It doesn't matter

[btownbuck2012]

Guess what?

Remember that girl you dated whom you thought was really hot? Who you may have dated for several months, banged her a half a dozen times and felt you kept a pretty strong "frame" with?

Remember how she kinda just "lost interest" after a while and you were proud of yourself for not going "beta" on her and maintaining your SELF RESPECT and PRIDE and not getting all needy when she started losing interest? Remember how you were kinda confused as to why she lost interest? I mean you're a good looking guy with a good job who stays in shape and is well spoken. But that doesn't matter because you kept it "cool" when she left.

Well guess what? It doesn't matter.

You're not racking up any points with these women who you have been in short term, f*ck buddy type relationships with for keeping your cool when they leave you and suddenly move on to someone else. Sure, they may keep you on the speed dial for down the line as a potential hook up, but you're not "special". Women get so much attention and have so many options that they simply have no concept of patience, will power, inner strength and self esteem in the dating game. So don't expect her to be impressed with your indifference.

The REASON you act this way is for yourself. Self respect and pride, in my opinion at least at this point in my life, is what really makes a man's self worth and inner strength. You're able to move on and be OK with her suddenly dropping you because you realize and understand that a. it most likely had nothing to do with you and b. you are in the process or are currently living the life you want. You're doing something with yourself or your life that you can be proud of and find pleasure in. Finding your mission and purpose in life is critically important for your mental, physical and spiritually well being. It is such a liberating feeling when you finally come to terms with and understand that you simply cannot get this from women.

I've been on this site on and off for a long time now but I think I'm finally getting a hold on what TRUE and MEANINGFUL REAL self esteem is, and I think this is it.

Becoming a better man should never be done out of the sole purpose for getting women to 'notice' or 'respect' you. They are simply incapable of thinking this way about men. .

So when that 'plate' falls to the ground and breaks, and you keep going unaffected, it's not an act. That's just the type of MAN you are.

 

[EmotionalGeek]

After reading this I felt this fantastic feeling in my chest. This was really empowering.

 

[resilient]

Btown, very healthy emotional outlook on dating and life in general. The rejections of today are just that; rejections. The flow of dating moves like a stream. The water moves between the stones, but it doesn't stay in one place. It's always moving in one direction (life). We, as DJs may try to give off a persona of indifference, yet you're correct... what does that accomplish for us in the long-term? That's like passing the rock in the stream and joking ourselves that it wasn't there in the first place. A temporary (false) disconnect from reality.

I also agree, if the plate(s) has loads of suitors (orbiters) in the wings blowing up their phone, social media, etc., going NC or withdrawing attention won't have the effect we perceive it does. I like how you said our attitude is about self-respect. Dating is great, yet is not the sole purpose of what we've been put on this Earth to do.

Rejection hurts the ego temporarily. However, it's much beneficial for self growth potential to pursue the passions we care about that continue the self-esteem heavy lifting. Be it, hobbies, mental/physical fitness goals, hanging with the bros, meditation, laughing, smiling, and generally having a great time. The biggest gift I think we can give ourselves is self-acceptance. If a plate drops us, ghosts, whatever, no big deal. They can't truly reject us, if we already accept ourselves for who are. That rejection 'sting' is short lived.

Take courage in the little successes too. Tinkering with a car, mechanical parts, computers, putting something together, taking something apart just to see how it works, solving solutions, leading other men, mentoring, and other creative endeavors are so much more meaningful than short-term gratifications that I see dating often brings.

Keep striving, DJs.