Conversation with an AFC

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"Conversation with an AFC"

I got into a debate with one of my friends the other day, we'll call him El Chumpo because he is a good guy and I got nothing against him but he's also total wuss. He was with me when I hooked up with HBLatina in this field report:

Seducing the PartyGirl

He was trying to blast my game on some moralistic crusade of integrity. I had to set homeboy straight:

El Chumpo: No disrespect bro, but you are kind of a scum bag.
Señor Fingers: Do I detect a hint of jealousy here?
El Chumpo: Not at all. I am happy with who I am.
Señor Fingers: That's cool. Why are you so serious all of a sudden though?
El Chumpo: Life isn't always a joke dude
Señor Fingers: Damn you sound like my pops. Except for the calling me a scumbag part
El Chumpo: I'm sorry man. I really don't mean to offend but I have to be honest with you. The way you deal with these women is kind of sleazy.
Señor Fingers: Okay
El Chumpo: You are not being true to yourself man. I watch you play all these roles just to get some ass and I get embarrassed for you. It's like all your integrity flies out the window just so you can get laid. It's really disgusting
Señor Fingers: Haha! You have a funny way of not being offensive.
El Chumpo: (laughs) I'm sorry, I am just being honest with you.
Señor Fingers: Hey its alright man. I really do appreciate that. Honesty is hard to come by, so let me return the favor.
El Chumpo: Alright
Señor Fingers: I am always myself. The problem is not with me. The problem is with you and I will tell you why. (pause as I gather my words) You choose to see me a certain way because it is comfortable for you. You would like to think I am "this" as opposed to "that" when in reality I am both. You follow me?
El Chumpo: Not really.
Señor Fingers: Okay. Think of it this way. When you see me being a total jerk to a girl it obviously bothers you right?
El Chumpo: It's just a little disrespectful.
Señor Fingers: You are getting it twisted bro. I always show respect! See, that's your problem right there man. You think women are these goddesses from heaven who can do no wrong. I know exactly where you're coming from. Their beauty once blinded me too. But when you gain experience you will see that many of these "goddesses" are really just spoiled brats who use their beauty to manipulate us so we will jump through their hoops like trained dogs. Follow?
El Chumpo: I guess so.
Señor Fingers: Good. So then what happens? They meet me, probably one of the realest mutherfukkers they will ever come across, and they try their game on me but I don't play it! To me, it is actually DISRESPECTFUL if I play their game. I would not be true to myself if I let them walk all over me. It's funny because they all claim they want nice, sensitive guys but at the same time they fantasize about someone like me coming along, stripping them of their power and taking control of the situation. You feel me?
El Chumpo: Kind of...But I still don't understand why you can't do this in a more respectable way. It just doesn't seem like you are being yourself, that's all.
Señor Fingers: (sigh) Okay (rubbing temple) Do you know what context is?
El Chumpo: I think so..
Señor Fingers: It's when two ideas or circumstances are fused together by a similar theme or meaning..for example if I just started talking to you right now about my favorite candy it would be out of context you would wonder if I was on drugs or something
El Chumpo: Hehe...Yeah, you could say that
Señor Fingers: When you converse with someone, context is the most important tool you have in order to communicate fluidly and have your message be accepted.
El Chumpo: Uh-huh
Señor Fingers: If you have no context, you have no game at all. You can drop the smoothest lines, the most interesting stories ever and if they don't fit in with the situation at hand, people will think you are a little crazy.
El Chumpo: I can see that.
Señor Fingers: When you see me "change" roles the way you put it. I haven't changed at all. rather, the context of my situation has changed and I deal with it accordingly. It is still 100% me and I don't pretend to be anyone else. The trouble you are having here is that you only know a small facet of my total character. You have built this image of me up in your mind as a friendly talkative guy because you have never given me a reason to be any other way with you. So then you see me being a prick and think it's all an act when in fact, at that moment I am totally justified in being a prick. Understand?
El Chumpo: (nods)
Señor Fingers: The biggest problem you have is that you are afraid to be real around a beautiful woman. I guarantee that if you confronted more women the way you just confronted me right now, you would be a lot more successful. It's like I said man. Honesty is a rare thing. I gotta say, I have a new respect for you now that I know you are not a poser and feel free enough to speak your mind to me, even if you think I will disapprove. This is the attitude you should always have!

(There is a thoughtful silence between us)

Señor Fingers: (laughing to myself) You know, when you really think about it this situation is sort of ironic.
El Chumpo: How so?
Señor Fingers: Well, here you are being a little bit of an asshøle while you accuse me of being an asshøle
El Chumpo: Hahaha! Yeah I guess you are right.
Señor Fingers: And that's another thing man, stop saying "I guess" it makes you sound unsure of yourself.
El Chumpo: Okay. I KNOW!
Señor Fingers: That's more like it. There is hope for you yet.
El Chumpo: Hehe..thanks man. Look, I am sorry if I you feel I was hating before. There is just a lot I don't understand. You are right about one thing for sure. I really have spent my life walking on eggshells with women, especially the beautiful ones. It's a tough habit to break.
Señor Fingers: Here's an idea. Next time you are hangin out with a fine young thang, just treat her like a dude. Imagine that she has a hairy ass or something.
El Chumpo: (laughs)
Señor Fingers: I'm serious! Do whatever it takes to bring these chicks back to mortal levels.
El Chumpo: And keep everything in context right?
Señor Fingers: (Shake his hand) My man.
El Chumpo: there is one thing I don't understand though.
Señor Fingers: Shoot
El Chumpo: I can get how context can justify anger, but you said before how it is the source of your communication skills. How do you use it in other situations? Can you give a more pleasant and friendly example?
Señor Fingers: Haha, you just answered your own question two seconds ago!
El Chumpo: How?
Señor Fingers: You remembered what I said about context, and when the moment was right, you dropped it back into the conversation. It was a great callback. Which is why I gave you a pound!
El Chumpo: (puzzled look followed by "ah-ha" look) I see..so all I have to do is pay attention to the highlights of a conversation and store them away until there is an opening for me to drop them back in?
Señor Fingers: Not a bad way of explaining it. But you only got it half right. First you actually have to create those highlights, using stories, funny nicknames, jokes and all that shyt. Then you use callbacks by keeping a storehouse of all the jokes and highlights of the evening and feeding them back into the convo at the right times. In this way you create running jokes. It's just like freestyling. With practice you will find these magic little moments when you will be able to stack multiple callbacks on top of each other and get a big laugh. There is always an opening, you just have to have the wits to pick up on it.
El Chumpo: Sounds complicated.
Señor Fingers: I know. But it really isn't. Maybe if you tried being more of a scumbag while imagining all the girls with hairy asses you would have a better understanding!
El Chumpo: (cracks up) I get it..that's brilliant
Señor Fingers: Naw, that's just observant.
El Chumpo: You shouldn't downplay a compliment. It makes you sound insecure.
Señor Fingers: (laughing my ass off) Damn you are on some Jedi levels now! (HB walks into the bar) Hmmm, let's put your skills to the test.
El Chumpo: Umm, maybe some other time.
Señor Fingers: C'mon. Don't be such a puss!
El Chumpo: I gotta go home anyway, it's getting late.
Señor Fingers: Damn you are so close and you don't even see it.
El Chumpo: Haha. There will be other chances.
Señor Fingers: Spoken like a true chump.
El Chumpo: Fukk you dude! I got to work in the morning!
Señor Fingers: It will take less than 5 minutes...C'mon, I'll do most of the talking
El Chumpo: I really gotta go
Señor Fingers: Alright, later chump ...er I mean champ

El Chumpo exits while flipping me the bird. A little wiser for his efforts but still a chickenshyt. *sigh* I tried!

Well, it is finally time to wrap things up so let's keep it movin...

15. Mad Props

heh reminds me of these scene from Swingers where the guy flips the waitress a quarter and Mike tells him that was so scumbagish of him.

I agree with you that men who are raised to be super kind to women..are merely MORE dishonest than the DJ

They want to win the puthay by being a "fake" nice

and sometimes women sense that men are being "nice" just to win some tang..but with that "niceness" women feel a sense of insecurity in a guy, like the guy is too afraid to be a MAN and show his sexuality

where as the DJ will flaunt it like it really doesnt matter if the girl likes him or nrejects him

LOL! Man, I do NOT want to be like ElChumpo! NEVER AGAIN!

Fingers, nice post!

But your link to 15. Mad Props is broken.

this is tight

hey

can you list more ways of being observant!

bump

Man, you've really immersed yourself in this stuff. No wonder things are going your way, you've learned the material like the back of your hand.

I have to say I feel you. Personally I can't tell a lot of my friends about how I approach women because they find it morally wrong. Occasionally I drop hints about my so called 'buddy', whos taught me all this stuff but most of the time they dismiss it. I told one of my friends awhile ago that he was complimenting women way to much and I suggested that he switch gears to teasing. His response, "I was raised to respect women." What he doesn't realize is that most of us really do respect women, we just choose to do it with our actions, not our words. It drives me crazy that on one hand he could be so good with women (if he started learning what we've learned now he would be a DJ in about half the time as the rest of us). However hes so stubborn and refuses to keep his emotions in check (like trying to start fights for the pettiest of reasons). As a result he does things like telegraph intrest, compliment, buy drinks, try to hard after he gets a laugh to follow it up with something better (which usually ends with awkward silence), then at the end of the night he puts holes in his wall because he has no idea why everything he tries isn't working.

Look, I've said it before and I'll say it again

You can't help people that don't want to be helped.

wow that was fukkin awesome, thanks for posting very good. after reading that I never want to be an AFC again.

Fingers and Pook are my new heroes. Just reading this is helping me get back in touch with my older self. Instead of the AFC I let people turn me into.

Good post bro.

I have these types of conversations with AFC friends almost daily. I'd like to start recording and transcribing them.

holy ****...no more EL chumpo for me.

Good thread. It hits home for me because I'm trying to raise my boy not to be like El Chumpo. My ex doesn't get it, but we had a long talk the other night about not putting women on pedestals and being "fake nice" because you like them. It's tough fighting social programming he's hit with every day, like him holding doors open for girls and stuff. It's not chivalry these days, it's just putting it on a pedestal. Now that I see things for what they are it's tough shaking him out of that and he's only 7 years old. I don't have a problem with him being nice and courteous, so long as it's a general thing. The ex finally understood what I was getting at, but it took probably 20 minutes to get her to see my point of view.

And when you're an a$$ to women, then you can't get rid of them!

Something that happened to me today:

Girl: Leporello, you're such an a$$hole. At least Robbie (her bf) is nice to me.

Me: So why don't you go talk to him?

Girl: No, he's boring.

i really liked this.
thanks.

this was good