Girlfriend Flirts with Other Guys in Front of Me

[ChaseLachey]

Hey everyone! First post here. Great forum you got!

First of all, is messing another guys' hair, or her poking him, or getting into a playful fight with him flirting? The guy usually initiates it though, but it seems to me that she encourages them by flirting back. I don't think I'm over-reacting by approaching her. At first I played it cool, like it didn't affect me.

After putting up with it for a while, I confronted her about it since it bothered me, and I told her, "It really bothers me when you flirt with other guys. I feel when you flirt with other guys, that I'm not enough for you. I also think it's really disrespectful for a girlfriend to do!" She told me she was sorry and it wouldn't happen again.

About a month later, it happened again. I told her she doesn't seem to respect me enough, so I dumped her. We later got back together and I decided to give her another chance. It's been another month, and I think it's starting again.

When I talked to her about it, she said she was sorry, and she doesn't even like those guys, and only me. So I asked her, "then why flirt with them?" She just told me, "I don't know..." I told her if it happens again, I'm gone. She said "I would never go out with them." I'm not sure if she's serious. I can't really imagine her cheating, but I really don't appreciate being disrespected like this.

Did I handle it the right way? Any insight? Thanks!

 

[Raikojo17]

idk. she might just be a naturaly flirtly person, so dont hold her on it too hard. ur making it sound like she cheated on u, i think u over reacted just a bit. tell her calmly and cooly but not harsh or whiny that u dont really like her acting all flirty with other guys. only get serious if she cheats man. contrary to wat most people think on here tho, kino doesnt really mean much. sure, it means she's comfortable with u touching her and it could go to a higher level, but most kino doesnt mean much. at dances girls with bf's let u touch all over them, and then they still say they have a bf, so dont take the touching to hard.

 

[AverageJoe5]

DO TO HER WHAT SEE DOES TO YOU...kino other girls. Jealousy. God can girls be so jealous of other girls. Use it to your advantage.

 

[ChaseLachey]

DO TO HER WHAT SEE DOES TO YOU...kino other girls. Jealousy. God can girls be so jealous of other girls. Use it to your advantage.

Hehe, already tried that, but she is just so hard to read. It looks like it doesn't affect her.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

You must establish boundaries for your girl. The boundaries you establish have to reasonable and they have to be things that are important enough to you to set them in the first place.

You have to tell your girl what these rules are and what the consequences are for breaking these boundaries. And, if she breaks the rules, you have to be true to your word and enforce the consequences you have set out.

Chicks actually like guys that set boundaries and enforce consequences and are true to their word. It turns them on and reinforces the respect they have for you as a man.

It seems like you have decided that flirting too much with other guys is an important rule. It seems like you have told her what the consequences are. It seems like you are ready to enforce the consequences and have done so before.

Maybe she is incapable of living up to one of your important rules. Most attention-wh0res can't live up to this rule. Most attention-wh0res cannot give up the rush they get from flirting too much with other guys and the attention they receive from it.

Most guys who have this boundary cannot stand being with an attention-wh0re for very long.

Give her one more chance. Tell her your boundaries, why they are important to you and tell her the consequences of breaking the rules again. Be true to your word and enforce the consequences with a finality if she breaks them again because then she is just incapable of making you a happy boyfriend.

Another girl might be.

 

[Warboss Alex]

If that was me, I would've told her to clean up her act or get out.

 

[insanity]

i can't stand the flirty girl, a.k.a the attention ho. i agree that some girls are just naturally flirty with everybody but how would they feel if you stared at hot women or talked about a girl pal of yours constantly. i remember when i first met my girl. one thing that bothered me that she did alot was talking to other guys who were strangers then hugging them before she left. i drew the line and said i didn't like that and she said what are you insecure and i just told her that i didn't like other mens arms around my woman. she laughed..... thats until i took her to a few parties where i knew a few girls and this one girl who always was interested in me, sat on my knee and we did shots and she put her arms around me to keep balance and my woman got really jealous to the point of moving the girl of my knee. she then seen how it felt to be on the other end.

 

[Thomas94305]

I agree strongly with what's been said. I like what AverageJoe said. One of my cardinal rules when dating is NO DOUBLE STANDARDS.. if she wants to do xyz, then she is saying it's fine for me.

With that said, you need to decide how big a deal this is, and how to communicate limits. I had a gf for 1.5 years, and this ended being a deal breaker. If she wants to flirt with other guys that badly, she gets her freedom, and now she can flirt all she wants.

I think a more constructive way to deal with this is to start with a fair consequence, but not one that is vengeful, or trying to hurt her. One practical way to work this out is.. when she flirts, I'd tell her "you know, when you do that, I just get turned off to hanging out. I'm taking off. Do you want a ride home?" That's very honest and fair, who'd want to be around their gf when she flirts. You haven't bossed her around. And, she has to deal with fair and understandable consequences, a bf that just gets turned off. If it happens after that, then I'd repeat this every time. You may want to escalate by not getting together with her again until she discusses this.

Some of relationship stuff is like dealing with children... you have to set fair limits, and dispassionately/mechanically give consequences whenever limits are violated. The other person just learns "cause->consequence". Up to her if she wants the consequence or not.

 

[ChaseLachey]

You must establish boundaries for your girl. The boundaries you establish have to reasonable and they have to be things that are important enough to you to set them in the first place.

You have to tell your girl what these rules are and what the consequences are for breaking these boundaries. And, if she breaks the rules, you have to be true to your word and enforce the consequences you have set out.

Chicks actually like guys that set boundaries and enforce consequences and are true to their word. It turns them on and reinforces the respect they have for you as a man.

It seems like you have decided that flirting too much with other guys is an important rule. It seems like you have told her what the consequences are. It seems like you are ready to enforce the consequences and have done so before.

Maybe she is incapable of living up to one of your important rules. Most attention-wh0res can't live up to this rule. Most attention-wh0res cannot give up the rush they get from flirting too much with other guys and the attention they receive from it.

Most guys who have this boundary cannot stand being with an attention-wh0re for very long.

Give her one more chance. Tell her your boundaries, why they are important to you and tell her the consequences of breaking the rules again. Be true to your word and enforce the consequences with a finality if she breaks them again because then she is just incapable of making you a happy boyfriend.

Another girl might be.

Excellent advice! I love your approach... Thanks man.

 

[Last Man Standing]

She is doing this because she knows it irks a man to see his girl do this!! It is a purposeful action - she wanted a reaction from you - she is showing you that she can get a man easily and replace you - she is trying to show you how desirable she is to other men!

This is very disresptful and degrading to you since other men see that you can't control her even in your own presence! She is a loose cannon and is most likely sexing other dudes!!!! Imagine what she does when you are not around!!

You don't have to set a rule on this behavior because it is already inherently known by decent women!!!

 

[howardalex]

dude get out of this relationship - I know a girl going out with another guy and she started flirting with me, now I have naked pics of her on my computer and phone and I'm gonna bone her within the next couple of weeks...do you want your gf on some other guy's ****?
:woo:

 

[musclyjerk]

Last Man Standing knows a hor, heed his wise words!

This chick doesn't care about you ONE bit. Dump her @ss.

The Muscly Jerk

 

[NFC]

I hate to say this.. but it's too late, you've already ****ed up. I can already see a few mistakes in your post, and I'm sure there's countless others you aren't telling us about. I doubt this girl respects you, and if she does.. it wont last long.

 

[ChaseLachey]

You guys are really convincing me that I'm letting her control me. I'll get out on the prowl for other girls. As soon as I find a replacement, she's gone.

 

[musclyjerk]

ChaseLachey - dump her first. Seriously. You owe it to yourself to finish it with her IMMEDIATELY.

Don't wait until you find a replacement. The fact you won't have this girl if you dump her will give you a kick up the @ss to find another quick-sharp.

Don't let her disrespect you anymore than she already has - and that's what you're doing by staying with her even just another day.

The Muscly Jerk

 

[Desra Lyons]

Old Thread but just in case someone wanders on. these DJ's are Tru. Get out before you form an attachment. I have a girl like this now that I've been with for a year and a year later things are worse than ever.

every time I caught her touching a guys arm,or flirting in my face she tried to assured me that "it doesn't mean nothing it was just a Tap" or " she didn't want them" or "you're the love of my life" it's all a mind game . Tell her that you don't like it but in a strong ,confident ,self assured way. do not whine . and if she does it again. You're going to have to tell her something else this time using action instead of words , mainly footwork.

 

[SmooveMooves]

1b

Old Thread but just in case someone wanders on. these DJ's are Tru. Get out before you form an attachment. I met this girl when I was 23, she was 25. She seemed to really like me at first came on hard. but I wasn't interested. one day I decided to get her number ,we talked for hours on our first date. She told me she was the SUBMISSIVE type, she was Very sexual...as time went on and we started dating and things got serious
I started to notice how flirty she was coming on to other men which didn't bother at first , I told her about it and she told me that she would stop. I dumped her when she did it again. She talked up a real nice game and manipulated me with tears and convinced me that she deserved another chance . So I gave her one ,things changed for a while then got worse. This pattern went on for a while and now things are worse TODAY than ever. I kept dumping her and taking her back. When you do this . You communicate weakness and needy behavior . You are basically telling her that you will tolerate HER behavior. you need to draw a line and should it ever be crossed ,punishment should be to the fullest extent of the law.

Bro. This was 11 years ago. Surely you can offer your input on a much more relevant thread.

 

[dude99]

Hey everyone! First post here. Great forum you got!

First of all, is messing another guys' hair, or her poking him, or getting into a playful fight with him flirting? The guy usually initiates it though, but it seems to me that she encourages them by flirting back. I don't think I'm over-reacting by approaching her. At first I played it cool, like it didn't affect me.

After putting up with it for a while, I confronted her about it since it bothered me, and I told her, "It really bothers me when you flirt with other guys. I feel when you flirt with other guys, that I'm not enough for you. I also think it's really disrespectful for a girlfriend to do!" She told me she was sorry and it wouldn't happen again.

About a month later, it happened again. I told her she doesn't seem to respect me enough, so I dumped her. We later got back together and I decided to give her another chance. It's been another month, and I think it's starting again.

When I talked to her about it, she said she was sorry, and she doesn't even like those guys, and only me. So I asked her, "then why flirt with them?" She just told me, "I don't know..." I told her if it happens again, I'm gone. She said "I would never go out with them." I'm not sure if she's serious. I can't really imagine her cheating, but I really don't appreciate being disrespected like this.

Did I handle it the right way? Any insight? Thanks!

She is giving her orbiters hope so they keep feeding her ego. She may be telling the truth that she doesn't like them.....but she does like their attention.

3 times and you have talked to her 3 times. Well she won't change so the decision is yours to make.

 

[dude99]

1b


Bro. This was 11 years ago. Surely you can offer your input on a much more relevant thread.

I realized this too late. Old thread.

Too funny.

 

[Roober]

Never had a girlfriend do this right in front of me. I would likely bring it up to her though. Some women are just naturally nice to everyone. If your watching closely (and not being insecure), she probably acts this way with women too.

Know your value, know what you will accept, and know that you are better than any guy that hits on your girl.

If the actions are blatant, I would likely jump ship without warning.