Get your head out of the gutter

legolas · 03-13-2003, 11:03 PM

I used to be like this. I would wonder what to say, what to do and it would fukking screw up my chances with many of the girls that I met. I was inside my head, focusing internally trying to figure out things, while the girl slipped away.

Here's the idea. Focus your intention on the OUTSIDE environment, not INSIDE your head. When you do that, what happens is that you start to notice a lot more of what's going on, you stop worrying about what to say, and things just come out of your mouth. If you focus on one thing, like for example her behavior, or something that she's doing, you will save yourself a whole lotta hassle.

I know it's hard, and I know it will take time and practice. Though I believe it is well worth the effort. Externalize your focus, and detach from your outcome.

jakethasnake · 03-13-2003, 11:19 PM

yes, that is an excellent point. If you focus externally, you decrease the risk of over-analyzing and fackin it all up.

oreo_renegade · 03-15-2003, 01:52 PM

....? what!? was the reaction i got after reading your post.

" I would wonder what to say, what to do and it would fukking screw up my chances with many of the girls that I met."

that is all EXTERNAL things. Girls arent inside you head, speaking isnt inside your head, doing things isnt inside your head... they are all things on the outside, the only problem you had is that you were trying to make them INternal, and wanted to see the things that YOU wanted, insted of what was really there.

"I was inside my head, focusing internally trying to figure out things, while the girl slipped away."

supports my statement, the girl was external, and you misenterpretted her as being and "internal" thing. So while you sat there and tryed to manipulate her inside you head (fantasizing about different things you did/say INSIDE your head)

The REAL girl, external, also made signals and said and did things, unfortunately you didnt notice.

"Focus your intention on the OUTSIDE environment, not INSIDE your head. "

I disagree with that statement. Keeps the outside environment for what it is, but keep the "inside" environment for what it is as well.

the inside being YOU, your mind, your ideas, beliefs, morals, etc.

And the outside being information you get from your senses.

"If you focus on one thing, like for example her behavior, or something that she's doing, you will save yourself a whole lotta hassle."

I disagree, if you focus completely on ONE aspect of her, then you will undoubtly overlook some other important aspect.

"Externalize your focus, and detach from your outcome."

And this is the statement where I was like "what!?"

wtf are you talking about here? "externalize you focus" sounds like your saying that whatever feeling/emotion/belief you have on the inside(such as wanting to be happy, content, etc.) should be forgotten/ignored, and you should only base your life on external goals (such as getting rich, ****ing ho's, etc.)

And then, you say "detach from you outcome" and wtf does this mean? It sounds like you want people to gain external "goals" but you dont want any emotion, passion, etc attached to it. YOu want people to date girls.. just for teh physical act of dating them. Instead of having an internal, emotional drive, your saying to get rid of that?

WtF would be the point of life? YOu would be bored as ****, unhappy, and would be a lot like those rich celebrities who end up ODing or commiting suicide.

When you dont have internal processes, you are no longer human, you are no longer yourself, you are no longer alive, and therefore you will no longer want to live.

I think you are very confused as to what you mean by the words "external" and "internal," and how you are saying it is very confusing and could be misinterpretted(sp?)

jakethasnake · 03-15-2003, 03:37 PM

Hmm, did you really need to read into the post THAT much?

I didn't read all of your reply, because I got out of the original post what I needed.

I think it makes good sense. It's not his fault that you can't read an abstract post without wringing your own neck trying to over analyze it. All he is saying is that if you detach yourself from the act of picking up a girl, you can stop yourself from thinking too much, and fukking it up.

jakethasnake · 03-15-2003, 03:45 PM

Btw oreo, you make picking up a girl sound like a Herculean effort that requires a PhD in psychology. Take it easy -- coz it's not. There are too many dependant and independant variables to the outcome of a pickup that it CANNOT be an exact science. EVER.

So many RANDOM things might lower your chances of success with a particular girl:

- Her father might have yelled at her that day
- She has diarrhea
- She failed an exam
- She got fired
- She hasn't showered all day, and feels to 'gross' to be hit on.
- She hasn't eaten all day, and the last thing on her mind is a boy.
- She got a paper cut from the book she was reading, about 10 SECONDS before you approached her.

.... my point is that things as little as that could affect the outcome. As much as some delusional people might deny it, the dating/mating ritual is highly influenced by LUCK. Just like life, professional success, etc. is partially influenced by LUCK. Therefore, there is no point in analysing this matter in such detail. It's stupid, and a waste of energy.

Taking this into account, this is what you do:

You grab your balls.

STOP THINKING SO MUCH.

You talk to her, create rapport.

Ask her out.

Et voila! C'est finis!

- Jake

legolas · 03-25-2003, 10:36 PM

Nevermind jake, it's my crappy NLP influence. Hopefully I'll try and clear up my NLP addiction. I'm reading some of Dr. Sulo's newsletters and have come to my senses over my extended use of NLP terms.

"Externalize your focus and detach from your outcome" in english actually means:

Pay attention to what's going on in front of you and not inside of you and stop worrying about what you've planned to do. Just think of something else, like how funny she looks with that big pimple in her forehead.

03-13-2003, 11:03 PM	#1
legolas Master Don Juan Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 957	Get your head out of the gutter I used to be like this. I would wonder what to say, what to do and it would fukking screw up my chances with many of the girls that I met. I was inside my head, focusing internally trying to figure out things, while the girl slipped away. Here's the idea. Focus your intention on the OUTSIDE environment, not INSIDE your head. When you do that, what happens is that you start to notice a lot more of what's going on, you stop worrying about what to say, and things just come out of your mouth. If you focus on one thing, like for example her behavior, or something that she's doing, you will save yourself a whole lotta hassle. I know it's hard, and I know it will take time and practice. Though I believe it is well worth the effort. Externalize your focus, and detach from your outcome.

03-15-2003, 01:52 PM	#3
oreo_renegade Master Don Juan Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: ash nc US Posts: 1,021	wtf are you talking about? ....? what!? was the reaction i got after reading your post. " I would wonder what to say, what to do and it would fukking screw up my chances with many of the girls that I met." that is all EXTERNAL things. Girls arent inside you head, speaking isnt inside your head, doing things isnt inside your head... they are all things on the outside, the only problem you had is that you were trying to make them INternal, and wanted to see the things that YOU wanted, insted of what was really there. "I was inside my head, focusing internally trying to figure out things, while the girl slipped away." supports my statement, the girl was external, and you misenterpretted her as being and "internal" thing. So while you sat there and tryed to manipulate her inside you head (fantasizing about different things you did/say INSIDE your head) The REAL girl, external, also made signals and said and did things, unfortunately you didnt notice. "Focus your intention on the OUTSIDE environment, not INSIDE your head. " I disagree with that statement. Keeps the outside environment for what it is, but keep the "inside" environment for what it is as well. the inside being YOU, your mind, your ideas, beliefs, morals, etc. And the outside being information you get from your senses. "If you focus on one thing, like for example her behavior, or something that she's doing, you will save yourself a whole lotta hassle." I disagree, if you focus completely on ONE aspect of her, then you will undoubtly overlook some other important aspect. "Externalize your focus, and detach from your outcome." And this is the statement where I was like "what!?" wtf are you talking about here? "externalize you focus" sounds like your saying that whatever feeling/emotion/belief you have on the inside(such as wanting to be happy, content, etc.) should be forgotten/ignored, and you should only base your life on external goals (such as getting rich, **ing ho's, etc.) And then, you say "detach from you outcome" and wtf does this mean? It sounds like you want people to gain external "goals" but you dont want any emotion, passion, etc attached to it. YOu want people to date girls.. just for teh physical act of dating them. Instead of having an internal, emotional drive, your saying to get rid of that? WtF would be the point of life? YOu would be bored as **, unhappy, and would be a lot like those rich celebrities who end up ODing or commiting suicide. When you dont have internal processes, you are no longer human, you are no longer yourself, you are no longer alive, and therefore you will no longer want to live. I think you are very confused as to what you mean by the words "external" and "internal," and how you are saying it is very confusing and could be misinterpretted(sp?) __________________ "Perhaps my life has only been a dream Dreamt through me by the minds of others" - T. S. Eliot's play, charecter "Harry"

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03-13-2003, 11:19 PM	#2
jakethasnake Master Don Juan Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 3,015	yes, that is an excellent point. If you focus externally, you decrease the risk of over-analyzing and fackin it all up.

03-15-2003, 03:37 PM	#4
jakethasnake Master Don Juan Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 3,015	Hmm, did you really need to read into the post THAT much? I didn't read all of your reply, because I got out of the original post what I needed. I think it makes good sense. It's not his fault that you can't read an abstract post without wringing your own neck trying to over analyze it. All he is saying is that if you detach yourself from the act of picking up a girl, you can stop yourself from thinking too much, and fukking it up.

03-15-2003, 03:45 PM	#5
jakethasnake Master Don Juan Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 3,015	Btw oreo, you make picking up a girl sound like a Herculean effort that requires a PhD in psychology. Take it easy -- coz it's not. There are too many dependant and independant variables to the outcome of a pickup that it CANNOT be an exact science. EVER. So many RANDOM things might lower your chances of success with a particular girl: - Her father might have yelled at her that day - She has diarrhea - She failed an exam - She got fired - She hasn't showered all day, and feels to 'gross' to be hit on. - She hasn't eaten all day, and the last thing on her mind is a boy. - She got a paper cut from the book she was reading, about 10 SECONDS before you approached her. .... my point is that things as little as that could affect the outcome. As much as some delusional people might deny it, the dating/mating ritual is highly influenced by LUCK. Just like life, professional success, etc. is partially influenced by LUCK. Therefore, there is no point in analysing this matter in such detail. It's stupid, and a waste of energy. Taking this into account, this is what you do: You grab your balls. STOP THINKING SO MUCH. You talk to her, create rapport. Ask her out. Et voila! C'est finis! - Jake

03-25-2003, 10:36 PM	#6
legolas Master Don Juan Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 957	Nevermind jake, it's my crappy NLP influence. Hopefully I'll try and clear up my NLP addiction. I'm reading some of Dr. Sulo's newsletters and have come to my senses over my extended use of NLP terms. "Externalize your focus and detach from your outcome" in english actually means: Pay attention to what's going on in front of you and not inside of you and stop worrying about what you've planned to do. Just think of something else, like how funny she looks with that big pimple in her forehead.