the_great_gaia
Senior Don Juan
Me and my girlfriend broke up like 2 weeks ago, and we stopped talking. Her cousin called me and told me everything my girlfriend had been doing behind my back. My girlfriend went to clubs to meet guys, she kissed guys, she's fucc'd guys all the while she was with me. I wasn't too shocked because I had gotten over her to the point where this wouldn't effect me TOO much, but I do feel as though I had to post it.
My ex is falling downhill, she's sleeping with numerous guys, and I can only keep my distance. She askes her cousin everynight if I called her, when she gets back in from her boyfriends house, and she's cheating on him too. I haven't called, and her cousin says that my ex she still cares about me but I should still keep away. Even though a stove can cook good food, it can burn it too. I couldn't sleep like I wanted to last night because I kept seeing my ex having sex with random guys in my mind; these guys with shaded faces. I guess the news bothered me more than it had when I first heard it. As for respecting girls in my mind, I look at them like they're all Hoz and that's not right or fair. It's too late for my mind, the hate I tried to hide from girls goes out to them now. I was hurt by a girl I loved, will I go out and hurt girls to make myself sane again?
Love is dangerous, it really is. I am afraid of it. But I have to put my heart back out there again if I ever expect to find love. But I have to love myself first, not that I don't. I still love my ex but I can never be with her again, her cousin said she'd cheat again, not like I didn't already know that. I have new clothes and a new appearence; my ex will try to make me her slave again, when it was hard to say "no" in the past, do I have the strength to say "no" this time? I want to be her friend, but I know it would never truly work if i tried to be a friend, are the feelings still there? Can i even stand her at all for what's she done? Do i want revenge? Or should i just leave her alone? I'm more happier now than I ever was being with her. But for 2 years, she was there in my life- mostly as a scorn, but now when i look back, she's not gonna be there anymore, that empty void which was once filled by her is now as painful as death. How do I find the strength to put her out of my soul? How can I rid her from my mind? I'm not gonna cry, instead I will smile. I won't hate her for what she did to me, but I will seperate myself from her before another cycle of hell begins. I will listen to my Ludacris albums before I recall the beautiful lies she once whispered in my memories.
I won't wait for her to change, or hope that she will, because I'd be wasting myself just as she's doing now- what's the difference between her sleeping with half of North Carolina and me waiting on her to stop? I'd be a damn fool like her... My heart goes out to her, but she no longer has it. I have love for her, but i don't love her no more. Our love is so past tense, our love never made any sense... our love was pretend, i'm tired of love now. Does love fuel hell? Because i never thought love would feel like this, but I feel it leaving me like the last of the water which falls down the drains. I am ready to accept it because it is reality: It is truly OVER with between us and there's no looking back.
Most of my post under this Sign In Name is mostly about her or my AFCish downfalls with out Hoz like her. I am getting a new screen name. I shall abandon this, but I will look back on it as a memories of how i tried, for those painful memories will make me stronger. Good Bye, Andrea Monique Brewer.
August 2003-Feb 2005
My ex is falling downhill, she's sleeping with numerous guys, and I can only keep my distance. She askes her cousin everynight if I called her, when she gets back in from her boyfriends house, and she's cheating on him too. I haven't called, and her cousin says that my ex she still cares about me but I should still keep away. Even though a stove can cook good food, it can burn it too. I couldn't sleep like I wanted to last night because I kept seeing my ex having sex with random guys in my mind; these guys with shaded faces. I guess the news bothered me more than it had when I first heard it. As for respecting girls in my mind, I look at them like they're all Hoz and that's not right or fair. It's too late for my mind, the hate I tried to hide from girls goes out to them now. I was hurt by a girl I loved, will I go out and hurt girls to make myself sane again?
Love is dangerous, it really is. I am afraid of it. But I have to put my heart back out there again if I ever expect to find love. But I have to love myself first, not that I don't. I still love my ex but I can never be with her again, her cousin said she'd cheat again, not like I didn't already know that. I have new clothes and a new appearence; my ex will try to make me her slave again, when it was hard to say "no" in the past, do I have the strength to say "no" this time? I want to be her friend, but I know it would never truly work if i tried to be a friend, are the feelings still there? Can i even stand her at all for what's she done? Do i want revenge? Or should i just leave her alone? I'm more happier now than I ever was being with her. But for 2 years, she was there in my life- mostly as a scorn, but now when i look back, she's not gonna be there anymore, that empty void which was once filled by her is now as painful as death. How do I find the strength to put her out of my soul? How can I rid her from my mind? I'm not gonna cry, instead I will smile. I won't hate her for what she did to me, but I will seperate myself from her before another cycle of hell begins. I will listen to my Ludacris albums before I recall the beautiful lies she once whispered in my memories.
I won't wait for her to change, or hope that she will, because I'd be wasting myself just as she's doing now- what's the difference between her sleeping with half of North Carolina and me waiting on her to stop? I'd be a damn fool like her... My heart goes out to her, but she no longer has it. I have love for her, but i don't love her no more. Our love is so past tense, our love never made any sense... our love was pretend, i'm tired of love now. Does love fuel hell? Because i never thought love would feel like this, but I feel it leaving me like the last of the water which falls down the drains. I am ready to accept it because it is reality: It is truly OVER with between us and there's no looking back.
Most of my post under this Sign In Name is mostly about her or my AFCish downfalls with out Hoz like her. I am getting a new screen name. I shall abandon this, but I will look back on it as a memories of how i tried, for those painful memories will make me stronger. Good Bye, Andrea Monique Brewer.
August 2003-Feb 2005
