Isn't it a bit late for her to start playing hard to get?

[Tazman]

Sounds to me like she may have thought of you as good enough as a Boy Toy, but doesn't think of you as being in her league?

lol, damn that brought back memories. I was with a girl who would be all over me (she initiated sex) when we were alone or with just a couple close friends, but we never really went out and about and she actually denied that we were together when other people (outside the circle) would ask, making me look stupid in the process because I of course had no problem with people knowing and she made them think i was lying.....

 

[jophil28]

I
I've dated women like this and they are nothing but trouble, they will constantly do things and change their minds & be irrational. They will put EVERYONE ahead of you, everyone, because what matters most to her is what others think.

Yes, I have also dated two women like this and they are trouble- for the reason that you said, HOWEVER there are another two factors at work here.

! . When she was living with her parents, YOU were her sole source of intimacy and attention. To preserve this she reacted to you with behavior that you read as HIGH IL ,and it probably was. When she moved in with her roommates you became just one of several "friends" in her life. She had new connections with the other women and that was all new and exciting. She then shared her time and attention around the group and you were just the oldest member of her new group.

2. Women like this little lady regard her relationships with a man as just one amongst her several other relationships. THis is the "high school " mentality at work.
She now has a group of new friends( roomates) - Betty and Natasha and Kylie AND there is Jitterbug at the rear.
She also thinks that she "owes" her new roomies her loyalty and committment to that group in order to preserve it and so she withdraws some attention and energy from her relationship with you and 'deposits' it in the group "account". That way she feels that her membership is bought and guaranteed.
This is what I call "slicing" - immature, approval seeking women behave like this. They slice themselves up and give eveyone a piece . The problem is that an intimate relationship with a man cannot prosper on a 'slice' .

My advice- dump her .She has the emotional mentality of a 16 year old.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Jitter, I was going through the EXACT same thing as you. Like Mac said, it's because she moved out and joined a bunch of girls who have a lot influence in her behavior. The chick I was dating started getting distant the moment one of her alpha female friend broke up with her bf - now she has someone to party with who's as attractive. This girl was always the leader of their pack and now she's available to party and tease guys. One thing I noticed is that they do get cold on you when they're with their friends. They're proving or displaying to their friends "don't worry pack leader, he has no control over me". So what you should've done was not accept that offer to chill with them. You need to be somewhere more important. All that has to happen for a chick to lose IL for you is one negative comment about you by her "pack leader" friend and you're done. It'll stick in her head forever. Pack leader does not want to lose one of her pack members to a BF.

When I date chicks and someone says something negative about her attitude or looks or whatever, it sticks in my head bigtime. Not that I base choices on what my friends say but deep inside it affects me. Once my friend told me that the HB8.5 I was dating appeared old or older among other slight negativities and that stuck in my head and eventually lost interest in her. I hate to admit that but it's true. After I broke though, they all say stuff like, "she looks hot tonite". Those were not my real friends I discovered quickly. WTF! Friends sabotage other friend's relationships my friend. They don't want to lose their members. Of course they aren't your REAL friends because your real friends have positive things to say and they don't worry about losing a pack member.

In my case, the "pack leader" alpha female told her my actions were "shady" among other things - that did me in. Until then, I'd booty call and she'd come over everytime. Needless to say that stopped along with everything else.

The moral of the story: Don't underestimate the power of the pack!! When they eventually get a bf, especially the leader, they all get bf's or at least start dating more seriously. And when they're single they all seem to be.

+1

 

[Jitterbug]

Thanks jophil. That makes a lot of sense, now that I've gathered from memory bits that she told me about her housemates & spending time with them before she moved there. Definitely "slicing" behaviour.

Yup I already decided to dump her after she rejected the several times I asked her out and her IL dropping. I don't know the mentality of the "hard to get" game-players but my IL in someone is proportionate to her IL in me, not the other way around.

I haven't mentioned that to her since we weren't in a relationship, so I don't need to declare it officially. I've simply withdrawn my attention completely.

 

[Mr. Wise]

Yes, I have also dated two women like this and they are trouble- for the reason that you said, HOWEVER there are another two factors at work here.

! . When she was living with her parents, YOU were her sole source of intimacy and attention. To preserve this she reacted to you with behavior that you read as HIGH IL ,and it probably was. When she moved in with her roommates you became just one of several "friends" in her life. She had new connections with the other women and that was all new and exciting. She then shared her time and attention around the group and you were just the oldest member of her new group.

2. Women like this little lady regard her relationships with a man as just one amongst her several other relationships. THis is the "high school " mentality at work.
She now has a group of new friends( roomates) - Betty and Natasha and Kylie AND there is Jitterbug at the rear.
She also thinks that she "owes" her new roomies her loyalty and committment to that group in order to preserve it and so she withdraws some attention and energy from her relationship with you and 'deposits' it in the group "account". That way she feels that her membership is bought and guaranteed.
This is what I call "slicing" - immature, approval seeking women behave like this. They slice themselves up and give eveyone a piece . The problem is that an intimate relationship with a man cannot prosper on a 'slice' .

My advice- dump her .She has the emotional mentality of a 16 year old.

Haha, this one is on the money and one of the funniest posts I've read recently - good one jophil28. The power of the pack strikes again!

 

[Mr. Wise]

Thanks jophil. That makes a lot of sense, now that I've gathered from memory bits that she told me about her housemates & spending time with them before she moved there. Definitely "slicing" behaviour.

Yup I already decided to dump her after she rejected the several times I asked her out and her IL dropping. I don't know the mentality of the "hard to get" game-players but my IL in someone is proportionate to her IL in me, not the other way around.

I haven't mentioned that to her since we weren't in a relationship, so I don't need to declare it officially. I've simply withdrawn my attention completely.

Jitter, you're doing the right thing.

 

[Bonhomme]

Between the 3rd & the 4th dates, she moved out of her parents' place and is now living with her female cousin & two girl friends. She was really busy with that, and I was going on holiday, so we didn't catch up for a month.

my emphasis

Too bloody simple. Your answer's right there.

Where did you go that made it impossible too keep in contact? A trip to the North Pole on a dog sled?

That missing month is where it all went to hell. Nowadays it's not very hard to maintain some sort of contact....

 

[Jitterbug]

Err, we did keep in contact via TXT and facebook. We didn't catch up because I was away for a holiday and she was spending time with her family in the countryside. That means we couldn't meet in person.

 

[Bonhomme]

OK. I obviously interpreted "didn't catch up" differently.

In view of that, it's not so clear. Could very well be that her friends are at the bottom of it, in one way or another.

In any case, looks like it's best to move on ...

 

[Latinoman]

Facebook = disqualified
MySpace = disqualified

Men go for sex.
Women go for attention.


LOT of attention in those places. You cannot compete with that.

 

[Jitterbug]

Yeah, I've moved on.

Latinoman, I didn't meet her on Facebook nor did I use it as my main communication channel (I only use it to organize events & share photos). On my holiday, I used it to send her some messages & photos of a few cool stuff I was doing, to keep in touch.

Forget about online. This chick gets lots of attention in real life, with her being very outgoing & attractive. I know at least half a dozen AFC LJBF orbiters of hers. But then, what HBs don't have such a group of suckups? I can't possibly give more attention than any of those guys so I never think of competing with that.