im starting to think my game sucks.

ive been into cold approach pick up for a few months. i seem to be great at opening and keeping a conversation and getting the number. I get the feeling that the girls are interested and attracted but all I get is flakes after getting the number. After doing some research it seems that building comfort and rapport is a HUGE part of game, and I'm pretty sure that is the area I am lacking in. Any tips on how to build rapport as fast as possible or any general advice on how to avoid flakes? I realize this is a very common problem on here but I don't buy the whole "its a numbers game, keep trying!" mindset. I think most aspiring "PUAs" neglect the comfort building phase in their game and just focus on building attraction. This is why so many relationships start through work/school/mutual friends etc., because the comfort is there along with attraction.

do you have an example of how you usually approach?

flashpoint said:

do you have an example of how you usually approach?

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see girl i like, walk up to her and start conversation. my approaching isnt the problem, trust me. i know all about body language, tonality, eye contact, all that ****. its not the attraction part im lacking in, its the rapport.

oxford comma said:

see girl i like, walk up to her and start conversation. my approaching isnt the problem, trust me. i know all about body language, tonality, eye contact, all that ****. its not the attraction part im lacking in, its the rapport.

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Whats the first thing you say when you approach them? (sorry bro dont have an answer for you because we are in the same shoes,but just want some ideas)

Its simple.
You're not building enough rapport before you initiate a meet up.
It really depends where you live, I've noticed in places like new york/toronto its a lot easier to meet up with people after not knowing them that long versus a smaller city where they need more rapport to leave the house.

I also noticed I seldomly get flaked on with girls I have added on my facebook, I think this is due to the reason that they can see I have a social life and people like me from wallposts on my page etc..

But really, if a girl flakes, to me its just because she's not excited or scared/shy and usually its because she's scared and shy.
All you have to do is build up her comfort or talk/text game a bit more before you schedule a meet up.
Older woman, are a lot easier to get out of the house than younger girls who still live with mommy and daddy.
Also, another thing ive noticed that helps build rapport without a lot of talking is dropping and starting convo's through text a lot.
I meet a girl on the subway, send her a text 'hey its subway girl!; or whatever
Then talk a bit, then drop the conversation by not responding her last message, Its best to do this when she responds with a 'lol' or something that kills the flow of the convo, because it also doubles as punishing her for not holding your interest.
Girls are smart and they believe good game is to not text guys first/initiate conversations often
So hold off then the next day start another convo, or later that night.
Then drop the convo for 2 days and send her a text out of the blue 'hey dork' bottom line, be sporadic throughout the week

By startin and stopping several conversations, with day long gaps in between, it makes it feel like you've had several SEPARATE conversations, which are like mini-text dates haha.
I've noticed this opens them up incredibly as the conversation gets more casual and they are more open to my sexual innuendos

Note: I never meet up with a girl until she's comfortable with sex talk/sex jokes/sex flirting.
This way when I meet up with her after we've joked around about it, its clear that contact will happen on this date and that is how I get such a high lay percentage.

hmmm that was very interesting mr.someoneelse. So you are saying I am going in for the kill too soon? Instead of just texting them with a meet up invitation, i should actually have a few random conversations first? I honestly never thought of that because all ive read on here is to NOT have conversations via text. I don't like the idea of waiting around for a few days to start a new text though, I feel like if i get a phone number I should not wait around to invite the girl to do something. I'll try your method out though, it does make sense to me since, to girls, texting is the same thing as talking nowadays.

oxford comma said:

hmmm that was very interesting mr.someoneelse. So you are saying I am going in for the kill too soon? Instead of just texting them with a meet up invitation, i should actually have a few random conversations first? I honestly never thought of that because all ive read on here is to NOT have conversations via text. I don't like the idea of waiting around for a few days to start a new text though, I feel like if i get a phone number I should not wait around to invite the girl to do something. I'll try your method out though, it does make sense to me since, to girls, texting is the same thing as talking nowadays.

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Yes that's exactly what i'm saying.
For the older crowd, 30+, i'd say calling immediately is fine.
But if you're hitting up girls 18 - 30 then text. Texting is crack to girls, even though they suck at it, and they're not very interesting most the time.

I'm not saying wait a couple days after you get the number.
I text once i get her number to make sure I have it, and do a quick 'what's up' -> 'interesting story/thought' -> 'fluff' -> end the convo
Then start it up later that night if you got her number in the morning or start it up the next day randomly, with this you can drop in some ways to DHV when she asks what you're doing ('just heading home from the gym, Just saved a small child from a burning building, say something interesting not 'nm u'), and you can also give a flirty comment when she says what she's up to; text game, you know the deal.

After that conversation ^ I give her a day or two randomly where I don't text. Then I come back in with a 'hey dork' or whatever, back with my playful banter.
I don't mention anything about meeting up in the first couple conversations unless it comes naturally. Main reason is because I want her to think i'm testing her with my conversations, i'm poking around and seeing if I like the way she talks/responds and she knows this.
After this is done I escalate with more banter but I get more serious sexual innuendo's, talk about sex or whatever. (NOTE: this isnt the first time I flirt/make an innuendo about sex, I just do it more frequently/faster pace)
If she responds well to this and can talk about it, then I either bring up meeting up directly after talking about sex ( she obviously knows the deal )
Or after topics have changed I then ask her to meet up ( having a space between the sex talk just to be safe makes it seem less pants hungry )
That way I know she can talk about sex and how responsive she is to me, talking about sex with girls is important because it constantly makes them think of you in bed and thats a thought you want in her head LOTS.
If she's not respnsive to sex talk or flirty innuendos etc.. then I give her another week.

On average I can get a girl into my bed after about 5 - 7 mini text convo's
Some of course, way less, some longer.
Point is I dont want to meet up with a girl, take her on a date and learn all of the 'basics' about her.
have you ever hooked up with a girl at a club, or party and have her pull some LMR saying 'I hardly know you..'
The text convo's are just so she feels like she knows you, and I like the idea of talking to her first before I meet her, I dont want to meet up with some weird ass chick that I didn't notice did this or that in the 1/2 mins i talked on her on the subway.

And it's really easy once you text on and off like that several times
You can randomly just text her saying 'come over'
or 'i'm hungry, cook me supper'
and if she declines, this just turns into playful banter, convo ends, you try again in a few days.
the trick is to have this happening with a bunch of plates at the same time

im digging this man, thanks for the help. so what are your thoughts on girls being responsive at first via text and then going cold? is that them gaming ME? should i just not text them for a few days then go back in like nothing happened. Text game is completely new to me since everything i watch (RSD) never covers it. So thanks!

Make them smile/laugh all the time.. THen they look forward to talking to you.

That's pure genius man, gonna try that

oxford comma said:

im digging this man, thanks for the help. so what are your thoughts on girls being responsive at first via text and then going cold? is that them gaming ME? should i just not text them for a few days then go back in like nothing happened. Text game is completely new to me since everything i watch (RSD) never covers it. So thanks!

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Yeah man. When girls go cold, give it a day or two.
They can either be gaming you, or just busy.

Honestly man, when you get out there and get a lot of digits, you won't even notice when a girl goes cold on you. You'll send out a bunch of messages then get replies and you'll forget about the ones that didn't reply.
Then next week when you're going through your texts finding some chicks to game, you just re-initiate conversation.

Girls will be able to tell if she's the only girl your texting, that's what you don't want. Make it seem like you text when you have free moments in your day, and when you do text, you're responding to all the other ones you have.

Don't worry about girls going cold, its her wanting you to think she has the same degree of social life. Just re-initiate it as if you didn't notice she didnt respond.

same boat bro, I feel that my plates want to get to know me too via text first before a meet up, unfortunately I'm not as keen on texting girls as I was 10 years ago (i'm 25) and prefer talking to them in person.

oxford comma said:

i seem to be great at opening and keeping a conversation and getting the number. I get the feeling that the girls are interested and attracted but all I get is flakes after getting the number.

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This is extremely common. You have a good analysis of the situation. The numbers game thing is extremely important when you actually have lots of women to work through. Then you shouldn't put much effort into any specific one because it's almost easier and faster to simply start over with the next one. Going through large numbers of women is preferable when you're in a big metropolis like I am.

However, if you don't have big numbers to work with, you do really have to hone your game and I think you're on the right track. Flaking is extremely common with street pickups and such.

Anchor a phrase to her feeling good. Ross Jeffries talks about this a lot. Use a specific phrase and touch her on the arm when you use it. Then when you call, use the phrase again.

Seduction is all about repetition. She's got to feel she's known you a lot longer than she actually has. Repetition embeds cycles in her head where her feelings loop around over and over. She doesn't see them as loops, she sees them as a straight (long) path.

As an aside, that's why if you can remind her of her dad, you're in. Because she's already traveled that path and already feels she "knows" you. Same principle as what you're trying to do.

You need to create time loops in her mind that will repeat when you're not there and that you can activate when you next contact her.

You already halfway there by knowing that you need to build comfort and rapport when you meet them. A good technique would be to get into a conversation about her passions, dreams, family, etc. at some point in the conversation and relate to her on those topics. You'll get her to open up unlike the other guys she will talk to that day. And BAM! You guys just met but connected like you've known each other for years...

alxrose04 said:

A good technique would be to get into a conversation about her family, etc...

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Family is an ANTI-POON topic.
Never bring that up unless you want to give her your shoulder and be her friend, because she's 'special'.

what would be good areas of conversation to bring up. my convo is always pretty bland i will admit, but from what ive gathered its more about how you come across then what you actually talk about. BUT, that has to do with attraction not comfort building. So now I think i actually do need to change my convo topics up a bit.


also, it is blowing my mind that all these times ive been having trouble texting girls, its been because they were gaming ME. i just thought they were being b1tches or they didnt like me. i just failed there tests by getting too clingy or acting all butthurt and deleting their numbers.

SomeoneElse you should create a thread on text game.
I'd love to read more of your style, its very well put together.

I second that i really would like to see some solid text game structure...also I see now why i can get makeouts and numbers from hotties followed by disappointing flakes...zero comfort...majority of my interactions are only sexually charged..need that rapport/comfort

oxford comma said:

Instead of just texting them with a meet up invitation, i should actually have a few random conversations first? I honestly never thought of that because all ive read on here is to NOT have conversations via text.

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Well, that is just further proof that 1) there is not just one way to play the game right and 2) a LOT of guys on this forum are kinda slow getting into the new era of communication.

Last girl i hooked up with in socal I met at a bar close to last call, danced and made out with her, exchanged numbers and she txted me that night. I responded, I think we had a 2-3 txts convo, then over the nxt month I didn't get to see her again (I travel a lot) but I kept randomly txting her here and there, eventually adding her on FB. Long story short, last week we met up for a drink on friday, saw her again on sat and banged her.

My standard approach to game is pretty simple: initial aggressive approach, number grabbing (or even handing out a business card, depending on circumstances). Txting her that same day/night. Randomly txing her without trying to set up a meeting. Facebook add, THEN set up a meeting. By that time, even though I have usually spent less than an hour in her physical presence, she feels like she knows me already and is ready to put out, at most on a second date.

Good luck, hope this helps!

what do you randomly text her about??? also, im terrified of adding girls on facebook cuz my fb doesnt have much pictures of me and might come across like i have a lame social life(which is kinda true) haha