Approach ideas and theory!

[jonwon]

Something i posted ages ago, that i liked, i think i have improved alot since back then but this one was one of the better posts.

Was good to read and i think it may help or be intresting to some new ones on here or people that may not have read it, i suprise myself sometimes.


Reason why guys don’t approach.

A: Fear of rejection, they fear the women will reject them, this is a very unusual fear in the sense that the guy has just made the choice for the women with out ever initiating contact. This usually means he attributes a certain quality about that women that is out of his league or his current grasp on reality. Basically he feels he is not worthy of the women and what she has to offer, if you actually think about it this is insulting to the women and insulting to all the other women you have had in your life will ever have in your life as well has making a decision on an unfounded assumption. It is like investing 100 in a company you have seen for 2sec and don’t know anything about, the money hit is not hard but your sure gonna feel it. The fear of approach is assuming you know what’s best for that women! You may actually be her type, then we move onto the next part of the approach anxiety.

B: Fear of Alpha or Zoned state (comfort zone) being rocked or destroyed. This stems from the guy having a certain belief about himself, usually positive, since the negative outlook is more attributed to fear of approach. This positive bubble if you will, keeps the guy in a happy comfortable state, but highly frustrated. He assumes he is the greater catch but does not apply himself. He is so into his comfort state the he fears the rejections since he thinks it will knock him back down, destroying his mentality. I do not need a women is usually his line whilst going home and flicking the wrist. This guy is very centred and show great promise, but the lack of application to break his comfort zone means the approaches wont happen and sex is never usually on his terms, unless he has a FT girl friend. Sex is a random encounter where some girl makes all the initiative. The problem when the girl makes all the moves keeps this ideal strong in the guy, making him assume there is nothing wrong since he is getting some now and again. Fear of breaking out of the comfort zone. Biggest problem here is the guy may never find his true mate and will be simply chosen, if he knows it or not.

C: society, mates, current social contacts. This problem stems from the issue where the guy is confident but wont make moves due to worrying what his mates or some other in the circle person will think. He is so concerned about keeping a certain image he wont approach a certain type of girl. This can go two ways: 1: His mates are very negative and can only game average girls, so the potential Alpah falls in Line and too games only average girls, when a true HB comes along he is so in the zone with average, the HB is felt to be out of his league even if she gives high buying signals. 2. The guy only dates HB due to keeping up an image, but he secretly wants to f*** most girls he sees, he is horny and the HB are not around that much, he is frustrated but it is better then se’ing the average to poor girls that are available. Worse part of this spectrum is when mates pull you down with negativity, examples: “we are too old for a younger bird”, “you will never pull her”, “man your cloths are too trendy”, Negative cr** that they have imprinted on themselves, they cant accept success so they project there limited belif around them since to them it is the truth, they would not know the real truth if it was on a plate naked with fu*k me eyes all over it.

D: Status and wealth, society trap. Guys don’t approach since they think they don’t have the goods, they assume every girls is after money wealth and status. They don’t have a flash car, live in a big house, have the best cloths, so they assume the girl wont be interested. This is akin to labelling the women a cheap who*e, you assume she is only interested in cash and status and will never be interested in you. You fail you assume and you wimp out, you act submissive since you base your world on society and its fine trappings. You ideal of the perfect world is flash cars, flash women and flash everything, you basically are living in the MTV lifestyle, but there is one big problem you don’t have the cash or the Flash. You assume you must get it to get a women. Treating women like w*ores is wrong until you know them then treat them like the sex crazed biatch she is in the bedroom. Letting outside sources of wealth and status effect you. Granted having more success in the real world MAY help you get girls but it is no way a guaranteed F*** trick, unless you like to pay. There are as many frustrated rich guys out there as there are not, in the % of poor to rich ratio.

Hope this is ok.

 

[Lust]

Hey mate,

Yeah that's great. It all makes sense, but the thing is, we all know it. These are pretty common, they are in every seduction book you read, and are even on some AFC sites.

I suggest that if members start posting theories, they should ones they figured out that may not be so obvious, that are harder to interperate, but works.

Theories that would benefit us all, and no one has mentioned about yet.

That's my goal, hence i have not posted any theories yet, i'm still relatively new.

Good work though, but don't waste too much time on theories we know, try and figure some new methods out by constant calibration in-field.

 

[jonwon]

Hey mate,

Yeah that's great. It all makes sense, but the thing is, we all know it. These are pretty common, they are in every seduction book you read, and are even on some AFC sites.

I suggest that if members start posting theories, they should ones they figured out that may not be so obvious, that are harder to interperate, but works.

Theories that would benefit us all, and no one has mentioned about yet.

That's my goal, hence i have not posted any theories yet, i'm still relatively new.

Good work though, but don't waste too much time on theories we know, try and figure some new methods out by constant calibration in-field.

Agreed but this was going back about a year ago for that post, thought it may be ok for some others.

As for other reasons, i will have a think

 

[Lust]

Agreed but this was going back about a year ago for that post, thought it may be ok for some others.

As for other reasons, i will have a think

Hehe yeah, i like it though. It would be great for new guys, who are starting to get into this. Guys that are still afraid of approaching and stuff.

I have been trying to get my mates into this, two of them have said they would take the long journey to Don Juan perfection. I'm ahead of them, and i'm hoping they will catch up, i need some good wingmen. They are really scared of approaching, i may just show them this.

 

[lookyoung]

Nice post- I don't mind approaching girls at clubs. At work don't mind for the most part. When I was going to school didn't mind much either.


REASONS WHY I DON'T DO COLD APPROACHES


1. For example if I am taking a walk and I see a hott girl, I will not approach. I think in my mind this is a bummy thing to do. Classy people don't do these things. When I was 16-21 I wouldn't mind but now that I am 30 I say forget it.

2. Sometimes I have my mind on other things. For example if I am waiting in line at starbucks and hot babe in front of me. I am thinking about going to work or etc............ and don't approach. I don't have the right mindframe.


3. I am just too lazy to put in the work. Sometimes when I get numbers, if the girl is a HB7 I will be too lazy to call. Its like I want to fvck her but that is it. She is not my type so I don't bother with it. And sometime this thinking will make me not want to coldapproach.


I should probably coldapproach on coffeeshops, bookstores, etc........ just to do it. I don't think the numbers of getting laid from these chicks will be high. But you figure if you cold approach enough you will get laid. I have gotten laid from cold approaches in my younger years.

I just think that when woman get older, they are not as open to cold approaches.

 

[jonwon]

Nice post- I don't mind approaching girls at clubs. At work don't mind for the most part. When I was going to school didn't mind much either.


REASONS WHY I DON'T DO COLD APPROACHES


1. For example if I am taking a walk and I see a hott girl, I will not approach. I think in my mind this is a bummy thing to do. Classy people don't do these things. When I was 16-21 I wouldn't mind but now that I am 30 I say forget it.

2. Sometimes I have my mind on other things. For example if I am waiting in line at starbucks and hot babe in front of me. I am thinking about going to work or etc............ and don't approach. I don't have the right mindframe.


3. I am just too lazy to put in the work. Sometimes when I get numbers, if the girl is a HB7 I will be too lazy to call. Its like I want to fvck her but that is it. She is not my type so I don't bother with it. And sometime this thinking will make me not want to coldapproach.


I should probably coldapproach on coffeeshops, bookstores, etc........ just to do it. I don't think the numbers of getting laid from these chicks will be high. But you figure if you cold approach enough you will get laid. I have gotten laid from cold approaches in my younger years.

I just think that when woman get older, they are not as open to cold approaches.

Nice limited beliefs there, its strange what we let our minds dicatate to us, its like we automaticly 'predict' what each and every person is thinking and 'predict' the outcome based on experiances. But what if these experiances where wrong?

What if the ideal of:
"I just think that when woman get older, they are not as open to cold approaches."

Was actually; women in there 30's prefer to be cold appraoched in book shops/bars and social events since they are tired of the club scene and also believe in the fairy tale movie ideal of just 'bumping' into Mr Right.

for every negative there seems to exist a positive in relation to dating and approach.

Limited belief's seem to be a big issue, men assuming what the outcome will be before they even have invested the time to see the REALITY of the situation instead of the Fantasy.

Now i am a big believer our mind is our greatest prison on this planet, some people find it hard to fully control there actions in relation to what walls have been built up in our minds (not just women but almost all aspect of life, some people fully believe they are loosers, some think they cant accomplish certain things in life, that are easily attainable, they FULLY believe it), walls that generally are not ours but some one elses ideals, projected and building up barriers about situations, making us assume and predict outcomes that are fundimentally not issues that require barriers or walls in the first place.

Approach is a facinating subject, the fear of approach, there are many theories about, some say it is a social condition been embedded into your head due to 'leader of the pack' mentality, i.e approaching the leaders girl would have got you killed, or maybe its a natural emotional response to seperate the Alpha from the beta and in that ensure the species is equiped with a more dynamic genitic pool?

who knows but fear of rejection is HUGE, it can never be over-come, we can limit it, but never truly over-come it.

I find it ironic and bizzare that men cant approach that female for fear of what the outcome will be and they say women are the emotional creatures, when INFACT it is men that are worried about the emotional outcome of rejection and how it will make them FEEL, seems to be a backward ideal at work here.

Also it seems to me most approach fears are centered around a mans ideals and perceptions, comfort zone and experiances, mixed altogether in one giant soup with emotions as the 'soup-Stock'. but why? what value does fear of rejection have for the healthy male? i cant see a positive application of fear of approach, granted it would come in useful chatting up some bikers girl with him stood there or him having sex with her as you trying to game her, but we are talking about just going up to a women and talking to her.

Why is it such a big deal?

There are many reasons, but it seems fundimentally it goes back to how it makes US feel regards to the outcome, so maybe the best attitude about approach is not to feel anything, to not assume anything, to put all the clairvoyance stuff out of your head and simply go for it.

it seems to me no matter what positive approach you do, you or the general you always seems to go back to the negative, never the positve appraoched, we seem to drift back to the limited belief, why?

Would it not be better to internalize and think back to each time we where 'successful' in an appraoch and keep that as a foundation of motivation, with a knowledge that this girl may still put you down.

but to not 'even try' due to an ideal of knowing what the outcome will be, WHEN WE do NOT know the TRUE reality seems rather bizzare when we try to analyze it.

how do we know the women wont like you/us if we dont even try>?

Ahh yes we seem to know what is best for her after seeing her for 2seconds, how dumb does that sound! How can we possibly know what this women wants after only looking at her, she may actually like YOU.

but we put walls up, barriers, we assume we need to do this or do that or that women wont like it!

Granted knowledge is power, but also knowledge can also cripple especcially when it is used or has a negative effect in the form of mental framing and thinking we know whats best and that is 'Me/you not talking to that women'.

An example is thinking we need to do this or we need to do that or women wont like it, one aspect of mine was i thought i need a certain thing in my life a materialistic thing a car! I dont drive, but i have loads of women, none really gave a monkey, i am now learning to drive as it makes life easier and there are more opportunites, but i almost failed due to me thinking 'this women wont like me since i dont drive' then stack it up with what ever else you think the women wants after seeing her for 2sec, i see that as setting outselves up for failure, how can you succeed when we/you have already assumed we cant match what we 'think' she wants.

 

[rakishness]

You know why most men don't approach.........drumroll........Because most are just pu$$ies. hahahahaha. Men who hate rejection usually end up looking ridiculous. They have taken things too seriously, exaggerating the hurt or insult that has been done to them. These men are so sensitive to slight that it becomes comical how much they take personally. They are so self absorbed that they never realize how much luck,timing and circumstance play into the success of the approach. So they believe that it must be their OWN shortcomings that is responsible for the rejection. "Everyone is caught up in a chain of events that long predates the present moment." R. Greene.
So stop WHINING AND SARGE!!!!!!!

 

[Lust]

You know why most men don't approach.........drumroll........Because most are just pu$$ies. hahahahaha. Men who hate rejection usually end up looking ridiculous. They have taken things too seriously, exaggerating the hurt or insult that has been done to them. These men are so sensitive to slight that it becomes comical how much they take personally. They are so self absorbed that they never realize how much luck,timing and circumstance play into the success of the approach. So they believe that it must be their OWN shortcomings that is responsible for the rejection. "Everyone is caught up in a chain of events that long predates the present moment." R. Greene.
So stop WHINING AND SARGE!!!!!!!

Robert Greene's awesome. I have the "Art of Seduction" at home. I haven't read it yet, i will do soon.

 

[rakishness]

His books are amazing. He really is a brilliant man. I heard he has a new book out (on war stategies). I haven't bought that one yet. But I did buy his first two books. Any man who is I say 20 and over will read his books and relate to a story or "LAW" he describes. So much of what he writes applies to everyday situations. When I read his books....I think of a past situation.....and I say to myself...."damn how could I've been so foolish?".

 

[Zwitterion]

It's posts like these that make it so hard to stay away from sosuave, Thank you Jonwon.

I've been struggling lately with confidence issues about not having a job and having basically very little money to go out and socialize. Therefore, my friends don't call as much as they use to and I don't call them since I have very little to do without cash and I've been feeling increasingly isolated in my search for work. I promised myself at the begining of the year I was going to do something EVERYDAY to get closer to my goal of dating 3 girls at the same time. But for the past 15 or so days I've done just about nothing because I feel I have nothing to say or offer anyone.

I think that most of what you said is true and alot of these fears can be intermeshed with each other making it difficult to tell what exact fear is holding you back. I guess in the end though it really doesn't matter to analyze what it is, you just have to do it regardless.

Can you offer any solutions to each of the 4 reasons men don't approach?

 

[jonwon]

It's posts like these that make it so hard to stay away from sosuave, Thank you Jonwon.

I've been struggling lately with confidence issues about not having a job and having basically very little money to go out and socialize. Therefore, my friends don't call as much as they use to and I don't call them since I have very little to do without cash and I've been feeling increasingly isolated in my search for work. I promised myself at the begining of the year I was going to do something EVERYDAY to get closer to my goal of dating 3 girls at the same time. But for the past 15 or so days I've done just about nothing because I feel I have nothing to say or offer anyone.

I think that most of what you said is true and alot of these fears can be intermeshed with each other making it difficult to tell what exact fear is holding you back. I guess in the end though it really doesn't matter to analyze what it is, you just have to do it regardless.

Can you offer any solutions to each of the 4 reasons men don't approach?

Yes its rather simple really, its called approach, there!

 

[Lust]

It's posts like these that make it so hard to stay away from sosuave, Thank you Jonwon.

I've been struggling lately with confidence issues about not having a job and having basically very little money to go out and socialize. Therefore, my friends don't call as much as they use to and I don't call them since I have very little to do without cash and I've been feeling increasingly isolated in my search for work. I promised myself at the begining of the year I was going to do something EVERYDAY to get closer to my goal of dating 3 girls at the same time. But for the past 15 or so days I've done just about nothing because I feel I have nothing to say or offer anyone.

I think that most of what you said is true and alot of these fears can be intermeshed with each other making it difficult to tell what exact fear is holding you back. I guess in the end though it really doesn't matter to analyze what it is, you just have to do it regardless.

Can you offer any solutions to each of the 4 reasons men don't approach?

Sounds like your life is a bit of a struggle at the moment mate.

After getting into the seduction community, i have been interested in anything that can improve me or my life for the better.

One thing that is key is to think positively, theres a site i know, its run by a friend, there was an article about doing good job interviews, but currently the site is down because he's fixing its uploading service, but feel free to PM me within a few days.

Also, i suggest Anthony Robin's Get The Edge. I'm sure you have seen some commercials about it, well, it actually does work, changes your life for the better.

Don't revolve your life around being a Don Juan, your life is your life, its the most important aspect you get right. Being awesome with chicks is just the icing on the cake.

Mystery mentions there are three major vital areas of your life.

They are,

Wealth, Health and Love. Deficiencies in any will effect the other two. We know it's true because you mentioned you are unemployed at the moment and low on cash, hence you haven't been on game lately. I suggest actively doing something to dramatically improve these three vital areas of your life.

Good luck mate.

-Lust.

 

[rakishness]

"I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do."
Leonardo da Vinci