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How did you know she was the One?

Krueg

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Like the title says... what thing(s) did you find in your wife that made you propose?

Was it looks, money, personality, desperation, society... I mean what seperated her from the rest and what would you tell the non-married guys to look for when screening for the right woman?
 

jhl

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I'm not married, but I'm gonna say that it's dangerous to view anyone as "the one". I believe in a gaussian distribution (bell curve). You can marry anyone but some you're gonna be extremely unhappy with, some you'll be ok with, and at the other end of the spectrum, you'll be extremely compatible and happy with. If you fall into "the one" trap, it will blind you from things you should be taking noting of and you may pay a huge price for it in the future.

If you feel that the woman adds to your life (aka a "giver" type), respects you, doesn't nag you, doesn't feel the need to "change" you, is extremely physically attractive, has life outlooks and habits that are similar, great personality, AND most importantly does NOT LOOK for exit strategies the moment things head south (this you must go through or test out), then I think the woman is marriage material.

I used to think I could gauge a woman pretty well on women bolting out when things head south, but I learned my lesson. I honestly think this is the most important now b/c the house of cards are bound to fall at some point in the future when things get rocky and you'll lose 50%+.
 

samspade

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What jhl said. There is no "The One." Disabuse yourself of this notion right now and you will have a much better time selecting a wife, if that is your goal.

I married my wife because we get along great, the sex is awesome, she's hot, we click, have similar goals, and I found being with her preferable to being without her. Without marriage I would have been without her for visa reasons; otherwise we'd be in serious LTR. (We don't have plans to have kids - but if you want kids you definitely have to factor this in - what kind of mother would she be? And I suppose if we did have kids I knew she'd be a great mom anyway.)
 

speed dawg

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Well, first you have the basics. Religion, kids, politics, culture. Get those 4 aligned right and that's a start.

Then, obviously you must be happy with yourself, and your wife should be happy with herself.

Obviously, while you're dating the girl, you'll be figuring out the compatibility part of it. Looks, personality, etc. I find it better to look for the opposite type personality that compliments yours. You also need to have at least a few things in common.

Sanity and her family structure is something to take into consideration.

I don't view sex or money as a qualifying factor, unless it's a really, REALLY big red flag, like being on welfare or having herpes.
 

Desdinova

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samspade said:
I married my wife because we get along great, the sex is awesome, she's hot, we click, have similar goals, and I found being with her preferable to being without her.
All the reasons why I got married. The way I saw it, if we both got old and ugly, we would still be able to make each other laugh.

After the wedding, the bytch gave up her acting career and she wasn't any of that stuff anymore.
 

Krueg

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I guess there really isnt the "One", but if she wasnt the one in your eyes, why marry her? Maybe instead of the one, just a top pick of whats brought to the table Or is it a never ending cycle of always finding a better chick? There has to be a point where you say, " After dating X amount of girls, this is the one I want to be with - forever"

Which makes me curious as to why guys decided to settle down with that particular woman. I agree with the following; sharing similar goals, getting along, personality, sex life and ect. But you could have all that with a girlfriend to only end a few months down the road and repeat the process until you find the "one" (if there is) who will be with you til death do you part.

Maybe I'm overthinking this...
 

jhl

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Again...I'm not a married man but these are the reasons I'm seriously considering marriage:

1) My career headed south and I lost it all.... and then my ex bailed. My current gf saw what I went through, stood by my side, and appreciated me for WHO I was rather than WHAT I had. I don't care what anyone says about this factor and how good you think you are in screening women, unless you go through this you just never know what your girl will pull when that time comes. She proved herself and I can trust her more than any girl who hasn't gone through this phase with me.

2) Character.

a) She's very respectful and treats me like a king. She is a mirror image of her mother and how she treated her husband so I'm quite confident that this is no facade or a temporary thing.

b) Whenever I go through trouble she goes through lengths not to bother me, stress me, or make things inconvenient for me. Example: if I have a job interview she will come and cook, clean, and do laundry so that I'm rested up for the interview.

c) very cheerful and appreciates the little things in life. Whether this is eating a candy bar, or having nice weather, she appreciates the little things in life that everyone overlooks. I've become a much more humble person b/c of her.

3) Complements my weaknesses and makes me better. I'm quite negative, pessimistic, and unthankful about a lot of things. Her outlook on life makes me more optimistic and thankful for all the things that I have (rather than focus on what I lost or don't have). Sometimes, I can't change the situation I'm in, but I can change the outlook and being around her helps. Because of this, I become a happier person than without her.

Add in the fact that she's an HB7.5-8 with an adorable extroverted personality, that we're culturally compatible, have the same hobbies, have the same religion, and come from similar family backgrounds and socioeconomic status and race and I have no reason to think of a reason why we shouldn't be together.

When the looks fade I don't think I'll be looking around for someone. There are too many good things about her I like for her value to drop significantly in my eyes later on in life.
 
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Hmmm....my only reason was that I'd been with her for 8 years and basically had to propose or move on I guess. It just seemed like the right thing to do, natural progression so to speak. Plus i did want kids and I love my boy more than anything. That's the beauty of having kids, once they're around you wouldn't change the past because they wouldn't be there. It doesn't mean you can't change the future though.
 

speed dawg

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Krueg said:
Which makes me curious as to why guys decided to settle down with that particular woman. I agree with the following; sharing similar goals, getting along, personality, sex life and ect. But you could have all that with a girlfriend to only end a few months down the road and repeat the process until you find the "one" (if there is) who will be with you til death do you part.

Maybe I'm overthinking this...
Geez. Try scanning the forum before you just post stuff that's not really relevant to the thread. This thread would help you more.
 

Colossus

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jhl said:
Again...I'm not a married man but these are the reasons I'm seriously considering marriage:

1) My career headed south and I lost it all.... and then my ex bailed. My current gf saw what I went through, stood by my side, and appreciated me for WHO I was rather than WHAT I had. I don't care what anyone says about this factor and how good you think you are in screening women, unless you go through this you just never know what your girl will pull when that time comes. She proved herself and I can trust her more than any girl who hasn't gone through this phase with me.

2) Character.

a) She's very respectful and treats me like a king. She is a mirror image of her mother and how she treated her husband so I'm quite confident that this is no facade or a temporary thing.

b) Whenever I go through trouble she goes through lengths not to bother me, stress me, or make things inconvenient for me. Example: if I have a job interview she will come and cook, clean, and do laundry so that I'm rested up for the interview.

c) very cheerful and appreciates the little things in life. Whether this is eating a candy bar, or having nice weather, she appreciates the little things in life that everyone overlooks. I've become a much more humble person b/c of her.

3) Complements my weaknesses and makes me better. I'm quite negative, pessimistic, and unthankful about a lot of things. Her outlook on life makes me more optimistic and thankful for all the things that I have (rather than focus on what I lost or don't have). Sometimes, I can't change the situation I'm in, but I can change the outlook and being around her helps. Because of this, I become a happier person than without her.

Add in the fact that she's an HB7.5-8 with an adorable extroverted personality, that we're culturally compatible, have the same hobbies, have the same religion, and come from similar family backgrounds and socioeconomic status and race and I have no reason to think of a reason why we shouldn't be together.

When the looks fade I don't think I'll be looking around for someone. There are too many good things about her I like for her value to drop significantly in my eyes later on in life.

Damn you sold ME on marrying her, lol.

If it feels right, if you've spent considerable time analyzing her attributes and shortcomings, if you have gone through sh!t with her, if she has proven herself loyal, and if your life is simply better with her than without, go for it.

There is always a risk in getting married, mostly for men, but you try to make this risk as calculated as possible.
 

usher22

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There are many similarities in me and her,our likes dislikes,our do's and don'ts,our choice even our same fingers are little bended. when i saw that i understand that she is just made for me :)
 

FairShake

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She laughed at my jokes. Even the stupid ones. Like, for real laughed. WAYYY after she needed to anymore.
 

backbreaker

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jhl said:
Again...I'm not a married man but these are the reasons I'm seriously considering marriage:

1) My career headed south and I lost it all.... and then my ex bailed. My current gf saw what I went through, stood by my side, and appreciated me for WHO I was rather than WHAT I had. I don't care what anyone says about this factor and how good you think you are in screening women, unless you go through this you just never know what your girl will pull when that time comes. She proved herself and I can trust her more than any girl who hasn't gone through this phase with me.

2) Character.

a) She's very respectful and treats me like a king. She is a mirror image of her mother and how she treated her husband so I'm quite confident that this is no facade or a temporary thing.

b) Whenever I go through trouble she goes through lengths not to bother me, stress me, or make things inconvenient for me. Example: if I have a job interview she will come and cook, clean, and do laundry so that I'm rested up for the interview.

c) very cheerful and appreciates the little things in life. Whether this is eating a candy bar, or having nice weather, she appreciates the little things in life that everyone overlooks. I've become a much more humble person b/c of her.

3) Complements my weaknesses and makes me better. I'm quite negative, pessimistic, and unthankful about a lot of things. Her outlook on life makes me more optimistic and thankful for all the things that I have (rather than focus on what I lost or don't have). Sometimes, I can't change the situation I'm in, but I can change the outlook and being around her helps. Because of this, I become a happier person than without her.

Add in the fact that she's an HB7.5-8 with an adorable extroverted personality, that we're culturally compatible, have the same hobbies, have the same religion, and come from similar family backgrounds and socioeconomic status and race and I have no reason to think of a reason why we shouldn't be together.

When the looks fade I don't think I'll be looking around for someone. There are too many good things about her I like for her value to drop significantly in my eyes later on in life.
i could tell you that you will just know.. and you will but that isn't practical advice.

i mean... how can i put this.. she just fits. she makes sense. She respects and loves me while at the same time not being intimated by me whatsoever. if she thinks i need to hear something she has no qualms whatsoever about telling me as bluntly as possible. I like that about her she has a backbone. you will be surprised at how many women don't when they meet a guy that they think can take care of them.

she's interesting enough to where she doesn't need me to be around all the time. I like that too. she's always doing some **** or working on something.. as pretty as she is she is extremely low maintenance.

and even on a more.. personal level. In real life, I am the most predictable person on the face of the earth. doesn't matter what we are doing. i can call out a restaurant and she knows exactly what i want from there, no questions asked. I do something and if i like it i stick with it. that just how i tick. we go bowling dammit i want the same lane as i had time. im' so bad i will watch the exact same tv shows over and over because i know i like them. she's the polar opposite. she'll go somewhere and just order the oddest **** on the menu.. if i don't like it fvck it at least i tried it. she'll see something interesting on TV and get me to watch it with her. she will go out with her friends to eat and **** and just bring me something that she had that she liked so i can try it. she makes me try new ****. and honestly I like that. I've done a lot of **** over the last few years, that were soley her doing. little **** like, breaking bad, i had no interest in watching that show whatsoever. she made me. now i'm hooked lol. it seems very trivial. but it makes life more exciting and less mundane for me. before i met her, i never had people over my house just for no reason lol now **** our house is a revolving door. very rarely does more than 3 days go by where we don't have company. first time i ever went snorkeling was because of her. fvcking snorkeling my black ass lol. never dreamed of doing anything like that. she's an adrenaline junkie which makes for some pretty interesting dates/times out.

most girls, i don't know if it's beucase my boyish good looks, my game or my bank account.. they walk on egg shells.. what do you want to do. what do you want to eat, what do you want to go see.. she's like hey dude come on let's go do this ****. no.. you think i'm asking, no i'm telling you let's go. i like that sassyness about her. she's extremely sure of herself. kinda like me. which is why I think we tick so well

she's a kick ass mother, great in bed, actually likes to have sex. i have a hair trigger temper i inherited from my father. i don't think i have ever met a more level headed person in my life than her. you can't piss her off. it's impossible. trust me I've tired. my mom called her out, for no other reason than her being white in front of my entire family and y wife hasn ever spoken one bad word about her. even our arrangements are like, school debates. I've heard her raise her voice 3 times in 4 years. i mean. she's just my babe.

more than anything though, i odn't have to try to impress her. i can take her out to eat to a real restaurant i can take her to mc donalds. doesn't matter whatsoever. everything we do doesn't have to cost a lot fo money. we can go walk in the park or go to the zoo. which is cool beucase i love zoos.


she just fits so well with me, the thought of her leaving me beucase i wouldn't put a ring on my finger, got tot he point where that wasn't a viable reason for her to leave. could i live without her? of course, but there is no doubt at all she compliments me very well

excuse my long windedness.. I just love my wife lol. i really do. i think what i'm trying to say is that.. once you get past the hobbies and the looks and the sex, it takes a certain type of man to deal with a woman who is pretty and sure of herself and not take everything she does as a slight or a lack of interest, and at the same time it takes a certain type of girl that can date a guy and not be pissed that he isn't alll over you all the time or beucase girls keep looking at him or what not. on that level we very much get each other. the freedome that it allows me to have and her to have, it's great. like if we go out and there are some girls looking at me and her friends will say look those girls are looking at your man and she's like so lol they can look all day, they aren't going to get him. that so turns me on about her she's so sure of herself and what she brings to the table.
 

cordoncordon

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backbreaker said:
most girls, i don't know if it's beucase my boyish good looks, my game or my bank account.. they walk on egg shells..
BB you did NOT just say that haha. I think that is the first time I have ever heard someone describe themselves in that way that wasn't joking. :)

I can always count on you BB to bring something new to the forum. :cheer:

Carry on my man.
 

March27gal

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Colossus said:
Damn you sold ME on marrying her, lol.

If it feels right, if you've spent considerable time analyzing her attributes and shortcomings, if you have gone through sh!t with her, if she has proven herself loyal, and if your life is simply better with her than without, go for it.

There is always a risk in getting married, mostly for men, but you try to make this risk as calculated as possible.
Umm, that's not true and sexist in my opinion! Both are taking the risk! Who is the one that can get pregnant, get an std, or be abused physically?! Who is the stronger gender physically?! Case closed.
 
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