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Old 03-04-2004, 06:52 PM   #1
neuromancer
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Female boss - does she like me

Hi,

I have been working with a new female boss for six weeks (we knew each other barely for a year and never really talked much before as we were in different departments).

She runs a team with many other people in it but I work for her directly.

I'm in my mid 20's, she is 11 years older.

Are these buy signals:

1) We sit next to each other every day and she puts her right hand on my left shoulder frequently when:

a) I seem to be stressing
b) She is apologizing for something (say missing a work-related e-mail)
c) She is asking me to do something and she is emphasizing how important it is


2) Once she complained to me about some work I'd done, I showed her that it was right, she apologized then encircled my left upper arm with her right hand.

3) One time she was standing behind me (I was seated) and put both her hands on both my shoulders - after I (playfully) complained to her that hadn't read one of my e-mails carefully enough.

We send a lot of e-mails despite sitting side by side because of the nature of the work (lots of analysis).

4) Lately when I was showing her something she rolled her chair over, and lightly pressed the tip of her shoe into my left leg.

I've never seen her touch any other guy in the team.

5) I've had eye contact with her, sometimes 3 or 4 seconds long after speaking (once at the bar I had 6 seconds of eye contact with her).

Here is what makes me think she doesn't like me in the way I want her to like me:

1) She depends on me heavily in a professional way - so maybe all this touching and familiarity is related only to that.

2) I am her ally on the team (politically she doesn't get on well with some others) - so again maybe that's what the touching is about.

3) Most damning of all, whenever she's had a chance to be alone with me in the office or at the bar (when there's just me, her and another colleague) - she would go home - not right away, but eventually - when it was obvious that the other colleague was going to leave soon and we could have been alone if she wanted.


I want to see things as they are and not follow my own wishes or desires.

Is this Low Interest Level and me yet again reading too much into her touching?


Are these verbal buy signals (said by her to me):

a) "Are you having fun? You're enjoying this more than you thought you would..." - she was standing, I was sitting, she was looking at her screen and just said it out of the blue

b) "You and I are a good team," - context, just after she said a)

c) "Do you believe in me? Do you have faith in me?" - context, after I had told her that my career depends on hers right now


Is a) and b) just related to her needing me professionally?

Is c) related possibly to her just being insecure and unconfident?


Again, I appreciate objective opinions. I am really bothered that she may like me only in a professional way and that I could end up her professional AFC.
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Old 03-04-2004, 06:55 PM   #2
ManOMan
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jeesuz christ talk about over analyzing something

does she like you? who knows, ask her out for drinks after work and find out
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Old 03-04-2004, 07:52 PM   #3
DJ_Dork
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This is clearly sexual harassment. Make a log of this and if you were to be fired you can use proof to sue her/company for $$$.
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Old 03-04-2004, 07:59 PM   #4
Porky
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Quote:
Originally posted by DJ_Dork
This is clearly sexual harassment. Make a log of this and if you were to be fired you can use proof to sue her/company for $$$.


are you bleeding out of your ass or are you always this cranky?
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Old 03-05-2004, 02:48 PM   #5
neuromancer
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Bump

Bump
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Old 03-05-2004, 03:15 PM   #6
ToP DoN
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Question bump?

what does that mean
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Old 03-05-2004, 03:22 PM   #7
gav
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Re: bump?

Quote:
Originally posted by ToP DoN
what does that mean


means he's bumping his thread to the top of the list
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Old 03-05-2004, 07:02 PM   #8
neuromancer
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So is this Low Interest Level?

Is it Low Interest Level?

I want to know before I risk my whole career on being wrong.
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Old 03-05-2004, 09:09 PM   #9
wolfie
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don't sh*t in your back yard. It's not worth risking your career over a woman at all. Dont sarge at work - ESPECIALLY your boss.
1. It would be inappropriate for her to get into a relationship with her subordinate, as that's a conflict of interest - especially if it came to promotions or assigning work.
2. You seem to have a good working relationship. Don't spoil it by making things potentially awkward if she doesn't like you that way.
3. Even if you do get involved with each other, any relationship conflicts you have can translate to the workplace and cause problems too.
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Old 03-05-2004, 09:23 PM   #10
All_Torque
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Drop subtle hints that she's being unproffesional.
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Old 03-06-2004, 08:03 AM   #11
neuromancer
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how do I get information - without getting in trouble if I'm wrong

Inviting her to drinks after work one on one is too aggressive.

What can I say or do that will get the information conclusively that she likes me or not but still leaves me outs if she doesn't like me that way?
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Old 03-06-2004, 08:08 AM   #12
wolfie
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play it like 3rd grade, and ask a friend to ask her if she likes you. :P
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Old 03-06-2004, 11:15 AM   #13
neuromancer
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Or is it a case of...

"If you aren't sure whether she likes you or not - she doesn't."

Because if she did it would be so clear you wouldn't have to wonder.

A woman with High Interest Level will help you.

Right?
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Old 03-06-2004, 11:22 AM   #14
Kineti[C]harm
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Re: Or is it a case of...

Quote:
Originally posted by neuromancer
"If you aren't sure whether she likes you or not - she doesn't."

Because if she did it would be so clear you wouldn't have to wonder.

A woman with High Interest Level will help you.

Right?

Wrong :P Some will, some will try (aka flirt alot) but honestly males generally are extremely bad at picking up on female signs even though they are blatant.

I do though think it's a bad idea to do anything with your boss due to her being yes you guessed it your boss.
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Old 03-06-2004, 12:35 PM   #15
neuromancer
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possible play

How about this:

I put the picture of a good-looking ex-girlfriend on my screen.

If female boss asks who it is - I tell her exactly that - this was my college girlfriend and I am wondering if I should ask her to take me back.

The reaction of my female boss will say everything and the presence of competition is so CHALLENGE and will drive up her Interest Level (if there is any to begin with).

No reaction from my female boss will mean Low Interest Level but without the hassle and pain of outright rejection.
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Old 03-06-2004, 01:15 PM   #16
am4591
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Quote by neuromancer:
Quote:
The reaction of my female boss will say everything and the presence of competition is so CHALLENGE and will drive up her Interest Level (if there is any to begin with).


That would be a good idea except that putting up a picture of an ex who dumped you and thinking about asking her to take you back--and asking your boss for her opinion--makes you sound like a pvssy. I think Kineti(C)harm is right--bad idea to try to get something started with your employer.
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Old 03-06-2004, 01:38 PM   #17
Chemistry
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Really, romance in the workplace isn't worth it... while things are cool it's all gravy but as soon as you hit rough patches then they if it gets dropped, you gotta deal with that each day at work...

Given the volume of other females in the world, I would go for one of those...

If you wann run with somethin on the boss, then grab a series of lunch dates with her first and see if they progress... alternatively keep yourself busy with other women and then wait to the office party...
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Old 03-06-2004, 09:09 PM   #18
neuromancer
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A better play

To look strong:

Have the female boss "accidentally" see the picture in my Photo Editor alongside some work - then if she sees it and she asks about it I say it's personal then close it.
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Old 03-09-2004, 05:50 PM   #19
neuromancer
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good Don Juan plays

Without directly asking for a date - what kind of things should I say/do with her at work that will raise her Interest Level and yet not get me in trouble if I she has Low Interest Level.

Come on I am sure there are lots of funny, flirtatious things to say or do.
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Old 03-09-2004, 06:58 PM   #20
Howie Farkes
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2 points.

1. Interested females rarely give mixed signals. Mixed signals are a result of over analysis of every minute thing a woman does by some chump hoping that she has high interest in him.

2. Don't date your superiors. Because when it goes bad (and it always does) one or both careers could be screwed. And especially in this case when the superior is a woman and an older woman at that. Society expects the male of any partnership to be at least a little more successful - and earn a little more - than the woman. She will be putting herself in a very awkward and destabilising position with her own superiors if she's seen to be dating one of her much younger subordinates.

It's just a minefield best avoided.
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