How can I have a desire to socialize?

Here is my problem with getting women. I am currently 26 years old. I am told I am good looking. I look like Jude Law. Girls liked me when I was in high school. The thing is when I was in high school I had "common" ambitions. The point of life was to go to parties and hang out with friends etc.

When I was 19 years old. I read my first book on my own. I was so moved by this experiece that I have since loved learning. I absoluely love learning about philosophy, poetry, metaphysics, God, music etc.

So here is the problem. When I was in high school I could talk to people about everyday things, and I had a desire to do this. "Who are you with" "Is Jenny with you guys?"
god what a trivial life

However, now I just can't talk about things I regard as "trivial." I just can not for the life of me "just hang out and play pool" or "play darts" this seems like a life of hell.

I've tried to do this for the past 5 years and I just CAN NOT.
What is ironic is now I feel that I have so much to talk about and I find life so interesting, but people don't know what I'm talking about. I'll make a comment about where matter and spirt intersect, in good humor, and I'll look insane.

My question is Many of you seem very intelligent and have passions for learning, but how do you at the same time engage in "just hanging out at the bar playing pool."

I want to correct this. I want to get something out of just being around people. How do I think about this?

this is more of a request for tips

I consider this site more of a social learning site, not an all encompassing journay.

We pride self-improvement, enjoyment of life, and an ongoing pursuit of knowledge. We are motivators, and we seek questions. We delve deeply into the minds of women and men alike, by looking at the surface.

I desire to socialize with anybody and everybody, for the good of their being and my own. I also desire to be left alone, and to learn to accept the ignorant for their one sided opinions and to seek both sides of the story, so I can make my own judgement.

I believe the truth of this site is that it spurs belief and disbelief of inground thoughts that are forced upon you by society, and to look deeper. Know that when you go out to socialize that not one person ios a drone, but either very scared or very brave.

You, in my opinion, are to go out and learn from each and all.

I feel ya man. I am struggling with the same problem. First you need to just accept the fact that you are much smarter than the general member of the population. You, unlike them, have dreams and ambitions, and all they know how to do is socialize... it's ALL they have. However, if you want to be successful with women, you at some point are going to have to talk to them. You can be as independent as you want and still pull as many girls as the party guy does. The only difference is the super social party guy has many more opportunities to get women and has a much easier time doing it. Don't let your ego get in the way either.

You know in this society, men are sometimes actually punished for their intelligence. Intelligent men oftentimes have trouble with women, mainly because they are basically on a higher level than everyone around them. They don't feel the need to socialize. Many think it is just pointless. How can you motivate yourself? It is harder than hel-l to find friends that are up to our level and don't only seek "trivial" things, and who are as good as me with the women, but it can be done. Realize that where there are people, there are women to be had. That is the only thing that motivates me. You may think it is sad, but I can't even find it in my heart to need a friend.... I just don't need them. I need a woman, but I don't need a friend. I don't think you can put enjoyment in something that you didn't enjoy to begin with. Forcing yourself to do that is pointless.

I'm in the same boat too. My high school experience was very similar. There was always something to talk about .. the high school atmosphere was just so much easier to communicate in. I'm in college right now (just started this year at the community college) and I guess I've matured a bit. I've made friends here, but most of them are significantly older than I am (I'm talking 21+).

When I go to hang out with some of the people in the lounge area of our school, I can't help but notice how unintelligent some of them are. I'm not trying to sound ****y and conceited, but I just have no motivation to relate with people who can only talk about how trashed they were last weekend.

This makes me wish I went to a good 4 year university, which I could have gone to, except money was a concern. I visited my friend at a university not too long ago and had a blast, I met so many new people who were likeminded.

I think the only attitude that can help us with motivation is that there is something to be learned from everyone. Intelligent or not, everyone has something to say, and we need to go out and socialize with these people.

Do it for the amusement if nothing else.

Sir Lancelot, I go to a 4 year university, and trust me, there are just as many (probably more) party people here as there are at any community college.... where you go doesn't really matter that much. There are many intelligent people at both places, you just have to find them. I can indentify with your feelings toward socializing with all those immature people. I don't even party, so why should I want to socialize with all the people who have nothing else to do with their lives but party? You're right, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE to relate with these people. I think the key is to find others like yourself. It may be a challenge, but having a social life can definitely help you, especially when it comes to getting women

Originally posted by pimpfromdayone
Do it for the amusement if nothing else.

Sir Lancelot, I go to a 4 year university, and trust me, there are just as many (probably more) party people here as there are at any community college.... where you go doesn't really matter that much. There are many intelligent people at both places, you just have to find them. I can indentify with your feelings toward socializing with all those immature people. I don't even party, so why should I want to socialize with all the people who have nothing else to do with their lives but party? You're right, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE to relate with these people. I think the key is to find others like yourself. It may be a challenge, but having a social life can definitely help you, especially when it comes to getting women

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Definitely. Having a good social life can ONLY help you when it comes to getting women. There's no downside!

I guess when I visited my friend up at uni I must've found the cool crowd right away, too bad it wasn't like that here at the community college. I'll find them though

As my mom always says: "The mouth is the most important thing in this world."

How do you expect to go through life and become successful without using your speech abilities?

Anyway in the end, the decision is up to you. Regardless if you want to make an effort to socialize, you're only limiting your potential.

sir lancelot and pimpfromdayone

you guys have to learn that speech is a form of art, those who use it have different goals than you and I.

How does one become proficient in the arts?

Through constant and meticulous use. These kids in college KNOW that later in life their bodies and careers won't allow them to take the time to have all the fun they can with their bodies and with others.

Why are so many don juans posting awesome topics in the HS forum and not in the mature forum? There is a reason, use your oversized but underused egos to figure it out.

Both of you should be ashamed for telling people to shun immediately those who appear immature. You wake up one day with a hard cold and you try to laugh it off with somebody there will be a bigot around every corner that will consider what you said an insult to their family and lifestyle.

You've got to realize that even behind the funny and playful exteriors of those party students is a serioustruth to life.

Never again can you go back in time to have more fun or change what you did. You can only enjoy now, take advantage of the moment, and see within all that there are people who are beggin for a whoopin. Whether that be mental bigotrists or brutes without a cause.

Pranks, comedy, brawls, *****iness... all of it is a protection against stupidity.

Yeah I'm ashamed of myself
You apparently missed the whole point of what I was saying. I said it is beneficial to be social, and you have to find the right people. Hanging out with stoners, drunks, sluts, you name it, I've done it all, and there is nothing there for MATURE people like me. Problem is, in college, the majority of people seem to fit in one of those categories. Many people in college STILL aren't mature, and you know it. I am not a bigot by any means. I am a human like everyone else, but nobody should ever have to lower themself to someone else's level just for the sake of being social.

Yeah, I agree with you. You should be able to comfortably start conversations with any girl/guy you see in everyday situations. Just being able to do that will give you many opportunities with women. You'll find that most people are more nervous than you are, especially the women. Don't let others' stand-offishness get you down, just keep doing your thing. Most people don't have very good social skills, contrary to popular belief. Having an exclusive group of friends does not mean that person has any better skills than someone with no friends. I know people like this and they are absolutely horrible conversationalists, don't have any idea how to talk to other people, are too scared to leave their social circles and talk to new people (they pretend they are too cool but we know the truth), and just have bad social skills. This all has nothing to do with motivation. I really haven't found a good way to motivate someone to socialize.... I struggle with it off and on myself, but dam-nit, when someone wants to talk to me, I give them something to talk about.

Re: sir lancelot and pimpfromdayone

Originally posted by Boner da Stoner
you guys have to learn that speech is a form of art, those who use it have different goals than you and I.

How does one become proficient in the arts?

Through constant and meticulous use. These kids in college KNOW that later in life their bodies and careers won't allow them to take the time to have all the fun they can with their bodies and with others.

Why are so many don juans posting awesome topics in the HS forum and not in the mature forum? There is a reason, use your oversized but underused egos to figure it out.

Both of you should be ashamed for telling people to shun immediately those who appear immature. You wake up one day with a hard cold and you try to laugh it off with somebody there will be a bigot around every corner that will consider what you said an insult to their family and lifestyle.

You've got to realize that even behind the funny and playful exteriors of those party students is a serioustruth to life.

Never again can you go back in time to have more fun or change what you did. You can only enjoy now, take advantage of the moment, and see within all that there are people who are beggin for a whoopin. Whether that be mental bigotrists or brutes without a cause.

Pranks, comedy, brawls, *****iness... all of it is a protection against stupidity.

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You misunderstood me.

I never said to "shun" those who were more immature than I am. That would be lame, people are people, nobody is better than anyone else. The last part of my post stated that we should seek to talk to everyone, even if we don't "feel" like it, to learn more about them. Even if they do appear to be immature or idiots, socializing IS a valuable skill. Good social skills are essential to any career and life in general.

BUT, I don't really have a desire to socialize with people who are constantly putting on an act. You know who these people are. People who classify themselves into a category or clique. People who put on a facade, they're essentially fake, and not fun to talk to. You can't stick yourself in a clique, you're only limiting your potential.

Don't get me wrong, I still talk to these people. Even if it feels like a chore. But I'd much rather socialize with someone who's him/herself, and not being a fake.

lose the pompous attitude. no one gives a sh1t that you've read plato's philosophy.

its good to have that knowledge and some day im sure you will have a great conversation about it with someone else who shares that knowledge, but you gotta relate to people.

the key to social success is relating to others and seeing life from their perspective.

I know what you mean. I myself have lost out on social activity since i started college and got out of highschool. Ive made some "friends" but no one i would want to spend more then 15 minutes with.

Ive had more friends leave my life then ive had friends enter my life in the last 3 years. It kind of sucks, and im trying to see it as a way to weed out all the negative people and hopefully find a smaller quanitity of higher quality relationships.

But its hard.

I get where you are coming from as well, and once you are out of college this can be a real problem.

Have you considered going onto further study - this way you re bound to meet like minded people. If this isnt an option start going to bars around campus occassionally, hell find one with a band on and drag your friends along.

You will soon meet people more 'in tune' with your interests. If you cant get an intellectual try to lead chicks onto stuff you are comfortable with.

I have a philosophy degree and chicks love to talk about some of that stuff. Ethics and Morality work much better than Logic, Metaphysics is a bit heavy for a pickup but great as pillow talk.

These girls might not have studied philosophy but they will have an opinion if you ask for it in a way they can relate to.

Realise that Ethics and Morality are everywhere, pickup a paper or watch the news, find something topical and get them thinking about it.

Poetry? ffs every guy on here will fake an interest in poetry at some time - you actually know what you are talking about!

Steer clear of religion though, until you know you really want to get to know her better.

Seriously, if you drop the 'holier than thou' intellectualist attitude, you have so many interests that are chick crack - just introduce them in a way they can relate to and dont throw in too much academic jargon.

They will be glad not to talk about pool / football - and if that is all your friends can talk about you will look SOO much better than them.

I've found that I can only talk to certain people I know about more complex topics. Some chicks (and guys).......just don't find stuff like that interesting. It's like you have to dumb things down and make a joke out of everything. However, I'm willing to concede in order to get some ass out of it, it's the only way. If I try and find a woman (attractive) who enjoys intellectual conversation I'll probably be looking for a long, long time.

Yeah, you gotta meet people halfway, as I like to say. Well... I think that yes, some people are inferior to others in terms of intelligence, maturity, and how interesting they are, but like they say, it's lonely at the top, and not having a social life can be tough. It takes a man of extreme character to be able to completely live in isolation.... I can't do it. I'm going to be completely honest and say that my only motivation for being social is so I can get women. I think there are many men like this really. Of course women on the other hand are very social because they are much less independent and they need others around them all the time (basically a form of therapy). Remember however that there is a difference between someone who has a lot of "friends" and someone who is just generally friendly with everyone... I fit into the latter category. Being sociable is not about trying to get as many friends as possible or limiting your amount of friends to a certain group of people. That is just stupid, and, immature. Any stoner can join 6 other stoners and smoke pot everyday with them. Instead, tt is about interacting with people in everyday situations and from there letting the relationships grow. If you can do that, you are doing better than half the population at least.

Originally posted by OwlofMinerva
I want to correct this. I want to get something out of just being around people. How do I think about this?

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Whoa buddy, slow down there.

First of all, ask yourself, is there really a problem here? Do you need a generic "just hang out at the bar and play pool" social life? Will it help you?

You know, so often do people look around and say "People are doing this. I need to start doing it," or "People are thinking this, I need to start thinking it," or, as it seems, in your case with women, "Guys are getting women, I need to get women." Maybe you don't think you need women because of the fact that it is so commonplace, but even then... Do you need women? If so, will having that generic social life attract the women you want? Are you willing to settle for something over nothing, regardless of quality?

If you think of playing darts as trivial, and find it actually doing it to be hell, then don't do it. Are women that valuable to you?

I understand where you're coming from, i never understood the full advantage of socializing generally. If it had no purpose i would usually avoid it. And i despised users who ask for stuff/favors.

I have to admit a lot of times it's the atmosphere that breeds socialization. But regardless you should make an effort. In a sense you have to breed a kind of arrogance+confidence to yourself, it allows you to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere. The topic? it can be anything you wish. So long as they're willing to respond to your quirky questions or topics and reciprocate.
At the same time you build connections and rapport with people, they'll ask for a favor...and ill do it. If i ever need anythign in the future, ill ask too.

I was always independent and relied on myself for things, i'd rather find out/get things myself than ask a friend. I hated users myself that i would not be one myself. But it's good to use people, it's good to ask ppl for help it makes them feel good. It's the way of life.

I cant stress this enough, but smile wherever and whenever. smiling makes you seem easy to approach to talk to, it makes you appear friendly. Even if you're not talking to anyone, you should make an effort to smile slightly. One of my friends wonders why women give him a glare or put up their ***** shield when he tries to be friendly with them. The problem is he appears uptight and they can tell his smile is forced (faked). Smiling will become natural if you do it enough.

This deserved a paragraph of it's own, Arrogance + confidence.
Confidence breeds arrogance, NEVER the other way around.
So together, you can talk to anyone about anything w/o having a 2nd thought (or being self conscious) about the topic, your responses, and allows you to naturally startup convos with strangers. that's the only part that should be arrogant. When socializing it's always a good idea to stay open minded, which shows you're considerate of the other person's thoughts.

Dont expect too much from someone (like becoming a friend) from socializing. The key is to expect nothing out of it, but as a form of human function it serves a purpose. If you're doing it to make friends or getting a gf, you're asking for too much too soon. Talk with someone every now and then and still have your own things to do to keep you busy. Slowly you're social circle will start building and something called "social proof" comes along. People will greet you here and there and the ladies will notice it. Social proof is a form of popularity. hey who doesnt want to be around popular people right?

In the above I've mentioned the key points to keep in mind.

I could start up a whole thread about socializing, but unfortunately it's too broad to be covered. Just get out there and do it, it will become 2nd nature.

Oh and by the way, I play pool weekly with my buddy cause i love the game, not cause i do it purposely to meet people. Talking to the staff is just a side dish. I mean why force yourself into a setting you're uncomfortable in just to meet people. I say find something you like to do and there will be others who share your interest.

What I would do

It seems to me like thatbook you read, (by yourself at 19 ) must've brainwashed you or smth ANyway, what I would do is pick a topic I liked and create a club, an online commnuity or offline community. It is fairly easy to do when you're in college but once you're out of college it gets a bit hard. But starting your own club can be a good experience. Use online tools if you want, got to message board ike tis and find people in your area interested in the same thigs as you.

Hey man, I just listened to this interview a few hours ago and I think you will really find it useful.

http://www.charismasciences.com/passport/podcasts/CSIpodcast2.mp3

socialiaztion shouldn't be an obsticle. It should be the key to sucess. Instead of looking at it as a task you should look at it as a skill that you forge with time and effort until it's second nature.