The obvious is hitting me in the face isn't it?

flexion_ · 11-15-2004, 08:11 PM

I can't quite understand this one.

Dating this girl for 3 months. Last 10 days she has just disappeared. I tried calling twice with no response. I guess I've been dropped for someone else or whatever but heck wouldn't she at least say something first?

I'm not going to call any further, twice is enough, just bumming because we were having a good time. You'd think there would be a fight or some kind of indicator of this... but nothing.

Guess there isn't much of a question other than have others experience this - where the woman just falls off the face of the earth for no apparent reason when you've been going out for a bit?

Ricky · 11-15-2004, 08:17 PM

I haven't had anything quite like that, but I have had a girl pull what I call the Jeckyl and Hyde on me.

One girl I had been chatting and dating for a few months told me on a date that "I just don't feel the romance anymore"

Needless to say I was blindsided by it. Maybe I shouldn't have been but it really fricking hurt. I remember that drive home, I was pretty fricking sad about it.

I really feel for you buddy. It sucks doesn't it.

I had a pretty traumatic weekend myself, but I just can't go into it. Fortunately I have a few friends I was able to tell about it.

flexion_ · 11-15-2004, 08:27 PM

Ya it sucks - I know as DJs we should let this stuff bounce off but heck we all are people. I guess what bothers me is that if the roles were reversed I would have at least called her back and said "Hey... sorry but this isn't going to work out" so that it would be clear.

princelydeeds · 11-16-2004, 08:52 AM

Chicks are flakey. You picked a flakey broad. Sometmes it happens for reason. Chalk it up to teh game. It honestly cannot be avoided, it happens to the best of us. Realise that all women are living in their own personal drama. You never know what will happen. If you didn't over react she will probably call u in a few weeks.

If she calls you be calm act like you didnt notice that she stopped calling you. The most satisfying feeling in the world is when you finally get of those flakey chicks in ur bed and ur trying to break her back. Right after i make her scream my name, I'd laugh and say that was for you flaking on me. Usually they will laugh and they know exactly what ur talking about. This same scenario has happened to me on lots of occasions. As long as you didnt leave any crazy messages on her phone or call too many times, its not over you can still get back in later. Just realise that you have a flakey broad and dont fall in love. Once a flake always a flake.

Genghis Juan · 11-16-2004, 09:50 AM

I had a similar expeience, however, it wasn't as long as yours. I had been seeing a girl for about a month. Had kino, good makeouts, she initiated some of the physical interactions. Then we traded a few voicemails and POOF, gone from the earth. Over the next 2 weeks I tried calling her twice and couldn't get a hold of her.

Well it turns out that she sent me an email telling me that she met someone the day before our last date that she felt she had more of a "connection" with. I read the email at work and wanted to do little bit of a Rambo, because it was a kick in the noggin, but whatever, a couple of days later I'm better.

I have to admit I wasn't on my A game a couple of times, once because I was tired and the other time because I was a little shocked that she looked different and older than I expected, so I'm sure that played a part in the flake out.

However, I don't necessarily believe this was a flake out. This was just a cold calculus on her part. She wasn't "feeling" it with me, met another guy, went to see him (pretty sure he's much older than me), but never burnt the bridge with me officialy. This accomplishes a hedge for her just in case the new guy doesn't work out.

She was 34yo though, so I think girls at that age are alot more jaded, hardened and have less time to just let things go with the flow. The clock is ticking.

EVERY guy has been through this though. I feel for ya. I think with time, you'll harden a bit, this will happen again, and you'll be ok.

Just don't mope around feeling sorry for yourself for too long, and get back in the game. Dating is just BS and a big game.

sapphire · 11-16-2004, 10:50 AM

This also has happened to me several times. The chick disappears and you have no clue why. Then again, I have flaked out on a girl before probably leaving her equally flabergasted.

The bottom line is that dating is just that; no less no more. It is the opportunity for two people to see if they are compatible enough to take it to another level, meaning a serious relationship. Realize that a great majority of the women you meet (probably 95%) will amount to no more than a few dates and perhaps a few sexual encounters here and there. However, when one of the parties starts thinking beyond that and realizes that the other will not be able to provide longterm be it financial, emotional, sexual, etc. then he or she bolts more often that not without explanation. Other times, they are freebirds having no interest in a committed relationship whatsoever so they just ride with the wind.

In your case, maybe she did meet another guy who she saw as more compatible. Or maybe some other guy swept her off her feet. Who cares the reason why. Don't push it or try to force the situation. If it was meant to be, believe me she will be at your doorstep sooner or later.

flexion_ · 11-16-2004, 11:21 AM

Thanks for the replies. I haven't left any sappy messages or anything so I didn't burn any bridges.

Honestly it still stings so I've already put 2 calls into different women for dates. Just hard going to from exclusive to nothing overnight with no reason - oh well... **** happens.

Genghis Juan · 11-16-2004, 12:21 PM

Those are excellent points. I have flaked out on girls before within 3 dates.

But you have to admit, maybe I've just never knew anyone whose run into it, that flexion's case is very unusual and wierd. 3 months if an awfully long time of dating (with sex and the whole bit) to allow to go by to completely flake and disappear off the face of the earth. At least an email or phone breakup should have been done don't you think? Or maybe this kind of stuff happens more often than I realize.

Flexion, how old is this girl and what does she do?

Desdinova · 11-16-2004, 12:51 PM

Unless the relationship becomes long term, never put all your eggs in one basket. Dating is a way to pass the time while you're looking for an ideal woman to have a long term relationship with. If you're just dating, date more than one at a time. When one flakes, it won't matter as much.

Maverick001 · 11-16-2004, 02:28 PM

Hi All,

I agree that some girls are flakey and sometimes you don't see it coming but who cares?

For those in short or long term relationships where this has happened to them, myself included, yeah sure it hurts but you've got to remember that YOU CAN PULL OTHER CHICKS. Next candidate please.

So what if all of a sudden all the girls that you're seeing suddenly NEXT you all at once? They didn't take your game with them. Go out and snag some more.

Don't get down about flakey chicks and dating being BS. Make sure it's fun for you and only allow those chicks in that can partake of that fun with you. It's your reality and the chicks are only guests.

Just my 2 cents.

Cheers,
Mav

flexion_ · 11-16-2004, 03:11 PM

Yes I have to agree that I shouldn't have put all my eggs in one basket. Personally, I tend to just date exclusively one woman at a time. I don't think I would have time to date more than one at time with career and hobbies etc...

This woman was in her 30s and a project manager.

The calling of 2 other woman for dates has taken that edge off now... I think the relationship warranted at least a courtesy "we're done" though.

Genghis Juan · 11-16-2004, 03:23 PM

How old are you flexion? Did you have sex with this woman?

This thread is a real eye-opener for me. I'm pretty suprised that women commonly flake out or ghost you after MONTHS of dating. Thankfully that hasn't happened to me yet, but I'm glad I know. I guess that really underlines the need to ALWAYS keep those options open, lock up the heart and throw away the key.

flexion_ · 11-16-2004, 03:28 PM

Yes I'm confused by this one as you all are hinting at - I'm in my 30s. Yes we have had sex at least 20+ times.

disciple · 11-16-2004, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Desdinova

Unless the relationship becomes long term, never put all your eggs in one basket. Dating is a way to pass the time while you're looking for an ideal woman to have a long term relationship with. If you're just dating, date more than one at a time. When one flakes, it won't matter as much.

I agree 100%.

insomniac · 11-16-2004, 04:11 PM

Yep, happens quite often...the woman just disappears for no apparent reason. I've come to expect it, and realize either they're just flaky, or they're thinking it's easier for you, or more likely, easier for them if they just ignore you and disappear.

But, sometimes they come back. The girl I'm currently dating disappeared for awhile (she thought she would get on better with another guy she had met the same time as me, so I later learned). After two weeks she called me back, told me she couldn't stop thinking about me, and wanted to get together again. Things worked out perfectly after that.

11-15-2004, 08:11 PM	#1
flexion_ Master Don Juan Join Date: Apr 2003 Age: 43 Posts: 1,625	The obvious is hitting me in the face isn't it? I can't quite understand this one. Dating this girl for 3 months. Last 10 days she has just disappeared. I tried calling twice with no response. I guess I've been dropped for someone else or whatever but heck wouldn't she at least say something first? I'm not going to call any further, twice is enough, just bumming because we were having a good time. You'd think there would be a fight or some kind of indicator of this... but nothing. Guess there isn't much of a question other than have others experience this - where the woman just falls off the face of the earth for no apparent reason when you've been going out for a bit?

11-16-2004, 12:21 PM	#8
Genghis Juan Senior Don Juan Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 355	Sapphire Those are excellent points. I have flaked out on girls before within 3 dates. But you have to admit, maybe I've just never knew anyone whose run into it, that flexion's case is very unusual and wierd. 3 months if an awfully long time of dating (with sex and the whole bit) to allow to go by to completely flake and disappear off the face of the earth. At least an email or phone breakup should have been done don't you think? Or maybe this kind of stuff happens more often than I realize. Flexion, how old is this girl and what does she do?

11-16-2004, 02:28 PM	#10
Maverick001 Senior Don Juan Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: SOL III/Terra Posts: 324	Hi All, I agree that some girls are flakey and sometimes you don't see it coming but who cares? For those in short or long term relationships where this has happened to them, myself included, yeah sure it hurts but you've got to remember that YOU CAN PULL OTHER CHICKS. Next candidate please. So what if all of a sudden all the girls that you're seeing suddenly NEXT you all at once? They didn't take your game with them. Go out and snag some more. Don't get down about flakey chicks and dating being BS. Make sure it's fun for you and only allow those chicks in that can partake of that fun with you. It's your reality and the chicks are only guests. Just my 2 cents. Cheers, Mav __________________ Do the thing that you're afraid of and see what happens. Why not take the leap? An AFC is a man who's a prince that's been fooled by the world into thinking he's a frog. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!" The ability to understand a question from all sides meant one was totally unfit for action. Fanatical enthusiasm was the mark of the real man. (Thucydides on the Athenian mood during the Peloponnesian Wars - circa 455-400 B.C., the eve of the decline of Athens`power).

11-16-2004, 03:23 PM	#12
Genghis Juan Senior Don Juan Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 355	flexion How old are you flexion? Did you have sex with this woman? This thread is a real eye-opener for me. I'm pretty suprised that women commonly flake out or ghost you after MONTHS of dating. Thankfully that hasn't happened to me yet, but I'm glad I know. I guess that really underlines the need to ALWAYS keep those options open, lock up the heart and throw away the key.

11-15-2004, 08:17 PM	#2
Ricky Master Don Juan Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 3,040	I haven't had anything quite like that, but I have had a girl pull what I call the Jeckyl and Hyde on me. One girl I had been chatting and dating for a few months told me on a date that "I just don't feel the romance anymore" Needless to say I was blindsided by it. Maybe I shouldn't have been but it really fricking hurt. I remember that drive home, I was pretty fricking sad about it. I really feel for you buddy. It sucks doesn't it. I had a pretty traumatic weekend myself, but I just can't go into it. Fortunately I have a few friends I was able to tell about it.

11-15-2004, 08:27 PM	#3
flexion_ Master Don Juan Join Date: Apr 2003 Age: 43 Posts: 1,625	Ya it sucks - I know as DJs we should let this stuff bounce off but heck we all are people. I guess what bothers me is that if the roles were reversed I would have at least called her back and said "Hey... sorry but this isn't going to work out" so that it would be clear.

11-16-2004, 08:52 AM	#4
princelydeeds Master Don Juan Join Date: May 2003 Location: Pittsburgh, Pa Age: 39 Posts: 618	Chicks are flakey. You picked a flakey broad. Sometmes it happens for reason. Chalk it up to teh game. It honestly cannot be avoided, it happens to the best of us. Realise that all women are living in their own personal drama. You never know what will happen. If you didn't over react she will probably call u in a few weeks. If she calls you be calm act like you didnt notice that she stopped calling you. The most satisfying feeling in the world is when you finally get of those flakey chicks in ur bed and ur trying to break her back. Right after i make her scream my name, I'd laugh and say that was for you flaking on me. Usually they will laugh and they know exactly what ur talking about. This same scenario has happened to me on lots of occasions. As long as you didnt leave any crazy messages on her phone or call too many times, its not over you can still get back in later. Just realise that you have a flakey broad and dont fall in love. Once a flake always a flake.

11-16-2004, 09:50 AM	#5
Genghis Juan Senior Don Juan Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 355	I had a similar expeience, however, it wasn't as long as yours. I had been seeing a girl for about a month. Had kino, good makeouts, she initiated some of the physical interactions. Then we traded a few voicemails and POOF, gone from the earth. Over the next 2 weeks I tried calling her twice and couldn't get a hold of her. Well it turns out that she sent me an email telling me that she met someone the day before our last date that she felt she had more of a "connection" with. I read the email at work and wanted to do little bit of a Rambo, because it was a kick in the noggin, but whatever, a couple of days later I'm better. I have to admit I wasn't on my A game a couple of times, once because I was tired and the other time because I was a little shocked that she looked different and older than I expected, so I'm sure that played a part in the flake out. However, I don't necessarily believe this was a flake out. This was just a cold calculus on her part. She wasn't "feeling" it with me, met another guy, went to see him (pretty sure he's much older than me), but never burnt the bridge with me officialy. This accomplishes a hedge for her just in case the new guy doesn't work out. She was 34yo though, so I think girls at that age are alot more jaded, hardened and have less time to just let things go with the flow. The clock is ticking. EVERY guy has been through this though. I feel for ya. I think with time, you'll harden a bit, this will happen again, and you'll be ok. Just don't mope around feeling sorry for yourself for too long, and get back in the game. Dating is just BS and a big game.

11-16-2004, 10:50 AM	#6
sapphire Senior Don Juan Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 384	This also has happened to me several times. The chick disappears and you have no clue why. Then again, I have flaked out on a girl before probably leaving her equally flabergasted. The bottom line is that dating is just that; no less no more. It is the opportunity for two people to see if they are compatible enough to take it to another level, meaning a serious relationship. Realize that a great majority of the women you meet (probably 95%) will amount to no more than a few dates and perhaps a few sexual encounters here and there. However, when one of the parties starts thinking beyond that and realizes that the other will not be able to provide longterm be it financial, emotional, sexual, etc. then he or she bolts more often that not without explanation. Other times, they are freebirds having no interest in a committed relationship whatsoever so they just ride with the wind. In your case, maybe she did meet another guy who she saw as more compatible. Or maybe some other guy swept her off her feet. Who cares the reason why. Don't push it or try to force the situation. If it was meant to be, believe me she will be at your doorstep sooner or later.

11-16-2004, 11:21 AM	#7
flexion_ Master Don Juan Join Date: Apr 2003 Age: 43 Posts: 1,625	Thanks for the replies. I haven't left any sappy messages or anything so I didn't burn any bridges. Honestly it still stings so I've already put 2 calls into different women for dates. Just hard going to from exclusive to nothing overnight with no reason - oh well... **** happens.

11-16-2004, 12:51 PM	#9
Desdinova Moderator Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Your Girlfriend's Fantasy Age: 35 Posts: 6,944	Unless the relationship becomes long term, never put all your eggs in one basket. Dating is a way to pass the time while you're looking for an ideal woman to have a long term relationship with. If you're just dating, date more than one at a time. When one flakes, it won't matter as much.

11-16-2004, 03:11 PM	#11
flexion_ Master Don Juan Join Date: Apr 2003 Age: 43 Posts: 1,625	Yes I have to agree that I shouldn't have put all my eggs in one basket. Personally, I tend to just date exclusively one woman at a time. I don't think I would have time to date more than one at time with career and hobbies etc... This woman was in her 30s and a project manager. The calling of 2 other woman for dates has taken that edge off now... I think the relationship warranted at least a courtesy "we're done" though.

11-16-2004, 03:28 PM	#13
flexion_ Master Don Juan Join Date: Apr 2003 Age: 43 Posts: 1,625	Yes I'm confused by this one as you all are hinting at - I'm in my 30s. Yes we have had sex at least 20+ times.

11-16-2004, 04:11 PM	#15
insomniac Senior Don Juan Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: MN Age: 39 Posts: 212	Yep, happens quite often...the woman just disappears for no apparent reason. I've come to expect it, and realize either they're just flaky, or they're thinking it's easier for you, or more likely, easier for them if they just ignore you and disappear. But, sometimes they come back. The girl I'm currently dating disappeared for awhile (she thought she would get on better with another guy she had met the same time as me, so I later learned). After two weeks she called me back, told me she couldn't stop thinking about me, and wanted to get together again. Things worked out perfectly after that.