What do girls mean when they want men to 'work harder for their affection'?

When I think 'work harder' I naturally assumed I should pursue the girl harder. Tell her how I feel, ask her out more, keep applying pressure. Needless to say this rarely, if ever, works.

Could 'working harder' then, mean working harder at displaying the characteristics desired by 'high value' women.

E.g: Displaying patience and strength of character when she is playing hard to get. I mean how easy is it to get angry and frustrated and resort to 'calling her out' when a woman plays hard to get? It takes far more self-control to not react when a woman tries to frustrate you by playing hard to get.

Could this be what women mean when they say they want a man to 'work harder for their affections'? Not by demonstrating neediness by incessant attempts at getting into her pants, but by demonstrating coolness and presence under pressure even though inside there is a raging storm of emotions???

What are your thoughts on this?

A girl who plays "Hard to get" is not worth your time. If a girl was truly into a guy she wouldn't risk putting him off by playing games.

Gripz is correct. Run from those girls.

She's either attracted to you or she isn't. If you have to work for it, you are her third choice at best.

Even if you succeed at winning her over, her lackluster (ie weak) desire for you will be obvious in the relationship. She won't respect you and might eventually resent you and even cheat.

Talk less but be more physically aggressive at least to the point at which she is receptive. I was dancing with a girl at a club once and she said I should be more aggressive with her. It was interesting...

Although some girls who play hard to get might just view a man as a third option this is not always true. There are many factors to consider and it always depends on the girl.

I agree holding out for the girl who plays hard to get is a dangerous thing to do and it is always a good idea to keep your options open and to pursue other avenues (no pun intended).

However, the point of the thread still holds. When a girl plays hard to get in some cases she is often watching to see how you react. And let's face it, if a girl is worth pursuing, she will at some point in her life make herself a challenge.

Some guys don't like the challenge because they find it frustrating. I have to admit I like the challenge. And I quite admire the woman who is able to challenge me. There aren't many that can REALLY hold my interest.

Never give a woman what they think they want.

Renegade357 said:

Never give a woman what they think they want.

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Interesting. Please elaborate. What do you think women think they want?

I'm not as old or wise as many guys here but in my experience all the girls which didnt help me to get toghter with them, revealed themselves only slightly interested in me.

Actually not interested in me personally but they had a SMALL interest in getting attention and validation from me while any girl who genuinely liked me, made my life really easy showing green lights all the time.

At this moment any attempt of manipulation or value pumping from a girl (games, not picking up the phone, hot and cold or procastinating dates etc) is considered as a low interest indicator and potential damage to my self confidence and life.

Also listen at Danger, it pays much more to invest time and energies in improving yourself than chasing a girl in particular.
Improving your social position,your body and your finances will pay great dividends in any possible way, sexual/edating life too.

In the case you manage to get her which is very unlikely given the circumstances, you risk what Mike shown you.
Girls can be very mean and aggressive toward a guy of a status they consider lower than theirs any moment they are forced to settle with them, I would dare to say that a woman could be much
more mean to her afc husband who has been her only option when she got old than a hot guy who pumped and dumped her.

sylvester the cat said:

Interesting. Please elaborate. What do you think women think they want?

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Haha, I know enough that if they say they want something it's a lie. How many times do they say they want a nice guy and then end up with a loser/ahole? You don't worry about what they want. Instead you be a man and display manly qualities and you don't put up with their BS. Meaning you bottom line their actions and react accordingly. Drop them when you need to ect.. This isn't playa playa advice btw. It's advice for guys looking for a good girlfriend.

Who Dares Win said:

I'm not as old or wise as many guys here but in my experience all the girls which didnt help me to get toghter with them, revealed themselves only slightly interested in me.

Actually not interested in me personally but they had a SMALL interest in getting attention and validation from me while any girl who genuinely liked me, made my life really easy showing green lights all the time.

At this moment any attempt of manipulation or value pumping from a girl (games, not picking up the phone, hot and cold or procastinating dates etc) is considered as a low interest indicator and potential damage to my self confidence and life.

Also listen at Danger, it pays much more to invest time and energies in improving yourself than chasing a girl in particular.
Improving your social position,your body and your finances will pay great dividends in any possible way, sexual/edating life too.

In the case you manage to get her which is very unlikely given the circumstances, you risk what Mike shown you.
Girls can be very mean and aggressive toward a guy of a status they consider lower than theirs any moment they are forced to settle with them, I would dare to say that a woman could be much
more mean to her afc husband who has been her only option when she got old than a hot guy who pumped and dumped her.

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OK, that's cool but perhaps I should have been clearer about the type of girl I am talking about. I am talking about a girl who has explicitly made her feelings known and where you know it is inevitable that the two of you are going to get together and that it's just a matter of time.

I totally agree about making yourself better such as working out, education, pursuing activities that boost your confidence and self-esteem and social networks.

Renegade357 said:

Haha, I know enough that if they say they want something it's a lie. How many times do they say they want a nice guy and then end up with a loser/ahole? You don't worry about what they want. Instead you be a man and display manly qualities and you don't put up with their BS. Meaning you bottom line their actions and react accordingly. Drop them when you need to ect.. This isn't playa playa advice btw. It's advice for guys looking for a good girlfriend.

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I totally agree. as someone said above. don't listen to what they say. I always get my cues from women's actions, not their words.

Watching their actions, no matter how subtle, can make you quite the mind reader.

Danger said:

How has she made her feelings known? And how long ago did she make them known?

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How she made her feelings known:

1) Flirtatious talk, emails, texts from last September until march this year.
2) Face involuntarily lights up like a christmas tree on approach in office (when we were talking) and a few days ago whilst passing in the street (despite us unofficially not talking whilst in the office now).
3) Ending 2 year relationship with boyfriend after i told her i wanted her to be with me, April this year (although she claims she didn't leave him for me which i never even suggested).
4) Initiating approaches when I become distant.
5) Nervous gestures - hair twirling, holding intense gaze during and long after discussion has ended, touching (massaging my shoulders in front of the whole office at one point).
6) Explicitly stating so (eventually) about a month ago.
7) Always responding to texts, emails or face to face chats.
8) Never saying resolutely 'I AM NOT INTERESTED, PLEASE STOP, LEAVE ME ALONE'.
9) Always initiating discussion when working together. I once kept a tally on how many times she started a conversation. It went well into double figures...July time.
10) Acting distant and aloof (after declining my offer of asking her out last month) when being friendly and professional would be more appropriate if she truly wanted to put this behind us aka 'hard to get'.
11) Unofficially 'not talking' despite no hard feelings ever being displayed between either of us. Aka 'hard to get'.

To name but a few.

From my experience avoid.

A normal girl will be attracted and respond. Or not be attracted.

These ones will play headgames with you. It doesn't matter who and what you are. What matters is the game. You're the little pawn to entertain her. So try harder.

why should he walk away? ive never understood why guys eject so early. some girls play hard to get. deal with it. as long as you play it cool, you are still in the game. obviously, you shouldn't make this girl your priority but there is no reason to dismiss her.

Danger said:

Walk away because she has already relegated him to the "backup" position.

Is that really where you want to be with a woman?
The second choice?
The one she didn't really want to be with?
For how long do you think she will be satisfied with him?


What do you think will happen when she's been with the OP for a year only to then run into that guy who really knocks her undies off?

Seriously guys, have self-respect. Waiting around for a girl like this only lowers your value to the point where she knows she can do what she wants, when she wants, however she wants.

Your time is best spent on better prospects. Get out there and find them.


EDIT: Try a read of this. It will give you a better perspective.

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/11/10/good-girls-do/

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lol. believe it or not but just because you're a member of sosuave.com doesnt mean you are automatically going to be a girls first choice all the time. if i hit on a girl and get her number, im still pretty low on her list of priorities. this whole "walking away" thing is just you trying to satisfy your ego! some girls take time to win over. just because youre third on her list now doesn't mean you can't take the number one spot. but you HAVE to play it cool. obviously he should still get other girls, but dont dismiss a girl just because shes not head over heels in love with you right away. the way i look at game is that its a very diverse thing and you need to hone your skills in all sides of it. gaming girls that are "hard to get" is just another aspect of it and if you walk away from these, then you are just limiting yourself simply because your ego can't handle a girl not craving your attention. i think its cool, because it teaches you patience and perseverance.

It means the woman wants the man to slide his credit card through her puzzy because her puzzy is just that valuable :crackup:

oxford comma said:

lol. believe it or not but just because you're a member of sosuave.com doesnt mean you are automatically going to be a girls first choice all the time. if i hit on a girl and get her number, im still pretty low on her list of priorities. this whole "walking away" thing is just you trying to satisfy your ego! some girls take time to win over. just because youre third on her list now doesn't mean you can't take the number one spot. but you HAVE to play it cool. obviously he should still get other girls, but dont dismiss a girl just because shes not head over heels in love with you right away. the way i look at game is that its a very diverse thing and you need to hone your skills in all sides of it. gaming girls that are "hard to get" is just another aspect of it and if you walk away from these, then you are just limiting yourself simply because your ego can't handle a girl not craving your attention. i think its cool, because it teaches you patience and perseverance.

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i do agree, But you have to be prepared to walk at some point, otherwise you run the risk of focusing too much on the one girl, who ultimately will not have been worth it. Its at buyers discretion when this point is reached, and if he notices the behaviour is lacking then walks at an early point then theres nothing wrong with that.
too much focus on the wrong girl, who isnt responding well with her actions, but talks 'ever so sweetly' will bring out the AFC chode that still lurks in all of us.
Anti-dumps machine helps me here. - I know not everyone likes it, but I do.

Purefilth said:

i do agree, But you have to be prepared to walk at some point, otherwise you run the risk of focusing too much on the one girl, who ultimately will not have been worth it. Its at buyers discretion when this point is reached, and if he notices the behaviour is lacking then walks at an early point then theres nothing wrong with that.
too much focus on the wrong girl, who isnt responding well with her actions, but talks 'ever so sweetly' will bring out the AFC chode that still lurks in all of us.
Anti-dumps machine helps me here. - I know not everyone likes it, but I do.

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if she brings out the afc chode in you, then thats a flaw in YOU, not her. "patience is the fastest way to get laid"- alex (rsd)

I felt like my last romance was the first time I did everything right-- because I actually KNEW what I was doing.
I understood that the man needs to take the initiative and always have a plan for what's supposed to happen next. If he slacks off and allows her to set up plans for when they should be together, she'll go out with her gal-pals instead.
THAT IMO is what's meant by "working harder."

oxford comma said:

if she brings out the afc chode in you, then thats a flaw in YOU, not her. "patience is the fastest way to get laid"- alex (rsd)

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I agree, but ive never claimed to be perfect, if i never fvcked up i'd never have learned anything. I havent gone all AFC in a while, but i know the chode is there, he's pushed down and ignored, but that doesnt stop him trying to pick up the phone like a d1ck!

Are you going to say honestly that there isnt a chode inside of you trying to play on your mind?

All I was trying to say was - notice the chump pushing at you, and stand back and try to have an objective view of your situation, then follow your gut/balls/whatever. If in doubt, then posters here will probably have a decent objective view for you. Provided youve given enough relevant info if they say walk, its probably the best idea.

Dont forget that most dont come here with every little problem. If its asking for help from strangers on the internet.... you get my point?