The Ultimate Break Up Guide…
Okay so it’s always bound to happen, you meet a great girl, go out a few times have a ball, and then the ball starts rolling down hill and the inevitable happens, you break up. This happened to me recently, say 2 months ago, with the only girl I’ve ever been attracted to at school and my one-itis. Over the weeks I’ve gone through routines and techniques to get over her and it is these that I’m going to post here today for the guys out there like me, that never had any advice on breakups and didn’t know what it was until it hit them.
Pre-Breakup – Dump or Be Dumped
For all those guys out there, currently unhappy with their relationship, this is for you. You’ve tried talking problems over with the girl, nothing’s changed and you’ve got breakup in your sights. The advice here is, do it. Just do it. It feels a lot
better to break up with her than have her breakup with you and leave you sitting on your sorry ass in the gutter. Men have a habit of staying in a relationship so they still have that special someone around, and for the sexual factor, but you must do it before she does it to you.
This is one sure step you can take to give yourself a better foundation for Post-Breakup.
Post-Breakup – I want her back, now!
When I first broke up with my girlfriend, almost immediately after I felt sick. Not that cold sick, but pure sick in the pit of my stomach. Letting go of something you loved is extremely stressing and emotionally straining no matter what, but there is one thing you must stick by. I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT GO BACK TO HER. Once it’s over, it is over. The few days after a breakup you will feel extreme loss and have no-where to place your feelings, consequently feeling like you need her back. It’s only natural because you’ve lost a part of you, but you mustn’t crawl back.
Do not say you will change
Do not say it was a mistake
Do not say it was your fault
You know why I know this? Because I did it, the day after breaking up I felt so much loss I crawled back to her and asked to get back together, I begged…it was pathetic. The lowest point in my life and I still regret it heavily to this day. So please if you take no other advice here, just take this for your own sake. Do not let her win, do not crawl back
Post-Breakup – Her Thoughts/Techniques
So how does she experience the breakup? While I am no expert on what women think, I do know a few things about women and breaking up.
Firstly, women deal with breaking up with a guy by cutting all strings of attachment with him. That is, they destroy the links in their head that say “Bob – Lover” and are left with “Bob – Friend”, in general terms. This is why in most cases, in serious breakups, it is very hard to get back together with her directly afterwards. Maybe in the long run after flirting and rekindling old flames, but getting back together afterwards has a very small chance.
Secondly, women have a great huge massive support network of the “he was **** anyway” friends to console in. This is why they can cope and seem to be doing a lot better than you are, my friend. They’ll go around chatting and socializing like nothing has happened. It’s an act, don’t buy it… that’s just how women are, she’s still hurting as much as you are underneath, just wants to believe she’s strong and doesn’t need you. Laugh at her for this
Post-Breakup – Detachment
You will find the most common advice on this board regarding breakups is detachment, and the reason it’s so common is because it works. Cut her out of your life completely, don’t call her, delete her off IM programs, avoid her at school if applicable, and pretend she isn’t there. This is the best way because by not meeting with her you are not stirring up old emotions and allowing yourself to let go and forget. This will not happen anywhere near instantly, but it will happen and this is the safest way about it.
However with detachment, in most cases I’ve seen and in mine, the girl comes back to you. Girls don’t like to let their good friends go, and that includes you. Chances are she’ll call you or try to talk to you, but just walk away… be polite but walk away, get out of there as fast as you can.
Even if you wish to be friends with your ex, detachment is a must until you completely get over her and are then able to re-initiate contact as friends and friends only.
Post-Breakup – Forgetting About Her
By far the hardest thing to do is forget about her, to stop thinking about her and put your mind at rest on other things. This is made exceptionally hard if you are, like me, still at school with her and seeing her everyday (I used to think her being in 5 of my classes was a blessing…).
First of all, forget any quick fixes you may have in mind. Time and time alone will make you forget. As I sit here typing this today, 2 months after the breakup, it is only now I believe I am truly over her and forgotten about her. It will take time, but you will get there.
Techniques for forgetting:
Find what you love and do it in excess…
What do you love doing in life? Sports, hobbies, socializing, whatever. Find your passions and do them!! For example I love playing volleyball and enjoy web designing/development as a hobby. These are my passions and these are what I think about day-to-day instead of my ex-girlfriend. In a way you’re substituting them in for her, but it works. I took on 3 games of volleyball a week and have gotten jobs doing web design (no money, doing them for free) for people and it really takes my mind off things. Instead of thinking about my times with her, I am thinking about the big project I’m working on, or the next big game. Try it!
Also, surround yourself with your friends while at school. Make an effort to laugh and joke with ‘em, have a damn good time. This has worked wonders for me because I forget about seeing my ex around, she can walk past and I’m too busy listening/telling a story I don’t see her anymore. And when I do see her? Just smile and laugh to myself about what happened and turn my back. Out of sight, out of mind
In honest truth, breakups are never easy and never will be. However they are a necessary time you must go through and there is always light at the end of the tunnel, it may take you one night of crying your eyes out, it may take you a few months, but you’ll get there and be a better, experienced man for it.
All my best,