Is it wrong to be selective?

I think deep down i am a bit shallow and would prefer my dates to be on the same lvl of looks (if not better looking) as me. i mean why go for quantity, when you could go for quality?

there were times in the past i nexted girls who had interesting personalities yet lacked in the department of looks, sexuality (were afraid to show it, the way they dressed/acted), intelligence, street smarts, knowledgeable about world events...etc....could i have been wrong by not lowering my standards?

i think most of you know what im talking about and have been there. But i think this is the main reason why i'm still living the bachelor life.

same here. if i dont feel it for a girl, either for looks or personality, then i dont feel it. everyone is selective, or should be

b

Originally posted by ScrewIt
I think deep down i am a bit shallow and would prefer my dates to be on the same lvl of looks (if not better looking) as me. i mean why go for quantity, when you could go for quality?

there were times in the past i nexted girls who had interesting personalities yet lacked in the department of looks, sexuality (were afraid to show it, the way they dressed/acted), intelligence, street smarts, knowledgeable about world events...etc....could i have been wrong by not lowering my standards?

i think most of you know what im talking about and have been there. But i think this is the main reason why i'm still living the bachelor life.

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don't feel bad about this at all. You have a right to have the kind of girl you want.

I've had the same problem. Most of the time it is over the girls weight. I just can't stand girls who are chunky in anyway. I don't find it attractive.

I recently had to turn a girl away who was perfect in every way but her looks. She had everything I wanted as far as a personality and was a total giver. I just couldn't get over the chunk on her ass. I only find skinny girls attractive. You could call that a problem, but I have come to accept it as part of who I am.

Yes, it does make you feel bad when you find a great girl and you just can't get over something about her looks. But at least you are being honest with yourself and with the girl.

I don't know of any man who can completely reject their basic desire to appreciate a girl for her looks. Women are pleasing for a man to look at. That is the natural order of things. There is nothing wrong with appreciating a woman for how she looks.
Ask yourself who is telling you that it is wrong to be selective about a girls looks? where did you hear this from? I don't know of any religion that has such a doctrine.

There is nothing wrong with being too selective. Only you know what you find attractive and what makes you happy in life.

There is nothing wrong with living the bachelor life. Trust me on this. I know guys who would love to be in my shoes. Guys who are married to useless women. So don't stress out about it. Your life is good.

Being married is like having steak once and then starving. Being a bachelor is like eating bread and water everyday. It might be bland at times but at least you are alive.

Dude - it is wrong NOT to be selective - the question is - "What is your selected criteria upon which you chose to evalute your prey?" If your criteria is lacking then so are your pickings!! In other words - if you are looking for horish qualities then it is a hor that will attract you and your downfall will be of your own doing!!

Originally posted by 00Kevin
Yes, it does make you feel bad when you find a great girl and you just can't get over something about her looks. But at least you are being honest with yourself and with the girl.

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yes it does

I don't know of any man who can completely reject their basic desire to appreciate a girl for her looks. Women are pleasing for a man to look at. That is the natural order of things. There is nothing wrong with appreciating a woman for how she looks.
Ask yourself who is telling you that it is wrong to be selective about a girls looks? where did you hear this from? I don't know of any religion that has such a doctrine.

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No one's telling me this. I know i am very selective. why you ask?
I think im extent at the point of this case to where i havent had dates in the longest time because of my criteria. Often my criteria is based on looks first, and if they dont have it, well i dont give them a chance.

I believe my high standards or selectiveness vastly narrows down my opportunities with women.

Maybe i should stop looking for perfection and lower my standards?

If your standards are too high or off the target, you will end up unhappy. Trust me.
These so-called 9's and 10's, usually lack greatly in the personality department. If you're going to look for a 9 or a 10 with a good personality, you may be looking for a long, long time.

There are PLENTY of 7's and 8's out there that are worth the effort. They usually don't spend all that much time on their looks, because they spend more time on their personality. Were they to wear slutty clothes and change their appearance, a lot of them have the ability to become a 9 or a 10. The only difference is, they're not actively looking to be picked up by a guy so he can provide for them or entertain them, they're doing something with their life, which is essentially what we're trying to teach the people on here as well.

No, but it is wrong to fool yourself into thinking the reason you don't approach women is due to high standards.

Originally posted by ScrewIt
I think deep down i am a bit shallow and would prefer my dates to be on the same lvl of looks (if not better looking) as me. i mean why go for quantity, when you could go for quality?

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The Feminists have tabled a UN proposal to classify guys basing decisions about who they hook up with on looks as a crime against humanity. Fortunately Kofi hasn't signed it yet...

As long as you are meeting loads of ladies and are being realistic then its no problem.

I try hard NOT to be selective because it helps me meet more girls.

Personal selectivity aside, the point is to demonstrate your selectivity to girls. You'll read about this in many dating systems. Communicating selectivity will make the girl realize that you are in control and know what you want, and thus will work harder to earn your approval. This falls under the domain of prizing (Swinggcat, Real World Seduction)

Like many techniques, this requires subtlety. Telling a girl outright that you are selective won't cut it. A good example is telling a girl a story about a girl you knew was acting like a brat, so you had cut her off. Another would be telling her that she's ruined your chances with you when she's done something "bad" - an example of ****y and Funny (DeAngelo, Double Your Dating). Both of these communicate that you have high standards and don't take crap from girls, upping your attractiveness.

I don't think it's wrong at all to be selective as long as you can afford to be. Look at girls, They won't even talk to a guy if he doesn't pass both her looks test and her personality test. No reason to feel quilty. If you can get someone you feel is better dump the girl. That's what girls do all the time.

Originally posted by ScrewIt
I think deep down i am a bit shallow and would prefer my dates to be on the same lvl of looks (if not better looking) as me. i mean why go for quantity, when you could go for quality?

there were times in the past i nexted girls who had interesting personalities yet lacked in the department of looks, sexuality (were afraid to show it, the way they dressed/acted), intelligence, street smarts, knowledgeable about world events...etc....could i have been wrong by not lowering my standards?

i think most of you know what im talking about and have been there. But i think this is the main reason why i'm still living the bachelor life.

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Absolutely not! You like what you like-that can't be helped. If youre not attracted to a big girl then thats your preference-don't feel bad about that.. Women do the same thing-they have their preferences as do we.

I'll rephrase your question and then let you answer it:

You are asking if a person should select anything and everything life throws his way, and have no type of standards for quality at all?

Royal, im not implying the person should "take what they can get" But im saying if standards are too high and maybe unrealistic it should be lowered a notch.

On the other hand, it could be im using this an excuse for not approaching. Im a good looking guy, and for that reason i do have high standards....i would expect the opposite sex to be on the same or near level as me.

Re:

Bachelor life?

You're 20...what other life is there at that age?


People aren't selective ENOUGH. That accept anything that comes there way without considering much else. More often than not, they judge based only looks.


Next time....Whether you've approached or not, ask yourself if you feel a "connection" a desire, an automatic rapport. It exsts. Most guys feel it, but they end up reverting to their d!cks and not listening to the inner voice.


If you do THIS, you'll confidently approach any woman, AND, you'll enjoy being with her, as well as being less likely to cheat, stray, or google at another broad.


On another note...


If you're asking the question, you already know the answer.



A-Unit

How I would love to find the combination of good looks with a good personality, alas, this is a hard combination to come by.

Originally posted by Don Juanabbe
How I would love to find the combination of good looks with a good personality, alas, this is a hard combination to come by.

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Wouldnt we all now?

A-unit, u make a good point once again. unfortunately i have no inner voice and my **** cloud my thoughts.

Re:

Your what? C0CK?


It clouds EVERY guys thoughts. It's clouded my thoughts, easily.


Personally, when that happens, I sit back and meditate, think on it, feel on it. Every guy knows what he feels for a chick and if it's going anywhere. If you dated a hottie, where she's inflexible, doesn't joke around, or ask questions back...then it won't end up anywhere better in the future. Most guys know this, few guys act on this. If you keep hope alive, you keep the pain alive. Discard the *hope*.


There's 2 emotions in life, only 2. Every other emotion is a derivation of these 2.


1. Love


2. Fear



If you get to the route of any emotion you will find it was fear or love. It can get much more complex than that...for instance.


A guy who lingers around a hottie who he has no rapport with does so out of HOPE for things to turn, or a longing to be OUT OF THE FRIEND zone. But what is the real emotion?

Fear -- Fear he won't find another hottie like this he can get close enough to. Is that true? For crying out loud, you don't have anything anyways. Move on. Fear invades all parts of life.

_______________________


For you, it might not even be a matter of being picky, instead, you might be looking in the wrong place. In "The Art of Macking", he speaks about how guys get their 'game' right from late teens to early 20's. Finally in their late 20's and early 30's, the guy has is tight enough to pull whoever he wants, for the most part. At that point, he's got money, some sense of identity, and enough experience under his belt to be comfortable with any woman. The only thing holding most young blokes back is that they're still cruising their hometowns. That's not a very wide breadth of experience and, if you're like me, who lives near a major city of 100k, with overflowing highschools, you'll find most of the money b!tches in Boston. The outskirts, women are scattered. And the young 1's are still hoodrat, chickenheads, into the little girl stuff and wooed by the crap on MTV. They'll get over it, once they realize no REAL relationship can be based on such immature and imagined things. Besides who a woman picks to be her husband has to be a role model for her kids, AND ALL WOMEN WANT KIDS. Don't fool yaselves.


The only lass that don't want kids is a lesbo, and EVEN THEY Adopt kids in a feable attempt to mimic HAVING kids. Look at Rosie. Look at all the gays parading to get equal adoption and parenting rights. No woman, hot or not, wants to end up alone. At some point, whether it's 30 or 50, her value declines. And most women, don't have much value anyways. They want US to provide a lifestyle, but they don't want to do the things necessary to fill the void: cook, clean, shop for the household. Unless a woman was to be bored at home for some reason, with no kids, I could see the duties being split 50/50. BUT, if she's caring for the kids and decides to stay home, carry the weight.


This all hits the EGO hard. It his all people who seek to FEEL like an individual who has opinions and choices hard...because to think you're interdependent connotates a certain air of "weakness." Not true. Every person is interdependent on someone else. A sales person, while they're making their own check, relies on the service team and customer care arm of the business, as well as the tech guys. CEO's build strong teams to manage companies. A golf relies on his caddy to choose clubs, pace the course, and line up putts. A quarterback relies on his WR to run the right route, on the GM to pick up the best draft picks, and the coach to design the right plays, as well as hoping his Oline holds out long enough to not get pummeled. A baby relies on a mother and parents until he learns WHERE to place his trust in life. It's a sham to think a person is so utterly independent. Even an employee at a company relies on a boss, and the corporation, and the stockolders. Nature relies on interdependent energies to survive. I.e. Tree ---> Light, CO2, Water, where does all this come from?


I'm going off point, to make a point...


________________________


You can get above th C0Ck mentality when you first acknowledge your having those thoughts. Then you can step out of them. Push them aside and focus on WHAT SHE DOES FOR YOU. Your **** don't care what it gets, a feeling is a feeling is a feeling. What does she do for you? You and I both know, when you're driven sexually, you'll do anything in between to get it, so already know, that your interest in her comes with ALOT of assumptions about what you'll do. It holds the world over for guys, since most guys go broke for women, girl hear about guys taking care of them for no sex involved, so they know, even if it's NOT SPOKEN. It's true!




A-Unit

Re: Re:

Originally posted by A-Unit
Bachelor life?

You're 20...what other life is there at that age?


People aren't selective ENOUGH. That accept anything that comes there way without considering much else. More often than not, they judge based only looks.


Next time....Whether you've approached or not, ask yourself if you feel a "connection" a desire, an automatic rapport. It exsts. Most guys feel it, but they end up reverting to their d!cks and not listening to the inner voice.


If you do THIS, you'll confidently approach any woman, AND, you'll enjoy being with her, as well as being less likely to cheat, stray, or google at another broad.


On another note...


If you're asking the question, you already know the answer.



A-Unit

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Wow i thought I was the only one who know about this instant rapport-I just call it as your energy connecting. This is why I always say if you really feel a girl likes you she usually does. But im not suprised bacause a-unit always brings it

I need to be way more selective next time I go for a girl. Just do what you're comfortable with and when you're comfortable with taking a risk, that's when you should do it.