LJBF... Realtiy Vs. Fantasy

[backbreaker]

I don't know why I have these revelations only on saturdays... but it's messing up my social life



Just kidding, but usually once every weekend, I realize something that inspires me to write a post.


If I could go back in time, there are alot of things I would do soooo differently... Well, a ctually not a lot, but there are a couple things I would do differently...

First, I would have never stopped playing baseball.. but that's an entirely differnet post.

Before I get to a long, tiring list of things I would have done differently, there is one thing that pertains to this forum, and was probably the most emotionaly draining thing I have ever done.

I WOULD HAVE CUT OFF MY FEMALE "FRIEND" YEARS AGO

That's right... This is an LJBF post. And I am here to report from the other side, one of the guys who actually got the girl who brought them to this forum, and now that I have done it, I am telling you from first hand experience that it's NOT WORTH IT.

DEAR GOD is it not worth it.

Now, this is nothing against the young lady that brought me to this site... I mean, over the years, there were times, not many, but some, when I didn't think about the "day we were together" and saw her for a friend. There were times that she would come over my house (usually when she wasn't wearing a skirt) that I wouldn't dream of having the balls to pull her over the couch and **** her brains out....

Not many.... but some...

So I sat here, last night, because I was supposed to go over her house, but I feel asleep watching "The Godfather" on Bravo... and whever the Godfather comes on, it takes presidence over anything I do, because the Godfather kicks that much ass :rock:


And then, some dip**** next door did something and all the elcetricy on the block went out and woke me up at like 3 in the morning...

so I sat here, in the dark, playing "Snake" on my phone and drinking a cranberry vodka, because that's all I could do, and the first thing I reazlied is how I really wasn't "mad" or "sad" that I didn't want to see her. I really didn't care... She blew up my phone and I never bothered to call her back.

So I was thinking.... humm... it's not her... I mean, she isn't a BAD person, she's HOT, very HOT... And I kept thinking and thinking, until my head started to hurt and I feel asleep.

so I wake up this morning and I have like, an Inbox full of messages from this girl, who 3 months ago Iw oul dhave been happy to get 1 phone call every 3 days from, asking me where I was, blah blah blah blah blah.

so I decide to invite her over my house, since I wasn't going to do anything today but watch my favorate college football team get trashed by Georgia (only lost by 3, which hurt worse)

So she goes on and on, and to be honest, the only thing I could think about were..well, besides the game, was her good she looked her her skirt... not paying any attention whatsoever (nod..yeah babe... I know... Forreal?...you know the drill)

But, like I snapped out of a coma, I heard her say...

"You've changed towards me... I never would have imagined 3 years ago that I would be fighting for your attention... it wasn't that long ago that you would have done anything to have a ch ance with me, and now you don't treat me like that anymore... I guess that's why I am in LOVE with you"


She got lucky because it was halftime, so we talked for a second, and she asked, what about me has changed...

And I seriously thought about it for a second...

I mean, she is still hot... she actually looks better because she gained some weight.. was down to 80 something pounds earlier this year, up to 100 now..

I mean, I CARE for her... anytime someone is in your life for as long as she has been in mine, in one way or another... you are going to have feelings for that person.

So she then asked me..."okay, when did you not like me anymore"

I quickly told her, I didn't like her, I just see her differently then when we weren't on this level... I explained to her, and this is 100% true believe it or not... all of the times I thought about how hot she was, I never actually pictured ME being INTIMATE with HER... I never imagined what it would be like.
I never imagined what she would be like in a relationship... I never imagined the little things that you get to know about someone that you just meet and go on a date with, because, even though we were technically "friends", it was no secret to her or I that I liked her, I made my intentions known more than once.

I told her " I guess after the first couple of times we were together, I reazlied that you are...a REAL person, and not this fantasy I made in my head"

Then I explained to her..."now, don't get me wrong, I like this real person... I'm not saying that, but being honest, there's nothing "oh so special" about you that I should have stayed around for as long as I did.. You have sex, eat, have needs, cry, crap and do everything just like my last GF(s) and every other girl I have been with...

lol, I guess I thought somehow it was going to be this "magical experience" and my life was going to be so much more fuffiled... Now granted, I completely stopped chasing her after a while and even forgot about her, but when she made it known she wanted me, of course my interests came back.

Now, that I see her as a person, and not this... thing.. I have created in my head, even though I know her already, when you think about the girl that you are "friends" with, you don't think about the flaws ,and everyone has them. but now that I see her as a PERSON, I treat her just like every other girl I have dated/slept with...

Like I told her, it's nothing againt her, and I like you and all, I mean.... but if would have just meet a couple of months ago and you gave me that LJBF crap like you did 6 years ago, no way in hell I would have stuck around.

Then she went on to say " you are the first guy that has ever told me anything like that"... and IK now her EX's...s he isn't lying.. they could really use this site...

I went on to tell explain to her that yes, she is very, very easy on the eys... I told her "babe, as far as physical looks, to be honest, you're it... I mean, no one's perfect, but given what I Look for in a woman, you are a package"

But then I told her "I have no problem telling you that whatsoever, because I expect to get what I want... I'm not going to shy away from you because you are attractive'

Also, "Just because you are Attractive, , just so happened to be born with good genes, doesn't mean I should treat you differently then any other woman I meet, and to be honest, because guys have, honestly, including myself, have been kissing the ground you walk on for your entire life, you have come to expect it... But I am beyond that now, I was a kid then, I am a MAN now, and it takes alot more than being "hot" to catch a MAN.

She knows my EX. (they hate each other)... So I say "you agree my EX is by your standards.. hot... you said it yourself... and as "Hot" as she was, she had flaws just as you do and because she didn't want to better herself, a nd because she was hindering my life instead of adding to it, I KICKED HER TO THE CURVE.


So after that, we go on to talk more and more about other things, until halftime is over, and we watch the rest of the football game, then go to catch something to eat.

So, What is my point after all of that "rambling"

Well, first, if you have read ANYTHING I wrote, I believe in telling stories though experience, not "tips" or "guides", the best tips are when you can point to an example.

(As I write this post right now, out all da y, not talking to anyone but that girl, and even then for only a couple of hours, I have 3 possible dates lined up for tonight, while my younger cousin, who has been s itting on the phone all day with different women, f inds out that all of these "friends' he has been talking to have something "planned" for tonight, saying "man, these hoe's are trippin".... yeah, there trippin' aright... tripping over each other to a man who doesn't revolve their lifes around them)

Now, I have posted enough about this girl to where I shouldn't have to post the entire story of what happened... type my name in a search and read. But I built up an image of her that no woman could handle.

 

[backbreaker]

Now, I understand that, and I still like her alot, but it makes me feel how stupid I was for wasting all of thoose hours on the phone, ,all of thoose long, posts on here looking for advice, dealing with her mood swings, hearing about all of the times her BF broke her off... all the nights when I KNEWI had to be at work at 8 in the morning, but I would stay up to 3, 3:30 in the morning because She called, just to sit on the phone...

So LIke I told her, she wasn't worth it... but in the same sentence, no WOMAN is worth that much. No woman is more important than ME and my self respect, and what I want to do.

It's to the point now where I don't even know if I am going to date her or not... We would have some kick ass kids, but other than looks, and being one of the best public speakers I have ever seen, she doesn't bring that much to the table that any other woman doesn't.

Why DO we let a woman get away with being a total bomb, just because she looks good in a skirt.

A woman can litearly drop out of jr high school, and if she looks good enough, can be set for life by marring the right AFC... But who is to blame the woman? We as a society put so much emphsis on how a woman looks, that we not only ignore, but throw out all of the other ingredtants that make good mates..

That's why we have so many posts here know about how guys are in messed up relationships now.

If a girl is "hot", and she has alot of guy friends that call her and are around all the time, she is a "free spirit, ,and outgoing"

If a girl that is Average or below average his guys doing the same, she more than likely gives GREAT head


What, just becasuse you are "hot", you can't give a good Wax Job? Just because you are "hot" you don't like taking it up the ass?

Oh no, but shes....shes...HOT.. don't you get it? She's REALLY hot.


My Last GF, who everyone is still wonder why did I leave a "great girl" (i.e fine) like that, when in reality she had the emotional level of a 16 year old, had no real ambitions, partied 4-5 nights a week, didn't want to work, was messy and argued with me just for the sake of arguing... Oh, but "she's HOt".. I mean, she had great qualities about her.. the only girl to this day that I can call right now, and could honestly make me laugh, she was always willing to try new things, could cook her ass off... but overall, i was better off without her.



Now, the girl in the picutre (in reality i have some type of dating/sleeping with relationship with about 4 women, but she is the only one I take semi seriously) has some good qualities about her... she isn't afraid of hard work, she comes from a mom that is an entraprenuer, which is big to me, as I don't have to explain "why don't I go out and get a real Job" to anyone... but if I would have described her 3 years ago, you would have think she had a harp, wings, or that there was a Greek War over her beauty.

And Face it, all of your "female friends" wouldnt' be your female friends if they weren't HB's right?

Like Chris Rock Said "Men don't have platonic Friends, we hvae women we just havne't ****ed YET"

So my advice to all... MOVE ON...

Even if you claim that there is no love interest, or there that "she really is the one"... hell I could see myself with this one for a long time, but even then, it wasn't worth 6 years of mental turture.

I was lucky, don't make the same mistakes I did at an earlier age... My mistakes were so bad, that even when I was a DJ, pulling bad women left and right, that she STiLL only saw me as an AFC, ,becaue I had it engraved in my head that she was so "sepcial" even if I didn't tell her, I acted that way (even though the women I had were just as bad if not badder than she was).

that's my 2 cents, and thanks for reading... I have to go get some ass

 

[OneArmDeeJay]

I don’t get this post.

Now I’m not trying to be a total azz here but I’m trying to figure out through two pages what you are trying to say?

What’s not worth it?

Trying to win over a LJBF?

What I got was you still hang with the girl who LJBF you, who sent you to this site, and now you told her that basically you were obsessed with her but not anymore but still attracted to her but will not let her or any woman take over your life sort of speak.

And by telling her this made you feel better but still got you nowhere.

Again what is the lesson learned here?

 

[ketostix]

I think backbreaker's saying that a person builds up a fantasy around a girl and this is a causes and/or is an effect of her LJBF. And if we'd look at her realistically that would kill 2 birds with one stone, i.e., we wouldn't be obsessing over her and that in turn would only raise her interest. But I'm not sure..I can't really totally relate with backbreaker's experience with girls.

 

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by OneArmDeeJay
I don’t get this post.

Now I’m not trying to be a total azz here but I’m trying to figure out through two pages what you are trying to say?

What’s not worth it?

Trying to win over a LJBF?

What I got was you still hang with the girl who LJBF you, who sent you to this site, and now you told her that basically you were obsessed with her but not anymore but still attracted to her but will not let her or any woman take over your life sort of speak.

And by telling her this made you feel better but still got you nowhere.

Again what is the lesson learned here?

not only trying to win over a LJBF, having them around in the first place.

you pretty much got it, execpt that it's pretty mean for you to say it got me nowhere...

I didn't tell her that to get anywhere with her... I told her that because she asked.

LIke I said, the only thing that made her a LJBF for as long as she was, w as my percecption of her.

Once that percection of her was shattered and I saw her as a real life person, things became much, ,much easier

 

[backbreaker]

you have to somewhat excuse the post... writing a post after you downed 3 Apple Martini's isn't exactly when you are your clearest moment....

Let me make an attempt to clarify what I said..


First off... like I said earlier, I met this girl, was totally into her... the more I couldn't have her, the more I wanted her. I built up this fantasy of not only how great she was, but how great things would be if we ever were together.

It was because of the fantasy that I built in my head, of her and us, that I could not treat her like any other girl I was with. Because I couldn't treat her like any other girl I was with, I continued to be in LJBF land.

I HATE talking on the telephone (i have like, the cheapest minute plan you can have, because I am never on the phone, to much stuff I can be doing), but when she would call, I always made time for her.

I have no problem telling anyone how I feel about anything, right or wrong, but with her I had to make sure I didn't "Hurt her feelings"

Somewhere along the line, I had conveniced myself that she was "diffrent" then most women, when in reality, she was your aveage HB that thinks the world is to revolve around her because it has for her entire life.


Second, and probably more important, regardless of how I got myself in my situtation, if It were to happen now, no matter what mistakes I Know I made, and even if I knew I could fix them, I would move on without hesitation. she is great, but no girl is worth that much time and effort.

What's worse, for a while, when me and her first started being..."friends", and she made it clear that...


wait... I almost forgot, that's how we got in this partidument in the first place... She never actually came out and said "LJBF's"... she said she didn't want to date me at this TIME, which, becuase I was not around this site, thought ment just that.. until she called me and told me she had a BF one day.

But even then if I could go back, and when she was leading me on, and this went on for about 8-9 months, I should have just moved the **** on.

When I thought I couldn't get her and I thought she didn't like me, I started to get down on myself and equate that to all women not liking me.


Third, and last, why do we have LJBF's in the first place?

We don't consider them to be friends... we consider them to be more like prospects in training to be honest... Hardly ever does a guy tell a girl "you know what, I think we should just be friends"

We do it because it's someone we want, and we th ink that much of the person to where we think we can win them over.

Because they are so good looking, and this is the problem I fell into, you start to forget they are pretty normal ass people, that like the same things that every one else likes.

Usually, , there is nothing there besides looks that warrant the reason we treat them the way that we do, and that is not enough justification.

 

[BrotherAP]

I think what people missed is that YOU GOT HER

So, in other words, you spent so long creating this fantasy of her in your head and kissing her ass. Then you grew up a little and learned how to game a woman, eventually getting with her successfully. Now she is your woman, and she doesn't live up to the fantasy you created.

So you've realized that all that work you went through to get her wasn't worth it because you could have had someone else just as hot and just as great without all the fawning, pandering, and supplicating that you endured while torturing yourself with fantasies of her while you still went to bed alone.

In other words - even if you can escape the friendzone, it's not worth the work it takes?

 

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by BrotherAP
I think what people missed is that YOU GOT HER

So, in other words, you spent so long creating this fantasy of her in your head and kissing her ass. Then you grew up a little and learned how to game a woman, eventually getting with her successfully. Now she is your woman, and she doesn't live up to the fantasy you created.

So you've realized that all that work you went through to get her wasn't worth it because you could have had someone else just as hot and just as great without all the fawning, pandering, and supplicating that you endured while torturing yourself with fantasies of her while you still went to bed alone.

In other words - even if you can escape the friendzone, it's not worth the work it takes?

That's EXACTLY what I am trying to say, and yes I did get her, and she actually wants to date me now....

Considering half the posts on this site now are about a guy getting LJBFed, you would think that it would be a nice resource

 

[Andrew]

I broke up with my girlfriend a couple days ago. 105 pds, long blonde hair, C cups...very fine. Been with her for almost 3 years.

True, I care about her, like you do with her.

I just can't bring myself to love her anymore, no matter how hard I try. Isn't that pathetic, actually having to try to love someone?? I feel so bad for some reason.

I'm having the hardest problem dealing with my brain & emotions (god im such a *****, i will be happy with this is over) right now, but your post shines a little light.

"So LIke I told her, she wasn't worth it... but in the same sentence, no WOMAN is worth that much. No woman is more important than ME and my self respect, and what I want to do."

Good 1 dude.

 

[Tazman]

BB would you even want to "date" her now? If I were you I'd sleep with her to get it out of your system then drop her (or keep it going as long as she's willing). You do realize she knowingly and willingly strung you along (not that it wasn't partially your fault) and now decides to change her mind because you aren't chasing her anymore? Her interest will probably plummet after she feels she's got you anyway right?

 

[backbreaker]

Tazman, I respect where you are coming from, but honestly, it's alot, alot deeper than that.

something you have to realize, and this is with ALL AFC's...

Now that you know what was going on, and how women really think... how could you Blame her for not wanting to date you?

If I were a girl, I can honeslty say I would probably have talked to me in the past, but Iw ouldn't have taken me seriously.

Usually, when you loose a girl's interest, it isn't the girls fault, it's usually something YOU did

Now that I don't do it anymore, I am suppose to penalize her for not liking someone that you are not supposed to like?


I never said I didn't like her... I think you are misundersatnding my post.

I am saying even as much as I do like her, and make no mistake, I do like her, more than the other 4-5 girls I am sleeping with, that she wasn't worth it, because no one is worth that much drama.

Also, she didn't like me just because I stopped chasing her anymore.. I made a post, about a month ago, explaining what happened, in detail so I won't do it again, but it was a conbination of things.


And no, her interest won't plummet... remember, we know each other pretty damn well... I told her that if she plays her cards right, i'm hers.. And I can say I probably mean it...

But, it's diffrent than saying that "I will do anything to keep her around" because I won't... Getting me (keeping her) is just the beginning... if she slacks off just because she thinks she got me, we can very well go back to being cool again.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

post really helped me....backbreaker check ur inbox

 

[izza]

Well, first, if you have read ANYTHING I wrote, I believe in telling stories though experience, not "tips" or "guides", the best tips are when you can point to an example.

I like the way you think.

 

[SharinganUser]

So the message is don't put them on a pedestal? Why did you have to give us every detail of every minute of your weekend?

I am going to look this thread up on Imdb.com to see who they are casting as the HB in the movie version of this thread.

 

[ScrewIt]

Dude...i dont get your post, you're rambling.
Although I will say something about the section of the post i do understand...

Third, and last, why do we have LJBF's in the first place?

We don't consider them to be friends... we consider them to be more like prospects in training to be honest... Hardly ever does a guy tell a girl "you know what, I think we should just be friends"

That's part true, I have female friends i bust on and flirt with, it's all good training, whether or not I'm a prospect to them or they to me, only time will tell. that's Bullsh!t, when i go out with them i make it clear to them it's not a date. But the fact is I LJBF them because they dont strike a chance with me romantically. If they LJBF me first, then im setting myself up for failure because i already screwed up.
Ironically when a girl LJBF's you, they contact you quite often. However when you LJBF a girl they barely/dont contact you, but wait for you to contact them.

We do it because it's someone we want, and we th ink that much of the person to where we think we can win them over.

Because they are so good looking, and this is the problem I fell into, you start to forget they are pretty normal ass people, that like the same things that every one else likes.

Usually, , there is nothing there besides looks that warrant the reason we treat them the way that we do, and that is not enough justification.

Im sure every guy has the potential to fall into the LJBF zone. i can agree on this, when we start putting them up on the pedestal, we forget their flaws and forget they are no different than any other girl out there.

Oneitis hurts, we've all been there. When it ends, you wonder what the fuss was all about as you see their flaws.