ONEITIS - Lets Be Honest

ONEITIS - Lets Be Honest
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^



How does oneitis feel? HORRIBLE, yes its truly painful. Its just that feeling that holds you
and takes all your energy from you making you weak and emotional. Some can control it, MOST get controlled
by it. When oneitis has its claws in you IT WILL bring you down and suck your confidence, time, and
positive energy right out of your soul. You no longer feel like the man that you were, you wont be that
same guy ever again, period. More on this later. All you do is think of that one girl that is YOUR "dream girl"
your one and only. You think about her ALL day , ALL nite, first thing in the morning, last thing at nite, you
see her face every where you go, you wonder what shes doing rite now, what shes doing this week, who shes
hanging out with, what clubs shes in, what she gets up to, IF SHES THINKING ABOUT YOU like YOUR THINKING ABOUT HER, the list goes on and on and on and on. Its very
unhealthy and we have all been there.

There are several different heads of oneitis, some worse than others:

oneitis in LTR

When you actually have the girl you want and she monopolizes your thoughts like mentioned
above.

oneitis with a missed opportunity

When you have oneitis with a girl that HAD feelings for you at one point
and doesnt have them anymore whilst your feelings for her GROW. This is very very painful, ive been through it
,its like she just 'cast her spell' and left you hanging. If i remember this head of oneitis crossed over to the next more deadly form which will truly destroy you if you dont get out of it quickly...


oneitis when youve LJBF'ED

THIS IS LIVING HELL!, This is a slow painful death that no man deserves to suffer. This is a realm where truly
torchered souls dwell. This form of oneitis will punish you severely.

oneitis with a girl you dont know

This is when youve never actually met the girl, but just see her around. You might share the same circle of
friends etc etc, but youve never actually met.





Now thats covered lets get to the deep inner reasons why we develop oneitis in these situations. Oneitis is
like an 'infatuation' or an 'obsession' with a particular girl, an unhealthy infatuation. You think to
yourself "why cant i think of something else?" or "why did i have to meet her?". You just want to be your
self again, you question your self.

If we look deep within our selves we will find the answer. Its there waiting, all you have to do is search.
I looked deep within myself and i found out why i had severe oneitis for one girl.


Here are the reasons why:

"If i let go of / lose her then no other girl will want me"

This is the single most contributing factor that fuels the bouts of oneitis that torcher most of us. This
thought or state of mind is directly linked to having weak inner game or self esteem. You doubt your abilities
to get another girl, or another girl like her ( or even better than her ), so you hold on and develop ONEITIS.
You think "i have to make it work/ get her to like me / like me again / cos im doomed if i dont".



"its an honour for her to like me / be mine"

This isnt for you , its for your EGO. You want her on your arm to make you feel better so you try to get
her or fall into the cycle making her ike you and continously fail..


"not knowing when youve been defeated"

This is when you like the girl, ask her out and get rejected and NOT MOVE ON.. Youve been defeated, move on.



"She has to LIKE ME ME ME and NO ONE ELSE"

This is another factor that adds to the oneitis fire, POSSESSIVENESS. You want her to be yours and yours only
because you have already commited your self to her and want her to reciprocate. You become obsessed with her
because you think SHES YOURS FOR EVER, you actually believe that. ONEITIS is developed. You want her to like you / love you. Your now caught up in a cycle in which your trying to keep her interested in you. Your stuck in oneitis. Also, you probably want to possess her so that your either:
A) The first to fvck her ( take her virginity)
B) make sure your the only one who fvcks her and cant picture her getting d1ck from some other guy or being with someone else.
Thats how it was with me and my oneitis, its all INSECURITY

"weak inner game, low self esteem, no confidence"

People with low self esteem and ones who doubt themselves when it comes to girls develop oneitis ALOT.
You probably dont have much attention from girls and when one shows interest in you you get obsessed and think
"YES at LAST MY DAY HAS COME!!, IM NOT GONNA LET THIS ONE PASS, IM GONNA HOLD ON TO THIS ONE!!". When this happens you hold on for too long and it becomes an obsession. You develop oneitis.


"Not knowing when to say NEXT or MOVING ON"

This is due to having weak game . You dont know when the girl is not interested or just playing you along
or you havent made any moves and are just sitting there chumping over her. You read the whole scenario wrong
and fool your self into thinking that theres "something there" or that theres "still some passion/chemistry
between us". You end up lost in a never ending cycle and develop oneitis.





After digging deep within myself i realised that those were the primary factors as to why i had oneitis.
You have to dig deep and find answers. The girl i had oneitis for wasnt even that hot about hb 6-7, she is an
attention-*****, serial dater, and is the type of girl that expects guys to do as she says. I wondered as to
why I had oneitis for her and NOT any other guys, or my friends that knew her ( some dated her )? WEAK INNER
GAME and all that i pointed out above.

For all you guys in oneitis, ask your self this: how many other guys have oneitis for your chick? i bet its only YOU!

When i used to show my friends pictures of my oneitis (ex) or show her to them in person or talk about her, they would often get puzzeld as to why i was infatuated with her

They were more interested in other hotter girls. I had latched on to my oneitis and thought that she was the only girl for me, how foolish i was.

You see? its all in your head this infatuation, if she was truly a goddess as you lead your self to believe then every guy from here to the north pole would be infatuated with her NOT JUST YOU!. Oneitis likes to 'boil' in your brain and you add it fuel when you over-think and fantasize about the girl. For example, you imagine what it would be like for her to be 'your girl' or 'where your gonna take her next week and what you will do together' or 'how things would be if you hooked up' or 'how the future looks for both of you as an item' or any other scenarios in your oneitis infested mind. The reason you do this is because you CARE TOO MUCH and dont wanna FVCK THINGS UP.
This is a very very bad attitude because you focus everything on her and forget about your self completely. That will lead to your downfall

SNAP out of this ASAP, it really doesnt matter that much and the more you believe that ( cos its the truth ) the better off as a MAN you will be. SNAP out of it ASAP brothers :box:

For all you guys with oneitis fear not, your changing. Your becomming stronger , feel it and learn from it.
Look within your selves and find your answers because they are there waiting for you to break you
from these chains. Free your self.


Now that has been covered, how does one not get oneitis? Once bitten, NEVER AGAIN!!

Here is a list that should stop oneitis, or reduce it:

Dont have just one girl
Dont get EMOTIONALLY involved with ANY girl
Know that you should be able to WALK AWAY from any relationship without looking back
Protect your heart
Dont let your emotions cloud your judgment.
Dont doubt your self, if she goes then no problem, you can go get another better girl(s)
Dont put too much emphasis on girls, we really dont need them as much as you are led to believe.
And for gods sake make your move on that girl!!!!



For all you guys stuck in oneitis, Turn your back and WALK AWAY, cut the rope and never look back. :woo:



peace

muttley

EDIT: some new things added which i forgot

Thanks. I like this post. I tend to get oneitis #1, and I've been trying to get rid of it.

Absolutely excellent post. BRAVO.
This post should be in THE BIBLE.

In my 6 monther (see my thread) this is one of the major reasons that I failed to control what was happening and became whipped.
I, too, have suffered from oneitis, and I want out. Enough. No girl should beable to keep my thoughts like that.

Your post have reinspired me. I just got dumped by a oneitis girl on monday. It's time for me to realize that this is bull****e. I was doing a fine job of Keeping an exit strategy, staying relatively emotionally univolved. And what happend?
BAM. Oneitis bites me in the ass, and I become an Average Frustrated Chump. I became a nice guy.
Guys, for LTRs especially, this post rings so true for me, it's not even funny.

Thank you so much for this.

Originally posted by 22yearoldguy
going through this now.

i feel emotionally and physcially ravaged. its getting better after a month of knowing and almost accepting shes now returned to her ex, but i still think about her daily. i carry around the regret and anger of missed opportunity. i think about all the signals she sent, (telling me she thought i was really attractive she first saw me at school, how she had dreamt of me kissing her, waiting for me after work, calling me, etc etc) and how i failed to take advantage of them. i mean ****, i never tried to kiss her during our 4 months of dating.

but yeah, she returned to the ex (they had dated for 2 years and broke up a year/he lives 2 hours away) who has serious oneitis over this girl and hated the fact she was so infatuated with me at one point (from feb to may).

it wouldnt be so bad but i work with her and will see her more at school in sept. i've stopped all communication with her - we haven't spoken in 3 weeks. resultingly, the worst thing is how little i realize she's thinking of me. while i'm going through all this callow anguish (and would hope she is too) she's fine and back with the ex while i'm drowning my thought on a message board.

my head is getting better but i've lost 8lbs in 5 weeks.

please shoot me. i feel so fvcking embarrassed in retrospect of NOT MAKING A MOVE.

listen up players, if a girl tells you about her dreams of you kissing her, then by the end of the night you better fvcking kiss her.

Click to expand...

must be the oneitis going around ive got this missed opportunity bull**** aswell and i fkn hate it

Excellent post on "oneitis". As a man, if you break this affliction the world is yours and you've reached a higher consciousness. Realizing that today's women are useless beyond sex saves a lot of heartache and a lot of money if you've fallen into the trap of marrying them.

Just what I needed, ty

aye oneitis , tiz a big biatch but you can control it because its all in the mind and the reasons why your stuck in this horrible drab cloud of negativity is because you are not honest with your self. Look deep within your self and ask your self personal questions and be HONEST, you will be SET FREE BROTHERS!

ps: i just updated that onieitis post a little

pps: i had my fair share of oneitis , enuff is enuff

peace

muttley

Excellent post

Excellent post. oneitis with a missed opportunity...yep, suffered from that one. The messed up part is that you keep wondering what would have happened if you hadn't messed up, and you dwell over all the times that she flirted with you and stared at you and gave you all the signals before she lost interest, and you kick yourself, and wonder...what if...

Awesome post

Can relate with the missed oppotunity oneitis myself. Even tho its been about 9 months now. I still think of her from time to time. As the song goes, the first cut is the deepest... so true.


But we learn, and become stronger. Stronger and stronger, until we are holding the knife. These days, sometimes I feel a bit guilty not feeling much for girls who are into me. However, staying detached is much more fun for both parties. I dno if Ill ever let my emotions latch on to a girl so hard again. Its kinda sad to write that, but its true.

Women complain about men being so emotionally constipated. I guess this is the reason why.

The same thing happend to me, i too dissapeard for a while ( a oneitis girl ), didnt talk to her or any contact for months, and then we bump into one another. She gets mad at me for not keeping in touch yadda yadda yadda then gives me her number again to sms her so that she gives me her new numbers on her other fones... so i go home and sms her a day or 2 later...and hey guess what? SHE DIDNT REPLY and never will. I fell for it hook line and sinker. The girl just wants to know if she still "has you" and if u reply it will be confirmed. That boosts her ego/gives her the attentio she wants/ makes her feel happy. HOE.
Bro the girl did a 180 on you ( she went back to her ex ) , you think she will do 180 and come back? think it through..

peace

muttley

Great post, man. Props.

cheers

-JP

THANK YOU SO MUCH for this post muttley. i needed it so much.

i am going thru oneitis right now

and i keep thinking about what i could have done differently... "I shoulda been more outgoing... shoulda tried harder to impress her friends... I shouldnt have told her she was pretty so often..."

and then worst of all, you start thinking about how to possibly get her back. like, "if I start to really act like an Alpha male or maybe let her see me with another girl just to make her jealous..."

and it sucks. you just have to let go.
I am starting to realize that she was nothing special, she is no more special than every other girl.

Originally posted by muttley
Dont get EMOTIONALLY involved with ANY girl
Know that you should be able to WALK AWAY from any relationship without looking back

Click to expand...

Good post, but if you follow these points strictly, you won't ever be having a deep relationship (i.e. love - and I believe this is what most of us are wishing to have) that way. You must invest some of your emotions - and take some risks that way - once you find "the one". As long as you remain a strong man and don't turn into a wuss boy, you'll be fine. Hearts can be broken, thats life.

sorry new to this forum

what is oneitis and LJBF'ED

Originally posted by lordson
sorry new to this forum

what is oneitis and LJBF'ED

Click to expand...

oneitis: obsessed/can't get over one girl
LJBF: lets just be friends

Also check the glossary in the djbible section.

Originally posted by isotope
THANK YOU SO MUCH for this post muttley. i needed it so much.

i am going thru oneitis right now

and i keep thinking about what i could have done differently... "I shoulda been more outgoing... shoulda tried harder to impress her friends... I shouldnt have told her she was pretty so often..."

and then worst of all, you start thinking about how to possibly get her back. like, "if I start to really act like an Alpha male or maybe let her see me with another girl just to make her jealous..."

and it sucks. you just have to let go.
I am starting to realize that she was nothing special, she is no more special than every other girl.

Click to expand...

Thats exactly what you do when your in oneitis "i shouldve done this better , that better, if only i did this,that,..."

That will destroy you and make you feel that you NEED her when you actually dont. The girl your stuck in oneitis with has been raised a couple of notches in attractivness by your self when you over analyze shyt about her. That keeps her on your brain 24/7 and ruins your inner game. Its like a parasite that keeps eating away at you.

Now that im oneitis free and recovered nicely i swear to god that i feel SO FVCKING STRONG thats its unbelievable. I feel ALIVE again, with out a worry or a care in the world. And when i look back at how i was when i was infected wit oneitis i think "SHYT!, wtf was i on? was i nutz? i was in a fvckin DAZE!" ive literally "snapped out" of it and left it behind. It will never happen again.

Let her go bro and get on with being your self, ASK your self searching questions as to why your not letting go of her...BE HONEST with your self and you shall be set free

stay strong

muttley

The Fallacy of the ONE

ONEitis is paralysis. You cease to mature, you cease to move, you cease to be you.

There is no ONE. This is the soulmate myth. There are some good Ones and some bad Ones, but there is no ONE. Anyone telling you anything else is selling you something. There are LOTS of 'special someones' out there for you, just ask the divorced/widowed person who's remarried after their soulmate has died or moved on.

Stop trying to find the ONE out there for you. I about puke everytime I hear the mealy-mouthed voice of that Focus on the Family "Doctor" on the eHarmony commercials playing on stupid women's (and too many men's) fears of never finding security by advertising that they'll find your soul-mate with their 40 question pop-psychology personality test. Blecgh,..! There has never been a more damaging mass-psychosis in the history of humanity than the personal limitations and retardation in maturity that is self-inflicted from people swallowing this soul-mate garbage. But then again I guess no one would get paid to write sappy pop-love songs, produce 'romantic comedies', or write self-help books if people could see through myths like this.


This is what trips people up about the soul-mate myth, it is this fantasy that we all at least in some way share an idealization of; that there is ONE perfect mate for each of us and as soon as the planets align and fate takes it's course we'll know that we're 'intended' for each other. And while this may sell a lot of romance novels it's hardly a realistic way to plan your life. I've been married for 9 years and I love my wife dearly, but I know damn well were I to die that she'd marry another suitable guy a few years later. I had a friend commit suicide after 2 kids and 20 years of marriage, because he thought exactly like this; she was the ONE and he couldn't go on without her and she even bought this for the first 17 or so years. This woman started dating a millionaire 3 months after he was buried and married this guy a year later and you know what she tells my wife to this day? He's the ONE. So, you can sing songs about her (or him) and how you are each other's sun and moon, but in the harsh daylight of reality, we all do exactly what our conditions demand from us.

What I find even more fascinating is how common the idea is (mostly for guys) that a nuts & bolts view of life should be trumped in the area of intersexual relationships. Guys who would otherwise recognize the value of understanding psychology, biology, sociology, evolution and the interplay we see these take place in our lives on a daily basis, are some of the first guys to become violently opposed to the idea that maybe there isn't 'someone for everyone' or that there are a lot more ONEs out there that could meet or exceed the criteria we set for them to be the ONE. I think it comes off as nihilistic or this dread that maybe their ego investment in this belief is false. It's just too terrible to contemplate that there maybe no ONE or there maybe several ONEs to spend their lives with. And what's more ironic is that personally I have a very strong belief in God and yet don't entertain for a second that anything is predestined or that there isn't a whole world of people out there that could just as easily be a 'perfect match' for me in any given circumstance.

recommended.

note to moderator: I nominate this post for the Don Juan bible.
Do I hear a second nomination?

man i'm sooo happy i read this, it brings me one step closer to breaking through to the other side. At first I never understood a lot of guys and how they could love other girls than just one. I felt that guys that dumped girls and went for different girls were dumb because they were missing out on something great.

Then I realized that in the end, these guys probably went through the heartache already and felt that they had to be that way in order for things to work. Otherwise they'd be doomed to be constantly hurt.

I've always found it funny how girls are always saying that there's no nice guys and I keep saying it's because they make guys turn into "jerks". They did it to us, but I'm thankful because they set me free from depriving myself the life I deserved.

No longer will I sell myself short of my expectations and person feelings about what I can obtain. I'm listening to my inner voice instead of the one that is set on thinking that there IS no other outside of that one girl.

Originally posted by muttley

Dont get EMOTIONALLY involved with ANY girl

Click to expand...

That works well for a player mentality but if you are looking for an LTR, then eventually you will have to involve yourself emotionally otherwise you will have a problem and the LTR will be pointless.

Other then that, good post

the common denominator in failure (in life, work, oneitis, loss of dreams, and etc.) is yourself. You give the power to the "Oppressor" and it is time to take that power back. If you get stuck in oneitis, then you better not cry to me because I realize that it is your fault and your fault alone.