see if there's anyone home! It sounds childish, but its not.
    If you can't fight for yourself she's going to think you can't
    fight for her either. It lies deep in the DNA to want to feel
    protected. Notice the word protected as opposed to bullied. A
    woman doesn't want to be told what to do, she wants to be
    respected. Sometimes the nice guy syndrome leads to lack of
    self-respect. No woman respects a man who doesn't respect
    himself first. I'm certain it works the other way around as

    What's the solution? It's more like a few strategies to keep
    from falling into this pattern. It works best if you chall-
    enge your woman from time to time by NOT giving in. Yes, it's
    polite to ask what she would prefer, but assert your own pre-
    ferences rather than always caving into her will. It's not
    rude, it's just part of keeping the relationship honest. I'm
    certain that there were a few guys out there that didn't want
    to see Titanic right? That's all I'm saying. There should be
    equal give and take over decisions no matter if it's dinner
    choices, or who gets on top!

    Passivity is the number one killer of relationships. Not only
    should you act on what you say; you need to act in ways that
    entail more than just the remote. Sometimes it's the sedentary
    that suffer more break-ups. Surprise her with your capacity to
    be spontaneous, and part of that means not asking her permiss-
    ion to be spontaneous! That would just put you back to square
    one in the jellyfish game.

    Just to recap; its not the nice guys that are being dumped.
    It's the killer trio of passivity, boredom, and lack of self-
    confidence that will effectively end all romance. Passion
    thrives on pushing buttons. If you remove your buttons, she'll
    have nothing to push! I can't wait to get this batch of mail,
    so let me know if you agree or not. Also, clue me in on your
    experiences with this syndrome so we can have fun in a few
    Fridays during reader comments. I'm not asking your permission
    to end this; I'm just leaving you! (Deal with it baby!) As
    always, I remain...

    Devotedly yours,

    Carmen Sutra
  2. Lawrence

    Lawrence Don Juan

    Mar 9, 2001
    Likes Received:
    Hi Jest,

    Firsty I just want to say that I dont entirely agree with what you have just said. I personally would not change anything about myself for anyone, let alone some woman.

    If a woman perceives a bloke to be a nice guy and does'nt want a relationship with him then who's problem is that? I dont think either party is to blame. The guy should just move on and be happy with whoever he may be. This will gain you respect not just from women but people in general.

    It's ok to know a few detail's about how to approach women but this site will not do the work for you. I find it disturbing that guy's on this site actually have to act to try and attract women. They will spot this off a mile away for a start. They should just be a fun person and be themselves. The rest will come in time. [​IMG]


    ACTION Master Don Juan

    Feb 6, 2001
    Likes Received:
    New York, NY -- USA
    Hey Lawrence:

    You must be new around here because you would know that:

    (1) Jester did not say this, the web site did.

    (2) Not change, but more like transform. You are still yourself, but different.

    (3) See no. 2

    (4) Yeah, right. My ex once told me, "I know if you would be cheating on me. I can feel it." Funny how she didn't "feel it" until I fukked up and left the lingerie tags and empty champagne bottle laying around.

    So uh, live and learn. Cool?
  4. jesterguy25

    jesterguy25 New Member

    Mar 29, 2001
    Likes Received:
    The advice I offered from the newsletter probably doesn't apply to all guys. People are different. However, several guys I know seem to suffer from this. They try to be nice and agreeable and, as I have read on this site, girls don't want that at all when they're young and only partially when they're older. From my experience, girls do get bored if the relationship isn't exciting. Most girls that is. And to your thoughts about tips on acting to get girls to like you: I don't agree with that either. Acting yourself does work best. If you read the newsletter I posted you will see that it says girls like guys who are confident and know who they are.

Share This Page