How do you get out of a date that you've already agreed to?

Would you keep a date with a girl who is dropping you hints beforehand that "she enjoys being single, and she doesn't have it in her to stay with anyone long. she has a hard time being interested in anyone because she doesn't have the energy to put anything into a relationship."? This just reeks of "cancel as fast as you can, don't waste your time, or money."

The backstory of this is I've known this girl for awhile but she always thought I apparently was "an @$$hole until she got to know me".lol I'd asked her out a few times, no luck, so I stopped bothering with her. She sends me a message on Facebook asking me when we are going to hangout. we started texting from there. yeah, yeah, I know texting sucks but she refuses to talk on the phone. she's 23 so there's your answer as to why. The thing is I couldn't see her before this Saturday (when our date is scheduled for) because she said she was "too busy during the week" and she suggested Saturday. I was sorta looking forward to this date up until tonight when she brought up all that which I posted in the first paragraph. Oh, I also forgot to mention that I never...EVER text her first. I always wait and let her text me. I even have made it a point to end most of our text convos before she did, so I know I'm not overtalking her or anything.

I will say that this girls dating history is all over the place. she's dated everything from a band geek nerdy looking fella to a 38 yr old weird acting guy, with a few other random dudes scattered in between. It's weird because this girl is easily a solid 8 but dates WAY lower then what she could get. I just don't want to waste my time with going out with her if I'm already in the friend zone, or headed there. My time is way more valuable then that to me. What to do, what to do?

Oh, one more thing, she randomly said "don't get mad if we end up being just friends". You can see where this is headed.lol

Girls flake all the time, no reason you can't do it too.

whatwg said:

Girls flake all the time, no reason you can't do it too.

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Yeah but see I have a reputation to uphold and this girl knows WAY too many of my friends, as well as other girls I could potentially date in the future. This girl would freak the fvck out if I randomly flaked, unless I can come up with a legit excuse that won't tip her off that the reason I'm flaking is because of what she said.

Say you've got something come up, you won't have much time that day and just go for a quick coffee + walk in the park and then you leave. Can do this in less than an hour.

Kayleaf said:

Don't excuse yourself. She has already made it clear that she is not someone that you would like to have a serious relationship with (you even said so yourself), and she's dropping hints about friendzoning you, no reason to be nice to her at this point. Either flake on her and get her off your mind or try making it a fvckbuddy relationship, she apparently doesn't mind those.

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I've given this alot of thought actually. problem is I'm not sure how to pull it off. I know she's done random hookups because she's told me and I didn't even ask.lol She said her supposedly "best friend" banged her ex-husband so she turned around and banged her boyfriend.lol she's one of these "hide behind church and make everyone think I'm innocent and good" type girls but she's already shown her hand to me and I know it's just a b.s. front. my problem is I'm not sure how to go about turning her from "he expects me to date him and I don't want a relationship" to "yeah, fvck buddies, I'd be down with that". I'm not out to get slapped here nor have her turn me down and then go running around telling everyone I know. this is a vengeful b!tch and I didn't realize it until I started talking to her. she was doing me a favor all this time rejecting me months ago, and now I've done stepped in it.

In my experience, girls who say they don't want relationships are all about hooking up. She probably effed all those guys she dated in the past. (given they actually made moves on her) You might be able to eff her, but as soon as you show neediness for a relationship, she's going to drop you like a brick; so if you actually wanted a relationship with her, you're out of luck. And just a reminder: You are the only one who can throw yourself in the friend zone.

My advice: Go ahead and chill with her. See where it goes.

Robert28 said:

I know she's done random hookups because she's told me and I didn't even ask.lol She said her supposedly "best friend" banged her ex-husband so she turned around and banged her boyfriend.

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My assumptions were correct. Your pick buddy.

Fly By Night said:

In my experience, girls who say they don't want relationships are all about hooking up. She probably effed all those guys she dated in the past. (given they actually made moves on her) You might be able to eff her, but as soon as you show neediness for a relationship, she's going to drop you like a brick; so if you actually wanted a relationship with her, you're out of luck. And just a reminder: You are the only one who can throw yourself in the friend zone.

My advice: Go ahead and chill with her. See where it goes.

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great point! Yeah, I figure if I DO decide to go on this date, I'll just play it aloof. I don't mind being out in the friend zone by her because I'm dating other girls too, but it just sucks that she sprung this random sh!t on me out of nowhere. I guess it's better now then on the date and me being caught off guard. I just HATE wasting time with girls that aren't interested because I could be out with one that is.

Definetely chill with her, but if you decide to go out with her.

DO NOT GET EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If she flakes on you first, never contact her again and if shes asks when are we going to hang out? Tell her when she stops flaking out on you.

You said you dont want this girl ruining your rep, so treat her properly. Treat her how'd you treat any girl you'd see, over coffee a movie, whatever you like, only thing is your not involved emotionally, you know shes gna stop seeing you, she said it herself so it doesnt matter what happens. You gta switch your mindset to " I'm taking out this girl out to get to know her, I dont really care what happens, its up to her to impress me"

This girls just a dramaqueen, that likes guys wanting her, if you know her and shes already told you her game, then you should know what to do.....act indefferent to her, and hopefully hit it and quit it

old_skoolr said:

Definetely chill with her, but if you decide to go out with her.

DO NOT GET EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If she flakes on you first, never contact her again and if shes asks when are we going to hang out? Tell her when she stops flaking out on you.

You said you dont want this girl ruining your rep, so treat her properly. Treat her how'd you treat any girl you'd see, over coffee a movie, whatever you like, only thing is your not involved emotionally, you know shes gna stop seeing you, she said it herself so it doesnt matter what happens. You gta switch your mindset to " I'm taking out this girl out to get to know her, I dont really care what happens, its up to her to impress me"

This girls just a dramaqueen, that likes guys wanting her, if you know her and shes already told you her game, then you should know what to do.....act indefferent to her, and hopefully hit it and quit it

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Me getting emotionally involved with her will not be an issue AT ALL. I highly doubt she's going to flake, simply because she's always texting me first and SHE asked ME to hangout...but who knows, there's always a first time for everything.lol It wouldn't piss me off if she did flake, it would free up my night and I could go hangout with someone else.haha

my biggest problem is I've never been successful with slvts. especially one's that I know are slvts right off the bat. what I mean is I can meet a girl who's slvtted it up all of her life, but when I meet her I can't get her to slvt it up with me. they either want to date me and make me wait on it (I know better then to date slvts, much less wait on a slvt for sex) or they have no interest in me and friend zone me. on the other hand, I could turn a virgin girl into a wild sex machine in only a few days. you would think it would be easier to get sex from slvts but that's never been the case for me. it's actually alot more difficult. however, show me a girl who many guys have failed with trying to get sex and it comes easy to me. doesn't make sense does it?

Robert28 said:

Yeah but see I have a reputation to uphold and this girl knows WAY too many of my friends, as well as other girls I could potentially date in the future. This girl would freak the fvck out if I randomly flaked, unless I can come up with a legit excuse that won't tip her off that the reason I'm flaking is because of what she said.

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So, in a nutshell.. your **** is in her purse. If she freaks out for a flake, (Psycho Bvtch) then her girlfriends are probably just with her for their own benefits. Theyd probably look at you in a more positive way for doing this, even if they pretend and agree on how much of an asshvle you are.

Girls are attracted to asshvles.

SpazzAttackk said:

So, in a nutshell.. your **** is in her purse. If she freaks out for a flake, (Psycho Bvtch) then her girlfriends are probably just with her for their own benefits. Theyd probably look at you in a more positive way for doing this, even if they pretend and agree on how much of an asshvle you are.

Girls are attracted to asshvles.

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it's not that she has me by the ballsack. not even close. it's just that this is one vengeful, drama loving b!tch and I didn't realize it until I started talking to her. I'm just the type of guy that likes to keep out of stupid girl drama and doesn't like having his name spread all over town. I always wondered why this hot girl dated guys below her and stayed single for long sperts at a time. now I know why. it was my d@mn dumb mistake to pursue her all this time and not see all the redflags beforehand.

No offense but your logic in this entire thread is ridiculous. You're giving this girl way too much credit. If you "flake" your "social circle will be ruined?!" Gimmie a break. Go or don't go, doesn't make a difference.

I have a feeling you're already in the friend zone already anyway.

Robert, go on the date...keep it fun....talk to her like one of your best guy friends...hold nothing back.

maybe you'll be rolling in the sheets with her hours later...

NewAndImproved said:

No offense but your logic in this entire thread is ridiculous. You're giving this girl way too much credit. If you "flake" your "social circle will be ruined?!" Gimmie a break. Go or don't go, doesn't make a difference.

I have a feeling you're already in the friend zone already anyway.

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I very well could be. I guess it's hard for most on here to understand how small towns operate. your reputation is EVERYTHING when it comes to small towns. You can't date a girl around here without her being somehow connected to you, your friends, or your circle in someway. that's why I mostly date outside of my town. alot easier that way to keep your nose clean.

"Holy sh!t...I can't make it...I have to go to Hong Kong Buffet."

Do what a woman does to you, make up an excuse.

May_Day said:

Do what a woman does to you, make up an excuse.

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I might not have to since I haven't talked to her since Monday when she said all that of that stuff randomly.lol I will say it's the first time I've ever had a girl ask me out, and then friend zone me before we go on the date, then vanish.haha

Just when you think you've seen it all and heard it all when it comes to women, they surprise you.lol

She's DTF. However you want to respond to that is up to you.

LongLostFriend said:

She's DTF. However you want to respond to that is up to you.

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she might be but it's not this weekend and it's not with me.lol I text her asking what time she wanted me to pick her up and she said we might have to reschedule because her son was planning something for her for mothers day. Flaking is one thing....using your kid as an excuse to flake is just....not right.