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Old 08-10-2012, 10:15 AM   #1
khussa28
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Girlfriend suddenly very distant

Well everything was going well, i was rarly comming to this site.

But this week suddenly my girlfriend is very distant, we live in the same house, she was very kind before but since this week started she very quiet, sometimes when i talk she refuses to answer a question, says shes tired from work.

we live together,the house in my name, shes been comming home very late, ive acted natural
acting cool, i did mention it once howcome she comes late and we distant but she said she was late with friends, i acted like it didnt bother me,
today friday night she has not come home, her work normally finishes 6 pm,
it is 11 pm now, what should i do when she comes back.

ohh yes yesterday i did not see her back home, she said she stayed over with friends, and then went to work this morning, ive not seen her all friday, should i get rid of her, pack her bags, this is what my gut feeling is telling me.

I sent her a text message at 6 pm, i said

"tell me if you love me?
if not this is your chance to say and ill leave forever."


this is what i got as a reply just now

?zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......................... ...


love

u?


i have no idea what this means, the question marks maybe show uncertainty. and the z does that mean sleeping, like not care.

i have to admit i feel a bit depressed now, so i need help before i do something really badlike how i was before i met this site i.e. cry and beg...

any advice
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Old 08-10-2012, 10:20 AM   #2
khussa28
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just to quickly add more info, we been together for 4 years, my girlfriend
is the shy type of person normally, all the time i met her shes been very kinf until this week, i have no idea what ive done, but shes suddenly totally changed, shes more angry type, suddenly quiet, she seems like she doesnt care much for me.
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Old 08-10-2012, 10:29 AM   #3
Hexagram
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Quote:
Originally Posted by khussa28
Well everything was going well, i was rarly comming to this site.

But this week suddenly my girlfriend is very distant, we live in the same house, she was very kind before but since this week started she very quiet, sometimes when i talk she refuses to answer a question, says shes tired from work.

we live together,the house in my name, shes been comming home very late, ive acted natural
acting cool, i did mention it once howcome she comes late and we distant but she said she was late with friends, i acted like it didnt bother me,
today friday night she has not come home, her work normally finishes 6 pm,
it is 11 pm now, what should i do when she comes back.

ohh yes yesterday i did not see her back home, she said she stayed over with friends, and then went to work this morning, ive not seen her all friday, should i get rid of her, pack her bags, this is what my gut feeling is telling me.

I sent her a text message at 6 pm, i said

"tell me if you love me?
if not this is your chance to say and ill leave forever."


this is what i got as a reply just now

?zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......................... ...


love

u?


i have no idea what this means, the question marks maybe show uncertainty. and the z does that mean sleeping, like not care.

i have to admit i feel a bit depressed now, so i need help before i do something really badlike how i was before i met this site i.e. cry and beg...

any advice


I don't even know where to start. This is disrespect at a new level.

She comes home late without reason everyday and acts cold? Dude, you need to dump her ass right now.

After all that you ask her if she loves you? fvck that bro.

And oh yeah, about her reply -'zzzzzz'. That sh1t is fvcked up. I dont care if its been 4,10,20,30 years. Get her out of your place,move on, and find someone who really respects and wants to be with you.
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Old 08-10-2012, 10:37 AM   #4
PairPlusRoyalFlush
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Asking if she loves you...awful. But yeah she's cheating.
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Old 08-10-2012, 10:37 AM   #5
khussa28
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thanks guys
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Old 08-10-2012, 10:42 AM   #6
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Heres my advice.

No need to jump to conclusions or worry. 4 year relationship you should know her patterns, when shes lieing, etc. Sit down and tell her, look.. you've been distant this past week.. and you need to know whats up.

Be cool about it, if it sounds like she needs some space, then give it to her. Don't ever send a text like that again though bro, its super weak. This is not a movie - this is real life - so stop all the drama.

No ultimatums. Just suck it up and find out whats bothering her - if you are smothering her, forcing an answer is never good.

Dont read too much into the text, sit her down in person and talk.

Honestly, it sounds like she needs space - I would back off a bit, work harder, pick up a guitar, whatever.

If shes cheating, you will find out - dont ACCUSE her of cheating though - worst thing you can do.
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Old 08-10-2012, 10:46 AM   #7
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No crying man this is a gift. You didn't have a kid and a marriage. Sucks but pick yourself up, and get in the fight. You don't have any facts, but she at the very least has some explaining to do. I agree she's almost certainly cheating and if she is run!!!
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Old 08-10-2012, 10:52 AM   #8
PairPlusRoyalFlush
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TRSX
Heres my advice.

No need to jump to conclusions or worry. 4 year relationship you should know her patterns, when shes lieing, etc. Sit down and tell her, look.. you've been distant this past week.. and you need to know whats up.

Be cool about it, if it sounds like she needs some space, then give it to her. Don't ever send a text like that again though bro, its super weak. This is not a movie - this is real life - so stop all the drama.

No ultimatums. Just suck it up and find out whats bothering her - if you are smothering her, forcing an answer is never good.

Dont read too much into the text, sit her down in person and talk.

Honestly, it sounds like she needs space - I would back off a bit, work harder, pick up a guitar, whatever.

If shes cheating, you will find out - dont ACCUSE her of cheating though - worst thing you can do.
he already did all this. The only thing left to verbalize is asking if she cheated. He didn't get a straight answer before and wont.
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Old 08-10-2012, 11:23 AM   #9
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True - in most likely hood she is cheating. However, it is worse to accuse someone of cheating when they may or not be.

Ultimately if someone is cheating on you, does it really matter if you confront them? It's not the cheating part that is the worst part of it. It's the feeling of non-trust and disbelief so you gotta hash that out for yourself.

Make your decision whether you stay or go in a relationship based on if you can trust or believe in the person.

To be honest OP , you shouldn't have to worry about these kinds of things in a LTR. This obviously something you should consider in how you want to go about your relationship.

Its tough, ive been there before OP.
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Old 08-10-2012, 11:28 AM   #10
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I wouldn't even ask, just toss her out since its your home, if she likes her friends so much to lie and hide what she is doing then she can stay with then.
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Old 08-10-2012, 11:54 AM   #11
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yeah get rid, she's unworthy of anymore of your time and attention.
just like takin off a bandaid,
1) KICK HER OUT
2)NC
3)GET BACK IN THE GAME

3) - means get some plates, spin them, go out, have fun enjoy your life,
dont bother hitting the whisky bottle, theres no need to be miserable, be free and happy.
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Old 08-10-2012, 12:23 PM   #12
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Four years and she is going out with friends with this kind of frequency?

And not inviting you?

Huge red flags, I have no doubt she is fvking another guy. And why is she out while you are at home being "safe"?

I know this sounds harsh, but bro you need to be strong and take the constructive criticism.

The spark is gone and you have let it go by not keeping yourself out there and by letting her disrespect you (and by AFC actions like sending a text asking if she loves you).

Best to just walk away.
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Old 08-10-2012, 02:13 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Danger
Four years and she is going out with friends with this kind of frequency?

And not inviting you?

Huge red flags, I have no doubt she is fvking another guy. And why is she out while you are at home being "safe"?

I know this sounds harsh, but bro you need to be strong and take the constructive criticism.

The spark is gone and you have let it go by not keeping yourself out there and by letting her disrespect you (and by AFC actions like sending a text asking if she loves you).

Best to just walk away.



+1! Danger your one of my fav posters on Sosuave bro!


BTW right when he said "we live together" I knew it was dust.


Why do people move in with their gf's? If they only realized that is foreshadowing their own death, they would think twice.

Most men think its an steady supply of pu$$ay, when in reality its a nightmare becoming reality.







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Old 08-10-2012, 03:07 PM   #14
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You know in your gut that she is cheating. Everyone here on SS knows it too. Next time she comes back to your house she should be greeted by all her belongings on the front porch.

Done.
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Old 08-10-2012, 03:21 PM   #15
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I want to see an update on this issue, dont disappear please
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Old 08-10-2012, 03:31 PM   #16
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fock her. seriously.
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Old 08-10-2012, 03:37 PM   #17
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* Gone overnight with 'friends'
* Comes home at 11 when supposed to be 6PM
* 'zzz...love..u?'

She's doing you wrong bro -- she's cheating or purposfully avoiding you -- your texts make you appear needy, desperate...all of which seal off her vagina even further.

I know you don't want to hear this but:

You need to pack up her sh1t and tell her she needs to move out.

"It's not working anymore for me"

Tell her that and let her move on. You will lose this battle if you do not end this now. You will be hurt emotionally and mentally. You need to get her out of your life ASAP, this is not a respectful person and you should not have a SINGLE DAY where your GF treats you this way (not telling you where she is OVERNIGHT)...that's a sure-fire sign of cheating.

Pack her sh1t. Surprise her with a breakup. DO NOT GET DEEP INTO CONVERSATIONS ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP. She will UNLOAD on you when you breakup with her--her levels of disrespect are already very high.

You DO NOT ALLOW a woman like this to live with you. She's in YOUR HOUSE. She does not set the stage. You do. She's done man. Find a new character to fill her role with.

I know it hurts, I know you probably love her...but man...you HAVE to get rid of her ASAP or you are going to seriously go down in flames here.

I'm sorry bro.
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Old 08-10-2012, 03:58 PM   #18
khussa28
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update

i read the advice, thankyou for everybody, i can feel my heart aching like you cant breath, i ive thrown her clothes in the bin.

she came at 4 am, i heard some banging on the door, quiet hard, i didnt answer, then she went away, i got some texts soon after, ive not opened them as ill be tempted to answer back, my heart keeps telling me to open the messages text her, but i know if i do itll end bad, so im just ignoring and trying my best to move on,
cant sleep at all, every time i try i can feel the heart hurting.

i need to now start fresh, ive been reading some threads all night, its helped keep my mind focussed, the other threads on break up are all helpful.

FRESH START NEW BEGINING
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Old 08-10-2012, 04:08 PM   #19
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gotta respect that. tough choice but right thing to do. stay strong.
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Old 08-10-2012, 04:44 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by khussa28
she came at 4 am, i heard some banging on the door, quiet hard, i didnt answer, then she went away, i got some texts soon after

That's like the absolute minimum effort she could have done. Wow. That's how much she cares.

Your actions were justified I think.

Quote:
my heart keeps telling me to open the messages text her, but i know if i do itll end bad, so im just ignoring and trying my best to move on,
cant sleep at all, every time i try i can feel the heart hurting.

Good or bad, you're going to miss her. It's natural. When you've spent so much time with someone, you will feel their absence and 4 years will take you time to get over it. You're going to have withdrawal.

Now my question to you is. What happened to your wife, in this thread?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=191130

Do you have a girlfriend AND a wife?
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