a little confused

carryout kid · 05-31-2005, 09:53 AM

this is probably just a post to vent other than anything else. but any advice would be appreciated nonetheless.

okay, i wrote about the speed dating thing earlier. so last friday i went out with the girl i matched up with. great date. as well as a first date could go, really. well, actually, it could have gone better, but this one was as good as it gets without some sort of sex involved.

we had a great rapport going. i was asking questions, not revealing too much, and she was talking and laughing a lot. i feel i'm a pretty funny guy, not exactly cocky, but i find it pretty easy to make people laugh. anyway, we were really comfortable with each other and i felt like we had a good connection, and it seemed reciprocal. lots of lingering eye contact, too.

later on in the date there was some kino action from both her and me. actually, she started by touching my arm. i followed with some arm action and some other pretty benign touching. no ass grabbing, of course. just sort of incidental touching, but held just a moment longer. it sounds creepy when i write about it, but trust me, i was hitting all my marks here.

at the end of the date i sort of teased a kiss, but held off. it seemed like the right thing to do at the time, because i didn't want to force the issue. she said she had a "wonderful time", and i agreed.

so the next day i drove to my hometown for memorial day cookouts and whatnot, and returned sunday night. i gave her a call and left a message for her, just asking what was up, just a really casual 1 minute message. i wouldn't have even left one, but everyone has cellphones our caller id, so i'd rather just leave a message than call multiple times.

she hasn't called back. it's just two days at this point, but the thing is, i thought i had her. it isn't even that i like her that much, but i was pretty confident that i just blew her away on the date. i thought she'd be chomping on the bit to get back in contact with me.

i just can't read women. i mean, i come out of dates so confident but it often seems that the women are pretty cold when i actually follow up on the date.

any ideas?

Chrispy · 05-31-2005, 10:01 PM

Where did you go on your date, and for how long?

wind20mph · 06-01-2005, 12:51 AM

Women are cold in the sense of the following erasons:

1. didn't enjoyed or have much fun with you.
2. you loose the attraction and acted like ass kisser.
3. you didn't give a great experience.
4. you didn't take the lead.
5. you show some needyness and insecurities.

Reading a woman is totally all over her body language.

She is showing it to you and you not paying attention in it.

Remeber to have a second date... Great Experience + Missing you formula.

Go read some of the posts of Mr. Fingers You'll find related good informations.

Regards,

wind20mph

carryout kid · 06-01-2005, 09:31 AM

we got some chinese food and went bowling. yeah, i know, it's a cheesy date, but it's a good source of unintentional comedy. i had her cracking up all night. plus there's alcohol, and some physicality, i guess. you at least get to see your date's ass a lot.

we played maybe 4-5 games. plus we had the dinner, which lasted an hour. too long, perhaps? after a game or two of bowling i gave her an out, i asked her if she might want to leave, if she had plans for the next morning, because it was getting late. she was all "no, i'm having fun right here with you." that seems pretty postive in my book.

other than the length of the date, i can only come up with one slip the whole night. at the end of the date, i asked her what she was doing over the long weekend. i was going to my parents house; she had nothing to do. so being nice, i told her i'd give her a call monday if i got back into town early, and maybe we could hang out, if we both had nothing to do. i was assuming she'd be alone all weekend and bored. that might have looked a little needy in retrospect. but i wouldn't think that would sabotage the whole night... i mean, i've ****ed up way worse on other dates and they've turned out fine. i'm not the smoothest cat in the world. but that last date was my best performance, mainly due to this discussion board.

well, practice makes perfect. tomorrow is another day. this weekend i'm going to a wine festival, and a friend of mine has a cute friend she's bringing along, so i'll focus on that.

DrDope · 06-01-2005, 01:41 PM

Looks like it went pretty well.

Bowling is a good date. If she likes you, she won't care if you asked her to go slop hogs at a pig farm. She'll go with you.

Don't beat yourself up too much about your little slip at the end. Probably shouldn't have given her anything concrete like that, but it's no big deal. Good work.

Slickster · 06-01-2005, 02:12 PM

You really have no idea why she hasn't called back yet. It really could be anything. So don't beat yourself up about it at all.

Even if she isn't interested, you are out there getting valuable experience which is something that alot of guys around here really struggle with.

Its funny, but I bet that around the time you forget about her is exactly the time she'll be calling.

Keep rolling with the punches.

Good work.

carryout kid · 06-01-2005, 02:32 PM

hey, thanks for the replies and support, guys. yeah, i need to just forget about it for now. i did write her email last night just asking how the rest of her weekend went, to try and draw some sort of response. the thing is, this really has nothing to do with her right now, per se, i'm just curious as to why she just kind of dissappeared. she's pretty average, to tell the truth. there's many more girls out there that are more interesting and frankly, hotter. or at least that's what i need to believe.

but i guess there's no substitute for experience. i'll just keep at it. i'll keep posting updates as well, not that anyone else is interested, but getting stuff out like this helps. i can't really discuss this stuff with real-life friends and not look like a loser, and it's a lot less girly than a diary...

DrDope · 06-01-2005, 04:56 PM

It's cool, carryout. I'm interested in your story.

I'd stay away from email as a rule. I know a lot of guys on here will tell you otherwise but I'm old school on that. Email is not your friend. I know you want to contact her, but you just have to wait her out like a crocodile waiting for a goat to walk down to the river.

If she doesn't return your call for like a week, try again. If still no luck, you just have to wait her out.

Slickster · 06-01-2005, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DrDope
I'd stay away from email as a rule. I know a lot of guys on here will tell you otherwise but I'm old school on that. Email is not your friend. I know you want to contact her, but you just have to wait her out like a crocodile waiting for a goat to walk down to the river.

If she doesn't return your call for like a week, try again. If still no luck, you just have to wait her out.

Good advice

carryout kid · 06-01-2005, 09:46 PM

well, she wrote me email tonight. it started off with "i don't know if my first email got through" which sounds pretty dubious to me. when does email "not go through?"

anyway, she said she had fun and would like to get together again, but work was hectic blah blah blah. which is reasonable, because i remember druing the date she said this week was her last at school (she's a therapist that works at a elementary school during the year, and then works at a hospital in the summer). so i can buy that.

but i feel loads better because, in the words of george costanza, i now have "hand." so now i can relax and just let her twist in the wind a little bit. and like i said, i have some plans for this weekend, so i'm in no hurry to call her up. well, at least that's what i'm saying now, but i have to stick with that mindset.

plus i got in touch with a friend from home who's single as well, and we're going out together to chat up some women. all the people i've been hanging out with since the breakup with my ex are either married or they've been together for upwards of a year. that's a recipe for a stagnant social life right there.

DrDope · 06-02-2005, 09:23 AM

And once again we are reminded why it is so important to have other women in your pipeline. If you have just the one, then the waiting game is torture. But if you have others to occupy your time, then the time goes faster and your ego is stroked by the others.

This, maybe more than anything else, should be the DJ mantra. Diversify your portfolio.

carryout kid · 06-10-2005, 02:58 PM

well, no call from the girl.

but that's cool. i have a date tomorrow and i'm meeting up with some people tonight, and i think i have a great chance of getting a future date from a friend of a friend.

after lurking for a few months i'm really starting to figure things out a bit. for me, it's all about confidence. i figure once i get my confidence in check the rest will work itself out.

i'm not expecting to take girls home 5 minutes after i meet them or anything, i just want some opportunities to find someone i can spend some time with. i just need to treat all my encounters as learning experiences and try to build from them for the future.

insomniac · 06-10-2005, 03:47 PM

If you read my first post ever, you'll see a similar situation with me. I had this girl in the bag, and then she disappeared for two weeks. I was a confused mess! In my case, she reappeared and we dated for about four months.

I've know some women who do this: they'll return your calls after several days, having been "too busy with work/school/etc" to call sooner, but they'll not agree to meet up again and will always come up with an excuse. My theory...they're not interested but yet completely unable to tell you to your face. They're waiting for you to get the hint...to give up and go away.

Like everyone else has said...keep other women in the works and you won't ever care how one in particular turns out. Sounds like that's what you're doing.

marcuk · 06-10-2005, 06:11 PM

ive had the same myself,went out had a good date,all appeared to go ok but never heard from her again.its ok to have a look at possible reasons but i didnt think to much about it,sometimes its an enigma. best of luck

Chrispy · 06-11-2005, 07:05 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by DrDope
It's cool, carryout. I'm interested in your story.

I'd stay away from email as a rule. I know a lot of guys on here will tell you otherwise but I'm old school on that. Email is not your friend. I know you want to contact her, but you just have to wait her out like a crocodile waiting for a goat to walk down to the river.

If she doesn't return your call for like a week, try again. If still no luck, you just have to wait her out.

For carryout kid, she did reply so it's not too bad, but I agree. Generally speaking, email is a horrible way to do a follow-up. It usually takes me a couple of steps back instead of forward. The only time I use it is to field out her interest or if I'm not sure myself if I want to push it forward.

And yeah, it's tougher to date if you've only got one option in the pipeline...higher odds of reverting to AFC. ALWAYS have more than one option at a time!!!

05-31-2005, 09:53 AM	#1
carryout kid Don Juan Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 20	a little confused this is probably just a post to vent other than anything else. but any advice would be appreciated nonetheless. okay, i wrote about the speed dating thing earlier. so last friday i went out with the girl i matched up with. great date. as well as a first date could go, really. well, actually, it could have gone better, but this one was as good as it gets without some sort of sex involved. we had a great rapport going. i was asking questions, not revealing too much, and she was talking and laughing a lot. i feel i'm a pretty funny guy, not exactly cocky, but i find it pretty easy to make people laugh. anyway, we were really comfortable with each other and i felt like we had a good connection, and it seemed reciprocal. lots of lingering eye contact, too. later on in the date there was some kino action from both her and me. actually, she started by touching my arm. i followed with some arm action and some other pretty benign touching. no ass grabbing, of course. just sort of incidental touching, but held just a moment longer. it sounds creepy when i write about it, but trust me, i was hitting all my marks here. at the end of the date i sort of teased a kiss, but held off. it seemed like the right thing to do at the time, because i didn't want to force the issue. she said she had a "wonderful time", and i agreed. so the next day i drove to my hometown for memorial day cookouts and whatnot, and returned sunday night. i gave her a call and left a message for her, just asking what was up, just a really casual 1 minute message. i wouldn't have even left one, but everyone has cellphones our caller id, so i'd rather just leave a message than call multiple times. she hasn't called back. it's just two days at this point, but the thing is, i thought i had her. it isn't even that i like her that much, but i was pretty confident that i just blew her away on the date. i thought she'd be chomping on the bit to get back in contact with me. i just can't read women. i mean, i come out of dates so confident but it often seems that the women are pretty cold when i actually follow up on the date. any ideas?

05-31-2005, 10:01 PM	#2
Chrispy Senior Don Juan Join Date: Sep 2001 Age: 34 Posts: 433	Where did you go on your date, and for how long?

06-01-2005, 12:51 AM	#3
wind20mph Don Juan Join Date: Feb 2005 Age: 36 Posts: 188	Women are cold in the sense of the following erasons: 1. didn't enjoyed or have much fun with you. 2. you loose the attraction and acted like ass kisser. 3. you didn't give a great experience. 4. you didn't take the lead. 5. you show some needyness and insecurities. Reading a woman is totally all over her body language. She is showing it to you and you not paying attention in it. Remeber to have a second date... Great Experience + Missing you formula. Go read some of the posts of Mr. Fingers You'll find related good informations. Regards, wind20mph

06-01-2005, 09:31 AM	#4
carryout kid Don Juan Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 20	we got some chinese food and went bowling. yeah, i know, it's a cheesy date, but it's a good source of unintentional comedy. i had her cracking up all night. plus there's alcohol, and some physicality, i guess. you at least get to see your date's ass a lot. we played maybe 4-5 games. plus we had the dinner, which lasted an hour. too long, perhaps? after a game or two of bowling i gave her an out, i asked her if she might want to leave, if she had plans for the next morning, because it was getting late. she was all "no, i'm having fun right here with you." that seems pretty postive in my book. other than the length of the date, i can only come up with one slip the whole night. at the end of the date, i asked her what she was doing over the long weekend. i was going to my parents house; she had nothing to do. so being nice, i told her i'd give her a call monday if i got back into town early, and maybe we could hang out, if we both had nothing to do. i was assuming she'd be alone all weekend and bored. that might have looked a little needy in retrospect. but i wouldn't think that would sabotage the whole night... i mean, i've ****ed up way worse on other dates and they've turned out fine. i'm not the smoothest cat in the world. but that last date was my best performance, mainly due to this discussion board. well, practice makes perfect. tomorrow is another day. this weekend i'm going to a wine festival, and a friend of mine has a cute friend she's bringing along, so i'll focus on that.

06-01-2005, 01:41 PM	#5
DrDope Don Juan Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 94	Looks like it went pretty well. Bowling is a good date. If she likes you, she won't care if you asked her to go slop hogs at a pig farm. She'll go with you. Don't beat yourself up too much about your little slip at the end. Probably shouldn't have given her anything concrete like that, but it's no big deal. Good work.

06-01-2005, 02:12 PM	#6
Slickster Master Don Juan Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Canada Posts: 2,262	You really have no idea why she hasn't called back yet. It really could be anything. So don't beat yourself up about it at all. Even if she isn't interested, you are out there getting valuable experience which is something that alot of guys around here really struggle with. Its funny, but I bet that around the time you forget about her is exactly the time she'll be calling. Keep rolling with the punches. Good work.

06-01-2005, 02:32 PM	#7
carryout kid Don Juan Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 20	hey, thanks for the replies and support, guys. yeah, i need to just forget about it for now. i did write her email last night just asking how the rest of her weekend went, to try and draw some sort of response. the thing is, this really has nothing to do with her right now, per se, i'm just curious as to why she just kind of dissappeared. she's pretty average, to tell the truth. there's many more girls out there that are more interesting and frankly, hotter. or at least that's what i need to believe. but i guess there's no substitute for experience. i'll just keep at it. i'll keep posting updates as well, not that anyone else is interested, but getting stuff out like this helps. i can't really discuss this stuff with real-life friends and not look like a loser, and it's a lot less girly than a diary...

06-01-2005, 04:56 PM	#8
DrDope Don Juan Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 94	It's cool, carryout. I'm interested in your story. I'd stay away from email as a rule. I know a lot of guys on here will tell you otherwise but I'm old school on that. Email is not your friend. I know you want to contact her, but you just have to wait her out like a crocodile waiting for a goat to walk down to the river. If she doesn't return your call for like a week, try again. If still no luck, you just have to wait her out.

06-01-2005, 09:46 PM	#10
carryout kid Don Juan Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 20	well, she wrote me email tonight. it started off with "i don't know if my first email got through" which sounds pretty dubious to me. when does email "not go through?" anyway, she said she had fun and would like to get together again, but work was hectic blah blah blah. which is reasonable, because i remember druing the date she said this week was her last at school (she's a therapist that works at a elementary school during the year, and then works at a hospital in the summer). so i can buy that. but i feel loads better because, in the words of george costanza, i now have "hand." so now i can relax and just let her twist in the wind a little bit. and like i said, i have some plans for this weekend, so i'm in no hurry to call her up. well, at least that's what i'm saying now, but i have to stick with that mindset. plus i got in touch with a friend from home who's single as well, and we're going out together to chat up some women. all the people i've been hanging out with since the breakup with my ex are either married or they've been together for upwards of a year. that's a recipe for a stagnant social life right there.

06-02-2005, 09:23 AM	#11
DrDope Don Juan Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 94	And once again we are reminded why it is so important to have other women in your pipeline. If you have just the one, then the waiting game is torture. But if you have others to occupy your time, then the time goes faster and your ego is stroked by the others. This, maybe more than anything else, should be the DJ mantra. Diversify your portfolio.

06-10-2005, 02:58 PM	#12
carryout kid Don Juan Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 20	well, no call from the girl. but that's cool. i have a date tomorrow and i'm meeting up with some people tonight, and i think i have a great chance of getting a future date from a friend of a friend. after lurking for a few months i'm really starting to figure things out a bit. for me, it's all about confidence. i figure once i get my confidence in check the rest will work itself out. i'm not expecting to take girls home 5 minutes after i meet them or anything, i just want some opportunities to find someone i can spend some time with. i just need to treat all my encounters as learning experiences and try to build from them for the future.

06-10-2005, 03:47 PM	#13
insomniac Senior Don Juan Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: MN Age: 39 Posts: 212	If you read my first post ever, you'll see a similar situation with me. I had this girl in the bag, and then she disappeared for two weeks. I was a confused mess! In my case, she reappeared and we dated for about four months. I've know some women who do this: they'll return your calls after several days, having been "too busy with work/school/etc" to call sooner, but they'll not agree to meet up again and will always come up with an excuse. My theory...they're not interested but yet completely unable to tell you to your face. They're waiting for you to get the hint...to give up and go away. Like everyone else has said...keep other women in the works and you won't ever care how one in particular turns out. Sounds like that's what you're doing.

06-10-2005, 06:11 PM	#14
marcuk Don Juan Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: near london Age: 48 Posts: 7	ive had the same myself,went out had a good date,all appeared to go ok but never heard from her again.its ok to have a look at possible reasons but i didnt think to much about it,sometimes its an enigma. best of luck