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Old 03-22-2005, 08:39 PM   #1
Fumbduck
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How to tell her YOU need space

As all of us know who visit this site, it is designed to help our people and social skills through self improvement. If you need help acquiring a girlfriend, or need a tip to catch the girl's eye you've been interested in, this is the place to come. But what about that other aspect of this 'dating game'. When you want to take a 'break' from the relationship, or it's getting too serious too quickly?

Hey all, I've put a lot of thought into this question and it's been weighing heavily on my mind lately. I may act and think like a DJ, but i'm not out to hurt or lead anyone on. In my opinion there's a good balance of 'charm', 'jerk', 'cockyness' that i feel work well for myself.

I've been seeing this girl for about a month now. She's a great girlfriend, everything that I could want in a relationship. However, my best freind and I live on the coast for the whole summer. Plenty of bars, clubs, and stuff to do. I will not have a lot of time to devote to this girl. I will be working, hanging out with my boys, and going out at night. I've told her several times that my friend and i go out and talk to girls, get numbers and meet new people. She 'seems' ok with it. Both him and I have been planning and looking forward to this for the whole year. I feel summer is a time to relax and have a good time.

Since i'm going to be out of touch for most of the day, and out during the nights, how could i break it to the g/f that i want 'space' during the summer to enjoy myself and hang out with my boys who i havent seen all year? Our relationship (her and I) has been getting serious very quickly. I really like her, however I want to have a good time with my friends in a few months. I want her to know that summer means nothing and don't want her to take anything personally. After is all said and done, after we take a "break" i want very much to get back together. My problem is how to do so, and not have her take it personally...
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Old 03-22-2005, 08:51 PM   #2
penkitten
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be honest with her
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Old 03-22-2005, 08:54 PM   #3
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Don't answer your phone calls or be available when she wants too. You are in control of this and you got to let her know that you will be buzy and that you will call her when you have time this summer.

Trying to imply that you want a "break" during the summer or you would hardly have time for her would not make her happy.If she gets upset and is not happy about the situation then break up with her. You obviously are not that in to her if you are trying to catch a fling for the summer.
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Old 03-22-2005, 09:07 PM   #4
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If you want to keep her around, you're gonna have to make time for her, period. Since your "relationship" with her is still quite young (1 month for a relationship?) she's probably not going to be waiting for you once you're done partying.

If you're going to be nowhere near her location, you're going on a holiday for the summer. She still may not be waiting around for you. You may have to choose between your buddies and some chick you've been dating for one month.

Don't keep your hopes up that you can just continue when you get back.
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Old 03-23-2005, 12:48 AM   #5
Fumbduck
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Let me throw this into the equation...she infact WILL be living nearby with her freinds.

This girl has got the potential to be a GREAT g/f. However, to me enjoying the summer with my friends is going to be more important than a relationship at that time. My bro and I have been planning this for almost a year now. Like i said, i really like her, but i don't want to lower down my shields just yet and really get attatched. (I'm starting to, but slooooowly.) I say this because for what i have to do come summer, and that is...break this news to her about having our "space" or taking a "break" but still seeing eachother during the season.

I had a relationship a year ago, trying to keep it strong through the summer season just pushed us further apart. I don't want to be that jealous boyfriend, or have her be the clingy girl. I just feel like we should just have our space, but still see eachother as much as i'm able to.
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Old 03-23-2005, 01:06 AM   #6
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From what I know it is up to the individual to define their own paths in a relationship and that needs to happen from the get go. You've only been together for a month. Who made it serious? If it was you and you were knowing that you didn't actually want anything serious than you were being an *******. If you came into this situation and have consistently acted like you were not trying to be serious than the blame is put on her.

If you say she would be a GREAT girlfiend and you mean it than why are you trying to justify your possible actions? A GREAT girl is hard to come by and maybe you should rethink how difficult this summer is going to be. Trust me life is short and you need to trust your gut sometimes, if your gut says have fun and drop what you have than do it but if your mind, and your friends are telling you to drop it and that is your only reason than think a little harder before making a definitive decision. Chances are that you will tell her to hold off for the summer while you do what you please and she will wind up doing the same.
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Old 03-23-2005, 01:29 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by Fumbduck


I had a relationship a year ago, trying to keep it strong through the summer season just pushed us further apart. I don't want to be that jealous boyfriend, or have her be the clingy girl. I just feel like we should just have our space, but still see eachother as much as i'm able to.


Lemmie get this straight, you want to go out with your boys to bars and clubs as a single guy yet you still want to see your g/f as much as possible? I assume this is how you what you're asking.

Okay the only way for that to happen is to ask her or tell her that you'd like to have a temporary open relationship. Unless you don't plan on doing anything with the girls you'll be meeting when you're in a drunken stooper (which it doesn't sound like you do) there's no way a girl is going to agree to wait while you go and sew your oats.

I don't really understand what you're looking for though. I mean you claim you want a break but you still want to see her all the time. Sounds to me like you're confusing yourself with this one. I mean if you see her but you're on a "break" what are your interations going to be like? Awquard doesn't even come close to decribing your new but on hold relationship. The whole thing really seems kind of strange to me and I'm just reading about it. If you try to put this girl through it she's going to think you're strange as well and she may rethink wanting to be with you at all.

Still chances are if you try to confront her with this idea she's going to talk you out of it anyway. No girl just entering in a realtionship wants to let her boyfirend be on a "break" (reads single) with his chronies and drunken girls. Thats just not going to happen.
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Old 03-23-2005, 10:10 AM   #8
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It is a strange question...I thank you all for taking the time to read and digest all the information.

Her and I have spoken about this...going out with my boys and meeting/talking/"DJing" chicks. and if a "hook-up" should happen, ie. kiss, it would not be that big of a deal. b/c i'm not going to pursue the girl. I'm not trying to 'see how much i can get away with' its just all good fun. However, i'm only going to be taking it this far. I'm not going out to fcuk as many chicks as possible. It's just about having fun...sex is the last thing on my mind. (how wierd it sounds right!) I've hinted at this to her many times and mentioned it before to her that summer would bring these type of actions.

Right from the get-go i've implied that I was going to be doing this. To answer your question, SHE made the relationship serious, and we're both still young so i see why not have us BOTH have fun during the summer. Rather than worry about if she's cheating, or have her worry that i'm cheating, have us take a break...then get back to being exclusive when the 'meaningless' summer is over.

I'm just looking for imput from anyone who has maybe done this, a break of any kind; or just has some insight to whether or not it could work for you.
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Old 03-23-2005, 10:43 AM   #9
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This reminds me of that Guess Who song...

"Seasons change and so did I,
You need not wonder why"

So, what you're doing is giving yourself a taste of other chicks, but you're not going to eat the whole thing. What's going to stop you from saying "oh maybe just one little bite, it won't hurt." Before you know it, you're eating anything you can get your hands on.

If you're in a relationship, you should remain 100% faithful. If you're not going to remain 100% faithful, why the fvck are you in a relationship?
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Old 03-23-2005, 10:51 AM   #10
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This girl is not your wife. Your souls are not intertwined, therefore you are free to move however your soul wants to move. Stop looking for ways to get "permission" to live your life, because in a nut shell this is what you are doing. You said she "made" the relationship serious. It seems as if she is your mother, but she isnt she is just a girl you have been dating for a month.

To enjoy the summer all you need to do is enjoy the summer. If you are busy that night do what "MEN" do and say "I cant tonight Im busy". This is making a moutain out of a mole hill. Your mother birthed your years ago not this girl you met a month ago, go out and do what your soul needs your body to do.
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Old 03-23-2005, 11:51 AM   #11
MrHarris
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well you already said it in your post. just turn it around and say it to her.
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Old 03-23-2005, 01:01 PM   #12
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Thumbs up agreed.

Quote:
Originally posted by penkitten
be honest with her

Trying to "get around" it or hint it will just bring up complications that u dont need. So just be honest with her.
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Old 03-23-2005, 01:04 PM   #13
yunghova35
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Quote:
Originally posted by Royal Elite
This girl is not your wife. Your souls are not intertwined, therefore you are free to move however your soul wants to move. Stop looking for ways to get "permission" to live your life, because in a nut shell this is what you are doing. You said she "made" the relationship serious. It seems as if she is your mother, but she isnt she is just a girl you have been dating for a month.

To enjoy the summer all you need to do is enjoy the summer. If you are busy that night do what "MEN" do and say "I cant tonight Im busy". This is making a moutain out of a mole hill. Your mother birthed your years ago not this girl you met a month ago, go out and do what your soul needs your body to do.


Exactly, I has a whole different reply beforeI saw you werent looking to go out and get laid. So now it makes it seem like your just looking for permission to PARTY, why are you NOT a man?

well the part about "she cool with the whole thing" is total BS, no woman in here right mind is ok with a guy flirting and kissing other chick (i HAD a woman tell me that and she was lying her ass off i cant tell you WHY they would say that tho)

So basically my advice is why fvck up the relationship??? it seems like you have no reason to, you dont want to cheat, you just want to have fun, so tell her when your going out say "hey im going out" BOTTOM LINE. And if she has a problem with you going out everynight THEN it may be time to end the relationship (dont let her STOP you from BEING you) but do not tell her yiou want to have a break, WHY in the hell would anyone wait for a person??? you would be telling her "your not attractive, fun, outgoing, as I would like so i'm going to fiond better people to enjoy my summer with, i'll ctach you when the fun stops"
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