Master Don Juan
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Chicago, IL
Phone Tips (What to do if she doesn't answer)
*WARNING: This is a long post, but I think it helps deal with a pretty real issue that every guy faces, so give it a read and don't let the lenght discourage you.*
A major reality for every guy is calling up a girl and having her not answer.
The reason she doesn't answer the phone could be one of many.
1. Her phone is off because she is busy
2. She is on the phone with someone else
3. She doesn't hear it ring
4. She doesn't like you
5. She is in a bad mood and doesn't want to talk to anyone
There could be many more reasons but these are just some. As you can see its not always about you, there are genuine reasons why a girl might not answer her phone.
So naturally you will be faced with the what to do next drama. Do I leave her a voicemail? Should I call back? If so, how long do I wait? Should I wait for her to call me back instead? If so, should I still leave a voicemail in case she doesn't go through her missed calls? What do I say?!
My advice is this: if you really have to get in touch with her that day because you want to make plans for later in the day or for whatever urgent reason, don't leave a voicemail the first time. Let it ring, once you get the voicemail, hang up. Try again an hour or two later.
If you are just calling to touch base and make plans for whenever (as long as its not the same day), the first time you get the voicemail, leave her a message and don't call back. Its her move at that point, if she is interested she will call back.
So what to say on the voicemail?
There are a few ways you can go on this. It all depends on the vibe of your relationship. If you met and were the funny guy always kidding around, leave her a funny voice mail.
One of my favorite things to do is leave her my voicemail greeting as the message. For example I say "Hey, this is Joe Dirt, I am not here to answer your call right now but if you leave your name and number I'll call you back, thanks bye!"
Only do funny things on voicemails if you are actually funny, don't leave her something lame unless thats the joke (such as leaving her a message "Hi [HBName], why did the chicken cross the road? Cause he wanted to get some McDonalds!!! HAHAHAHA *click*"). To get away with something like this you have to do in a way that comes accross funny not lame though.
If you don't go the humorous route, there are also other ways of handling the situation (probably better ways too).
Baiting Her to Call You Back
Another thing to do is to leave her what I like to call the Tele-Bait.
What you do is leave her a message like "Hi, this is Joe Dirt, you know, I was just thinking about what you said yesterday and it really occured to me that you.. *CLICK*"
Or "Hi, Whats up, this is Joe Dirt, heh, you know, this is kind of funny but you keep reminding me of...*CLICK*"
The pattern here is to leave a voicemail that sounds like you were about to say something funny or interesting and got cut off. To make it sound natural, keep your finger on the end call button on your phone and just say the sentence as if it had an ending but click the end call button as you get to the last word.
Its hard to explain, but with some practice you will be able to make it sound as if you were really about to say something past the hang up, basically you have to really make it sound like you got cut off mid sentence.
This technique is very powerful, especially if her interest level is high, but even if its not because most people are naturally curious as to what was going to be said especially if its about them. I have gotten call backs WITHIN THE HOUR in some cases from girls who would ask me what I was going to say because I got cut off on the voicemail. Other times girls would call back that day or the next day and then during the conversation bring up "hey by the way your voicemail got cut off, what were you going to say?"
Its tricky, yes, but it stirs their curiosity and it makes them think about what you might have said and therefore gets them thinking about you. And of course since the goal is to just get them on the phone again, especially if its early and you two just met, so that you can run more game and get the Day 2 (since she might've not called you back otherwise) it works out well.
The Phone Bridge
Finally the last technique is what I call the Phone Bridge, because it borrows the underlying concept from a time bridge.
As you all know, in the Mystery Method there is something called a time bridge, which in a nutshell states that you don't go for a phone number, but rather setup another meet. If you say "I'll call you sometime" and get the number, chances are she won't call you back and it will go no where. But if you instead build a time bridge, then get the number, you raise your chances of seeing her significantly.
You do this by saying something like "Hey, I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow, you should come with" first, then get the number, so you have a purpose for having it plus you already have the meet set up.
Anyways, the phone bridge is basically putting a deadline on her calling you back so that she feels compelled to call you back on your terms.
Let me give you an example:
"Hey, this is Joe Dirt, look uh, I wanted to talk to you about [insert some topic you wanted to discuss, be it setting up a Day 2 or something that will bait her, etc.], so give me a call back by tomorrow at 5, talk to you later, bye"
Notice how there is a specific deadline now.
A variation of this is to omit the topic you want to discuss completley and just go with "Hi, this is Joe Dirt, I need to talk to you so give me a call back by tomorrow at 5, thanks bye"
There is a psychological principle that says that people are more likely to respond to a request or command if there is a reason stated, even if that reason is redundant.
In an experiment where someone wanted to cut in line to the copy machine to make some copies, the researchers found that the person who said "excuse me, can I cut in because I need to make some copies" was granted their request much more often than the person who just asked if they could cut in.
This is why even if you don't state the reason for your call you should at least say "I need to talk to you so call me" or "call me because I need/want to talk to you". Its redundant, since obviously a phone is for talking, but it works.
Another principle at work here is that people tend to respond to deadlines. It sets a clear expectation of what is to happen, also if you didn't mention a topic or the topic is time sensitive it gives her the additional push to call you because if she doesn't by that time it might be too late.
Without a deadline to call you back, it blurrs on you, much like a number without a time bridge, because if you just say "call me back when you get the chance" or "call me back sometime" or something of that nature, she thinks "oh okay, he wants to me to call him sometime, but hm, I am busy today and tomorrow I have this to do and the next day I have the other thing, etc."
Essentially, the deadline makes her fit you into her schedule blasting through her excuse-for-not-calling-back process.
Finally notice how I did not ask her to call me back, I gave the command "i need to talk to you, SO CALL ME BACK BY..." I did not say "If you could call me back by" or "I was just wondering if you could call me back" or anything that asks her permission and/or gives her the upper hand. I clearly say "do this" and that's the end of it. There is something very powerful about giving commands like this rather than asking, it keeps your power and subconciously people are more likely to interpret it as a command and follow it, whereas if its presented as a question you are giving them the choice, and when you give them choice they could say no.
Well these are my phone tips for what to do when you get the dreaded voicemail. I have used these techniques, and do use them now, and it helps me cut down on the voicemail tag people often play and greatly reduces the number of girls not calling me back.