Been Antisocial Lately

[samspade]

What's up fellas. Lately I've become really antisocial. I think I'm driving my girlfriend batty and she is just about fed up.

Basically I don't feel like meeting up with people for drinks or dinner or whatever. I don't mind doing things with my girlfriend, but when I think about organizing some bigger thing, I just feel overwhelmed.

It's not a matter of being whipped. I wouldn't mind just being home alone as an alternative. And I think my gf WANTS me to take her out with friends and such.

She says maybe I'm depressed. I don't feel depressed though. I do feel like I have nothing to talk about lately. I've been trying to make changes in my life job-wise but it's been the same old routine. So I don't want to meet people to talk about that if that makes sense. And I don't want to talk about the things I might do, because they haven't happened and I feel like a phony.

I felt this way often in my last LTR which is weird. When I'm single I'm more social. Anyone have any insight?

 

[Huffman]

I may be completely off, but just sharing my recent thoughts on social anxiety. Maybe it helps you get some ideas!

What is typically labeled as "introvert" personality usually means that social events exhaust you. Thus they become a source of stress and you want to avoid them. Try to get to the bottom of it - could it be that you feel uncomfortable in a social situation? Wait before you say "no, not me, I'm a Master Don Juan! People love me!". But still! You can be successful and still insecure! Insecurity takes many forms, and for people who are usually confident it's especially vicious because you don't recognize it at first.

Often times, the source of such stress is perfectionism. Do you feel you have to "perform" when meeting someone? Feel like you absolutely nailed an interaction, and now you want to do it every time? Wear a tight shirt and flex your abs constantly? All this is a compulsion, and it means you cannot be naturally relaxed. Have you had success as a DJ? As a "real man" that you've recently become? Even more - have you achieved a reputation, and now you must uphold it every time?

 

[Huffman]

I felt this way often in my last LTR which is weird. When I'm single I'm more social.

This probably indicates that you are under stress in the LTR; meaning you have less energy for exhausting social events.

Look up any psychology journal about introverts. I don't like the term, but they have good tips on how to deal with it. In part it's about managing your stress levels, and in other parts it's about identifying and getting rid of hidden anxieties.

 

[guru1000]

Lately I've become really antisocial ...

I've been trying to make changes in my life job-wise but it's been the same old routine. So I don't want to meet people to talk about that if that makes sense. And I don't want to talk about the things I might do, because they haven't happened and I feel like a phony.

^^^ You're no phony if you are trying everyday. At least one act, each day toward your goal is all you need.

 

[samspade]

^^^ You're no phony if you are trying everyday. At least one act, each day toward your goal is all you need.

Agreed, but it's not very exciting to talk about with other people.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Huffman,
Your response is profound indeed....Your level of emotional maturity and understanding suggests you are a Female,or someone attuned to a Womans mindset...Is that right?

 

[guru1000]

I never really cared about engaging others with exciting conversations nor others' opinion of whether I am a phony or a bit extreme. As long as I'm having fun with the subject matter is what matters to me.

I not liked by many, but frankly I never really cared. If you feel like being anti-social, be anti-social. If you don't, don't. Either way, don't be shamed into feeling that you should be XYZ. Just be Samspade, and unapologetic in your choice.

Further, I would encourage you to think about these words in the quote here and where this outside pressure to do what you may not feel like doing originates:

I think I'm driving my girlfriend batty and she is just about fed up

 

[samspade]

I may be completely off, but just sharing my recent thoughts on social anxiety. Maybe it helps you get some ideas!

What is typically labeled as "introvert" personality usually means that social events exhaust you. Thus they become a source of stress and you want to avoid them. Try to get to the bottom of it - could it be that you feel uncomfortable in a social situation? Wait before you say "no, not me, I'm a Master Don Juan! People love me!". But still! You can be successful and still insecure! Insecurity takes many forms, and for people who are usually confident it's especially vicious because you don't recognize it at first.

Often times, the source of such stress is perfectionism. Do you feel you have to "perform" when meeting someone? Feel like you absolutely nailed an interaction, and now you want to do it every time? Wear a tight shirt and flex your abs constantly? All this is a compulsion, and it means you cannot be naturally relaxed. Have you had success as a DJ? As a "real man" that you've recently become? Even more - have you achieved a reputation, and now you must uphold it every time?

I guess that's all true, but I didn't used to be like this. I don't know why I am now.

 

[Reyaj]

When you're single you need to be more social... its normal to become complacent when you have a relationship. Not to mention you are pushing 40 dude...

 

[sodbuster]

it comes in waves for me. Some days I enjoy visiting, but most days after talking to patients all day, I don't want the stress of having to be "exciting" I get more social after a day or so alone, seems to recharge me OR you are stuck in a rut. It seems to be an effort go get out of it, but when you actually DO something different it makes the next couple days go better

 

[LiveFreeX]

The best way IMO to get over this is to try everyday to attend a Trump rally in your neighborhood. That or a Milo convention, you are probably just dissatisfied with the blue pill cvnts in your life which is completely understandable.

 

[Huffman]

Dear Huffman,
Your response is profound indeed....Your level of emotional maturity and understanding suggests you are a Female,or someone attuned to a Womans mindset...Is that right?

Not sure if that makes me happy or sad Anyway I'm a guy by all means.

 

[Alvafe]

age means nothing, more likely I see older people talking a lot more.

i'm, for all means, anti-social, I don't care about most people around me, don't care to hit then up with small talk or so, I will talk with my friends, and be more social when i'm after a girl or party, but I will never and don't matter how much people annoy me to do, get people on my home, organize any party or what so ever, what I do is simple ask one day to meet and do things, why? its tiresome and I really don't have the patience to organize anything.

what I can think of is you are just tired to think about others, and possible your GF doing nothing to help on this, she was the one suposed to organize anything with friends and go out, alos since you are trying to change things at work and tehre is not progress to it, you feel tired and want to rest to have more energy to make a extra effort on it.

could also be just stress and you need to do something you really like to unwind, more then likely you know there is a problem and don't know yet how to solve it, best thing to do in such things is, stop worrying(don't really helps I know), and do something else, something you like and relax you and don't think about the prolem eventually you will come with a solution, or at least will have a fresh mind to start to work on it again

 

[Colossus]

Sounds like a social disparity between you and her. I've ran into this before. Hate to say it but she won't change. Just dont force yourself if you dont feel like it...nobody wins.

I get it too, obligatory socializing sucks. Im good for once or twice a month.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Maybe you are just bored and tired. You are not getting any recharge time by yourself and your job is wearing you out (I may be projecting a little here ;P).

Congratulations, you are a normal human being who needs a holiday and some time off from worrying about other people. I work all day with children. All I want sometimes is for everyone in the whole godamm world to just leave me the hell alone. I can manage seeking people occasionally but if I had a live-in girlfriend I would go bughouse crazy!

 

[samspade]

Thanks guys. I think my girlfriend is tiring me out a little. She gets neurotic about this stuff, and it makes me just not want to do anything at all. I know that sounds really bad. But last night I sucked it up, went out with her and a couple of friends, and we had a great time. I think some of this just ties into me not liking relationships much.

 

[speed dawg]

I am an introvert too, and I have to watch it constantly. I try to be alone about 75% of the time, then in social situations 25%. That keeps me 'alive' and energetic during the social interactions. But yeah, I go up and down too, to the point that sometimes I think I'm a schizo.

Being an introverted man with an extroverted woman is tough. It can be the other way around fairly easily, and it's easy for introverts to be together (ditto for extroverts). But if you're an introverted man with an extroverted woman, you have to be extremely comfortable with yourself, and you also need to be comfortable with the woman going out and doing things - as long as they are acceptable things.

 

[Reyaj]

Yeah definitely,I have this issue too. I honestly feel like a lot of it is "duty" - You have to do a certain amount of this to keep them happy. Nothing irks me more though then when I get accused of being anti social. Gets me so mad... who wants to be forced to talk to someone? It's all BS, being alone is the best!

 

[Huffman]

Nothing irks me more though then when I get accused of being anti social. Gets me so mad... who wants to be forced to talk to someone? It's all BS, being alone is the best!

Man I hate this like the plague. When you're just taking a breath, feeling fine, and this broad comes over and tells says "why do you look so sad?". WTF man. Not sad, just relaxing. Really makes you feel like you're supposed to conform to some unknown ideal of bullsh1t.

 

[Reyaj]

Man I hate this like the plague. When you're just taking a breath, feeling fine, and this broad comes over and tells says "why do you look so sad?". WTF man. Not sad, just relaxing. Really makes you feel like you're supposed to conform to some unknown ideal of bullsh1t.

Right! I had this happen a few weeks ago, I was feeling good nice and relaxed but it totally killed my mood. Grrrr