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Habit is All

Discussion in 'Don Juan Tips' started by Pook, May 15, 2003.

  1. Pook

    Pook Master Don Juan

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    The reason for my success is habit. A Don Juan is a sum of correct habits.

    This pales to other ideas. Some think message boards contain magic which will instantly turn one into a Don Juan. Others think special spirits will jump out of the DJ Bible and blossom you to a Don Juan. But this is poppycock!

    "'Poppycock!?' Pook says?" Yes, poppycock. Even if you had every mental formula and idea ingrained in your head, you still won't be successful with women or anything.

    Look at you! A plop of flesh sitting in a chair! How do you get from there to with the chicks?

    "I will take a deep breath, go out with all confidence, and get the chick!"

    This is blitzkrieg. It might work but you're still a loose cannon. Confidence is comfortableness. Don't try to force yourself to something that seems entirely alien to you. You'll never be comfortable with it.

    Alter your habits and so you alter your life. Make it a HABIT to talk to girls. Make it a HABIT to be social. Make it a HABIT to look for dates. Make it a HABIT to date! Make it a HABIT to Don Juan!

    "But Pook! These will require an initial icebreaker." Yes. But that should not be where you place the 'challenge' at. Focus on being consistant. Sure, you can create a huge mental drama about approaching that hot chick. But you should focus on being consistant in approaching hot chicks in general. This one chick is nothing in your string of routine.

    Think of it like that.

    Women are not Ice Water

    "He who hesitates, masturbates" we hear. Or we might hear, "Imagine yourself old and dreaming of what you could have done. Go out today or die!" Some people even do affirmations to get them to 'approach'.

    But approaching is not a disconnected thing in itself. Talking to women should NOT be like plunging into ice water. You whirl a slogan in your head and you go 'bliztkrieg' on her. Rather, women should be seen as WARM water, something you EASE into pleasantly. There's no need to cannonball into them.

    It's similiar to working out. Habit is the key to success in working out, without it nothing else matters. A guy doing THE BEST WORKOUTS in perfect form and intensity only a few times is INFERIOR to the guy who does CRAPPY WORKOUTS and is consistant with them.

    You are not the smoothest guy with the ladies. You know what? Neither am I. However, you have an advantage over the smooth guys: you are more consistant. Hey, they might go for a girl only once a month. You, however, will be going for them FAR MORE often. In the end, you will become 'smooth' while even the smoothest guy gets rusty.

    What are you doing now? Surfing the Internet? Do you do this everyday? Do you enter your little hyper-reality of video games and mental riddles?

    How do you break from this cycle? By changing your habits. If you can change your habits, you WILL change your life. Your habits are your prophecy. Endure and keep those habits, and your life will change just as simply as turning a dial to 'overdrive'. It's that simple.

    So instead of focusing on asking out the chick or talking to the chick, focus on the continuity of it. She will then become just one chick in your routine. You focus on the routine, on the consistency, not on the chick.

    Where will you be five years from now?

    Hopefully, you will not still be on this site reading posts. Here is a story I enjoy and wish to share with you:

    At the age of 22, he worked for his father at a bakery. He was married and had a kid on the way. Because of these rising costs, he asked for a raise. His father didn't give it to him.

    So he walked away from the bakery with only twenty two dollars in his pocket and a wife with a child on the way. He started a sandwhich business that became popular as he went around to construction sites. Eventually, he entered the construction company and became one of the largest constructing companies in California. He would eventually buy a football team and watch them win the Superbowl.

    Who is this guy? Alex Spanos. How did he get there from here? He says, "Habit." He detailed what he wanted to do with his life in five years. He slowly worked toward those goals and he met them every time. In fact, he would meet them BEFORE reaching the five year mark.

    Compare this with other guys. Many have dreams, few have goals. By putting a TIME LIMIT on what you want to do, you often set yourself to achieve it.

    "Then in five years I want all the chicks to be wanting me!" It doesn't have to be five years. It could be two months. And you can't place your success on OTHER people. You can say that you want to gain/lose weight, get your life together, get that job you've been wanting, become more social, whatever. You CANNOT say, "I'm going to have a girlfriend in X amount of time." That depends on someone else. Rather, say, "I'm going to get in the ROUTINE of talking to chicks, asking them out, and being more social." The goal then becomes a prophecy.

    Focus on the Habit

    Aristotle says, "We are the sum of our habits" and this is true. I've talked to A LOT of guys on being successful with women. One thing that seperates them from other guys is that they focused on the HABIT, not on the girl or the procedure. They told themselves, "I will ask out 20 girls this week". In almost every case, they do not get to 20 because they end up getting a girlfriend after the first few. It is THAT simple.

    Behind every Don Juan is a series of correct habits (which are detailed throughout this site). Consistency with everything is crucial. For Habit is the child of Mindset, and this is how as you think you shall become.

    ---------------------------------------------
    [POOK
    ---------------------------------------------
    "The limits on your life are imposed on you by yourself."
     
  2. RawkinKaoticStyle

    RawkinKaoticStyle Senior Don Juan

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    POOK be my mentor dammit! haha
     
  3. Sisko

    Sisko Senior Don Juan

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    Heh, good post. This is something I realised not so long ago.
     
  4. Matt Rogers

    Matt Rogers Master Don Juan

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    Excellent, you have finally revealed the secret of your success Pook, and it is so obvious I could have kicked myself. What I find on this site is it is so packed with new information that I am trying to integrate about 100 new behaviours into my personality and actions, and not mastering any of them.

    Confidence is merely having done something so many times that it is no longer a big deal. Heck you are confident you can tie your shoelaces, why, because you have done it every day for the last umpteen years.

    I guess another part of it is courage. Activities where there is no ego or fear involved like learning a new instrument, I practice and practice and I get good. With women though the few times I have mustered the courage to approach I get cold shouldered and embarassed as my face goes red, and my voice comes out in a croak. How do we push through these failures without getting completely discouraged and reinforce our associations of approaching women with fear?
     
  5. Imbrondir

    Imbrondir Don Juan

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    I'm starting to like your posts by habit :(
     
  6. TheCollector

    TheCollector Don Juan

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    Wow ive never looked at approaching as a habit that just takes so much pressure off. Great post again Pook.
     
  7. Deep Dish

    Deep Dish Master Don Juan

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    I can say that 99% of the things I read on this site, either went in one ear and out the other, I forgot, or was irrelevant. However, 99% of things I experienced in real life have stuck with me. Experience cultivates habit, reading and intellectualizing does not. You experience something, it's real to you; you go read about something, it's not real. No amount of text can fully resonate reality.

    The only reason I'm here is because I still have some lingering problems [New problems arise to take place of old], which I have been whithering away at, and because of habit. Both of which in time will be eliminated.
     
  8. phloyd

    phloyd Don Juan

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    You know pook, I strongly agree with "we are the sum of our habits". In your first sentence you said that a don juan is a sum of CORRECT habits. This is true but I think a lot of people will miss or overlook that part.

    Looking back at the time when I first found this site till now, my mindset is certainly in a better place now than before. At the beginning of this year I wrote down a list of things I wanted to accomplish by the end of the year. So far I'm about halfway there.

    My problem is correcting the bad habits that seem so hard to break. (you are the sum of all your habits)

    Anyway, thanks for this and all of your posts. Your ideas have had a very possitive impact on me.
     
  9. Drow

    Drow Senior Don Juan

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    Good post and nice story about Alex Spanos :D

    ..But you left something out (maybe for a later post?). Habit is key, yes, but habits don't change over night, and probably won't change just because you want them to.

    It's a change in thinking. Habit changes from HOW you think.

    Maybe you could explain that better than I can...
     
  10. aguynamedwill

    aguynamedwill Don Juan

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    sounds like 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey, which is an awesome book. I'm reading it right now, and its like finally having a box with a picture on it for my jigsaw puzzle that is life. Not just women, but everything. It's like a freakin neon pink lightbulb went off in my head.

    Pook's got it together. Respect to the Pook.
     
  11. ASav

    ASav Don Juan

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    I read a great book recently which made me realize that humans are routine based creatures. Think about how much protest and complaining goes on against new ideas or new ways of doing things (this is even alluded to in Machiavelli's The Prince). The book is called The Psychology of Trading by Brett Steenbarger . By using a routine to accomplish simple tasks it frees up the mind for more esoteric contemplations. For example, walking: the motions are so ingrained in your mind that you don't ever think right foot up left foot down etc. You're probably thinking about last night's Spurs game or whatever. The key is to ingrain positive habits and eventually you'll be doing them like clockwork without thinking its unusual. This will reduce your stress over those situations because you'll be so used to them it would be hard to throw you for a loop.

    I'll stop there but just to leave everyone with the most important key to change, a quote from the aforementioned book:

    CHANGE DOES NOT COME WITH COMFORT - EVER

    Its not easy to change but it is possible with true effort. Insight from the DJ Bible and other sources are invaluable but without action these insights are wasted.

    Thank you for your time. :D
     
  12. Page

    Page Master Don Juan

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    Yes, a Don Juan is successful because he has learned to assimilate what he has learned into his actual personality. It has become a part of who he really is, and because of that it becomes natural.

    (I have already covered this in-depth in The Book of Shuma Gora. If I remember correctly, I bring it up in several articles, but the best one to read on this topic is "How to Assimilate what You have Learned". )
     
  13. Lost

    Lost Master Don Juan

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    I dont really get it. You say make talking to chicks a habit... so if its hard to talk to one hot chick.. how is it not hard to talk to 20?
     
  14. the_gunslinger

    the_gunslinger Don Juan

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    pook, you are indeed the master
     
  15. bust.it

    bust.it Don Juan

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    20 > 1

    He mentioned consistancy. Anyone can talk to 1 chick. Consistancy implies that regardless of the outcome (rejection, bf, lesbian) it doesn't stop you from your next approach.
     
  16. Lost

    Lost Master Don Juan

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    that still doesnt answer my question
     
  17. Nocturnal

    Nocturnal Master Don Juan

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  18. oOh Nasty

    oOh Nasty Master Don Juan

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    oh no...its rufass...
     
  19. DJ Girevik

    DJ Girevik Senior Don Juan

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    It's NOT hard to talk to one hot chick. It might be at first, but what you do is do it anyways, and as you talk to more and more hot chicks, it will become easier.
     
  20. Lost

    Lost Master Don Juan

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    wow what an intelligent response.
     

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