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Old 07-16-2012, 12:01 AM   #1
bradd80
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Things Women Say and What They Really Mean

Here it is boys, the What Women Say and What They Really Mean Compilation a.k.a. the official Female Translator. Read these common lies, and you'll always instantly recognize when a woman is lying to you and what she is REALLY telling you when she opens her mouth..

(special shout outs go to nismo, naughty ninja, in2thegame, love's orphan, pair plus royal flush, mike32ct, halfPUAhalfAFC, tilltheEndoftime, and mike0ck for their valuable contributions)

"We need to talk" = I need to complain about you

"Have fun at the party" = do not have fun at the party

"You don’t need to buy me a present" = you need to buy me a very expensive gift

"Yes" = no

"No" = yes

"I’m very adventurous" = I’ve slept with every guy who gives me even a hint of attention

“are you hungry?” = take me to dinner

“we’re going to be late” = yes it took me five hours to get ready but it’s all your fault so drive faster who cares it’s your insurance not mine

“you seem like a player” = I find you interesting

“you’re such a jerk” = I am attracted to you

“so why did you break up with your ex girlfriend” = what’s wrong with you

“it’s getting kinda late” = I’m not going to have sex with you

“so are we together” = I want you to stop f*cking other women

“do you like me” = I like you

“we have different values” = I found somebody else to fvck

“I am tired of drama and BS” = I am very attracted to a**holes

“I like your friends, but..” = I don’t like your friends

“I want a man to spoil me” = im already having sex with one guy, but now i need an AFC to spend money on me

“I’ve been really busy” = I don’t like you

“Who’s that girl you were talking to” = are you having sex with that girl

"I want to be friends first" = guys just pump and dump me so now im gonna take my insecurities out on you and make you wait

"Im not ready for a relationship right now" = im not ready for a relationship with you, ever

"I just don’t want a boyfriend right now" = I don’t want you as a boyfriend, ever

"That’s okay" = I want to think long and hard about how I’m going to make you suffer

"I’ll be ready in 5 minutes" = I’ll be ready in 2 hours

"You don’t know how to communicate" = you need to do what I tell you

"We can always still be friends" = there is no way in hell I’m going to let any part of your body ever touch any part of mine, ever again

"I like you but.." = I don’t like you

"There’s no one else I swear" = I’m banging two of your best friends

"I love sex" = I love sex with other people, but not with you

"I can’t believe I did that" = i do that all the time with other guys

"I’ve never done that before!" = I do that all the time with other guys but will only do it with you once in a while so you think you’re special

"We’re moving too fast" = I’m not ready to sleep with you again until I find out if the bad boy I got the hots for is out of prison yet

"Do I look fat" = everything is going perfect so we need to fight

"I cant believe i just sent you that picture!" = I do this all the time

"Whatever" = f*ck off

"Can you help me with <insert almost anything here>" = if I keep whining and making him think he will f*ck me the idiot will do what I say

"Where are you?" = why aren’t you here doing things for me

"I'm not sure what I want" = I don't want you

"You're such a great guy!" = You're a chump

"I have a headache" = I won't be having sex with you tonight

"I'm tired, I think I'm just going to stay in tonight" = I'm going to fvck someone else tonight

"I hate my ex" = I'm still in love with my ex but he won't take me back

"I'm so happy for you!" = I am jealous and not happy for you at all

"I don't care, let's go wherever" = you better know where I want to be taken

"It's nothing" = this is a big deal

"I think I'll just stay in and take it easy" = you did something minor to make my gina dry up and I'm considering never talking to you again

"yeah, I'm all for starting out dating non-monogamously" = if I even suspect you have a lunch date with someone else you are a player and a loser

"I'm not ready to have sex yet" = You've still got 453 hoops to jump through cowboy

"I was really an idiot to marry my ex" = I blame others for my own choices in life, and I was desperate and approaching the wall, besides, all my other girlfriends were getting married and I was afraid to be the last one

"Men are all the same" = I refuse to change my ways because nothing is ever my fault

"Your friends are awesome!" = once I get you to commit I'll alienate every one of them from you and slowly isolate you and your wallet

"I like to take it slow at first" = I'm still judging you and testing you

"Let's do something next week" = unless I get a better offer

"I can't stand my ex" = I think about doing him every night

"I promise, I'm not a cat lady" = I am so totally a cat lady

"Look at that skank" = I'm jealous of all the male attention she gets

"I'm not in a position to do this properly and it wouldn't be fair for you unless i could give it a proper shot" = i don't like you anymore and i've already started looking for a new guy to f*ck

"eww, i dont even like sex, d!cks are ugly" = I'm a total slut and feel like a piece of garbage for getting f*cked by so many worthless losers over the years

"i don't suck d*ck" = i don't suck YOUR d*ck

"I just think we need some space" = Im thinking of sucking and fukking this other guy or multiple guys but im not sure yet, i will let you know at your lowest point, for now ill keep you in suspense

“call me on Thursday to confirm” = you’re my backup plan. I have almost no intention of actually going out with you

“I really like you as a friend” = I’m not going to sleep with you or date you, but you can take me out and buy me dinner if I don’t have anything better going on

“do you mind if I leave some of my things at your place” = I want other women to know you’re seeing someone

“sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner, I was so busy with work/feeling sick” = take a hint, I could not possibly care any less about you

“sorry I turned my phone off/battery died” = I was busy with some other guy

“sorry I can’t make it this Friday after all” = I found something better to do

“I don’t get along with girls because they’re jealous of me” = I don’t get along with girls because I’m a stuck up b*tch

“It’s not really going to be a couples thing, so maybe we’ll meet up after?” = I don’t want my friends to think I’m dating you seriously

“it’s just girls night out” = I’m looking for the bigger better deal (BBD)

“I don’t care about money you know I’m not like that” = yeah sure that’s why you brought it up

Last edited by bradd80 : 07-17-2012 at 11:38 PM.
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Old 07-16-2012, 12:53 AM   #2
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Judge nismo has a whole lot more, in no small part thanks to other posters (see below, credit given)!

This thread made me create my fourth deck of 52 cards with 2 jokers! Translations part 2! And here's the deal.

1. I'm not a golddigger/ b**ch/ shallow/ judgmental/ anything similar= Remove the not here.
2. You're/he's/SOMEBODY'S hot, cute, tall, loaded= Exactly what it says on the tin.
3. I want you inside me= Exactly what it says on the tin.
4. Let's compromise= Do it my way and like it, or no more sex. If any!
5. I pay all the bills here= With mostly your money!
6. You're so sweet= Also sexually undesirable and unattractive. Can you say nice guy?!
7. I don't give my number out = There's no way in hell you're getting my number
8. Yes = Exactly what it says on the tin. Make a move!
9. We should hangout. = I want you. Make a move!
10. Can you buy me a drink? = Sh*t test. Mostly translated to "Are you an undesirable loser?" Neg now!
11. I'm so/ do I look fat = Tell me I'm skinny/ beautiful. Can you say insecure?!
12. I had a good time = You'll get more action next time. And that's if I decide to let next time happen!
13. Call me. = I'm into you and want you to pursue me
14. mmm...I don't know. = No. I do know that it's not gonna happen.
15. I don't have my phone on me / know my #/ my phone's in the car or house. = You ain't getting my number.
16. Are you a player? = Your game is solid
17. My girlfriend thinks you're cute. = Exactly what it says on the tin. Can you say threesome?!
18. Stop! (sternly or seriously with resistance)= Exactly what it says on the tin. Can you say Sexual harassment/ assault?!
19. Stop! (playfully or smiling) = Keep it coming.
20. I can't believe you said that! = You've got some balls
21. You're mean. = You are one of the few who has the guts to neg me/ My beauty and sexuality isn't working on you.
22. He's a nice guy/ little brother = He's a pu$$y
23. I love him. = I'll f**k him eventually.
24. I want a guy that will love me for who I am, no matter what = I'm unlovable.
25. I don't deserve you = I just cheated on you.
26. When my boyfriend leaves town = Stick around and feed my ego while said boyfriend feeds my mouth!
27. I'm not that type of girl= Yes I am, yes I do, but God damn! not with you!
28. You are too nice = You lack masculinity. Can you say friendzone?!
29. You remind me of my brother = I am repulsed at the thought of dating you.
30. There was no chemistry/ connection = You are neither hot nor are you going to see me naked.
31. I'm open minded for sex = I f**ked lot of guys. Can you say slvt?!
32. I'm sensitive= I'm sensitive only when its me to be hurt
33. I like to travel= I like to party even in other places
34. I'm for equality= I don't wanna be the woman in the relationship. Can you say entitlement issues?!
35. I'm empowered= I don't do anything you would expect from a woman. Can you say princess syndrome?!
36. I like to try new things= I eat at ethnic restaurants. Can you say high-maintenance?!
37. We have to talk= I'm gonna tell you something you ain't gonna like. Can you say victim ploy?!
38. You never listen to me= You don't do what I tell you to. Can you say attractive jerk?!
39. Love is more important than money= I want the big diamond, not the small one. Can you say golddigger?!
40. Does he have a gf= Is he worth something?
41. She is a b**ch/ slvt/ bimbo= She is more attractive than me and that disturbs me. Can you say competition?!
42. I'm adventurous= I visit new clubs and try new drinks, shoes, and penises.
43. Your hobbies make you look sexy= Only because they make good money and might elevate my status! I wouldn't care otherwise.
44. Where is this going?= What are we?
45. What brand of clothes/watch/car is that?= How much cash can you spend on me/ I'm attracted to the (possible) bulge in your wallet.
46. Just be yourself= I don't want you to become James Bond. Please don't so that me and my girlfriends can still make fun of you.
47. You'll meet someone eventually/ You gotta keep looking/ It's not gonna happen= It's not gonna happen with me.
48. I overlook that/ it don't bother me/ it doesn't matter to me.= It's a turn off. Can you say deal breaker?!
49. I don't play games= I'm just starting to. Remove don't here. Can you say game on?!
50. I don't like liars= I sure prefer exciting lies over boring truths! And I will lie to you!
51. Why don't you have a girlfriend?= Why aren't I your girlfriend?
52. I don't have any plans this weekend= I want you to ask me out, RIGHT NOW.

little joker: i'll call you the day before to confirm (or anything like this)= you're just another option i'm keeping open that i can not feel guilty flaking on at any time. can you say low priority or backburner?!

BIG JOKER: CAN YOU DO X FOR ME/ASKS FOR SOME SORT OF INFORMATION OUT OF YOU/WANTS ANYTHING ELSE FROM YOU THAT SHE CAN EASILY DO HERSELF (NORMALLY A SIMPLE TASK)= IF YOU HELP ME I WILL SEE YOU AS A NICE GUY THAT HAS NO BACKBONE. I ALSO WON'T INSERT HIS BONE INTO ME! CAN YOU SAY CHUMP LOSER BENDING OVER BACKWARDS?!

Thanks to st 99 for these:

"You'll never have a girlfriend." = Please be with me
"You'll never settle down." = please settle down with me.
"I f**king hate him!" = I love him. I f**k him. I suck him.
"Are you gay?" = I probably don't have a chance with you and it frustrates me.
"So, what do you have a hot date tonight?" = I like you somewhat but not enough to care that you're dating other girls.

Thanks to 5string for these:

I'd date him=I'd fvck him.
I dated him=I fvcked him.
I don't care, you decide=I'm indecisive and don't know wtf I would like to do. Lead me around on my leash.
I'm kinda busy right now. I'll call you=I ain't interested. Go away.
I already made plans to go out with the girls=I'm gonna slvt it up and dance on the table and play tonsil hockey with my GF's. How fun!
I never cheated on him (unsolicited)=I cheated on him.
I just want a really nice guy to be with=I just want a real bad boy to rail me in the bathroom at the club.
She's such a slvt=I'm a slvt.
I have only been with 7 guys=TIMES 7!!!
Does my butt look fat in these jeans?=My ass is way hot. I know you'd like to bend me over the counter right now.
My boobs are little huh?=My boobs are huge! I have so much cleavage you could drop a baseball down there and never find it!
She and I have been friends forever!=I carpet munched her.
Make me pregnant = More child support! Cool!
Text me later = I'm busy fvcking another guy at the moment.
She's my best friend, but she's kind of a slvt = I fvcked most of the same guys she has.
My dad was abusive and left us when I was a little girl = I'm easy and will have sex with just about anybody.
You can put it in my butt = everyone else does.
I wear thongs = except when I'm at the club. Then I go commando.
I had a 3some once = I go to sex parties and the guys make me "airtight". Fun!
Are we exclusive? = I'm insecure as sh*t and am raising my anti slvt defense.
I never had a ONS = except last Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.
I love my cat = I am way fvcked up because of my personality disorder.
Oh baby, those guys that text me are just my friends, don't worry = I fvcked them all and they're just comin' back for more cuz I'm easy.
My roommate and I are so close = she did me with a strap on. Oh my!
I only slept with a few guys before you = I only slept with a few dozen guys before you.
I never put out on the first date = I usually give it up on the first date.
I never give BJ's unless I'm in love = I can suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
You decide = I'm indecisive and really don't know WTF I want.
We need to talk = I'm gonna dump you.
I hated my father = I'm easy and like men who abuse me.
I'm pregnant = Oh goodie! More child support!
I don't wanna use a condom = I'm irresponsible and don't care if I get pregnant.
Do you think these panties are sexy? = All the other guys did.
Those pornos and that vibrator belong to my room mate = I hope he doesn't look in the box in my closet!
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Last edited by nismo-4 : 07-16-2012 at 11:53 AM.
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Old 07-16-2012, 12:54 AM   #3
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Thanks to Mike32ct for these:

"I don't go out (anymore)" or "I'm not into the bar/club thing" = I just text some dude I already know and have him come over my place instead.
"We're on a girls night out.". = We just came here to drink, dance lesbian together, and attention wh@re around. Then we will leave together. When I get home, I'll text this guy to come over.
"I'm not that type of girl.". =. Actually I am, just not with you.
"I want to date other people.". = I want to f**k other guys.
"I like a guy to be taller than me." = I'm a 5'1" petite girl who only wants to date guys that are over 6'3".
"Do you like living here in xyz?". =. I hope you do. If we get serious, I don't want to relocate. I want to stay near my parents so they can babysit our kids.
"I used to be a waitress.". =. I hooked up with the busboy, the cook, and the bartender.
"Are you alone or here with friends?". =. You're ok looking, but I'm hoping you have some hotter buddies/mates.
"I'm bored." = What are you doing right now? Come over.
"I'm on the pill.". = I might or might not be on the pill. But I love it raw. Don't you dare pull out. Getting preg or at least PRETENDING you're getting me preg is so hot.
"I broke up with my bf three months ago and haven't dated anybody else." = I'm still f**king him.
"I'm not introducing you to my friends.". = You're too ugly. It would insult them.
"Don't change. Just be yourself, a nice guy." = I want you to be a virgin until you're 39. My girlfriends and I make fun of you behind your back.
"Looks aren't important. I want a guy with confidence and personality." = OMG, that guy over there is hot. I gotta go now.
"I just broke up with my boyfriend." = Your place or mine?
"Yeah we can go out Saturday night, but you have to drop me off early. I have to get up early on Sunday." = I will text another guy as soon as you drop me off.
"I don't feel any chemistry between us." = You're not attractive and you don't make my 'gina tingle.
"Just tell me truth about what you did with that other woman, and we can put it behind us." = As soon as I get the truth out of you, I will dump/divorce your sorry cheating ass.
"I like a guy with confidence.". = I like a HOT guy who is aggressive enough to make a move on me. Less attractive guys that are confident enough to approach and make a move are called creepers.
"I like a big guy. It makes me feel protected." = I like a big guy who can throw me around in the bedroom.
"I haven't had sex in a year.". = I haven't gotten any since last week.
"I haven't dated anyone in a long time." = I have a long term F-buddy.
"I want an ambitious guy but not a workaholic." = I want him to make lots of money working only part-time hours.
"I don't do x until the third/fourth/tenth date." = You haven't spent enough on me yet. You gotta pay to play buddy.
"My Girlfriends like my new boyfriend= He's great in the sack/ a great catch. Better than you!
"How long was your longest relationship?"= "What is the longest you've gone before she dumped your a$s for somebody better?"
"I have standards you know."= I only want to date guys three points hotter.
"I don't date where I work."= I just sleep with people from work.
"It's what's inside that counts"= It's what's OUTSIDE that helps my decision of letting him or you INSIDE.

Damn that's a lot. Let's keep it going!
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Old 07-16-2012, 08:46 AM   #4
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Old 07-17-2012, 05:02 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nismo-4
Thanks to Mike32ct for these:
"I like a guy to be taller than me." = I'm a 5'1" petite girl who only wants to date guys that are over 6'3".


It sucks being a 5'9.
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Old 07-17-2012, 09:09 PM   #6
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"He's cute." = I'd F him within two weeks

"He's hot." = I'd F him the same day/night or within two days max.

"OMG he's gorgeous." = I'm throwing my panties at him NOW.

"He's this old guy." = I'm turned off by his age and looks.

"He's this guy who's older." = He looks good for his age, and I'd probably do him.

"You're not that funny." = You have a good sense of humor but you're not good looking so we barely laugh.

"OMG he's so funny." = He says the most lame/corny/dry/stupid stuff but he's hot looking so I giggle at everything he says anyway.

"My name is Candy. We could hang out RIGHT NOW if you want." = I'm a hooker.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" = Do you want to make out, possibly more?
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Old 07-17-2012, 09:31 PM   #7
bradd80
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike32ct
"He's cute." = I'd F him within two weeks

"He's hot." = I'd F him the same day/night or within two days max.

"OMG he's gorgeous." = I'm throwing my panties at him NOW.

"He's this old guy." = I'm turned off by his age and looks.

"He's this guy who's older." = He looks good for his age, and I'd probably do him.

"You're not that funny." = You have a good sense of humor but you're not good looking so we barely laugh.

"OMG he's so funny." = He says the most lame/corny/dry/stupid stuff but he's hot looking so I giggle at everything he says anyway.

"My name is Candy. We could hang out RIGHT NOW if you want." = I'm a hooker.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" = Do you want to make out, possibly more?

Mike32ct, I seriously think me, you, nismo, and naughty ninja should get together and write a book on this subject.
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Old 07-18-2012, 12:15 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bradd80
Mike32ct, I seriously think me, you, nismo, and naughty ninja should get together and write a book on this subject.

Feminists would try to get it banned. Hell, men really need to get together to lower the already high-and-rising price of vagina and love.
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Old 07-20-2012, 09:54 AM   #9
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"You're such an *******!!" = I will be banging you dry in five minutes
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Old 07-20-2012, 09:55 AM   #10
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double post; sorry
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Old 07-20-2012, 12:53 PM   #11
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"What are we (relationship-wise)?" = The sex is good, but I want something more serious at some point. Right now I feel like we are nothing more than FWB. I don't want to feel like I'm only your personal love toy.

"Don't worry. It'll happen when you least expect it." = That's how it works for ME. Men come into my life effortlessly. As for you, good luck buddy.

"I'm excited." = Looking forward to something or feeling horny.

"I'm distracted." = Thinking about sex. Can't keep my mind out of the gutter. You turn me on.

"I'm looking for a distraction. / I could be your distraction." = I'm up for casual sex even though at least one of us isn't necessarily single right now."

"You don't have a girl because you're too fussy. / You're too fussy." = You are not attractive (or not that attractive), but you refuse to date my 300 lb friend.

"Are you ready to get out of here (bar/club)?" = Let's go home and have sex.

"Let's stop at the diner." = I'm hungry, not horny. You can feed me, but I'll be too "tired"
afterwards to F.
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Old 08-17-2012, 11:44 AM   #12
bradd80
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the other night i fvcked this hottie so i have one more female translation to add:

"i just want to curl up" = i want you to pound the living brains out of me on my bed but bc i'm a female i'll have to pretend i'm not a slvt and just want to cuddle
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Old 08-17-2012, 06:28 PM   #13
Huffman
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OK Guys, now that you posted 1000 lines of girl bullsh!t, how about you post some comebacks along with it?
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Old 08-17-2012, 06:52 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Huffman
OK Guys, now that you posted 1000 lines of girl bullsh!t, how about you post some comebacks along with it?

ok..."will you marry me?" = you have had lots of $ex ive cooked you lots of food, bought you lots of stuff, put on an awesome front for nearly 2 years!
me; "no, its the mans job to ask that and when it needs to be asked, Ill ask"

we split up 3 months later..true! no way was i going to marry her
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Old 08-17-2012, 11:09 PM   #15
Mindgamez
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That's pretty interesting, thanks!
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Old 08-19-2012, 04:31 AM   #16
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"If you cant handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best" = Im a fvcking psycho! Run!
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Old 08-20-2012, 11:14 AM   #17
5string
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This made me laugh so hard I bout jumped out of my man thong!
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Old 08-22-2012, 10:08 AM   #18
Mike32ct
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"It's complicated." = I'm married but looking.

"I don't wear my wedding ring." = See "It's complicated."

"You're a nice looking guy" = I'd never b@ng you. You might be ok for my fat cousin.

"I not speak no English." = I'm completely fluent. You aren't hawt, sorry.

"You need some hobbies. Then you could meet a girl." = You're a beta. Social circle is your only hope. If she gets to know your sorry a$s over time, she might accidentally sleep with you.

"We kinda sorta hooked up." = I was drunk but knew what I was doing when he reamed me in multiple positions.

"We fooled around, but it/he wasn't what I expected." = His peen was small.

"X (number of) women in my office/work are pregnant." = I'm gonna be next. Run, run.
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Old 09-06-2012, 10:05 PM   #19
bradd80
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here's one more:

"i'm selective/looking for the right guy/i would happily die single if the right guy never came along" = I'm unrealistically picky, men don't want me because I'm bitter/angry, and I disqualify partners I would be a good fit for due to the slightest imperfection. And since i'm a princess no one will ever be good enough for me even if you're brad pitt and have a master's degree in engineering science and pull in six figures and volunteer at the local shelter for disadvantaged youth
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Old 09-06-2012, 10:21 PM   #20
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"I'm going to wear jeans and a t-shirt" = you sure as sh*t better be wearing dress pants and a collared shirt or you are never, ever going to get any..."
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