Disagreement... the most under appreciated technique?

[MrSassyPants]

I suspect most successful DJ's use the awesome power that comes with disagreeing with a woman, particularly when first meeting her. I'm not sure that its ever been discussed on here before, but I think its important.

Think about what happens if you agree with a woman on some minor point while at an art gallery (a Picasso painting you guys are looking at, for example). You guys agree and now you need to find something else to "talk" about. (or try to find something else to agree about)

This results in an awkward exchange that feels like work... "yeah (brief silence) so what do you do... Oh. What? No I've never been there... (slightly longer silence) yeah, I've always wanted to go..."

My point is, it feels like work to you and to the girl like you are trying to "pick her up" and you get grouped with a thousand (dozens of thousands if she's over 24) guys that have done the same thing, the same way.

Contrast this to what happens if you disagree. Instantly, you don't seem like you are trying desperately to pick her up. You seem much more confident (most guys will just agree with everything she says). It also opens up the conversation much more, you won't have to struggle to find something to say... you guys have plenty to talk about.

The conversations are definately going to be much better. Instead of saying, No... but I've always wanted to go!" You can gently tease her, "I can make a painting with three breasts, but it doesn't make me a genius... its not like they're even together... one's going here... another over there" so on and so on and so on... Make it seem sincere, but honest and sweet and you'll impress her with how assertive, not necessarily aggresive, you are. Just disagree with out being disagreeable.

Ultimately, I suspect that this is the difference between typical "Nice Guys" that don't get anywhere and true "Don Juans".

"Nice guys" are afraid of women and live in fear of offending them.

Jerks are usually also afraid of women, and offending them is a defense mechanism against their getting rejected.

DJ's aren't afraid of women and don't fear offending them, but they just don't care enough to try to offend them, because there's always a cute girl somewhere that just desperately needs their valuable attention and the fact that one girl out of billions isn't currently interested simply isn't that important.

 

[Take No Dirt]

Nice guys are afraid of failure and offending the gal. Jerks don't give a damn what the gal thinks or feels. "Self" is the jerk's main pre-occupation. In a conversation, the jerk talks and the girl listens. If there's a momentary silence, so what!

DJs, on the other hand, understands the art of conversation. He knows how to talk to women. He's witty, comical, charming and flirtatious. He considers conversation a fun thing and the main course in getting a gal to do what he wants.

[This message has been edited by Take No Dirt (edited 11-01-2001).]

 

[Paradox]

'Tips'

 

[Sociopath31]

I don't know about that. At first meeting, this site has always stressed the "Me Too" effect. If she says something about herself, "Yeah, me too." And basically agreeing with what she says to seem like you guys are similar and a good match.

Now, it is very important later in the relationship to disagree. Don't go overboard, but if you really disagree, let her know about it. Just be careful, some exes have told me sometimes I drive my point home too hard.

------------------
"That girl looks so good... NEXT!"

~Gangstarr

 

[Jazzman]

Oh yeah! disagreeing ageeably.

Most effective for me when I'm doing alot of teasing:

Ok., I get why you'ld like this but that's what I'd expect from a woman who drives a Volvo.

Her: I don't drive a Volvo I drive a ....

Me: Thank god, those (whatever it is) are nice cars. Me too, me too, me too....

But explain to me how you can possibly disagree with me about.....

At the right time my approach goes,

(Playfully, theatrically) alright young lady I'm through arguing with you! Write down your number, and if you argue when I call, I'll just hang up!

 

[MrSassyPants]

Guys... I don't know. I think the "Me too" approach is a loser. You don't need this site for it, it seems like the natural response.

It has always been incredibly effective (for me) to disagree about almost anything she says (as long as its trivial). Its that whole romantic give and take you see in movies and romance books women love.

Maybe what really helps is after I've built up a huge amount of credibility regarding my confident, truthful, yet very friendly and fun nature it gives me the ability to really score.

I can't tell you how many times after playfully arguing with a woman, she reveals something about how upset she is about something... (world peace, her lonely sister, etc... I don't really listen) When I lean in (after being the fun, joking Rhett Butler) and say something sensitive about how much I agree, quietly and just to her... making her feel special, I count the game over.

Perhaps what I'm saying is... each time you disagree about something small, it really drives home that sensitive moment when she says something and you get to agree. Try to get there too soon, and she'll think you are only trying to pick her up. (yeah, she's right... but still...)