Humor for the ladies

How To Make Jokes

Intro
I wrote this guide for you guys so when your around women you can have a easier time making jokes.
Now their are rules to being funny and I had to read alot of crap to give you this guide so you don't have to read 500 pages of how to be funny and sh!t. Follow the rules and you will be funny, break the rules and you will look like some dumbfu*k trying to be cool.
After reading and understanding "FUNNY and Making JOKES"
DO YOUR HOMEWORK !!!!!! Your homework is to read, listen or watch jokes. Watch Chris rock because he funny as hell. DO your homework !!!!!!!! read some jokes to get a idea of being funny. You can use these jokes to ketp a girl from being bored too long because you know how spoiled women are. And remember and allways remember not everyone thinks your funny and will understand the joke. If they don¡¯t get the joke then move on, bursh the joke off as if it was little dust on the table.


A. Why We Laugh
B. How to Be Funny
C. Creating Comedy Characters


I broke it down into 3 parts so we understand funny. Remember to do your Homework !!!!!!!

A. Why We Laugh

Humor is an emotional response, extremely subjective, to the vicissitudes
of life. Psychologist Patricia Keith-Spiegel has identified the following
eight major theories on "Why we laugh."
I . Surprise
2. Superiority
3. Biological
4. Incongruity
5. Ambivalence
6. Release
7. Configurational
8. Psychoanalytical

I maintain that the first two, superiority and surprise, are paramount considerations
when your specific purpose is to write commercially acceptable
humor.
Surprise '
We laugh most often to cover our feelings of embarrassment. We really
do! This can be a result of either (1) having unintentionally done or said
something foolish, or (2) having been tricked. Surprise is one of the most
universally accepted formulas for humor technique. A joke is a story, and a
surprise ending is almost always its finale. You'll notice that appreciation
of any piece of humor decreases rapidly through repeated exposure, or
when the ending is predictable.
Clever word play engenders grudging appreciation from your peers,
but surprise word play gives birth to laughter. We smile at wit. We laugh at
jokes. The techniques that most often trigger surprise are misdirection,
when you trap the audience, and incongruity, which is most effective when
the audience is fully aware of all the facts.

Superiority
There appears to be a strong and constant need for us to feel superior.
"We're number one! " and its accompanying rebel yell vocalizes that dubious
achievement.
"Humor is a reaction to tragedy. The joke is at someone else's expense,"
wrote Alan Dundes. We even laugh when the baby falls down and
goes boom. We defend this sadistic release by saying, "It's cute." It's not
cute, especially for the baby. What we're often doing with humor is comparing
ourselves with others we consider inferior by ridiculing their intelligence, their social standing, and their physical infirmities.
To those we consider superior, because they are in positions of authority
or are more famous, richer, more intelligent, physically stronger,
or socially admired, we delight in publicizing their every shortcoming, perceived
or real. The greater the prestige of thevictim, the greater our desire
to equalize. The largest category of contemporary humor and witticisms is
insult humor.
"The President said in Moscow that he does not wish to get
involved in the domestic problems of any country . . . and that
includes the United States."
"Oh, Shirley, what a beautiful coat."
"Yes, Bernie gave it to me for my thirty-ninth birthday."
"Really. Well, it certainly doesn't show it."
Humor is social criticism. The object is to deflate. American humor has been
an emotional catharsis for every ethnic minority: Irish, German, Polish, Jew,
black, and Hispanic. There are few joke books on WASPs.
Humor reassures the insecure. Even if we believe ourselves to be the
"haves" (power, money, knowledge, prestige) there is tremendous insecurity
about how we got it and how long we're going to keep it. Americans have a tremendous sense of inferiority.
There are two ways to feel superior. The first is to accomplish exemplary
work that achieves public acclaim, The second is to publicly criticize
the accomplishments of others. This deflates their prestige and focuses
attention on ourselves. Regardless of how much the second method might
be deplored on ethical grounds, the amount of time and effort exerted to
belittle the work of competitors is usually far greater than the amount of
time and energy expended to improve our own abilities.
"Humor is the weapon of the underdog," wrote Harvey Mindess.
"We must look for avenues through which we can disgorge our feelings of
inferiority by discovering the blemishes of our superiors." Our spark of
laughter is always ignited by the misfortunes of those we fear. We feel superior
because their image has been tarnished and because we aren't in
the same predicament.
As individuals (regardless of our status), our humor is generally directed
upward against more authoritative figures. In a group setting, our
humor is directed downward toward groups that don't conform to our social,
religious, national, or sexual mores.
Freud's explanation is that "A good bit of humor is oriented to main

taining the status quo by ridiculing deviant social behavior and reassuring
the majority that their way of life is proper. . . . It is used as a weapon of the
'ins' against the 'outs.' "
The comic is no El Cid on horseback. If anything, comics are guerrilla
fighters-hitting and running, bobbing and weaving, frightened that,
with this kind of an act, they've got to keep moving.
The professional humorist, therefore, must always be aware that the
audience is happiest when subject matter, technique, and result encourage
its members to feel superior. The target of a roast smiles only because he
knows everyone is watching for his approval. Otherwise, despite being the
"guest of honor," he would rather have stayed home with his wife-where
he'd also be insulted, but could have saved a clean, white shirt.
For the record, let's look at all of the other theories one by one. There
are important and frequent overlaps, but we'll be looking at how they support
the superiority theory.

Biological
This theory emphasizes that laughter is a born and bred instinct. It appears
to be a function of the nervous system to stimulate, relax and restore a
feeling of well-being.
Primates, with little verbal communicative ability, show friendship
with a closemouthed smile. They show anger and hostility with an open
mouth, exposing all their teeth, despite the fact they could all use orthodontia.
Laughter is a substitute for assault. If our biological instincts are
compulsive, we laugh and joke when we need to "reach out and crush
someone.'' It's an attempt to vent our hostility when physical aggression is not practical-and that's superiority.
For example, triumph is often coupled with an openmouthed smile,
followed immediately by a roar of laughter and a foot-pounding tribal
dance. Watch a pro football player after he scores a touchdown.
~herefbrei,f laughter is really biologically instinctive, the old adage
of never trusting someone who laughs too loudly should be amended to include
those who laugh with their mouths open. They may be more influenced
by your humor than you'd like.

Incongruity
Why should we put ourselves out for posterity? After all, what
has posterity done for us? -Sir Boyle Roche

There seems to be more than a semantic root shared by the words ridiculous
and ridicule. According to Henri Bergson, a person laughs at incongruity
when there is an unconventional pairing of actions or thoughts.
Conrad Hilton, the hotel magnate, was asked to broadcast his
New Year's wish. "I wish everyone would make a New Year's
resolution to please put the shower curtain inside the tub."
Whenever someone behaves in a rigid manner which is suddenly ill-suited
to the logic of the occasion, these incongruous antics result in a ridiculous
scenario.
The comic effect arises from incongruity of speech, action or character
revelation.
Some of the best illustrations are the actions of innocent victims to
incongruous situations on "Candid Camera." This program, by design, encourages
us to laugh at people trying to maintain dignity in bizarre circumstances.
The audience laughs hardest when it knows all the conflicting
facts, thereby feeling superior to the perplexed victim.
Allen Funt claims that the "talking mailbox" was the show's top
laugh-getter. A man is mailing a letter when suddenly the mailbox starts
to talk to him. That part's a practical joke. The apex of laughter comes
when the man calls over his friend and asks him to listen to the amazing
conversation. He starts talking to the mailbox. At this point, the mailbox
doesn't say a word. As the victim gets more and more exasperated and
starts shouting at the mailbox, the camera cuts to close-ups of the friend's
face, as he is plainly questioning his buddy's sanity.
Incongruity may be a comic plot rather than a basic humor concept.
The most frequent plot in TV sitcoms is when one character in the story
hides in the closet moments before someone in authority (spouse, boss,
police officer) unexpectedly enters the room. It's popular because audiences
know all the facts, and that's superiority.

Ambivalence
Whatever happened to the good 01' days, when children worked
in factories -Em0 Philips
This theory is similar to incongruity in its dependence on incompatible
experiences. Nervous laughter covers our recognition of rigid conventions
that make us appear foolish when held up to a humorist's strobe light. In
a dishonest world, even honesty is amusing.
Greeting card copy: A year ago I bought you a birthday card.
Now, here it is a year later . . . and you're getting too damn
expensive.
Whereas incongruity tends to stress clashing ideas or perceptions, ambivalence
stresses conflicting emotions, such as the Iovelhate relationships in
families. Holding our ambivalent feelings up for comedic inspection is the
powerful shtick of humorists like Bill Cosby. A typically funny situation of
his is providing an antagonistic response which parents often feel.
Bill Cosby to troublesome son: "Listen to what I'm telling you,
damn it, 'cause I brought you into this world, and I can take
you out of it."
Ambivalence is one of the most common themes for Jewish humor, such as
the sonlmother relationship (which makes analysts wealthy).
Mother to bratty son: "I look forward to the day I'll see your
picture on a milk carton."
Ambivalent humor covers up our guilt feelings or our foolish errors; it's an
attempt to maintain dignity. Self-deprecating humor is just a device to set
the audience at ease, so you can be in control-and that's superiority.

Release
We laugh in embarrassment when we drop a glass in public or an innocent
error of ours has been discovered. The release theory emphasizes
that laughter is a planned event, a voluntary reduction of stress triggered by
a conscious effort to unlock life's tensions and inhibitions. We attend a
Neil Simon play or a Bill Cosby concert because we want humor to help us
laugh away our anxieties.
Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be
working for the survival of the wittiest, then we can all die
laughing. -Lily Tomlin
This release is fortified by group approval. Comedy works best when an
audience is not only prepared to laugh but anxious to participate in a shared
social experience. So the audience must be encouraged. They must be
clued to every plot from the beginning. If the audience and the actor don't
know what's behind the door, that's mystery. If the audience knows, but
one of the actors doesn't, that's comedy.
When the musical A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the
Forum was in out-of-town tryouts, all the audience knew in advance was
that the show was a take-off of Shakespeare's Two Gentlemen of Verona.
Each evening, it got off to a slow start and ended with poor reviews. Then
the writers added an opening number, "Comedy Tonight." The audience

got the burlesque message immediately and the show became a big hit.
Sigmund Freud wrote, "The most favorable condition for comic
pleasure is a generally happy disposition in which one is in the mood for
laughter. In happy toxic states almost everything seems comic. We laugh at
the expectation of laughing, at the appearance of one who is presenting the
comic material (sometimes even before he attempts to make us laugh), and
finally, we laugh at the recollection of having laughed."
If we feel the need to laugh, as release theorists claim, it's because
we've been whipped by the day's battles and we'd like to see a few others
get smacked around. Misery loves company only if it can laugh at them.
We'll even laugh wildly watching a catcher chase a foul ball and wipe out
seven guys in wheel chairs. That's sadism-and that's also superiority.

Configuration
The configurational theorists claim that one factor which makes us
laugh occurs when disjointedness falls into place: "Oh, so that's the way it works. "
I learned about sex the hard way-from books! -Em0 Philips
We smile, frequently even laugh aloud, when we experience that sudden insight of having solved a mystery or finally conquered a difficult assignment.
For example, in humor, we laugh when the material encourages us to instantaneously complete some missing information. If we're successful, and generally the material is so carefully laid out that we can hardly fail, we congratulate ourselves by laughing out loud. We want the world to know we're very smart-and that's superiority.

Psychoanalytical
Freud's theory of humor contended that the ludicrous always represents a "saving in the expenditure of psychic energy." Like sleep, it is therapeutic.
But even more important, he argued, wit can express inhibited ,
tendencies like the desire to act out regressive infantile sexual or aggres- 1, sive behavior. A lack of humor can be a sign of mental illness.
"We laugh in order to socially accomplish childish regression without feeling foolish," wrote Flugel. "We adopt a playful mood, excusable as relaxation." This may account for the popularity of comic strips among adult groups. Regardless of one's nationality and culture, they are the most universally accepted format for humor. Therefore, it can be argued, people who write or perform humor are people who, in some way, have never enjoyed growing up.

We're young only once, but with humor, we can be immature
forever. -Art Gliner
Analysts learn a great deal about patients by listening to their humor. And you can learn a great deal about your own psychological makeup by constantly asking yourself, and answering truthfully, "Why did I laugh at this joke and not at others?"
Our regression into an infantile state of mind through humor, as suggested by the psychoanalysts, is most often practiced in group settings. For group approval, we subjugate our humor appreciation. If the group leaders approve of the humor, we laugh. If the group leaders disapprove, we groan. We rarely enjoy humor if we feel we're laughing counter to the crowd. If we are the first to laugh, we will stifle a hearty ha-ha in mid-ha if no one joins us. Even when acting childish, our desire is to maintain social
approval.
One of the most difficult humor audiences is a room of executives
from one corporation when the big boss is in the audience. Every time the speaker tells a joke, everyone in the room first checks the CEO. If the CEO doesn't laugh, their laughter gets choked off in mid-throat. If the CEO has a good sense of humor and laughs easily, business associates then have "the permission to laugh." It can throw a comedian's timing way off. Let's not camouflage our true intentions. We don't use humor just to entertain the world. The value of humor in attack is incomparable, because humor is a socially acceptable form of criticism, a catharsis that combines memorability with respectability.
But the only way you'll survive as a humoristlcritic is if your target is equally disfavored by the audience. Understanding what motivates audience
appreciation is one of the secrets of writing humor.

B.How To Be Funny

Humor can be broken down into five distinct categories. You should memorize these, as there will be a quiz later.
Category #1: Pain

Pain is the basis for all humor. It's a simple fact that if nobody gets hurt, it isn't funny. This includes both physical and emotional pain. For example, when Tweety hits Sylvester in the foot with a mallet, and he hops screaming, stars streaming from his foot, that's funny. If Tweety hit him and Sylvester didn't hurt at all, that's not funny. If Tweety hit him and Sylvester didn't hurt, but Sylvester turned around and stomped on Tweety's wittle head, that's funny.
Ethnic jokes are funny because they cause emotional pain to members of the ethnic group they poke fun at. However, be warned that it is common practice to respond to ethnic jokes with more humor. If you tell an ethnic joke and someone punches you in the nose, don't be surprised -- they're just showing their appreciation and responding in kind.
The only exception to this rule is when the pain happens to you. When you get hurt, it's not funny. It just hurts. However, other people will find your pain amusing, so be consoled in the knowledge that even though it hurts, people are still laughing at you.

Category #2: The Unexpected

When something happens that you do not expect to happen, that's funny. When an anvil falls on Wile E. Coyote, you expect him to splatter all over the place and die. When he instead gets flattened into an accordian shape, that's funny. (Also, of course, his pain is funny. See above.) Another example is the title graphic at the top of this page. You read it, and the letters are black -- but then the last character is an orangy red color. It's unexpected, so it's funny.
When you tell a joke and no one laughs, that's funny because you didn't expect that to happen. So if you tell a joke and no one laughs, it is polite to laugh hysterically. Everyone else thought your joke was great, so they returned the favor by doing something funny for you too.
Category #3: Lies and Other Untruths

Lies are inherently funny. If someone behind you in line asks how long you've been waiting, and you say "forever and a day," that's funny because it's a lie. Political jokes are popular because they're lies about liars. If a United States president is portrayed as a giant vending machine handing cash to a donkey, that's funny, because it's a lie. Probably what really happened was he gave the money to an elephant and a guy with a scythe.
Another type of "lie" that is funny is when you see something in a place where it couldn't be, or doing something that isn't possible. This type of humor is both untrue and unexpected, so it's doubly funny. For instance, if a big fat cartoon character like Elmer Fudd tiptoes behind a skinny little tree and hides, that's funny. If a skinny little cartoon character like Bugs Bunny hides behind Elmer Fudd, that's not funny.

• Category #3: Lies and Other Untruths

Lies are inherently funny. If someone behind you in line asks how long you've been waiting, and you say "forever and a day," that's funny because it's a lie. Political jokes are popular because they're lies about liars. If a United States president is portrayed as a giant vending machine handing cash to a donkey, that's funny, because it's a lie. Probably what really happened was he gave the money to an elephant and a guy with a scythe.
Another type of "lie" that is funny is when you see something in a place where it couldn't be, or doing something that isn't possible. This type of humor is both untrue and unexpected, so it's doubly funny. For instance, if a big fat cartoon character like Elmer Fudd tiptoes behind a skinny little tree and hides, that's funny. If a skinny little cartoon character like Bugs Bunny hides behind Elmer Fudd, that's not funny.
• Category #4: Wordplay

Saying words in funny ways is funny. For instance, Sylvester the cat is funny because he talks with a lisp and spits at the letter 's'. When British people say "aluminium," that's funny. In fact, anybody with an accent that isn't like yours is funny, and you should laugh to show your appreciation.
Another type of wordplay that is funny is saying one word when you mean another. If you're with your girlfriend, and you call her "Cathy" when you meant to say "Tina," that's funny. This type of humor is often followed by humor involving pain. (See above.)
• Category #5: Puns

Actually, puns aren't funny.

Situational Humor

Some things are only funny in certain situations, so you must be ready with your humor. For example, if someone stumbles while walking, it is funny to say, "First day on your new feet?" However, it is not funny to say this twenty minutes later, when the stumbling has been forgotten. Timing is the essence of comedy, so you should always be ready to capitalize on the current situation. Here are some common situational jokes you can use the next time the opportunity presents itself. You should memorize these and use them as often as possible to show how funny you are. Note that some situations have more than one appropriate response. You might try to alternate between the various responses to show your diversity. On the other hand, it never hurts to fall back on an old standby. If a joke is funny once, it stands to reason that it will be funny twenty more times.

Situation Joke
Somebody is very tall.
• "Do you play basketball?"
• "Oh sorry, I thought you were a lightpost."
• "How's the weather up there?"
Somebody is very short.
• "Where's the circus?"
• "Da plane! Da plane!"
• "How's the weather down there?"

Somebody stumbles.
• "Walk much?"
• "First day on your new feet?"
• "How's the weather down there?"

Somebody burps.
• "Really?"
• "Well put."
• "Did you get any on you?"
• "Just as good the second time?"

Somebody hurts himself.
• "That's gotta hurt!"
• "That's going to leave a mark."
• "You're going to feel that tomorrow."



Somebody says something untrue.
• "Bzzt, wrong answer. Thanks for playing."

Somebody says, "You can say that again."
• (repeat what you just said)
• "That again."
Delivery
Doing funny things will only get you half way to being a true funny man. How you do them is equally important. The following easy tips will help you with your "delivery," as we say in the industry.
• Tip #1: Be Eccentric

If you want to be funny, it is important that you act the part. For example, if you have an office job, work 9 to 5, live in an ordinary house, have an ordinary wife and ordinary children, eat ordinary food, and sleep ordinary hours, you will not be recognized as a funny person. When you tell a joke, everyone may snicker quietly -- and that's good, but everybody tells snicker-worthy jokes once in a while. What you need to do is establish a reputation of being a wacky character so people will be excited with anticipation of the humor you're bound to provide them. They'll key in on your every word and gesture and laugh at the slightest thing you do. Sometimes, you won't even have to be funny, and people will laugh at you.
You definitely want to establish this kind of a reputation. You do that by becoming eccentric. In order for an eccentric trait to be funny, it must of course fit into one of the five basic humor categories, usually the "unexpected" category. Develop odd personal daily habits such as brushing your teeth during conversations with houseguests. Wear a monocle. Stand two inches from other people's faces when you talk to them. Carry salt and pepper shakers on your person and refuse to use anyone else's. Wear odd socks and short pants. Sing Gregorian chants to yourself in audible whispers. Snarl and grind your teeth together every time you say a word with a 'v' in it. Pass dollar bills to everyone on the street.
• Tip #2: Look Funny

To be a funny person, you have to look funny. For example, the great comedians W. C. Fields and Jimmy Durante had big noses. (Technically, if you are funny, you should call it a "schnozz.") Bob Hope has a concave face. Steven Wright has mad scientist hair. Stan Laurel had a forehead taller than his waistline was wide. If you do not have an inherently funny appearance, do what you can to make it funny. Wear funny clothes. Get a funny hairdo. To illustrate the effectiveness of a funny appearance, imagine you are telling a funny joke. Now imagine you are telling a funny joke, and your chin jiggles everytime you move your lips. This is much funnier.

• Tip #3: Get a Prop

George Burns had a cigar. Jack Benny had a violin. George Bush had Dan Quayle. The prop's contribution to how funny you are may not be obvious at first, but it is very important. Pick a prop, then carry it around with you wherever you go. Do not acknowledge the prop in any way other than its occasional use, and do not use it for any purpose other than that for which it was intended. To illustrate the effectiveness of a prop, imagine you are telling a funny joke. Now imagine you are telling a funny joke and you have a rubber glove in your hand. The added humor value should be immediately apparent.
Intrinsic Humor
• Funny Words

Some things are intrinsically funny for no good reason. In Neil Simon's The Sunshine Boys, Simon expounds on this strange phenomenon:
"Words with a 'k' in it are funny. Alkaseltzer is funny. Chicken is funny. Pickle is funny. All with a 'k'. 'L's are not funny. 'M's are not funny. Cupcake is funny. Tomatoes is not funny. Lettuce is not funny. Cucumber's funny. Cab is funny. ****roach is funny -- not if you get 'em, only if you say 'em."
The above quotation serves as a beginner's guideline to intrinsic humor, but one should note that this rule does not cover all cases ("hydrangea" is funny) and there are even exceptions ("linoleum" is funny).
It is very important to develop a sense of what words are inherently funny and what words are not. For example, if you go up to a total stranger and say "apple," it is funny because it is unexpected. But if you go up and say "rutabaga," it gives the joke an extra boost. Some funny words to get you started:
Caccitore. Oleo. Zwieback. Quintillion. Frump. Weasel. Chintzy. Stroganoff. Talcum. Gesundheit. Kazoo. Exsanguinate. Chinchilla. Quiche. Intrinsic. Zyzzyva. Angst. Kibitz. Aardvark.
Use these words whenever possible for maximum comic effect.
• Funny Objects

There are also objects that are intrinsically funny. This is not to be confused with words that are intrinsically funny. Actual hydrangeas and rutabagas are not funny. However, there are a great many objects that are, which you may carry around for increased comic effect. These funny objects include stilts, plungers, and cows. You may want to consider using one of these objects as your signature prop (see above). Some examples of funny objects include:
Unicycles. Bellows. Cauliflower. Koosh balls. Girls' bicycles. Fish. Starfish. Three-hole punches. Snowshoes. Hacksaws. Cheese graters. Pinkies. Bell bottoms. Chopsticks. Long gray beards. Green peppers. Aardvarks.
Among the various funny objects are "interactive" funny objects, such as hand buzzers, whoopie cushions, and flower squirters. These interactive funny objects are bottomless treasure troves of hilarity -- since they're interactive, it makes your audience feel like they're "in" on the joke, and they'll consequently derive more satisfaction from the humor.

Quiz
I told you there would be a quiz. But don't worry; it's multiple choice, and since you'll be grading yourself you can just lie to everyone about your score. In many cases, there will be more than one "right" answer to the question. In that case, you should choose the most correct answer.
1. A stranger falls down and breaks his leg. You should:
(a) Call for help. (b) Laugh. (c) Break the other leg. (d) Pretend you're a doctor and try to set the leg.

Your choices were the following:
(a) Call for help. (b) Laugh. (c) Break the other leg. (d) Pretend you're a doctor and try to set the leg.
(a) is incorrect because it adds nothing to the humor of the situation. (b) is not the correct response either, because although this situation is admittedly funny, your goal here is to escalate the humor, not cash in on it. (c) is an appropriate humorous response because it causes pain. However, (d) is the correct answer, because pretending to be a doctor and monkeying around with the broken leg is both an untruth and a cause of pain, so it is more funny than response (c).
Special Case: If you are a doctor and answered (c) to this question, you may count your response as correct. In this case, (c) is the correct answer, because response (d) would not be an untruth and would cause much less pain.

2. Your best friend's mother dies. You should: (a) Console your friend. (b) Cry. (c) Jump up and down and shout incoherently. (d) Sing, "Ding dong, the witch is dead."

Your choices were the following:
(a) Console your friend. (b) Cry. (c) Jump up and down and shout incoherently. (d) Sing, "Ding dong, the witch is dead."
(a) may feel like a good response, but if you're trying to be a funny person, it won't help you. (b) is wrong for the same reasons. (c) would seem to be an unexpected response, and in that way funny -- however, grief manifests itself differently in many people. Your attempt at humor might be mistaken for honest grieving, so your joke would be lost on your friend. (d) is the correct answer because it would cause your friend pain, would be unexpected, and referring to the mother as a "witch" could possibly be a lie.
3. Someone says you're "as ugly as a dog." You should:
(a) Bark like a dog. (b) Say, "Actually I find dogs quite attractive." (c) Say, "It's because I like to beat my face with large sticks." (d) Say, "So's your mother."

Your choices were the following:
(a) Bark like a dog. (b) Say, "Actually I find dogs quite attractive." (c) Say, "It's because I like to beat my face with large sticks." (d) Say, "So's your mother."
All are good choices, because they are unexpected and cause pain. Remember, however, that pain is only funny when it happens to someone else, so (d), which deflects the insult rather than amplifying it, is the correct choice.
4. You are standing on a street corner when a man comes up to you and asks directions to the bus stop. You should:
(a) Give him correct directions. (b) Stare at him wordlessly. (c) Give him directions to the city hall. (d) Give him directions to the music hall.

Your choices were the following:
(a) Give him correct directions. (b) Stare at him wordlessly. (c) Give him directions to the city hall. (d) Give him directions to the music hall.
(a) is not funny in any way. (b) is funny because it is unexpected. (c) is funny because it is an untruth. But (d) is the correct answer because not only is it an untruth, but when the guy gets to the music hall he can watch the intrinsically funny orchestra conductor in action.
5. Your children are coming home from school. You should:
(a) Greet them at the door with a warm hug. (b) Lock the door and not let them in. (c) Pour ketchup on yourself and lay in the middle of the kitchen floor. (d) Park the car around the corner, hide in the bushes, leave a note on the door saying, "I hate you, and I'm never coming back," and then when they start to cry, jump out of the bushes and say, "Booga booga booga!"

Your choices were the following:
(a) Greet them at the door with a warm hug. (b) Lock the door and not let them in. (c) Pour ketchup on yourself and lay in the middle of the kitchen floor. (d) Park the car around the corner, hide in the bushes, leave a note on the door saying, "I hate you, and I'm never coming back," and then when they start to cry, jump out of the bushes and say, "Booga booga booga!"

This one should be a no-brainer. (a) is obviously wrong. (b) is a good start, as is (c). (d) is a masterpiece, however. It causes pain, it's unexpected, it's an untruth, and it's wordplay because "booga" is not technically an English word.
Laughter is the best medicine and a great icebreaker for a first date, as a sense of humor is as the number one turn-on for many women. But it's one thing to have a great sense of humor, it's quite another to have everyone in stitches.
Well, look no further. Drop the rubber chicken and whoopee cushion, cause it's time to really be funny.

Chill out Okay, the first thing you need to do is relax. No one's going to throw tomatoes at you if you strike out, and you're not going for some life-altering test. You just want to add some spice to your life and conversations, and appear more easygoing.
So don't put so much pressure on yourself -- you just want to get people to laugh, or at least smile.
Don't take things seriously Ease up on life and yourself; get used to taking things with a grain of salt. See the humor in situations; you'll see that most situations, even getting a $200 dollar speeding ticket or falling down on a banana peel have humor written all over them -- the trick is finding them and being able to laugh at yourself.
Be pop culture savvy You can't be funny if you don't have any references or material. The broader your general knowledge is, the funnier the remarks you'll make. You can't say a Homer-esque comment if you don't know who The Simpsons are, and Allllrrriiighttty then! doesn't have the same effect if you've never seen Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.
So the more you know film, TV, music, and everything pop culture, the greater the chance of being funny. Broaden your horizons and stay up-to-date with current events in the news, and you'll be surprised at how much material will randomly come to you. You may even get to be someone's lifeline on Who Wants to be a Millionaire?.
Don't imitate others You want to know about famous actors and comedians, but by the same token, you don't want to get caught using someone else's material. So rather than reciting that great Chris Rock line you heard the other night and passing it off as your own, use the joke in Chris Rock's intonation. That way, people know you're using his joke, and it can still be considered hysterical.

Or, if you're stuck waiting in a department store line with your buddy for 45 minutes, and when you finally get to the cash, the cashier just refuses to let you return a sweater that has a defect on it, say something like, "This is such a Seinfeld situation," thereby giving Jerry credit while getting a laugh or two.
Find your style Another reason to avoid imitating actors and comedians is because it may not suit your style. If you're not a very sarcastic or cynical person, it makes it hard to imitate someone like David Letterman or Chandler from Friends (besides, your friends will get annoyed when you keep saying, "Could this BE more [fill in the blank]?"). If you're rather quiet and subdued, it'll be nearly impossible to take on Robin Williams' or Jim Carrey's humor.
You can always take bits and pieces of others' humor, but you'll want to adapt your shtick to your own style and personality -- in turn, this'll be easier for you and sound more genuine as you won't have to try as hard.
Have a joke pool You never know when a situation calls for a joke, like if you're at a lame party, chatting with some acquaintances. This is where a reserve of jokes can come in handy. Humor yourself with a joke a day to take a break from your daily tasks, and keep the ones you like best in mind. That way, you'll always have several in stock for when the time is right.
Of course, you don't want to break into your best "A rabbi, a priest and a nun walk into a bar..." joke in the middle of a conversation with your manager, but you'll know when to resort to your pool. One-liners and witty comments are the best to have, as they can be used in many contexts.
Know your audience There's a time and a place for everything, and just like you need to know your audience when giving a speech, you need to know whom you're delivering a joke to. This said, save the dirty jokes for your friends, and the witty comments for your girlfriend's parents.
Get your delivery and timing right Being funny isn't only about telling great jokes; it's all in your mannerism, attitude, how you project yourself, and your delivery. Be animated and alive when you speak, and you can make any story funny.
Make eye contact with people, speak with confidence, and everyone will want to hear your stories. On the other hand, if your humor is more dark, sarcastic, or neurotic (a la Woody Allen, Steven Wright and George Costanza), then play the part and talk in a monotonous voice. Your delivery has to go with your humor, and if your timing is off, then it can ruin the entire joke.
Use people as props You're not Carrot Top so drop the props. Rather than using objects as props, use people (I didn't say to use people as the butt of your jokes). What always gets a rise out of the ladies is trying to sell things to strangers on the street, like selling your wallet to an old lady. Or start talking to your invisible friend -- just make sure others know you're kidding around and haven't gone crazy.

Don't worry about bombing Your goal isn't to strike a 10 on the Laugh-o-Meter, and every great comedian bombs every now and then. So don't worry if no one gets your joke -- just ignore it or laugh at yourself, and whatever you do: do not delve into your bag of jokes and continue trying to make everyone laugh -- you don't want to try too hard.
final tips
• Smiling is infectious, so if you smile a lot while talking, it'll encourage others to laugh.
• Be animated and energetic when you're telling a story, it'll make your stories more interesting and captivate listeners.
• Be blunt; this usually takes people by surprise and can end up being pretty funny.
• Make sure your timing is right.
• When telling a joke, don't laugh before the punch line.
• Be creative. It'll inspire you to be funny.
Remember, you don't need to be the life of the party; being funny is just a great asset as it makes you look easygoing and approachable, helps you handle certain awkward situations, makes you more sociable, and is a great turn-on to women.
But while you want to be funny, you don't want to be the office clown. If you're typecast as the joker no one will ever take you seriously, so know when to be funny and when to be serious, or the joke will be on you.
Make an ordinary boring story funny by D When you tell a story, tell it like it is, but spice up every little detail. If you're telling others what you thought, don't just say, "I thought that was weird." Say it in a long and drawn out way so that people laugh, but don't overdo it. That's an important thing - NEVER overdo it. One thing to remember is to know what you're saying. It's really bad when you're in the middle of saying something and you draw a blank.

Common but stupid by Samuel B. As you walk through your day, bring a pad and pencil with you, and look for common things in our life that are ridiculous. Something that we all do, or say, or think, or happens to all of us, that doesn't make sense. Once you have this basis for an idea, expand the idea into a paragraph. And remember, every joke has at least one exaggeration. Anything can be joked about as long as there is one exaggeration. But stay away from religion! Write anything you think of down on your pad, even if it's not funny to you at the moment. You'll work on it later. Not everything will be funny. I wrote ten pages over the last month, then asked a friend who used to do stand-up successfully what he thought...Out of about 30 jokes, 2 had potential and were slightly funny. The rest were not that good to him. So a very small percentage will be good, just stick with them.


It's not funny if... by joe J. If you ever tell (or attempt to tell) a one-liner, make sure that it isn't overly complicated. It should be straightforward and to the point. If you ever have to explain a joke, it isn't funny.
1. Think of an exaggeration. The more absurd, the better.
2. Set up the joke by providing an expectation. If you say, "My dog was so big ...", you leave the audience anticipating the punch line, which will tell them how big your dog was.
3. Wait for someone to ask, "How big was it?"
4. Deliver the punch line by repeating the opening. "My dog was so big, he ate his chow out of a satellite dish."

C. Creating Comedy Characters

Creating comedy characters is a good way of cracking jokes.
You need these items for your char.

Background
Beliefs
What they look like
Things they like to do

Now for the funny part. Make them do odd things such as forgetting a lot. Like he forgets give a drug dealer a some type of drug and he gets smack up side the head. Remember the characters make the comdey. Many funny movies do a sitcom and make characters to do funny things. Making a sitcom is not easy because creating comedy can be tricky because of the rules. Most will write up to 150 to 200 pages about the character and even jokes. Search the internet for more on creating comedy characters.

Outro
I used a lot of info from the books and internet so you will see this on some websites. Remember guys don’t’ force laugher on women, let it happen tho timing. Good luck






P.S.
Sorry about the typing errors. Remember to do your Homework and read the newspaper or any place to get news from. Humor will help you become a funny guy just don't make jokes about yourself that often. ( RARELY MAKE JOKES ABOUT YOURSELF IDOIT!!!) Please vote and if their any place you disagree with let me know where and why.

drago dude, you are like a black angel sent from heaven... this is what I needed.

learning is the reason I do drugs

if you cant make jokes, then you wont learn it. thats my opinion.

rinkworks.com/funny/

I am hoping you are David J. Parker or Samuel Stoddard. If you are then good job.

You know - -like 50% of that post was a parody on how to be cheesy-funny. In other words, it told you how to be the guy that all the ACTUAL funny guys make fun of because he's just not funny.

~Vibe~

Originally posted by Vibe
You know - -like 50% of that post was a parody on how to be cheesy-funny. In other words, it told you how to be the guy that all the ACTUAL funny guys make fun of because he's just not funny.

~Vibe~

Click to expand...

( RARELY MAKE JOKES ABOUT YOURSELF IDOIT!!!)

If anyone stupid enough to make fun of themselves dersevers to be laugh at. If they can't make a joke then should look up jokes or get more I.Q. lol I use this stuff myself to was able to make more jokes and get more laughs but I never make fun of myself or dress funny to make someone laugh. I see people do that sh!t at my school people actually laugh at him not with him IDOIT !!!!!!

Dude, I am SORRY but anyone who says "how's the weather down there?" and thinks they are being funny needs to have their sense of humour examined.

That article was obviously a parody. It was not meant to be taken seriously. The article WAS a joke.

The rest of it was deep analysis of humour with some interesting tidbits. But that whole section from that site was not serious. Sorry.

Anyway, I beg to differ. Making fun of yourself can totally be funny, as long as you do it right. In fact - I don't trust a guy who can't laugh at himself. That's different from constantly downing yourself, of course. You know what I'm talking about.



~Vibe~

Vibe you seem to misunderstand this post. None of the jokes on this post are funny. They are examples of jokes. Lets say someone confuse a blunt with a banana and started smoking a banana. 1 element is pain cause he would look stupid trying to smoke a banana. 2nd element exaggerating. Making stupid bigger then it is. 3rd the unexpected. None of these jokes should be funny because our time has change. Maybe in the past they would be funny but not now. When I made this post it was to help tell a joke with the right timing and help you get more laughs. Using your hands and body and moving around will help give a visual to the joke. Now lets take a boring day. A guy gets up in the boring morning, gose to this boring job and comes home from this boring day and gose to sleep in his boring bed. That story is not funny because it has no elements of humor. Image everyday being boring !!! A story like that needs some spice to it, some lights, and more movement.
Now I can tell a joke and think it's funny to me and my friends but not to you. Not every joke made will someone think the joke is funny. Some will find the joke mean or uncall for. People are different and will take things differently. We all should know women are different. Their some girls who like to flirt and some girls who hate when you touch them. However humor is a good thing. It helps you relax and have a great time. Vibe I didn't put any of this stuff do to make you guys laugh I put this post up to help you understand humor and help you make better jokes. Lets say some guy slips and falls and you could say " see what happens when you walk with your eyes closed " Or say " see what happens when you have low I.Q. " Many people end up messing up a joke by first laughing to it. Alot of women fake laughing so you will think your funny but the true is she digging you. Besides her pretending to laugh WHY NOT MAKE HER REALLY LAUGH ?? You know women fake moans in bed because men don't have sex the right way. WHY NOT LEARN HOW TO REALLY MAKE HER MOAN ?? Vibe I agree if you make fun of yourself the right way it will be funny and you will still be cool. You know this because your smart. But unlike other idoits, they do it to try to look cool and end up looking some fool and lowering this status.

L'll be happy to answer more questions if anyone else is confuse ??

If my mum had died and my friend said ding dong the witch is dead I would literally kill him. The jokes and examples you use are **** and predictable, who over 6 foot 5 hasnt heard hows the weather up there a million times before. Second of all you are making humor seem a lot more complicated than it really is. I severely doubt any of the great comedians have studdied comedy in such a scientific way. All comedians were inspired by other great comedians for example Eddie Murphy was inspired by Richard Pryor and uses a lot of Richard Pryor maneurisms in his comedy.I have a great sense of humor and all of my humor is done on instinct. Best advice for trying to be funny is watching a lot of comedy and studdying the delivery of the jokes more than the actual jokes themselves.

you really did your homework huh? good post

You copy and paste well.

i have that book

personally, i stick to making funny comments. i tend to not get the timing right for the punch lines of long, drawn out jokes.

you can also go hardcore and create a joke out of a funny moment but humor, just like magic, loses its charm when you dissect it. it's not just the same when you hear / see it for the first time

Good post.

Jokes are relative. Relative to the audience. For example if it is an audience of Muslims, and somebody makes a joke about how all muslins believe in terrorism. It obviously won't be funny to them. The joke depends on the person. Like if somebody, knows a person and makes an 'inside joke' it won't be funny to them. Although I skipped ahead, I thought your post was good. Sure not everybody will think you are funny. But what matters, is the amount of people that laugh and accept you. Laughing is contagious. Personally I don't think "How's the weather down there" is partically funny, but if most people laughs then it doesn't matter what I think. I am just one person. But overall your jokes must be good. Not all of your jokes will be accepted by everybody. But learn from your mistakes, that is the first step in being funny. What I liked about you post is that you know the elements of being funny. Why was it funny and why wasn't. From there you can fix your jokes.

i've gotta admit, this just explains common sense and rudimentary humor

nothing that will have comedy clubs attempting to book you

there's no guide nailing how to be funny..it's instinctive..you've gotta improve from experience..

BlackDragon...you are one stupid motherf.ucker.