A woman's ability it "switch off"

[btownbuck2012]

Something I wanted to discuss here a bit.

I know that when a woman leaves a man, she's usually under the impression that whomever or whatever she is leaving him for will be better for her, whether that is in terms of security or providership or even some man who appears to be more "alpha", if that's the right word, than her husband.

But one thing that I cannot wrap my head around is how women completely shut off when they are done with a man. To me this goes far beyond some alpha ****s/beta bucks dynamic. It is more so inhuman. It is an inhuman quality to be as cold as a woman can be when she isn't getting anything beneficial from a relationship. Now, I'm not necessarily talking aout some 1 or 2 year LTR, certainly not some short term fling. I'm talking about numerous stories you'll hear and read about where some woman has left her family after years and years together. And this is usually done on her part with as little remorse or concern as possible. In fact, she often plays the role of the victim.

Men are not like this. I'm sure there are SOME men out there who behave this way, but for the vast majority I see men as much more empathetic and understanding than women. I've never been a supporter of feminism. In fact, based on what I've experienced in my personal relationships, what I've seen from my own social circles over time, my friend's friends and even at work; I have come to the conclusion that women are truly inferior to men. They truly are inhuman emotionally. I suppose that doesn't make them bad people, but you've gotta remember what you're dealing with from women on a biological level and act accordingly.

I think our social climate over the past 60+ so years has truly exposed them for what they are. I don't want this to come across as me being bitter or depressed about the situation but I think it's important for guys to understand what women are truly capable of. No matter how good or for how long she is with you, it can always end at the drop of a hat. Women are simply on another level when it comes to behaving this way.

Rollo Tommassi had a good post about this on his site. I remember reading this way back in the day. https://therationalmale.com/2012/04/24/the-pet/. The only part I'll somewhat disagree with is his stance on "don't wish it were easier, wish you were better". After a certain point, there's only so much that self improvement can do for you when dealing with women. You've got to vet the right one and embrace that strong, masculine frame with her BUT even that won't keep them all around for ever.

I'm kind of rambling here, but would love to hear what everyone else thinks.

 

[Poonani Maker]

That's why the laws have gotta be changed. You can't even get anywhere CLOSE to a ruinous female with the courts/cops/white knights etc etc backing her. I know a co-worker who lost custody and had to pay child support + alimony for almost all his career (just now getting off) Just BECAUSE his wife called the cops one day and claimed he slammed her up against the wall (when in fact according to him and I Believe him, she bruised herself maliciously slamming her own self up against the wall and hitting herself). He's 60 years Old right now with just a few years (maybe just 2) left for a full paycheck All to Himself for once.

 

[sazc]

Sometimes I wonder if the females ability to turn off her emotions isn't borne out of long held resentment towards that male.

I'm sure this isn't the only reason, but I'm willing to bet it's one of them.

It's just easier to go cold when you have unresolved resentment. Even easier to go cold when you have resentment that you tried to resolve, only to have your attempts fail.

Them, of course, there are females who are simply able to turn it off easily.

 

[BeExcellent]

Relationships are multifactorial. They just are. No two are ever alike because the two people in the relationship are not the same, and even when the two people in the relationship ARE the same, each is dynamic and changes over time.

I have seen studies recently online that say just the opposite of what many here on SS believe, that being that men are more loyal and women lose the ability to bond. There are studies out there that suggest that from the standpoint of evolutionary biology it is the MALE who loses the ability to bond the more promiscuous he becomes, while the woman retains the ability to bond.

How can that be? Well it makes perfect sense if you strip away societal concerns and look at it strictly from a biological perspective.

Men need to get their seed sowed as widely as possible, and the pleasure centers of the brain reinforce this behavior, so the more a man has conquests etc., the more classically conditioned he becomes to seek new sexual conquests as so many of the men here enjoy and discuss, RATHER than bond with one woman to rear his offspring. From a biological standpoint he is better off sowing his seed.

Women on the other hand need to bond and nurture in order to be successful mothers. Add to this the matter that historically speaking a woman might lose her man through battle or some other trauma, and that women are typically the gender victimized historically during times of war or famine or societal upheaval etc. For that woman to survive she then needs to retain the ability to bond and make the best of life under adverse consequences that in ages past might have included capture by the rival tribe, loss of her mate etc.

If a woman's mate was lost to battle and her children killed off by the new tribe let's say, a woman had to have the ability from an emotional standpoint to cut those emotional bonds to deal with the new life circumstances, and then adapt and form new bonds with a new mate, new children, etc. Even childbirth itself is still a risky proposition for women (as it can result in the death of the child and/or of the mother even today) from a health and wellbeing standpoint. So from the standpoint of evolutionary biology there is an advantage to being able to sever ties and move on. In times past a woman sometimes HAD to. It is a survival and defensive mechanism.

 

[Macaframalama]

In my experience they don't. They begin detaching months in advance. I have always had a really good intuition that something was going on, but didn't know exactly how to interpret the feeling. Is she cheating? Is she falling out of love? Mulling over her options? Does she want to leave? Most of the time it is a combination or even all of the above. Alot of women won't just tell you what is going on or exactly how they feel and alot of times they will, but men won't listen or won't take the situation as serious as she does or she may just only hint around about it.

 

[Desdinova]

But one thing that I cannot wrap my head around is how women completely shut off when they are done with a man.

Yes, women are interesting creatures in this regard. When they're done with a man, they can easily throw him away and seemingly move on without remorse. At least that's how it appears on the surface.

When a woman gets rid of a man she's spent a lot of time with, she risks throwing away her "soulmate". You know, that guy at the top of her high score list. Even guys who exactly at the top, but are somewhere near the top can have eventual repercussions, but the woman doesn't realize in that moment when she throws him away. She's living in the moment of her emotions, and at that moment she's feeling interest for a different guy. It happens, and women make the ultimate decision of what to do with him.

Time is not kind to women. It ruins their skin, makes their ass and t!ts droop, causes their biological clock to start ringing loudly, and it makes them crave the men they once had. Yes, you read that right. Their decisions to dump men they were extremely involved with will come back to haunt them. If he made a significant emotional imprint on her, she's going to miss him. Time gets its revenge on women, and it is not kind.

The only men she can truly easily walk away from are those she was only mildly or not at all emotionally invested in. All the others have repercussions. This is why the high score list exists. The repercussions define where the men sit on her list.

for the vast majority I see men as much more empathetic and understanding than women.

Men are the true romantics. They plan, plot, think, purchase, and follow through. They want to make sure their women are taken care of, and experience strong, positive emotions. Women are selfish and only want to experience their own emotional rollercoaster ride.

 

[sosousage]

That's why the laws have gotta be changed. You can't even get anywhere CLOSE to a ruinous female with the courts/cops/white knights etc etc backing her. I know a co-worker who lost custody and had to pay child support + alimony for almost all his career (just now getting off) Just BECAUSE his wife called the cops one day and claimed he slammed her up against the wall (when in fact according to him and I Believe him, she bruised herself maliciously slamming her own self up against the wall and hitting herself). He's 60 years Old right now with just a few years (maybe just 2) left for a full paycheck All to Himself for once.

lmao what a dumb *****. this is sad. and why she did that?

 

[resilient]

Google Briffault's Law

Here's a decent description: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...ng-the-rubes/201610/briffaults-law-women-rule

In brief:

Briffault’s law maintains that “the female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.” Today we would say “relationship” rather than “association.”
​

Continues:

Briffault embellishes this truism by asserting that intimate relationships between men and women result from a calculated cost/benefit analysis by women. Will she or won’t she acquire a net gain from any relationship with the man?
​

Ergo, cost/benefit is her on/off switch.

 

[ubercat]

Yep you have to be a good deal for her at all times. That's how women are doesn't really matter why they are that way. That's why your DJ skills are so important. Not only do you date better but you can maintain a relationship better and if it goes tits up bounce back quicker.

I also have experienced the start detaching months in advance thing. The thing that amazes me is how they are quite happy to keep f****** you. So from a woman's point of view she has to have that great emotional connection to open her legs but then the legs stay open if they just maintaining some benefit for her even when she couldn't care less about the guy anymore. Anyway I was smart enough by that stage and I kicked her ass out the door.

The thing is guys that woman depreciate over time faster than we do and as long as you have protected yourself financially which you should do you should never worry about losing a woman they are like buses another one will be along in 10 minutes time. Obviously a different matter if kids are involved.

 

[ubercat]

I'd like to say it was different but in the words of the great man you don't lie not to the very young

 

[resilient]

Yep you have to be a good deal for her at all times. That's how women are doesn't really matter why they are that way. That's why your DJ skills are so important. Not only do you date better but you can maintain a relationship better and if it goes tits up bounce back quicker.

I think that's why we DJs need to have our mindset firmly locked on what we want from life at all times and chase that directive.

Women are fickle. There are loyal only as much value as you provide them.

As soon as your stock value starts plummeting or takes a major dip in her eyes or the eyes of others. It's panic freak-out time on the Titanic. She makes a covert b-line for the lifeboat while maintaining an appearance of a relationship with her man. Seasoned DJs will recognize this hot/cold behavior and will plan accordingly.

She goes on a Blitzkrieg to hit up her orbiters, dolls up and evaluates which parachute she likes best.

So, I say stay focusing on maintaining, preserving, and improving SMV for yourself, rather than in vain hopes of holding onto her in an LTR or attracting other plates.

I think if a DJ can get to that point and keeps the engine running like a fine-tuned machine, he stops sweating her on/off switch. I'm not there yet. However, I'm working hard on instilling this mindset.

 

[sosousage]

Always be confident in your ability to get another woman....know you will be ok WITHOUT a woman. The less **** you take, the more value she sees. Always protect your heart and your wallet. She should largely pay her own way - again THIS increases your value....because you are not paying her to spend time with you. If you meet one that this isn't acceptable to? Ditch her and find one that it is.

Yeah but thats just date tip.. you shpuld be confident and have big self esteem+healthy mind condition 24/7. Only then you have an aura that drags women. They feel it subconsciously.

 

[ubercat]

I have to say it gets easier as you get older. By my age you're comfortable in your own skin and you've had so much puss and the associated dramas that alone time is really Bliss. I lasted 4 months last time and really it was just that my reflexes got me. That is one of the curses of the DJ lifestyle after a while it's hard to turn it off. I reckon I could have gone another 4 easy

 

[Three]

Lots of good stuff here. It does get easier as you get older, but I've found that I have to keep challenging myself to do things that are really, fucking hard. I mean things like pressing in a ball joint on an old truck until your muscles feel like they're gonna pop. You will grow with this type of experience and continue to grow as you force yourself through them.

These kind of challenges that you overcome are every bit as important and, in the long run, probably far more important that building skills like approaching women. Overcoming difficult tasks, physical and mental, and, yes, sometimes spiritual (not talking about religion here) are necessary to becoming a man and progressing as a mature man. I get that more than ever now.

The women in your life will see this and respond to it. And you will develop a sense of knowing yourself, a sense of real, masculine presence, that is unmistakable and magnetic.

Back to the topic at hand: My first wife definitely did plan ahead for some time, but her emotions turned off like a light switch toward the end. My second was a BPD waif type who was as volatile as they come and could turn it on and off at will...

 

[Neo50]

In my experience women disengage emotionally long before you realize they have switched off. It may seem cold and calculated but they have survival instincts that secure an emotional safety net/new guy well before they cut you off. I think this is fairly common in longer term relationships where there is opportunity for the passion and desire to fade if you are not RP aware. I think it is more surprising and colder when she flakes in a new relationship when you are both high on the dopamine of being each other's new sex partner. I've had both scenarios happen to me and the latter is much worse, and it was a good RP reminder to not get emotionally invested too quickly.

 

[btownbuck2012]

In my experience women disengage emotionally long before you realize they have switched off. It may seem cold and calculated but they have survival instincts that secure an emotional safety net/new guy well before they cut you off.

Yes, it USED to be needed for survival but they don't need it anymore. Not unless of course they need a safety net to fall back onto when their actions are particularly heinous and cruel. They're "equals" to men....when it's convenient.

Women are very similar to children AND I don't hate them for it. I just know what I'm dealing with now and I've adjusted to it.

 

[BeExcellent]

Go ahead and link to those studies

I will. There is one out of Psychology Today that cites academic papers in evolutionary biology.

I'm just now learning how to post in links. I figured it out on another thread so I'll see what I can do to provide the reference.

 

[BeExcellent]

Hey @LARaiders85

Here's one of the links that cites various studies. Its an interesting read.

http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2012/...-ever-really-settle-down-even-if-he-wants-to/

Here's a related discussion on Roosh:

https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-48758.html

Here's a reference to a TED talk about the origins of human sexuality. You'll have to search further to find the transcript:

https://arstechnica.com/science/2013/02/human-sexuality-is-naturally-promiscuous-primarily-amorous/

And here's the Psychology Today article that has further citations noted at the bottom for your reading pleasure:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/busting-myths-about-human-nature/201205/marriage-and-pair-bonds

 

[ubercat]

Hmmm none of that makes much of a case for marriage. Yes we have a long history of pair bonding many animals do. But the latest animal research shows that many pair bonded animals court outside those pair bonds. I really don't think the problem is men. I'd be happy to marry one of these semi mythical high value women given they have to be the top 5 percent why wouldn't I. The problem is that I can't do so without creating a huge financial liability for myself. So if a high value woman requires marriage then she has zero value to me. Now this is my personal circumstance because I m pass the age where I want to have kids. I agree marriage is best for raising kids. The guy is just going to have to cover up financially and run his LTR game like a champ

 

[BeExcellent]

Hmmm none of that makes much of a case for marriage. Yes we have a long history of pair bonding many animals do. But the latest animal research shows that many pair bonded animals court outside those pair bonds. I really don't think the problem is men. I'd be happy to marry one of these semi mythical high value women given they have to be the top 5 percent why wouldn't I. The problem is that I can't do so without creating a huge financial liability for myself. So if a high value woman requires marriage then she has zero value to me. Now this is my personal circumstance because I m pass the age where I want to have kids. I agree marriage is best for raising kids. The guy is just going to have to cover up financially and run his LTR game like a champ

I happen to agree with you completely. As a woman past the child bearing phase of life with assets to protect I'm not getting married again either. Financial risk is the reason why. I just thought some of the stuff about men being similarly affected by promiscuous behavior as women (and to a greater statistical degree as stated in one of the articles noted) was interesting. I do think the social construct of marriage has value for child rearing and I do know plenty of happy marrieds who are well past the child rearing years. What's funny is my best girlfriend and I (my old college roommate) have already decided that once we outlive our significant others (her husband and whoever I end up with in my old age) we are going to be roommates in the nursing home. Her husband thinks this is a riot. I told him if I get REALLY rich we will just bring the care in and have a cook and a nurse and a housekeeper and call it good and live somewhere by the sea. And then the kids & grand-kids can come to the beach to visit us in our old age.