EXAMPLES OF ****Y + FUNNY

[Giovanni Casanova]

Okay, guys, I've figured out the problem. I usually have no problems coming up with snappy responses to goofy things that girls say. So why am I having problems now? Because I need a foil... someone to play off of. In other words, I need a girl to say something goofy, and then I can usually come up with something to say to her. Here's a recent post in the discussion board for an example of this:

rejected by girl in class; how should I have responded?



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CASANOVA

"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you."
Eric Hoffer

"I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it."
Voltaire

"Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are who already possess it."
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

 

[indy]

You hit it right on the head GC, thinking about it, this is the way I work best too. I can take the piss out of my friends (in a good way) building up or tearing apart something someone else says. Its all situational like Bonhomme said.

Its good to have a little funny ****iness to break the ice (which is what I was looking for in this post) and set the mood, after that you rip on everything she says.

So I've got this thing going with an older woman. Anyway, I call her up and she drops my cell call. I figured if she was in the middle of something, she'd call me back, and if she was being a bytch, she could go to hell. So I don't call her back. Naturally, two days later she calls me and is all appolegetic.

She: Hi!
Me: Hey, whats up?
She: I'm really sorry I couldn't take your call then... my phone battery was almost out and when you called it ran out.
Me: (Whee, original, what sort of ass does she take me for?) Wow! You got one of those DEFCON phones that when it dies it takes out the phone system in a one mile radius along with it?
She: Hehehe, no no, really!
Me: You should ask someone who knows something about phones to help you buy a decent one because you are pretty clueless...
She: <giggle>...

I dont even remember it all... anyway, I ragged her a lot on it. She kept saying one thing after another, and I kept turning it around and poking her with it.

I feel it happens most naturally when you really dont give a shyt about what she thinks - when you're in the DJ mindset.

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"That which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger"

 

[ElwoodBluez]

Just one caution with all these. You need to make sure you've built up enough of a rapport with the girl that she knows you're not serious, that you're not a horny bastard and you're just playing around. Me, I have this facial expression that I apparently get (it's been described to me as the Rock's "People's Eyebrow" combined with a lopsided smirk) that when I get it, everyone who knows me -at ALL- knows that the next thing out of my mouth is gonna be a total piss-take. It's one of those looks where no one can take what I'm saying seriously, and it puts them at ease because they know I'm not serious. And by the way, use this type of thing in moderation. Don't go overboard, or you'll move from "cool guy" to "****y bastard" so fast it'll make your head spin.

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Win with class, lose with dignity. But don't lose often.

No, no, light speed's too slow. We have to go to... LUDICROUS SPEED!!!

 

[ESPN]

I dont care about rapport.
Just make it in a playful way and with a smile.

 

[Dr_Feelgood]

I was in line to get into a club once, when 2 hotties came up and asked if they could get in front of me. I lapsed into a nice guy, and said, "sure."

They got their IDs out. Then I said

"Hey! You don't look old enough to get in here. Let me see that!"

And, one girl, playing along, gave me her ID.

I said, "I think this is fake. Let me see yours." (to her friend)

Her friend wanted to play along, but was so nervous, she dropped her ID. on her picture on her ID, she was a blonde. But, she stood there with dark hair.

I said, "HEY! You're blonde, but not blonde. This is definitely fake!"

Everyone around us in line was cracking up. The girls were even having fun with it. Then, I started to act like one of the bouncers. Everyone was getting in on the act. Inside, the 2 girls were both after me. But, having a good DJ night, my interests lie elsewhere. This one thing, however, set the stage for my whole successful evening.

Some of this might have seemed a little too mean, or too much. But, you have to go with it, and not be afraid of offending, sometimes. What may seem a little offensive can come off as playful and funny, if you do it right.

This ****y/funny attitude is a big part of jerk behaviour that women go for. Though some deny it, it definitely stirs something inside of women. It's something I need to work on, but I know I'll get really good at it. I'm usually quick-witted. I think anyone can be.

Just practice it. Remember to have fun. I'll post more ****y/funny ideas in the future. I think we should keep this post going. This is a very important aspect in having the right attitude with women. It also does a lot to prevent you from being too nice, or needy.

When you're ****y/funny, and not afraid of offending her, or making her mad, TWO things happen.

1) You start right off with the right attitude. You don't need her. If she gets mad and leaves, so what. You'll find another who is more fun and playful.

2) She sees you as different. "What's with this guy?" She'll be thinking. Even if she gets a little mad, she'll realize you're just teasing. Either way, it'll arouse feelings in her. Feelings that you're different, not afraid of her, interesting, and don't need her or her approval.

This sets the stage for the relationship.
Whether it's an LTR, or a ONS. Trust me on this. This one technique and attitude, could have saved me a lot of problems and pain. Try it. You'll be glad you did.

 

[Pook]

Dr. Feelgood, that is EXACTLY how I act. I see myself in that post, hehe.

When you're in a line or doing something boring (like work), why not spice it up with that attitude? Works wonders!

A recent example:

A girl was in a happy mood (for whatever reason). I gave her a Pookish grin and said, "You're happy because I'm here!"

Big smile on her face and she shook her head.

Then I said, "You're happy because you're here at [company name]!"

She laughed but shook her head.

Then I stopped people passing by and said, "Ma'am. See her? She is HAPPY because she is at [company name]!"

And the lady would be, "Oh really!? Why, that's... blah blah"

And I'd get another person and say the same thing! I'd get their reaction.

Then I started getting people to guess why she was happy.

The reaction? She was laughing so hard she was almost on the ground.

I don't think it has anything to do with being ****y and funny but the ability to make any situation fun. For all girls want the FUN guys.

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Pook
As you think, you shall become.
The greatest risk you can take in life is not to risk at all.
What you do today echos a lifetime.

 

[Dr_Feelgood]

Thanks for the great idea, Pook! I like it!

Here's another one I tried tonight. It did involve talking about sex with girls I just met. I know that some would consider this a big mistake. But, I wasn't trying to get a relationship started. I was trying to be bold, get over my last bit of shyness and insecurity around girls. I don't want to be seen as shy, too nice, or non-sexual ever again.

I've been going out every night and working on bringing out more of the jerkiness in my personality that I've been avoiding in the past. I was afraid of the girls getting offended and not liking me. This fit my male logic. However, it doesn't fit female logic. As evidenced by my recent so-called girlfriend dumping me very unceremoniously. She was always attracted to jerks, and complained she wanted a nice guy. NICE GUY DR_FEELGOOD TO THE RESCUE. What a mistake. After 2 months, it was over. But, I digress.

I tried to become the "good guy" that Pook and others talk about, but I couldn't seem to find that middle ground between nice guy and jerk. SO, I decided the best way to find the middle ground, was to go to the other extreme. So, I'm working on becoming a total jerk, so I can find my way to becoming the "good guy", and never the "nice guy" again.

I was standing in the sex and relationships section of a bookstore, when two fairly pretty girls wandered over. They were both checking me out. One of them said to the other, that it was illegal in our state to have sex in a telephone booth.

"uh, oh" I said.
One of them said, "Yeah. Uh, oh." And we all laughed.

Then she said it was also illegal to have sex with porcupines. I said, "at least I don't have to worry about that one." They both laughed. The conversation continued. One of them said something about "this poor guy", referring to me.

I took the opportunity to say, "No, I'm a guy, I like sex, and I don't apologize for it." Getting the perfect Don Juan attitude out, while keeping the joke going.

Then, I proceeded to tease them about their sexual habits with porcupines in telephone booths. This was all spontaneous, and they were cracking up. One of them had a boyfriend, and the other was obviously very interested in me at this point. I didn't close the deal, not because I couldn't, but I simply didn't care to.

My main goal was to get this experience, and confidence, as well as bring out this jerky, but charming side of my personality. And, it works like magic. I urge you guys to work on this.

I hate to beat this post to death, but I've tried to figure out why my ex claimed to have no feelings for me. And, this is my only conclusion. I didn't have this attitude. I did everything else right by this board, but my AFC, nice-guy side kept showing. The only way to keep that from happening, for me; would have been to demonstrate this funny, jerky attitude all the time.

Learn from my mistakes. You really have to work on this stuff. I think it's one of the biggest boosts to developing your own unique DJ personality. It's a vital element that I was missing previously, and it cost me greatly.

 

[glowstix]

sounds too perverted

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" Women, can't live with them and can't live without them." - i would like to shake the guy's hand that thought that one up.. =P

Glów§†íx

 

[Don Juanobi]

In my limited experience being ****y+funny. some girls will fight back and try being ****y themselves.

her: as if any woman would want you anyway, your such a loser (said in a joking way)

I usually difuse that with

me: ooh nice! a solid comback for once! good job!

that gets another laugh out of them..

 

[terminator911]

This one is for when you see a girl coming your way... you make eye contact, she smiles at you, then you say:

"You smile, your mouth opens but yet nothing comes out, what, are you mute?"

Hopefully she won't be....

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Avoid divorce... Find a woman you truly hate and buy her a house

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

A couple recent ones I used:

*At work, after getting a call that a hot chick was having problems with a database application and needed me to come up and help her: "Hey, if you want to see me that bad, you can just come down to my office... you don't have to go around breaking computers."

*At a fireworks display the day before the Fourth of July... the song "Beauty and the Beast" came on from that Disney movie). I turned to the girl with me and said: "Here's a song about us. I hope you don't think I'm rude to call myself a Beauty though." (Made sure she knew I was joking so she wouldn't get offended there... that's skating a fine line).



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CASANOVA

"A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done."
Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969)

"The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want."
Ben Stein

"It is one of the beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to be kind to another, without helping himself."
Bailey

 

[BadBoy10605]

was watching Half Baked the other day. Remember when the main charactor tries to get Mary Jane's number? He says, "Here's my number, call me anytime. But don't call too late! You know that I be striping in the evenings!"


lol! that is soooo money!

 

[Big Pimpin']

Heres a ****y/funny thing that I said today.

Teacher told us our midterm marks I got 68 and these two girls got 65 and 61.

After we told each other our marks, they got jealous and *****ed...etc.

girl 1: aren't you gonna brag?
me: no
girl 1: why?
me: cause i can do better
girl 1 and 2: *laughing*


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Call me Big Daddy when you back that azz up
Ho, who is you playin wit? Back that azz up

 

[Elimidate]

Guys,

I find the best mentality for being ****y and funny is to take what a women says and bring it out of the context that she initially implied it to be in.

Here's one that I made happen 5 minutes ago:

My Co-worker and I are planning on hooking up later tonight at a club night we throw.

We're leaving the office and she says's :

"Do you want to come home with me tonight?" (She set herself up bigtime but really mean... it's really cold outside. Do you want a ride home??)

I'll I had to say is "Maybe, we'll see who I meet at the club tonight"

Cha Ching!

 

[Nicholas Hill]

<IMG SRC="http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/bbtitle6.jpg">

HEH

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The NEW DJ BIBLE

 

[Kanadasutra]

There is a variation of one that i have learned here or somewhere.. not sure... simple but so effective:

(When she initiate the touching)

"Stop touching me"

or

"Stop harassing me" --especially good with office flirt.

Be prepared to get huge astonished look and a good laught too!!

It seems to make the girl more aware of her touching too... but i'm not sure if it's positive or not. Have to try that again a few times....

 

[jakethasnake]

Here's a situation specific one...

It's not ****y at all, but it's self-depricating. This is a good tool to use to disarm anyone... your boss, a guy, your paperboy, whoever. A girl will probably laugh at this one for that reason - it shoes you don't take yourself too seriously, and that is sexy to many of them.

Anyway, about 3 weeks ago I got a number from a cute Dominican girl, but I wasn't able to call her the whole time because I was busy. I'm talkin 'no-time-to-even-wipe-my-ass-after-a-****' busy. I guess you could say I woud be prime 'next-material' in the "Don Juana Bible" for being flaky, but it was a circumstance I coulnd't control.

So thinking on my feet, I would say this:

"Hey, this is Jake, remember me? I'm the guy you met at ______."

(If she says yes)

"Listen, I'm sorry for being out of touch, I've been very, very busy. But I'm available now... (suddenly changing tone of voice, like a salesman) ...but only for a limited time, at a low, low price of $12.99 an hour!"

I would say this in a tongue in cheek way. If she doesn't laugh, she's probably still pissed that I didn't call -- in which case, SHE becomes next material for being a humorless beeotch.


- Jake

 

[Levex]

Here's one i used few days ago, when chick at the story asked for my ID(dont remember why)
HB:Can i see your ID please?
Me:Sure, but if you wanna know my name so bad just ask.
She laughed and later on when i met her on the street we started talking and i got the #.

 

[Mr. Mystery]

Alright, time to unleash the beast...

I thought twice about letting this one out of the bag, but for you guys...what the hell.

You: Are you retarded?
Her: a. What!?
b. No!
c. Yes

You: Because your special to me!

This can definetly offend, trust me! But it is a sure fire way to give their humor a check-up.

I don't use this line for anything more than fun, but it is about 75% for me.

Now that its out, its sure to be played out fast. I thank the one who I heard it from, and take no credit for coming up with it.

Mr. Mystery

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"Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around" - Vanilla Sky

The unexamined life is not worth living – Socrates

"Whats your favorite position? That's cool with me, it's not my favorite but I'll do it for you" - Tenacious D - Fvck her gentley

"I'd rather hear no, than never know" - Mr. Mystery himself!

Those that go searching for love, only manifest their own lovelessness. And the loveless never find love, only the loving find love. And they never have to seek for it - D.H. Lawrence

"Don't take life too seriously or you'll never get out alive" - Van Wilder

 

[The Young Geezer]

Originally posted by Mr. Mystery:


You: Are you retarded?
Her: a. What!?
b. No!
c. Yes

You: Because your special to me!

wow!, that's pure genius, deffinitely something I'm gonna use, if you feel like de-elitizing some more of those sort of witty-****y lines it'd be appreciated here .

*Just Say Maybe*