Single moms.. learn from MY mistake!

the_stig · Jul 14, 2012

Since we've been on the topic lately, coincidentally I ended things last night with a single mom I've been seeing for the past ten months and wanted to share my experience.

First date.. she's blonde, petite, and beautiful. When the topic of her ten year old comes up, she sugar coats it to perfection with "He already has a dad and I'm not looking for any other man to be a part of his life". Sounds pretty good to me.

The next few months are a bliss. We're having a blast, she treats me like a king, and I dominate the frame. The kid is not in the picture and the furthest thing from my mind.

As a few more months drag on, she starts pushing for unhealthy amounts of commitment. Even without a kid I don't move that fast. Her tune about the kid changes to "I want you to spend time with him" to eventually "you need to have a relationship with him". Things start to get rocky.

Now It's a catch 22.. I have feelings for her, but deep down nestled in my core is the instinctive repulsion at the idea of raising another man’s child. We want to pass on our own genetics, and the Male Lion comes out when we meet a desirable mate that has a cub by another male; we want to destroy it.

The Branch Swing

You know it. Several weeks ago a new guy suddenly started hanging around, her "sister's husband's best friend". It would be the four of them and I called her on it. "I can't help it if her husband always brings his best friend" she'd say. Followed by "Eww I would never date him!". Hell, she even had me over once when they were there.

The classic symptoms start falling into place: less affectionate, distant, texting/calling less. The biggest telltale was after an argument one night, thinking she had been dumped, told me, "I've already moved on and am interested in someone else!". When I ignored the texts, she confessed "it was just to make you mad". The past week she has been unusually insecure.. telling me she can't trust me, wanting my facebook password, etc.. (No I didn't give it)

I know now my days with her are coming to an end.. I should have walked right there.. but sometimes it's easier said than done.

Last night, with my suspicions boiling, I glance in her phone and confirmed everything. Texting this guy with statements like "I hope I'm not moving too fast", "I'm looking forward to getting to know you", "You seem like a great guy". She saw him alone, LIED to me about it.

It's funny how Women try to save face when they're caught red handed. Lies such as "My sister wanted to set me up and sent those texts" to "It was only as friends" started pouring from her mouth. Please! :crackup: I kept my cool, only raising my voice a few times, and calmly left telling her this would be the last time she ever saw me. Ignored her 20+ calls and barrage of texts last night. Her last text indicating she really wants to see me Sunday and can we still follow through with our fun plans? Yeah, RIGHT! :crackup: :crackup:

In typical female fashion.. she tried to blame me. "You never wanted to include my son!". I understand her point of view,
and this guy had no problem including the kid immediately. Well, he can have the kid. I'm happy to have finally escaped.

The lesson learned?

She sucked me in hard with constant positive attention, downplaying the kid, extraordinary treatment, but flipped the script hard once she felt comfortable. I consider it my single mother lesson learned, I don't regret it, but learn from my mistake!

backbreaker · Jul 14, 2012

this is waht people like you need to understand.

she is not a bad choicfe becdause she is a single mother. she is a bad choice who happens to be a single mother. there is a huge difference, that poerple like you do not seem to grasp.

this woman, is just childish and immature. she would have dumped you had she ahd a child or not. the child has nothing to do with why she is acting the way towards you it's an excuse she is using to branch swing.

it's like, if you saw a black guy slapping a girl that you would conclude that all people who are violent towards women are black. that's the ass backwards logic you are using right now.

Note, I am not white knighting or even taking up for her; she sounds like a peice of work who gets her thrills out of creating drama. i know the type and you did well by leaving. But we come here to help each other and building up illogical beliefs about the opposite sex is not going to help you, all it will do is give you a pat on the back beucase a woman left you. you want to feel like it's not your fault but it is.

why is it your fault? beucase you never waited around to see who she really was before committing to her. you dated the woman in all her splender beucase she was hot, you didn't spin plates, you took her words at face value.

she is who she is. a woman is who she is. very rarely do women change in the course of a relationship, they are just able to hide certain character flaws for a period of time, and it's your job to eek out those flaws BEFORE you commit not afterwards. that's your fault not hers.

fi you do not prefer to date single mothers more power to you, **** i don't or at least didn't, but do not do so beucse of some fvked up beleft that all single mothers are stupid childish idiots. by doing that you are no better than the woman who goes around saying that all good looking men are players or that all black women are skanks and ghetto.

TRSX · Jul 14, 2012

Look dude,

I've dated a woman over twice my age (I was 21, she was 45) - she had 3 kids, and one of them was 3 months younger then me (how i met her).

THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT. get your business, your jollies, whatever off on them - but don't commit. 10 months is a long time, and its understandable that you've developed feelings.

Im not sure if this is your first mom that you've slept with. But if it is, what youre reacting is normal. Its a conquest, an awesome feeling. Yeah i ****ed a MILF.

Move on, forget about her - more plates to spin - and you gotta spin to win!

MikeOck · Jul 14, 2012

bradd80 said:
...Milfs will always tell you things like "he already has a father" or "don't worry if we turn serious I will take care of my kids" etc etc

Do not believe them....

Quoted for truth.

They will ALL tell you this, experience tells me it is complete and total bvllsh!t. They know that no sane man wants to raise another man's kids. So they make it seem like they have it under control, or they play it like raising kids is all rainbows and unicorns. Raising kids is hard, EXPENSIVE work. They take up most of your free time, though the clever single mother will try to hide this until she has you hooked by leaving the kid(s) with friends and family while seducing you.

The best advice is to steer clear of single moms. Personally, I have nothing but respect for (most) single moms. It isn't easy raising a kid, not by a long shot. I also can't blame them for looking for help from some poor chump. This is the Don Juan forum though, not the Oprah Winfrey show. It would be a major disservice to any reader if we were to suggest getting involved with a single mom was a good idea because it isn't. The whole point of life is to pass on YOUR genes. Why waste energy ensuring that some other guys genetic code does well?!? You are a Don Juan, not a sucker!

Down Low · Jul 15, 2012

Single moms generally warm up too fast. BUT . . . infatuation with you is quickly followed by a permanent despising of you in chicks with personality disorders. Whether or not you knew she had a kid, getting too close too fast is a red flag.

Also, gotta rep you for the lion cub line. It's pure resentment for everyone even remotely involved with the single mom.

here_to_help · Jul 15, 2012

I was involved with some single moms and I don't regret it. My current gf has two amazing daughters, a former cheerleader herself, and she does an amazing job cleaning my house, taking care of the kids, and she's even helping to run a business I started on the side now. Did I mention she's hot? lol Seeing guys bending their necks when we walk around the beach reminds me how lucky I am lol

spang · Jul 15, 2012

i was in this situation about 5 years ago. i dated a mom with 2 kids. i was really lonely and she liked me, so you know how it goes. she treated me well and i treated her well, but there were tons of things that made it go sour...her kids were annoying me, i wasnt ready to be a dad or to marry her, her past bothered me(she had been a cheater, but now claimed to be faithful), it was just way too much baggage. she was rather clingly, she wanted me to marry her so bad. what really ended it was she wouldnt stop texting and talking to her exes. so i left her.
today i refuse to date single mothers even though that limits my choices. i get a lot of crap for it from people, especially women. if you mention you will not date a single mother, they think thats a crime. it really is a lot of baggage for a man. youll always have to deal with her ex husbands, take her kids to their dads house, raise her kids conflicting with how her ex raises them, not to mention it will all drain you wallet bigtime. why should i have to deal with that?

floydb25 · Jul 15, 2012

Agreed with backbreaker. This has NOTHING to do with being a single mom whatsoever. It's the girl in question. I've had girls (not women) pull the exact same **** on me before - minus the kid. That's just another element / excuse / scapegoat for them to fall back on. This girl is trash, and I know her type very well. Hell, its all I dated for the longest time. Same story over and over. You'd be experiencing the same situation even if there was no kid involved. Trust me. 100%, it'd all be the same - right down to pushing for commitment, coming on strong, loving you like no other - then changing her mind, backing off, fooling around... The works.

This girl is immature and stupid. That's all. Doesn't matter how old she is - she's still a girl.

Naughty Ninja · Jul 15, 2012

the_stig said:
Since we've been on the topic lately, coincidentally I ended things last night with a single mom I've been seeing for the past ten months and wanted to share my experience.

First date.. she's blonde, petite, and beautiful. When the topic of her ten year old comes up, she sugar coats it to perfection with "He already has a dad and I'm not looking for any other man to be a part of his life". Sounds pretty good to me.

The next few months are a bliss. We're having a blast, she treats me like a king, and I dominate the frame. The kid is not in the picture and the furthest thing from my mind.

As a few more months drag on, she starts pushing for unhealthy amounts of commitment. Even without a kid I don't move that fast. Her tune about the kid changes to "I want you to spend time with him" to eventually "you need to have a relationship with him". Things start to get rocky.

Now It's a catch 22.. I have feelings for her, but deep down nestled in my core is the instinctive repulsion at the idea of raising another man’s child. We want to pass on our own genetics, and the Male Lion comes out when we meet a desirable mate that has a cub by another male; we want to destroy it.

The Branch Swing

You know it. Several weeks ago a new guy suddenly started hanging around, her "sister's husband's best friend". It would be the four of them and I called her on it. "I can't help it if her husband always brings his best friend" she'd say. Followed by "Eww I would never date him!". Hell, she even had me over once when they were there.

The classic symptoms start falling into place: less affectionate, distant, texting/calling less. The biggest telltale was after an argument one night, thinking she had been dumped, told me, "I've already moved on and am interested in someone else!". When I ignored the texts, she confessed "it was just to make you mad". The past week she has been unusually insecure.. telling me she can't trust me, wanting my facebook password, etc.. (No I didn't give it)

I know now my days with her are coming to an end.. I should have walked right there.. but sometimes it's easier said than done.

Last night, with my suspicions boiling, I glance in her phone and confirmed everything. Texting this guy with statements like "I hope I'm not moving too fast", "I'm looking forward to getting to know you", "You seem like a great guy". She saw him alone, LIED to me about it.

It's funny how Women try to save face when they're caught red handed. Lies such as "My sister wanted to set me up and sent those texts" to "It was only as friends" started pouring from her mouth. Please! :crackup: I kept my cool, only raising my voice a few times, and calmly left telling her this would be the last time she ever saw me. Ignored her 20+ calls and barrage of texts last night. Her last text indicating she really wants to see me Sunday and can we still follow through with our fun plans? Yeah, RIGHT! :crackup: :crackup:

In typical female fashion.. she tried to blame me. "You never wanted to include my son!". I understand her point of view,
and this guy had no problem including the kid immediately. Well, he can have the kid. I'm happy to have finally escaped.

The lesson learned?

She sucked me in hard with constant positive attention, downplaying the kid, extraordinary treatment, but flipped the script hard once she felt comfortable. I consider it my single mother lesson learned, I don't regret it, but learn from my mistake!

Holy crap...I use the same line about lions.

I've heard that same nonsense with my first girlfriend. (We're just friends. I'd never date him.) Righto. lol.

Think of it this way. You didn't want to get stuck with her kid nor her in the end. It's no surprise at all to me that sites like POF are INFESTED with them. (Not every single mom is garbage though. A previous ex of mine was a great mom and did care about me I just couldn't see myself with a chick with a child already.)

I'd thank GOD Mr. White Knight swooped in to 'save' the 'princess' and her kid. His problem now.

In the future she'll use the excuse to cheat on him with the fact he knew she had a boyfriend and went after her anyway. "It's not her fault".

White knights are so friggin desperate they have no shame in being a jizz mop follow up. She'll test his 'devotion' and milk this dude for his money while spending her own or anything she may get from her ex mostly on herself.

You dodged a serious bullet dude. And it's not just because she has a kid either.

From this point on go full blown ghost. No contact at all. No texts, no responding, no emails, no voicemails, no answering blocked numbers, no closure satisfaction for poor little princess. Disappear as if that part of your life never happened. Period.

MikeOck · Jul 15, 2012

here_to_help said:
I was involved with some single moms and I don't regret it. My current gf has two amazing daughters, a former cheerleader herself, and she does an amazing job cleaning my house, taking care of the kids, and she's even helping to run a business I started on the side now. Did I mention she's hot? lol Seeing guys bending their necks when we walk around the beach reminds me how lucky I am lol

Are you saying that you moved her and her two daughters in with you and gave her a job?

here_to_help · Jul 15, 2012

She had a job when we met, but paralegal work is being shipped overseas and there was no chance of her making more $, so she started doing the books on a part-time business I started. With her doing more and more it grew to the point where I needed her to quit her job and focus on my business. She does get a salary matching what she had before and the rest of the profits go back into growing the business and purchasing a beach house that we'll likely retire in someday and is a nice get away until then. She has amazing business skills and just needed someone to give her the safety net to run with it. With her daughters, she couldn't have taken a risk like this before.

Tiguere · Jul 15, 2012

here_to_help said:
I was involved with some single moms and I don't regret it. My current gf has two amazing daughters, a former cheerleader herself, and she does an amazing job cleaning my house, taking care of the kids, and she's even helping to run a business I started on the side now. Did I mention she's hot? lol Seeing guys bending their necks when we walk around the beach reminds me how lucky I am lol

ONCE IN A BLUE MOON SOMEBODY SURVICES A 5 STORIES FALL. THIS DOESNT MEAN IT IS RECOMMENDED TO DO IT.

Down Low · Jul 15, 2012

^^^ this.

here_to_help = troll

TonyBaloney · Jul 15, 2012

where the hell did the term MILF come from anyway - i sure as hell dont remember growing up reading porn mags and there being a special interest in this phenomena; its a strange addendum to porn sites like interracial double anel, or BBWS which again, us lads here in England would bully in school rather than w ank over

Solomon · Jul 16, 2012

Danger said:
The very definition of "mother" means that you will not have a relationship with one person.

You have it with more than one. Which is precisely one of the reasons you do not commit to such creatures.

You will always come second. What man with options would really choose this path?

^^This!

A lot of single mothers I met are women who are low quality to begin with

of the 100's I met only 2 or 3 I would say are decent quality, and I'm not talking looks but overall, job wise, communication, skills.

These women who are 19 and getting knocked up young by 25 have 3 kids by 3 different men

This is becoming the norm in my area

and it scares me!

Robert28 · Jul 16, 2012

guys it's simple. here's some points to take from this.

-whenever a girl talks negatively about a new guy you question her about, her ex, someone she's had a past with...WATCH THE FVCK OUT! the fact that she's even talking ABOUT him is bad news. ever hear of "out of sight, out of mind"? the dude is already on her mind, she's just trying to downplay her TRUE feelings for him to you so she doesn't look like the bad guy when the bomb goes off. soon you'll get the "things have changed" talk.

-not all single moms are trash (true). most of them are though (also true). she made a bad choice in her life to get knocked up by some dude, random or not who cares. she couldn't make a simple decision of making him wear protection or buying the morning after pill, yet we expect her to make any other good decisions? please. a moron doesnt turn into a rocket scientist, he will stay a moron. and yeah, I can judge people all I want because I've tons of sex in my life and guess how many children or "scares" I've had? zero. i'm not by any means perfect, just have a sh!tload of common sense.

- you stayed too long with her. I would have got the fvck out of town the second she invited me over to hangout with her and that new guy. damn all that waiting around let's have a talk b.s. Think about it, the time you wasted on her in the end, you could have left her house the day you were invted to hangout with them and be having a beer with Miss Right or Miss Right Now at least. do you think she would have been fine with YOUR sister bring her husbands hot sister around for YOU to be friends with? always turn the scenerio around with women and you'll get your answer.

ezio · Jul 16, 2012

i honestly dont know what the fuss it abt.look at it this way. she was looking out for her kid and herself which is only human, you just happened to be the guy who was around. I dont believe you expect her to choose you over her child? always remember one very important fact "everyone in this world is looking out for him/herself first." its as simple as that

pdx1138 · Jul 16, 2012

OP, thanks for the story man.

I once *almost* got sucked into a situation like yours, glad I had the sense not to. That single mom I saw for a few weeks ended up getting knocked up again a year later......2 kids with 2 different dead beats.

Robert28 · Jul 16, 2012

pdx1138 said:
OP, thanks for the story man.

I once *almost* got sucked into a situation like yours, glad I had the sense not to. That single mom I saw for a few weeks ended up getting knocked up again a year later......2 kids with 2 different dead beats.

I've experienced this exact same thing too! if you think dating a single mom with one kid and baby daddy is bad, try one that has two kids and two baby daddy's. talked about fvcked up as a football bat!

Zarky · Jul 17, 2012

OP, I'm not sure where the mistake was. I've dated a number of single moms and that exact scenario plays out every single time. From the opening line "He/she/they already have a father" to the constant whining that you don't love her because you don't want to hang out with her kids.... it's the same every time. Every time.

Once you've dated single moms you will understand that it's like an opera. The songs may change but the plot and the characters always stay the same.

Here's my advice for next time. Single moms are great for short relps. The time to draw the line and eject is when she dumps you for not wanting to meet her kids. Don't meet the kids, just don't. Once it gets to the point where that becomes the Big Issue in the relp, that's when it's time to take your bow.

Unless she's just out for a casual screw -- and you will know this very quickly -- all single moms with youngish kids want a man who will help raise them. All of them. Enjoy them for the 6-10 months you can and then move on. It's not easy but hopefully you will have other girls in your rotation to help ease the pain.

Single moms.. learn from MY mistake!

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