This girl posted something sooo funny on myspace, regarding nice guys. Her boyfriend sounded like a complete douche! Read it and post some comments!
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cf...file&friendID=13766090&Mytoken=20050826134444
So, its 3:30 am and I get the phonecall from hell. We’ve all had them, those phonecalls that your regret not looking at caller ID as soon as you hear the person’s voice on the line. Yes, the dreaded ex phonecall. So 45 minutes later, after the typical “You never realize what you’ve got til its gone speech” and the “what do I have to do to get a second chance speech” (obviously, the reply was there is nothing you could do to get a second chance) I get the real reason for the phonecall…the guilt trip, complete with tears, yes that’s right he cried, I have no idea why, but he did. Anyway, after the sobbing subsided I am asked a question that intrigued me, “Why don’t women like nice guys?” And then came the anger, because after all I am an abominable ***** who couldn’t see how great of a person he was. Which brings up a question that I’m going to pose, why do men like *****y women?...but, anyway, one topic at a time.
Before I begin on the previously mentioned topic, I would like to offer a disclaimer: This is just my opinion, take it for what its worth. I make no claims that anything I say here is definitive. If it rings true, great, if not, oh well, my feelings won’t be hurt.
First and foremost, there are different kinds of nice guys.
1. The “romantic” nice guy. Personally, these guys freak me out, and that’s why I try to avoid them at all costs. They seem to carry around a pocket version of “how to treat woment” from Hallmark, and they also seem to think that women like being swept off their feet with exlaborate displays of “romance”. You know, sending flowers or gifts to your workplace or school, or showing up toting them in hand, public declarations of love, teddybears, inappropriately expensive jewelry as gifts, candlelit dinners, etc. These guys like to go on about how “they know how to treat a lady”, when in reality they treat women as if we are interchangable, because after all, all women like long stemmed roses, jewelry, teddybears, and of course being mortified in public by some guy putting you on the spot. I suspect these guys are often controlling *******s, and I suspect they appeal to some women because they are used to being controlled, and therefore don’t recognize the signs that a guy isn’t interested in you personally, as a unique individual, but is instead interested in playing the role of “Prince Charming.” Or maybe they only appeal to very young women, or maybe there’s something else going on that I have no clue, well, frankly, because these guys don’t appeal to me at all.
2. The passive, weak, nice guy. Theare are the guys I, personally, dated a lot in high school. These are the guys you end up in a relationship with because they just hang around a lot, and they’re nice enough, and they’re obviously interested in you, and you don’t want to be mean and reject them, so somehow you just end up as a couple. Which is okay in high school, because, after all, what else were you doing in high school? Nothing, and at least this way your pretty much the one in control. The problem, however, is insecure people aren’t so much fun to be dating, and you get tired of being with someone who clings a little too tightly . But of course, these guys completely ignore the warning signs, or rather they’ll respond to the warning signs by becoming even more passive. So you end up breaking up with them, and then they either cringe and make themselves even more pathetic…which is even more annoying, and you end up not even being able to be friends with them, ever again…or else, they finally lash out and try to console themselves with thoughts of what a heinous ***** you were for not appreciating how much they loved (were dependent on) you.
3. The shy nice guy. Now, I, personally, have kind of a hard time telling the difference between the shy nice guy, and the passive, insecure nice guy, and I suspect the main difference only reveals itself over time, that is, you start dating a guy who seems shy, and he ends up being weak; or you start dating a guy who seems passive, and as you get to know him better you realize he’s just shy. Like the weak guys, shy men are often quite reluctant to initiate a relationship, and they also tend to be conflict avoidant. But, unlike the weak guys, they don’t have some latent hostility towards women that comes from being insecure in their own masculinity; they’re simple quiet or shy, and once you get past the initial social awkwardness, they’re basically pretty sure of themselves and can be perfectly fine boyfriends. I have to admit, I’m not so good with this type: I’m a little too impatient and blunt, and I’m not afraid of conflict, so I would probably just make men of this type incredibly uncomfortable a lot of the time. But I’ve seen them dating other friends of mine, and they seem to have a lot of virtues for women who are less assertive.
4. The genuinely nice guy. I strongly suspect that women never call these men “nice guys.” We call them “genuinely nice guys” or “really decent men” or “the good ones” or “yeah, he’s great.” Basically the key here is to have enough sense of who you are that you can deal with other people being who they are without taking every feeling your girlfriend has as a referendum on you personally. These are the guys who can listen to you ***** about something without trying to tell you what to do about it, or getting defensive, or starting to feel insecure because omg, you’re angry; the guys who recognize your individuality well enough that they don’t hassle you with stupid teddybears, but will instead give you a good book or cook you a dinner. In other words, genuine “niceness” means a certain level of differentiation: caring about someone, but also understanding that the person your dating has feelings and opinions and needs of their own that have nothing to do with you. And thinking that that’s really cool, and that’s why you liked them in the first place.
So, moral to the story, women don’t hate nice guys, it just depends what category of “nice” you fit into.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cf...file&friendID=13766090&Mytoken=20050826134444
So, its 3:30 am and I get the phonecall from hell. We’ve all had them, those phonecalls that your regret not looking at caller ID as soon as you hear the person’s voice on the line. Yes, the dreaded ex phonecall. So 45 minutes later, after the typical “You never realize what you’ve got til its gone speech” and the “what do I have to do to get a second chance speech” (obviously, the reply was there is nothing you could do to get a second chance) I get the real reason for the phonecall…the guilt trip, complete with tears, yes that’s right he cried, I have no idea why, but he did. Anyway, after the sobbing subsided I am asked a question that intrigued me, “Why don’t women like nice guys?” And then came the anger, because after all I am an abominable ***** who couldn’t see how great of a person he was. Which brings up a question that I’m going to pose, why do men like *****y women?...but, anyway, one topic at a time.
Before I begin on the previously mentioned topic, I would like to offer a disclaimer: This is just my opinion, take it for what its worth. I make no claims that anything I say here is definitive. If it rings true, great, if not, oh well, my feelings won’t be hurt.
First and foremost, there are different kinds of nice guys.
1. The “romantic” nice guy. Personally, these guys freak me out, and that’s why I try to avoid them at all costs. They seem to carry around a pocket version of “how to treat woment” from Hallmark, and they also seem to think that women like being swept off their feet with exlaborate displays of “romance”. You know, sending flowers or gifts to your workplace or school, or showing up toting them in hand, public declarations of love, teddybears, inappropriately expensive jewelry as gifts, candlelit dinners, etc. These guys like to go on about how “they know how to treat a lady”, when in reality they treat women as if we are interchangable, because after all, all women like long stemmed roses, jewelry, teddybears, and of course being mortified in public by some guy putting you on the spot. I suspect these guys are often controlling *******s, and I suspect they appeal to some women because they are used to being controlled, and therefore don’t recognize the signs that a guy isn’t interested in you personally, as a unique individual, but is instead interested in playing the role of “Prince Charming.” Or maybe they only appeal to very young women, or maybe there’s something else going on that I have no clue, well, frankly, because these guys don’t appeal to me at all.
2. The passive, weak, nice guy. Theare are the guys I, personally, dated a lot in high school. These are the guys you end up in a relationship with because they just hang around a lot, and they’re nice enough, and they’re obviously interested in you, and you don’t want to be mean and reject them, so somehow you just end up as a couple. Which is okay in high school, because, after all, what else were you doing in high school? Nothing, and at least this way your pretty much the one in control. The problem, however, is insecure people aren’t so much fun to be dating, and you get tired of being with someone who clings a little too tightly . But of course, these guys completely ignore the warning signs, or rather they’ll respond to the warning signs by becoming even more passive. So you end up breaking up with them, and then they either cringe and make themselves even more pathetic…which is even more annoying, and you end up not even being able to be friends with them, ever again…or else, they finally lash out and try to console themselves with thoughts of what a heinous ***** you were for not appreciating how much they loved (were dependent on) you.
3. The shy nice guy. Now, I, personally, have kind of a hard time telling the difference between the shy nice guy, and the passive, insecure nice guy, and I suspect the main difference only reveals itself over time, that is, you start dating a guy who seems shy, and he ends up being weak; or you start dating a guy who seems passive, and as you get to know him better you realize he’s just shy. Like the weak guys, shy men are often quite reluctant to initiate a relationship, and they also tend to be conflict avoidant. But, unlike the weak guys, they don’t have some latent hostility towards women that comes from being insecure in their own masculinity; they’re simple quiet or shy, and once you get past the initial social awkwardness, they’re basically pretty sure of themselves and can be perfectly fine boyfriends. I have to admit, I’m not so good with this type: I’m a little too impatient and blunt, and I’m not afraid of conflict, so I would probably just make men of this type incredibly uncomfortable a lot of the time. But I’ve seen them dating other friends of mine, and they seem to have a lot of virtues for women who are less assertive.
4. The genuinely nice guy. I strongly suspect that women never call these men “nice guys.” We call them “genuinely nice guys” or “really decent men” or “the good ones” or “yeah, he’s great.” Basically the key here is to have enough sense of who you are that you can deal with other people being who they are without taking every feeling your girlfriend has as a referendum on you personally. These are the guys who can listen to you ***** about something without trying to tell you what to do about it, or getting defensive, or starting to feel insecure because omg, you’re angry; the guys who recognize your individuality well enough that they don’t hassle you with stupid teddybears, but will instead give you a good book or cook you a dinner. In other words, genuine “niceness” means a certain level of differentiation: caring about someone, but also understanding that the person your dating has feelings and opinions and needs of their own that have nothing to do with you. And thinking that that’s really cool, and that’s why you liked them in the first place.
So, moral to the story, women don’t hate nice guys, it just depends what category of “nice” you fit into.
