Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

GF wants me to apologise for something we already discussed

IBreatheSpears

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Mar 18, 2014
Messages
343
Reaction score
42
Location
UK
On saturday night I was with my gf and some of my friends and I was having a pretty intense conversation with our mutual friend about race, feminism, Trump and so on. We were agreeing on pretty much everything and kind of leaving my gf out of the conversation and apparently talking over her.

At one point she tried to speak over me and I said something like "I'm still speaking", which I guess can be seen as rude, but so is talking over me. Later the three of us were walking home and not really speaking to her because she kept trying to interrupt us and change the subject. She says she started the conversation and my friend and I hijacked it which may or may not be true - I can't remember. After my friend left, she tried to tell me how she felt which I interpreted as an attempt to start an argument over what I felt was reasonable behaviour. So I ignored her during the 20 minutes bus journey home and then got off the bus at my stop without saying anything to her. She stayed on the bus so we went to our respective houses. She started texting me about how she was upset and I basically told her to fúck off (in so many words).

She said what I "did to her" was humiliating, that I treated her like a child, and that I wouldn't have done it to a man (which is not true as my standard response when anyone speaks over me is along the lines of "Hold on, I'm not done"). I explained this and that my friend and I were drunk and this is standard male bonding behaviour but she's acting like I did something terrible. She admits it's because she's sensitive and has low self-esteem.

When I woke up she called me shouting over the phone. I couldn't be bothered to argue back so I just listened and then told her I was coming over later. A few hours afterwards I went to her house to see her and we discussed it & made up and had sex after arguing a little. I admitted that speaking over her and excluding her from the conversation was rude although also said something one of us said about something being "for pússies" is also offensive because she's a girl, which I told her I wasn't apologising for because it's ridiculous. This is just how men speak. Now she's texting me that she can't stop thinking about it. She says she's still upset and said it "might help" if I apologised again (in fact although I admitted wrongdoing I never said "sorry" because I think she's really overreacting). I told her we already discussed this and pointed out that it's unreasonable to expect me to apologise repeatedly.

How do I handle this? I don't want to be aggressive and upset her more, but I'm not going to bend over apologising either. I want her to get over it. This seems like it could be a massive shít test but I think she is genuinely hurt. But it's her responsibility to get past it since I've admitted fault. There's not much else I can do.
 

El Payaso

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 16, 2014
Messages
3,640
Reaction score
2,638
"She says she's still upset and said it "might help" if I apologized again"

She's trying to make you her b!tch. The question is do you want to? If not, then don't. She's already showing you the kind of woman she will be in your life. Don't ignore the signs.
 

Billtx49

Moderator
Joined
May 23, 2013
Messages
6,089
Reaction score
5,486
Location
DFW
She's trying to remake you into her personal doormat. Stop it now or she will have different demands later.
 
Last edited:

IBreatheSpears

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Mar 18, 2014
Messages
343
Reaction score
42
Location
UK
In her last text she pointed out that I told her to tell me when she has bad feelings because I don't want her to stew. Maybe that was a mistake and I've given her free licence to see me as a therapist?

So shall I just ignore her or should I explicitly tell her to stop? I don't want to go back on what I told her before, it would make me look weak and indecisive, plus I believe people should be open about their feelings and disagreements.
 

El Payaso

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 16, 2014
Messages
3,640
Reaction score
2,638
In her last text she pointed out that I told her to tell me when she has bad feelings because I don't want her to stew. Maybe that was a mistake and I've given her free licence to see me as a therapist?

So shall I just ignore her or should I explicitly tell her to stop? I don't want to go back on what I told her before, it would make me look weak and indecisive, plus I believe people should be open about their feelings and disagreements.
I don't think you should have apologized the first time but you already did it so there's nothing you can do about it.

If she asks you to apologize again or brings it up again, tell her you appreciate her coming to you with her feelings. That you love she was willing to be open with you about them and that's what you like about her but you're not going to keep apologizing for something you already apologized for. If one isn't enough then two most certainly won't be.

You have to be willing to stand your ground and keep your frame.
 

Billtx49

Moderator
Joined
May 23, 2013
Messages
6,089
Reaction score
5,486
Location
DFW
You apologized once. No more to be said on your part. If that's not good enough for her, rethink how she benefits you.

A soft next comes to mind that I read about on Black Dragon blog awhile back.
 
Last edited:

IBreatheSpears

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Mar 18, 2014
Messages
343
Reaction score
42
Location
UK
As I said in my OP I didn't really apologise, just admitted I was rude to her and told her I would be more considerate. It was kind of a "mistakes were made" apology. I didn't say I was sorry. Anyway I'll leave the conversation with her there, if she brings it up again I'll do as @El_Payaso advised. I don't think this is really a frame grab, she just ruminates, but I know if I show any weakness in my frame it could very easily turn into a frame grab.

As for how she benefits me, she's good company and blows me all the time, just off her own initiative which is how I know she's a good girl when her head is on straight and why I think she's genuinely hurt. The other girl I'm banging has a tighter snatch and bigger boobs but isn't as fun to hang out with.

Anyway thank you both.
 

wifehunter

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 6, 2015
Messages
5,201
Reaction score
3,328
Age
50
Location
Hoe County, California
just tell her to drop it.
 

dude99

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
2,562
Reaction score
3,118
Age
51
On saturday night I was with my gf and some of my friends and I was having a pretty intense conversation with our mutual friend about race, feminism, Trump and so on. We were agreeing on pretty much everything and kind of leaving my gf out of the conversation and apparently talking over her.

At one point she tried to speak over me and I said something like "I'm still speaking", which I guess can be seen as rude, but so is talking over me. Later the three of us were walking home and not really speaking to her because she kept trying to interrupt us and change the subject. She says she started the conversation and my friend and I hijacked it which may or may not be true - I can't remember. After my friend left, she tried to tell me how she felt which I interpreted as an attempt to start an argument over what I felt was reasonable behaviour. So I ignored her during the 20 minutes bus journey home and then got off the bus at my stop without saying anything to her. She stayed on the bus so we went to our respective houses. She started texting me about how she was upset and I basically told her to fúck off (in so many words).

She said what I "did to her" was humiliating, that I treated her like a child, and that I wouldn't have done it to a man (which is not true as my standard response when anyone speaks over me is along the lines of "Hold on, I'm not done"). I explained this and that my friend and I were drunk and this is standard male bonding behaviour but she's acting like I did something terrible. She admits it's because she's sensitive and has low self-esteem.

When I woke up she called me shouting over the phone. I couldn't be bothered to argue back so I just listened and then told her I was coming over later. A few hours afterwards I went to her house to see her and we discussed it & made up and had sex after arguing a little. I admitted that speaking over her and excluding her from the conversation was rude although also said something one of us said about something being "for pússies" is also offensive because she's a girl, which I told her I wasn't apologising for because it's ridiculous. This is just how men speak. Now she's texting me that she can't stop thinking about it. She says she's still upset and said it "might help" if I apologised again (in fact although I admitted wrongdoing I never said "sorry" because I think she's really overreacting). I told her we already discussed this and pointed out that it's unreasonable to expect me to apologise repeatedly.

How do I handle this? I don't want to be aggressive and upset her more, but I'm not going to bend over apologising either. I want her to get over it. This seems like it could be a massive shít test but I think she is genuinely hurt. But it's her responsibility to get past it since I've admitted fault. There's not much else I can do.
I would say something like this.

"As you know we are all human beings and we will do and say things that upset other people without the intentions of upsetting them. For instance, it really pissed me off when you interupted me. As noted i reacted in a way that pissed you off. Were your intentions to piss me off? Perhaps not. Were my intentions to piss you off? No. But in my anger i said something that did.
Now we can stay mad at eachother until the end of time and then i walk and never speak ro you again or we can chalk this up to a case of two people who are making a mountain out of a mole hill put it behind us like we did yesterday and never bring it up again and we move forward because when i put an issue to bed it is done. Choice is yours."

And put your foot down. She doesn't really want to argue with you. She wants to win.

Btw out of curiousity how old is she?
 

Glassguy

Moderator
Joined
Apr 25, 2016
Messages
4,663
Reaction score
8,553
Age
46
Start the conversation with "Calm down....." and "LISTEN WOMAN....."

That will pretty much end the conversation about all this unneeded drama lol
 

Bible_Belt

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
17,021
Reaction score
5,605
Age
48
Location
midwestern cow field 40
The other girl I'm banging has a tighter snatch and bigger boobs but isn't as fun to hang out with.

You have a weird idea of fun.
 
Top