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Dealing with Unavoidable Orbiters

bmp2cpm

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Hi all,

I'm kind of looking of an outside viewpoint here.

First question...for those who have been married, when you were married how often did you text your sister-in-law?

And now...my tale of woe...

My sister-in-law's boyfriend texts my wife a few times a week. It's not the texting that bothers, but the intent.

The messages are often weird, kind of creepy personal questions. For instance, my wife's son visited us for a month when he was on break. He flew back alone.

That morning the SIL's boyfriend texted my wife, "were there not enough seats on the plane or did you not want to face your ex-husband?"

Her son has flown for years and flies free, since my wife is a flight attendant. My wife made the decision on how her son was getting back home, checked with her ex on it, and even checked with her sister. While this guy was out of the loop, it does not seem his place to even question the decision. It's none of his business what the circumstances were of the decision.

His text just set me off. If he texted and asked if her son made the flight, that would be one thing, but this seems a little creepy to me. I messaged him, strongly suggesting he include his girlfriend in all messages to my wife.He acted all surprised, like he was all innocent.

My wife is nice to the guy and she tolerates him because she's hoping he'll marry her sister.

Yesterday, I see a group text. Great! No problems.

Today he messages my wife asking how much quality away time we've had since we got married 6 months ago. While we are going on vacation soon, it still seems like a weird, personal question to ask.

I strongly reminded him of my request and his violation of it.

Am I being crazy or is there something off about this guy's actions?
 

ubercat

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I d frame it with your wife as creepy and weird. If she thinks the guy is a social retard she ll be less likely to enjoy the attention.

Otherwise u risk her seeing you as controlling.

And when you see this jerk socially b his new best friend that way your Mrs can't say u just don't like him and ignore your observations on his weird behaviour
 
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Fruitbat

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Obvious response is to include his GF, your girl and him in a new group chat and say "Some time I guess, how about you guys?"

Bottom line is, you should not say anything to anyone you wouldn't want a partner knowing.

It is totally inappropriate. You are right to challenge.

Women really struggle telling men to p1ss off so it's on us to do that kind of thing IMO.

My GF seems to like me being a little controlling and moans about her ex. She was younger and she said she could not get him to "mark his territory" kind of thing. She said she even made up that a guy offered her coffee and she went with him, and he didn't care and was cool with it. She said she hated that, because he didn't care about her, he didn't value her.

Obviously being a weirdo and relentlessly checking up on her isn't cool, but i don't buy this "be easy because it shows lower value". That's at the start. Once you are committed, you have to show you will defend your interests and care about her, want her and won't have other men doing this or flirting.

Women are basically childish when it comes to men and social interactions are their p0rn. They want you to put your foot down because it shows you have backbone and standards.

I get these kind of tests from time to time and it's definately better to pass them by showing dominance than showing carefree DNGAF attitude.

WOmen boast to their friends about how their partner won't tolerate x y z. DNGAF is passive, and works best with low self esteem bimbos who get off on having men who don't give a shyt about them and treat them rough.
 
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Spaz

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Would a lion allow another male lion 2 come sniffing around his harem and his territories?

If he does allow it, what normally follows?

There is no such thing as a platonic friendship between a male and a female.
 

wifehunter

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Orbiters ultimately turn women off. Women still like the attention, though.

Eventually, kitty kitty will get bored.
 

Murk

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You are doing the right thing, I was ready to fight my ex’s drug dealer when he called her baby on the phone. She kept it from me for a little while because she knew I would flip out, and I did.

Don’t tolerate any of that **** I would have phoned the guy and literally said “why are you texting my wife personal questions?”

The fact you warned him and he did it again is a massive disrespect and you need to speak to him about that and tell your wife you will be speaking to him about it too.

You have to be willing to die for the cause.
 

Spaz

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Orbiters ultimately turn women off. Women still like the attention, though.

Eventually, kitty kitty will get bored.
Orbiters r there as a back up plan.

Don't be fooled.

I repeat; there r no such thing as a male and female platonic relationship.
 

Glassguy

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Am I the only one thinking it's weird that not only the text he is sending to OPs wife are weird and out of place, but also that the wife wants this douche bag to marry her sister? He seems like a complete sociopathic retard.

Pull him off to the side and tell him knock this shyte off. Tell him you don't appreciate him taking the liberty upon himself to text your wife, let alone these creepy questions. Tell him if it happens again you'll be collecting some of his teeth.

You owe him nothing. If it bothers you, address it head on.
 

Spaz

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All man hits or text a woman.

Why does he continues to do it? Simply because he is encouraged by the woman.

Perhaps he should confront his wife instead?
 

Murk

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Yep wife could have shut this **** down, in fact she should have.
 

sosousage

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All man hits or text a woman.

Why does he continues to do it? Simply because he is encouraged by the woman.

Perhaps he should confront his wife instead?
good luck. woman (eventually after long ass discusions) will agree with him but that will be lie. i dont think you can influence women in other way than withdrawing your attention from her
 

sazc

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As far as any creepy message dude goes, you should be firm (non threatening) but clear, to your wife, sister and weirdo, that your personal marriage business, personal information about your wife, family and you, are off limits. You consider it an invasion of privacy and it needs to stop. You and your wife will handle your personal business between you two.

That's actually the best approach for any nosey body that might want to make small talk about these topics. Small talk turns into entertaining someone elses opinions - these can cause issues.

Your wife has to be on board with this idea for it to work. She should be happy to honor your wishes.
 
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wifehunter

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Orbiters r there as a back up plan.

Don't be fooled.

I repeat; there r no such thing as a male and female platonic relationship.
So, are you saying, she has a collection of schlongs?

Not surprised!:p

Any women, who needs a backup plan, is insecure. Avoid.
 

Spaz

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Nah, i've seen a very bad case of this before. It's incredible what a guy can get away with, when he's working inside of social convention.

Women don't want to upset the established scene, be it freinds or family. So they tolerate and dodge the advances of a guy like this. Even going to lengths to watch out for each other when around him, and not telling boyfriends the full story (whom they know will take it straight to a fight, and not care for consequences).

I'm not saying that the woman shouldn't give the ****head clear boundaries. She should imo, otherwise she's undermining her husband. I'm saying that the encouragement can be merely in passivity, which opens the door for this guy to cause trouble.

I would believe that his wife is tolerating the guy for her sister's sake. But i'd also expect her to have your back in setting and keeping better boundaries with the prat.
Yes. U r correct, some women does do it passively thinking nothing is wrong. But it does open a door.

And that door leads to many directions. That door ultimately is controlled by the wife.

However is it not her husband's duty to inform his wife that it is unacceptable to him ?
And his wife duty to know that this would and will compromise her marriage?

The husband should only confront the other man WHEN his wife complaints to him.

But she must be the one to close that particular door shut.
 
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