Don't mention sterilization as a form of b-control to a woman

[ThisNThat]

I have found that it seems women...even though much older, if they've never had children..may still be open to having the or have that desire.

My last g/f and I had discussed b-control methods, and she's strongly against hormonal b-control, in fact, in her previous relationships she's used nothing but a diaphragm and her ex, a condom. She's in her early 40s now and I asked about if she ever considered tubal ligation (tubes tied) and I also said I had considered getting a vasectomy as I'm in my mid-40s and don't want kids.

She started to cry when I brought this up. I was thinking "What did I say?!"

When I talked to another female friend about this, she's in her early 50s...she still desires children, mention she wants to adopt. She told me she dated a guy about her same age and a few dates in she found out he went under the knife...and it was even slightly off-putting to her.

Although she is well aware that her eggs have stopped dropping, again, it's some kind of trigger for SOME women to be turned off by this at a biological level?

Apparently, there's something very FINAL about this method of birth control...the worst in some women's eyes...which is basically sterilization.

I was wondering, is there some kind of latent biological thing that makes a woman turned off by the idea of a man who is not even slightly open to having kid (or more kids)?

 

[RangerMIke]

I date women in their 40s that still believe they can have healthy children. It is their connection to youth, and their value... and it is a very sensitive topic with women. It is wise to avoid such heavy subjects.

 

[ThisNThat]

I date women in their 40s that still believe they can have healthy children. It is their connection to youth, and their value... and it is a very sensitive topic with women. It is wise to avoid such heavy subjects.

Well, I wouldn't recommend it on a first date or anything, but such a topic should be brought up actually if things start to get serious. The reason I say this is because the last woman I dated...had to break up with her b/f because he didn't want kids (and he was 45). So...you can understand how this could have been a sensitive topic.

 

[sazc]

Idk why you will be having a sterilization conversation with anyone.....?

Regardless of their age, you screen the female and ask if they want to have children. If they say yes, you tell them you do not and ask if they want to keep dating. If they do not, then great, move on. If they di want to keep dating, you then have the conversation on how you both are going to handle birth control.

Their age and desire to have children, birth defect probability, etc, is really none of your business, outside of that one conversation.

If you really, ethically, disagree with their stance on all of it, you should move on to the next female.

 

[SadoMasochrist]

There's two issues here.

If the issue is that she wants kids, women like this seem to be operating under a "pretend the reality is different than what it is" type of thinking. By REALLY nailing the point home, you're forcing her to realize just how dire her circumstances are. I mean you're basically saying "hey, remember how you completely ****ed up your whole dating plan and now you're here, borron, possibly never going to birth a child, failing at one of your sole purposes of existence?"

You saying you want to get snipped can trigger that same thing, because a lot of these women live in covert contract land full time, 365 days a year. She might have thought she was going to "convince" you to have kids with her.

If she doesn't want kids with you, it's pretty well known that women do NOT like guys who get snipped. I mean, it's your literally virility. It's like a woman getting a pre-emptive mastectomy. Lots of women claim to have a pretty high hitrate in guessing if a guy is snipped when they sleep with him, it really changes the dynamic.

Really you can only protect yourself against whatever outcome is wanted or not wanted in terms of a pregnancy. Don't rely on them for birth control, or to be rational about this. Forums like this were created essentially for two reasons. Guys were sold loads of bull**** and were confused on how to be a DJ, and baby traps. These are the questions and nightmares most men come here for.

 

[ThisNThat]

Idk why you will be having a sterilization conversation with anyone.....?

Regardless of their age, you screen the female and ask if they want to have children. If they say yes, you tell them you do not and ask if they want to keep dating. If they do not, then great, move on. If they di want to keep dating, you then have the conversation on how you both are going to handle birth control.

Their age and desire to have children, birth defect probability, etc, is really none of your business, outside of that one conversation.

If you really, ethically, disagree with their stance on all of it, you should move on to the next female.

Well, she told me she really would prefer to foster a child, and I was okay with that, although...it just seemed to come off as a lofty goal on her end. You know, one of those bucket list things that never get met or you kept procrastinating and procrastinating about until you found yourself 6 feet under.

Personally, I told her I never thought of fostering a child, and I told her I 'd be up for it considering that it's technically not MY child I'd be birthing from my loins...and typically they'd mostly be past that diaper/crying in the middle of the night phase. But the conversation, still hit pretty hard regardless.

Really? Women can tell you've been snipped? Usually guys find this to be a perfect way to covertly have sex without having to say they got snipped as the subject doesn't come around until they are deep into the relationship.

I have known women that DO love it when a man gets snip if SHE doesn't want kids anymore. It's very liberating and there's no anxiety of getting knocked up.

 

[The Duke]

Who cares if a woman likes it or not.

The title of this post "Don't mention sterilization as a form of b-control to a woman" makes me think you live your life to impress and cater to women. Pu$$y is so damn important that you walk around on egg shells trying to appease. That's about as beta as it gets.

What the hell ever happened to being straight forward and not playing stupid games with people. I tell every girl I've had a vasectomy when the time is right. Every chic I've known loved the idea that I could explode inside of them and they didn't have a thing to worry about. They often told their girlfriends how hot it was.

If they like what you are offering, they can stay. If not, they can hit the road.

 

[ThisNThat]

Who cares if a woman likes it or not.

The title of this post "Don't mention sterilization as a form of b-control to a woman" makes me think you live your life to impress and cater to women. Pu$$y is so damn important that you walk around on egg shells trying to appease. That's about as beta as it gets.

What the hell ever happened to being straight forward and not playing stupid games with people. I tell every girl I've had a vasectomy when the time is right. Every chic I've known loved the idea that I could explode inside of them and they didn't have a thing to worry about. They often told their girlfriends how hot it was.

I've said it before ThisNThat...you remind me of a woman. If you aren't an actual woman, then you are about the most feminine male I know.

Jesus this forum needs some PoonKing to knock some sense into these candyass cupcakes.

Talk about a forum troll, all I asked was a simple question, and you're name calling. *Ignored*

 

[The Duke]

I toned it down for ya cupcake!

 

[BeExcellent]

I got a tubal in conjunction with the birth my 3rd child. Best. Decision. Ever.

Having kids is such a huge COMMITMENT. Done properly it is a 20+ year stretch where you cannot be the top priority. You give up freedom & spontaneity. It is expensive, it is tiring. But it is also extremely rewarding when done in a healthy way.

I have always thought women who intentionally run the baby trap are not very nice people. It's terribly selfish & inconsiderate to the man. Now an accident is one thing...but to set out to trap a guy with a kid? It really tends to set the father up for resentment & the kid up for hardship.

Guys who are snipped should understand of course that the youngest & most desirable young women are going to want motherhood more likely than not...and families.

So you are going to select yourself out of the pool with the youngest & best quality women.

But that's TRP right? Understanding reality.

 

[sazc]

Who cares if a woman likes it or not.

The title of this post "Don't mention sterilization as a form of b-control to a woman" makes me think you live your life to impress and cater to women. Pu$$y is so damn important that you walk around on egg shells trying to appease. That's about as beta as it gets.

What the hell ever happened to being straight forward and not playing stupid games with people. I tell every girl I've had a vasectomy when the time is right. Every chic I've known loved the idea that I could explode inside of them and they didn't have a thing to worry about. They often told their girlfriends how hot it was.

If they like what you are offering, they can stay. If not, they can hit the road.

I have kids and I love the idea that a snipped man takes the contraception burden and stress off of me.

If I wanted children I would hope he would say something up front about being snipped, as we are not a match.

 

[ThisNThat]

I got a tubal in conjunction with the birth my 3rd child. Best. Decision. Ever.

Having kids is such a huge COMMITMENT. Done properly it is a 20+ year stretch where you cannot be the top priority. You give up freedom & spontaneity. It is expensive, it is tiring. But it is also extremely rewarding when done in a healthy way.

I have always thought women who intentionally run the baby trap are not very nice people. It's terribly selfish & inconsiderate to the man. Now an accident is one thing...but to set out to trap a guy with a kid? It really tends to set the father up for resentment & the kid up for hardship.

Guys who are snipped should understand of course that the youngest & most desirable young women are going to want motherhood more likely than not...and families.

So you are going to select yourself out of the pool with the youngest & best quality women.

But that's TRP right? Understanding reality.

Well, it's a good thing I don't pursue young women. If they are 40+ and still want kids, it's a deal breaker for me.