Everything Changes From Now On (JUST READ)

I realized something today. I'm still AFC. I've been lying to myself this whole time. I thought I was doing good as I have been this last year since I found So Suave. I've been doing great things for myself. I work out now, I'm not shy anymore, and I improved my appearance. The list goes on and on. I've become a new person. I made all these changes in my life because I hit rock bottom after being rejected by my oneitis (the biggest crush of my life.) Ever since then I vowed to be better.
I'll just get right into it. Tonight was my bro's grad party. She was there. I had to talk to her. In my mind, I would have regrets if I didn't. Like an idiot I chased her. I wasn't acting too desperate but everytime I talk to her its absolutely pitiful. I feel like J. Cole when he says in Power Trip, "Typically I kick game like east bay, but you got a brother freeze frame yelling 'please play!' for pete's sake homie, pull it together, just **** her one time and be through with forever." I always wanted this girl so bad and no matter how hard I try I can't forget about her.
I'm trying to be real with you guys, not trying to vomit my feelings, I just have no where else to post something like this.
I tried to get her into the hot tub with me (NOPE) Tried to get her to dance with me (NOPE) and then finally I tried talking to her, just to get it off my chest. She barely gave me the time of day. I approached her. I just said, "Listen to me" (Ignored) I persisted, grabbed her shoulder. (so mad at myself) and I told her, "listen, there's way too many people here, lemme just talk to you in private" (NOPE) She said, "What do you have to say Liam? Whatever it is just tell me right now" I said, "Do you really want it to be this way?" She was like yeah so I just told her something like, "I always had a thing for you, and I feel like I would have regrets if I didn't tell you." (I don't even remember what I said) She laughed at me. She said, "I understand that, but I've already been through the same thing with someone else last week." (Orbiters) I said **** it and walked away.
I tried to have a good time, I even rapped to the crowd. I grabbed the mic from the DJ and spit. I started rapping a year ago because of her. My frustrations. I didn't know where else to turn, so I'm following my dreams to and pursuing a rap career. I just want to rip mics and be loved. I want to make history. I want to tell my story to the world. I've been through a lot. (Very personal. Won't even begin to say it on this forum)
I don't even know what to say right now. I feel terrible. This **** always happens to me. What the **** I hate that ***** so much. This is so stupid. Why am I such a sucker when it comes to this girl? I care way too much. If this isn't my turning point then I don't know what is. I am not happy with the way things are. Life can be way better than this.
I wasn't the person I wanted to be in high school. I didn't break out of my shell until the last minute. That's life I guess. If I knew everything I did now man, I don't even want to imagine it. It's in the past. So many mistakes I made. ****. I haven't felt this ****ty in a while. I don't even know what to say. My mind is not in the right place. This is so disorganized. What the **** am I supposed to do? I have to get my **** together. I can't even think about girls right now. I'm probably just going to beat my meat tonight... (SO DEPRESSING)
Listen guys, if you made it this far, thanks for at least reading. Although I would love some advice, there's nobody that can help me except me. I'll get through it.

Sorry that happend to you bro. Don't be so hard on yourself, i promise you as great as you have made her to be in your mind, shes not

9 times out of 10 she did you a favor. Just keep focusing on self improvement (i know thats the last thing you want to hear right now) and one day, you'll laugh at this.
Go ahead, take the L for the night... feel whatever you need to feel to get over it and tomorrow get after it harder than ever. Be a better man, workout harder, eat
stricter, be a better employee, a better son.

Before you know it you'll have a great body, some money, more self respect and youll be beating chicks as hot or hotter than her off with a stick. Like back up b1tcjes!!
Lighten up bro its not that deep.

You shouldn't beat yourself up, it's a slow process changing yourself, I myself had a bad experience recently with an old oneitis, was having some success initially but blew my frame for some weird reason and she was off again...

I beat myself up for a bit but then went into analysis mode, realised that i still had some of the old bad mindset going on so continue to work on that and keep moving forward.

At my old and first job (I got a new one this week), there was this drunk guy and his girlfriend who came in and ate food. I was busboy then, so I was cleaning the bathroom. He came in to go, and he started talking to me--asking me about my future. We talked, and he got really honest. He said to me firmly and passionately, "listen to me. It's going to get worse before it gets better." Then he went on about it being sh*tty for a while, but that's how you know it's worth it. I said thanks and he went back to his table, and went I got cut, I stopped by to say bye and he drilled it into me again: It's going to get worse before it gets better. I went outside and sat waiting for my ride. They left and caught me outside, and he came over to me and sat down. He gave the same speech. Then he got up and said "and what's your name? Alright, listen. I'm probably never going to see you again, but I wish you luck and hope I see you at the top someday. I'll remember you. Just remember these words: It's going to get worse before it gets better." His wife was apologizing for him every time, but he's stuck out and I wish I had gotten his name. Hope this helps you as much as it did me.

Don't beat yourself up, the vast majority of us had some experience like this. For pretty much all of us that first love/oneitius girl is unattainable, you love her so much, would do anything to be with her, she knows you care, but it doesn't matter to her. She's used to male attention, and has had several other guys who felt the same way. No matter what you do it's never good enough, and she'll never see you in a different light. It's a very long and painful road, but it's what makes us stronger.

The whole experience with this girl is a point of transformation. After accepting there's no future with her, and that she doesn't care, you pretty much hit bottom. It's very depressing, and you cringe at everything you did to try and get her. But you have to realize one thing. That you aren't alone, and it's all going to get better.

Once you have some good experiences with women without even trying that hard you'll start to see things differently. You begin to see through all the BS that oneitius girl did, and start to think of just how impossible she is. You also realize that there are good women out there who really appreciate guys, women who don't have to have a flock of orbiters.

Don't force yourself to "get over" her because it doesn't work that way. With first love you always care on some level no matter how much has changed. It's fine that you love this girl, but just keep it in the past, and continue to move forward.

I made a fool of myself for my first love, and was deceved and strang along for years. She was an expert manipulator who faked interest and affection perfectly. I couldn't see through it for so long, and that's what kept me hooked. Her family always acted like I wasn't good enough for her, and made me feel bad about myself. Accepting everything for what it was, was the most painful experience I've had with women. So much anger, rage, and depression stemmed from it, and it put me in a slump for months. But things got better afterward. No matter how down you are, no matter how depressed you may get from your experience, KNOW that it will get better.

You will bounce back from this. Take it from anyone who has commented on this thread. We've been where you have, and the best is yet to come.

Eventually that girl will be out of your life, and you won't have that desire to be with her anymore. You'll be able to clearly see through her BS, and notice just how insecure and heartless she truly is. You'll also be more confident and won't be able to be broken by another chick. Your confidence will be unbreakable, and you'll know that you deserve better than to be treated like s**t by women.

Best of luck to you. Things are going to change for the better.

Look at the bright side here. You got it out, you said what you wanted to say, and now you know for certain that she doesn't want to be with you. This should allow you to cut the final cord and be free of her. This is a positive thing. Let reality slap you in the face and move on with your life. Find a woman out there who returns your interest, or preferably has higher interest, that's the only way a relationship will work.

you need to GET a life before you can "get on with it". Sheesh man, Find something that you enjoy, some sport, hobby, interest pursuit besides women. You simply cannot allow women, or any one woman, to be such an obsession in your life. Combat match shooting is what always has worked for me, along with heavy duty martial arts workouts.

I Have to Let Go of my Past

I was always clinging onto the hope that I still had a chance with her. Accepting the fact that it never will happen is one of the hardest things for me to deal with right now. Time heals all wounds All the B.S. makes me a stronger man. I have a long way to go. We never stop changing. All I know is that I'm going to end up okay. My tragic flaw has been revealed. My infatuation for this girl has always been my greatest weakness. I have to find true happiness being single. It won't be easy. At this age all I want is a girlfriend, I want to lose my virginity, and I want companionship from someone who loves me. This is all I've ever wanted. I just have to be patient, and learn how to live without girls in my life. This will not be easy but, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.