My thoughts on Social Proof
A Very Good question, Duke. Glad you asked!
I find it interesting that you are trying to distinguish between talent and social proof to decide what is more important. I remember a time when I thought I could just excel at one aspect of DJing and have good game. But you see, the more I learn about this whole DJ mentality, the more I see how intertwined everything is. Remember, in the story I had social proof for a while before anything happened. It took a little extra balls on my part with eye contact, kino and flirting to push things. It's like you are a chef making mack-daddy stew. You don't just throw in some carrots and potatoes and expect a banging meal! You throw some fu©king zucchini, rice, beans, spices and herbs in that bit©h to delight the senses!
Just like DJing is not just about being ****y/funny or just confident or flirty. It is a refined blend of elements that, much like a cook, you only learn with practice what will be executed with good taste. I like this cooking analogy so I will take it further. When I first learned to cook, I would measure everything and be really anal about proportions and following recipes to the letter...much like I used to follow advice here. But in time I learned by instinct what works without measuring anything. I remember watching my grandma do her thing in the kitchen. It was almost like she was performing some sort of crazy witchcraft the way she just KNEW exactly how much to slap in the pot and it always came out amazing! Experience, my friends, is the greatest teacher of all in this classroom of life.
As far as talent goes, I believe everyone has a talent...even if you have never developed it, you still have it beneath the surface, waiting to be developed and nurtured like a child. I think an essential part of being a DJ is being in touch with this part of yourself, whether you are an artist or are good with numbers, whatever...you should have at least one area of expertise because it demonstrates VALUE. Makes the chicks, and people in general, want to bask in the light that you shine! Now the real smart DJs manage to combine talent with social proof. They are just geniuses at meeting/befriending people at any given time. One of my best friends is the most natural DJ I have ever met. He would walk into a club and leave with 2 girls.. one for me and one for him! His charm was so contagious, I didn't have to do a thing! His secret? This cat would talk to EVERYONE. He was friends with the guys who ran the deli down the block, the garbage man, the meter maids. It was fun just walking down the street with this crazy bastard because every 5 minutes he would bump into a friend. His talent WAS social proof, and I learned so much just from being around him.
Which brings up another piece of advice: Try and find yourself a natural DJ to help you with your game. One time I saw this guy at a club make out with 4 different girls. I walked right up to him and asked him what his secret was. He was a little difficult at first, but after I let him know I was sincerely trying to improve myself, he took pity on me and ended up taking me under his wing. He let me tag along on his approaches and I will never forget it. I watched him approach this dazzling beauty who was sitting alone at the bar nursing a martini. He opened with this crazy line, "Hey hows it going? (she just looks at him without a response) My name is Mr.X, and I am showing my young friend here what it is like to approach women that I find delightfully attractive (turns to me) isn't that right, Mr. Fingers?" I nodded dumbly. She had a bit of a bit©h shield up and came back with, "What, are you some sort of player?" I was thinking to myself "Uh oh...the gig is up!" But he floored her with this nugget, "Player? You must have me confused for someone who plays games. I, on the other hand, simply enjoy the excitement and mystery that every person I meet has to offer. (big smile!)" She couldn't help but smile and said, "Man, you are smooth!" she warmed up instantly and they started chatting. The whole time he maintained kino on her shoulder, the small of her back and her her arm, emphasizing certain phrases with a touch, even though they were just fluff talking. His eye contact was steady, only broken by occasional glances at her lips. Finally, she winds up ask HIM what HE was doing after the party. He looked her square in the eye with a straight face and gave her the boldest SOI (Statement of Intent) I ever heard and said, "Why, I will be making sweet, passionate love to you, of course" as if it were the most obvious thing in the world ... And he actually ended up doing just that! I was blown away.
In closing I will say that Social Proof is definitely one of the most powerful tools you can use as a DJ. When a woman sees you being social with and having a good old time with everyone, it does a few great things for you:
1. You ooze confidence and charisma because not only are you comfortable in your own skin, but you make others feel good about themselves!
2. It looks a lot less conspicuous when you turn your attention on her. After all, you have been talking to everyone...guys and girls. This way it never comes across as a forced approach. You are at ease because this woman, as hot as she is, is not getting any special treatment from you (not yet anyway!)
3. It makes people COMPETE for your attention, so that when you finally do talk to that hot 10, she feels a little more intrigue for you than the other ten duds who have been twiddling their thumbs all night, working up the nerve to approach her.
Advice to you newjacks out there..Do the DJ Boot camp. It is the perfect exercise to get your social proof up to par. You start out slow with simple "hellos" and build gradually to becoming the life of the party. Try it! It's FUN!!
Anyways, once again I have written more than I intended. As always your feedback is welcome.
Mr. Fingers
