TND's post about compatibility prompted me to post some more LTR advice for anyone who needs it. My first tips post... how exciting! my ideas be torn to shreds by many DJ's because I am a woman? Only time will tell... A Different Kind of Friendzone This is a post for all of your who are in a relationship that is moving toward a long-term relationship (LTR) or already in a LTR or marriage. We talk about the “friendzone” when you first meet someone – that non-sexual, brother/sister-like place where it is hard to move to dating or romance from. You don’t want to get into that because it is difficult to get out of. But, there is a different kind of friendzone that you want to be in once you move into a serious LTR, because it is the only way that LTR is going to remain happy and last. Some people have the idea that a relationship is going to be all flowers and dinners and romantic walks in the rain. Or passionate hot sex, steamy vacations and exciting dates. In reality, these things are not what a relationship is all about. Don’t get me wrong, you will have these things in a good relationship – and plenty of them. But, what makes up most of day to day of life, and hence most of a relationship, is the ordinary. Sleeping, waking up, getting dressed, paying the bills, taking out the trash, cooking dinner, sitting around the dinner table, talking, vacuuming, eating, etc. Now think about your friends – your best friends. The people that you know well and who are your allies, supporters, and sympathizers. You accept them for who they are, you would do almost anything for them and you derive pleasure from simply chilling with them. Because you love who they are, you enjoy talking to them and simply being with them. Since you find them interesting to just talk to and be with, you can spend an evening sitting around, drinking beer and playing cards and have a great time. This is what companionship is all about. To have this in a relationship, you have to be more than just "boyfriend and girlfriend" or lovers, you have to actually be friends. You have to be comfortable enough to lay around in sweatpants on a Sunday morning eating cereal in bed and enjoy doing it. Researchers who study couples and what makes or breaks them, say the best marriages harmonize. It is the constant reassurance, both verbal and in actions, that let their partner know that they are loved and accepted despite minor differences or minor problems. This is exactly how you treat a good friend if you want to be a good friend to them. When you are in a good LTR, a true friendship must be a central part of your relationship. Obviously, friendship cannot be the entire relationship, because then you would just be friends. But, it must be a primary component of how you and your partner relate to each other. In a good relationship, there should be thrills, romance, excitement, intellectual conversations, tingling sensations, crazy sex, wild passion and deep desire. These are things that should frequently flavor everyday life, but don’t define it. In the end, if you do not enjoy the simple mundane with your partner, the relationship is doomed to failure.