Fiancee lying to me

My fiancé dated another guy for 7 years before me. She had told me that she is no longer in contact with him, and blocked him from all communication (phone, Facebook).

I saw on my fiancee's phone that she was having private conversations with her ex-boyfriend on Facebook. The message wasn't complete, and it looked like it was a continuation of a conversation. In the snippet that I saw, they were just having "normal" conversation.

I told my fiancé that I was upset and asked her why she was communicating with him. She said that he messaged her to wish her merry Christmas. The conversation that I saw had nothing to do with Christmas, and it was already New Years. She claimed that he was able to message her because by updating her Facebook to "Timeline", it cleared her blocked list. This sounds like a lie to me because my blocked list did not get cleared when I upgraded to Timeline.

A week later I asked her to show me her Facebook on her phone. When she showed me her messages, I saw my name mentioned in one of them. She immediately grabbed the phone, logged out, and signed into a different account (hers). I asked her what account she was in and she claimed it was her sisters. I never got to read the messages that I originally saw. When she logged into her account, all the messages were gone.

Before these incidents, I completely trusted my fiancé. Now the trust has been broken and I am reconsidering our engagement. I am hurt that she would have secret conversations with her ex-boyfriend. I have been cheated on before by my last girlfriend, and the thought of possibly being cheated on again makes me sick.

I am confused and do not know what to do. Please tell me what you guys think.

She is lying ,and it seem she think you are not smart and she can play you , if you choose to stay with her take the phone and call her ex and told him to not contact with her or else .... .
also tell her you want to see her account and you lied in every thing or we have to breakup , even if you are not serious in the breakup , she should take a lesson to not play you again . dont just be polite and pretend nothing happen she will notice that and think you are not man enough to face the truth

The moment conversations are deleted / augmented, the relationship is over.

If you had to make this thread it means do NOT marry this woman.

Malice said:

If you had to make this thread it means do NOT marry this woman.

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This.

time to prepare to bail, this woman cannot be trusted, very very few can mind you!

evan12 said:

She is lying ,and it seem she think you are not smart and she can play you , if you choose to stay with her take the phone and call her ex and told him to not contact with her or else .... .
also tell her you want to see her account and you lied in every thing or we have to breakup , even if you are not serious in the breakup , she should take a lesson to not play you again . dont just be polite and pretend nothing happen she will notice that and think you are not man enough to face the truth

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^^This is what i wouldnt do

I'd fall back, get your space from her. While your away I'd just go out and do sinlge people stuff without disrespecting your fiancée of course.

See how she is when your away, if she is trying to contact you and is genuinely showing an effort that she is someone you can trust that i'd slowly return and just dont break that frame. You already handed your balls to her by showing her your completely insecure by needing to go thru her phone.... suprised that hasn;t been said. Hate to play captain hindsight, but im sure that this probably isnt the first time you pulled an insecure move like that with her, thats probably why she is talking to him behind your back anyone.

Also you are talking about marrying this lady, and you obviously dont trust her. You shouldnt even have the urge to go thru anything of hers, that a female thing to do. Just watch her actions, learn to be more laid back and attentive of things.

We all have our private lives even if your engaged. I know if i went thru my girls phone i'd find something i wouldn't like, but i know it isnt that serious cause I trust her and her actions havent given me a reason to not, and its goes vice versa, if she went thru my phone she'd probably flip cause she'd find a reason to.

Bull3proof, have you seen other signs of dishonesty in her?

This sounds really shady and and I would reflect back on recent months and note any other similar behaviors. She will be on high alert now so you wont likely 'catch' her doing this sort of thing anytime soon.

At any rate, that would be enough for ME to take a HUGE step back; at the very least break off the engagement. Trust your gut in these matters, it is rarely wrong. Every time I've had an uneasy feeling a girl was being shady---she was.

BeginningDJ said:

The moment conversations are deleted / augmented, the relationship is over.

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I second this. If she's doing it before the wedding, she'll be doing it after the wedding too.

Desdinova said:

I second this. If she's doing it before the wedding, she'll be doing it after the wedding too.

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She'll be even more at liberty to do it after the wedding. She has the safety net that is marriage, and financial security if divorce happens.

1. how old is she

2. how long did you wait from the time you met her to the time you proposed


this is what i think. she dated her ex for 7 years. i am willing to bet you proposed within the first 18 months of knowing her. IMHO her wanting to marry you is nothing more than her telling herself and more importantly, her ex.. who i bet dollars to donuts wouldn't put a ring on her finger despite her pleading with him to do so, that "heh, see, i can get married guys want to marry me, the problem is with you, you missed out on a good thing"

in that case you are nothing more than the instrument that is being used to prove a point. i hate to be that blunt but i bet this is the case.

the good news is, if he wouldn't put a ring on her finger then he def isn't going to do it now so i am not so much worried about her cheating on you with him.. he obviously didn't want her. i would however be concerned with her not reeally being in love wtih you and it will quickliy manaifist itself after she gets what she wants (the ring)

screen. screen. screen. screen. screen.

Marriage destroys 90% of a man's leverage in the relationship unless he lays the groundwork very carefully, which most men don't do. I've come to the conclusion that in today's legal and social climate, marriage hands a man over to ownership by the woman. Sick, but true. The worker drone husband has given up his rights and his autonomy.

As someone who had a marriage torpedoed by my wife's ex, I would walk away...you don't need that he'll.

There is ZERO reason to keep in touch with an ex.
I divorced years ago. How much contact have I had with my ex? ZERO.

I'm assuming she has no kids with this man. In that case, how many reasons are there for her to stay in touch with him? ZERO.

One of 3 things is going on.

1)She has no sexual interest and he is buzzing around like a fly buzzing around sh!t, in hopes of getting action, playing the role of friend while secretly hoping things go wrong so he can buzz on in, but if the opportunity presents itself, she will reject him because she isn't attracted and is only using his attention as an ego boost.

2)They both have friendship feelings and neither has interest in anything sexual with each other.

3)They both have friendship feelings with twinges of sexual interest that they either flirtateously mention or keep to themselves, depending on the personality type. This could be a situation where cheating isn't preplanned but where the right circumstances could create a situation where "one thing leads to another". The potential for spontaneous, unplanned cheating exists.

4)They both have sexual feelings for each other. They both know it. Plans for a sexual liason/affair are in the works or she is already cheating on you.

NONE of these situations are good. Why? Respect. It is disrespectful to YOU and to your relationship, for your girlfriend to have male friends that she talks to that aren't your friends.

I call these the Golden Rules of male friendship, as it applies to your woman:

1) A man who isn't interested in friendship with YOU should NOT be friends with your girlfriend, fiancee, or wife.

2)A man who is interested in friendship with you but has had a past sexual relationship with your woman IS NOT WELCOME to pursue a friendship with your woman. She has to cut him off completely. She has NO REASON to continue contact with an ex. That was the past. This is a new chapter in her life.

3) A man who displays romantic interest in your woman or had romantic interest in her in the past, should NOT be friends with your woman. Even if it's a situation where she is repulsed by him and has zero sexual interest. Even if she wouldn't have sex with him if he were the last man on earth and you KNOW it, it is still disrespectful to you and to the relationship.

YOUR RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE YOUR WOMAN'S PRIORITY. If she is choosing to jeopardize your relationship over something meaningless and secondary, dump her.

***Do not assume that she sees anything wrong with having a male friend, even one that she has zero interest in but that who, surprisingly (sarcasm intended), never calls you up to talk to you. Women for so long have been so used to having male friends for an ego boost, that they might not see the error of their ways. Show your woman the error of her ways, correct her, and give her the opportunity to remedy the situation, but lay out the consequences clearly. And if she doesn't do the right thing out of respect for you, be willing to walk away. Dump her.

***To the person who started this topic......... It's possible in your case you might want to end the engagement. I don't know the details but ending the engagement and telling her why you're ending the engagement and that you need some space will either drive her to stop being stupid or to run into the arms of another man. Win/win for you. Either a woman who loves you will see the consequences and straighten up, or if she is falling for her ex again, you will avoid marrying a woman who would eventually cheat and possibly ruin you financially in the future.

BULL3TPR00F said:

My fiancé dated another guy for 7 years before me. She had told me that she is no longer in contact with him, and blocked him from all communication (phone, Facebook).

I saw on my fiancee's phone that she was having private conversations with her ex-boyfriend on Facebook. The message wasn't complete, and it looked like it was a continuation of a conversation. In the snippet that I saw, they were just having "normal" conversation.

I told my fiancé that I was upset and asked her why she was communicating with him. She said that he messaged her to wish her merry Christmas. The conversation that I saw had nothing to do with Christmas, and it was already New Years. She claimed that he was able to message her because by updating her Facebook to "Timeline", it cleared her blocked list. This sounds like a lie to me because my blocked list did not get cleared when I upgraded to Timeline.

A week later I asked her to show me her Facebook on her phone. When she showed me her messages, I saw my name mentioned in one of them. She immediately grabbed the phone, logged out, and signed into a different account (hers). I asked her what account she was in and she claimed it was her sisters. I never got to read the messages that I originally saw. When she logged into her account, all the messages were gone.

Before these incidents, I completely trusted my fiancé. Now the trust has been broken and I am reconsidering our engagement. I am hurt that she would have secret conversations with her ex-boyfriend. I have been cheated on before by my last girlfriend, and the thought of possibly being cheated on again makes me sick.

I am confused and do not know what to do. Please tell me what you guys think.

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had the same prob 2 exes ago. dumped her. tough but had to do it.

was that before or after you ruined mike tyson's career

Thank you everyone for the comments.

I do feel like what she did was disrespectful to me. I told her that I do not want to book a wedding hall for a wedding, and need a break from her.

Backbreaker: We are both 26 years old.

Atom Smasher: I never caught her in other lies, but I get vibes from her that she is shady. She isn't open and I feel that she hides things from me.

We also had other issues before this occurred. We lived together for 9 months, but I decided it would be best if she lived back at home. When we lived together we argued a lot and I couldn't deal with it anymore. I bought a condo before we got engaged, and she always mentioned how it "wasn't hers" and wants to buy a house. She doesn't have a job and doesn't have money saved, so that is impossible. I paid for the condo, and paid for everything else when she lived here (her food, etc). It was better for her to live with me because her college was close to my condo. When she lived at home her commute to school was very far. I felt that she did not appreciate me because she always complained about things. The priest we spoke to said that I shouldn't have been reminding her that I pay for everything.

We made an agreement that I would pay for the condo (and all other expenses, utilities, food etc) (it is a beautiful big two bedroom condo in a great neighborhood and school district) and she would pay for the wedding hall. I didn't mind paying for the condo and her food while she saved her money to pay her school debts and save for a wedding. Her dad was giving her half the money of the wedding hall, so she only had to save for half of the wedding hall. She complained about this after we agreed to the deal. She said shes not getting out of anything by saving for a wedding because the condo is under my name and the wedding is over in a day.

She also pressured me by putting a time on when we have to start having kids after we are married. We also argued about holidays because she wanted to spend both Thanksgiving and Christmas day at her families house. It upset me when she said our future kids would decide where to go on holidays. We discussed this and came up with a solution to alternate where we go each year.

Backbreaker: We are both 26 years old.

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so to put this in perspective you put a ring on a girls'f inger who has dated all of one man for the entire time she's been an adult lol.

when i was 21 i dated a girl who was 26 at the time who had just got out of a 6 year relationship and she even moved in with me we dated for a while she really didn't do much wrong but i knew i could never marry her beucase even though she stopped contacting her ex,he was gonna always be in the picture. she hasn't gotten "it" out her system yet.

that's your girls problem. you need to read this

https://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/01/04/five-minutes-of-alpha/

Thank your lucky stars that you caught her lying to you before you got married.

Just from your brief description this woman is showing major red flags. Do not marry this one unless you are a masochist. You will be miserable.

You can and will find better.