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Old 09-12-2011, 12:25 PM   #1
TheGunner
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Its Her Birthday, is it ok to send flowers?

Ok, let me start that i understand that we should only send gifts/flowers when women deserve or have done something to earn them. But ive been wondering if this would be a good idea...


I know this girl that works in a sports store, ive been there 3 times and on those 3 times we have been alone for 10 to 15 minutes each time... Last friday she was the most friendly, we talk about the normal stuff, school, work..etc but that day i actually invited her out to dinner sometime, asked her in a very casual way if she liked food, and that i wanted to invite her to go have dinner sometime... She said ''yea why not'' but i made a mistake by not even asking for her number, instead i said ''well you have my number right'' (the store has it) so i told her to text me her's whenever she was on her day off...


Heres the thing, she mentioned her bday was on monday (today), is it ok to send something small, flowers maybe with a happy bday card? I think i got nothing to loose.. I wouldnt send anything big or too exagerated just something that lets her know that i remembered and make her think that the dinner is a good idea... toughts?
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Old 09-12-2011, 12:46 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGunner
Ok, let me start that i understand that we should only send gifts/flowers when women deserve or have done something to earn them. But ive been wondering if this would be a good idea...


I know this girl that works in a sports store, ive been there 3 times and on those 3 times we have been alone for 10 to 15 minutes each time... Last friday she was the most friendly, we talk about the normal stuff, school, work..etc but that day i actually invited her out to dinner sometime, asked her in a very casual way if she liked food, and that i wanted to invite her to go have dinner sometime... She said ''yea why not'' but i made a mistake by not even asking for her number, instead i said ''well you have my number right'' (the store has it) so i told her to text me her's whenever she was on her day off...


Heres the thing, she mentioned her bday was on monday (today), is it ok to send something small, flowers maybe with a happy bday card? I think i got nothing to loose.. I wouldnt send anything big or too exagerated just something that lets her know that i remembered and make her think that the dinner is a good idea... toughts?

So, you say very clearly in your first paragraph that you know that gifts/flowers are only to be sent to women who deserve them....

...and THEN you wonder if it's okay to send flowers and a card to some chick you've talked to 3 times and dont even have her number.

Hey, it's your life, and you're the boss...but no. No you shouldn't send her flowers. It's weird. Very f**king weird. No one sends store cashiers that they BARELY know flowers on their birthday.

So, after she receives these flowers, what are you expecting her to say? "The Gunner is so romantic! I'm going to go find him and give him my number!" ??? No. It'll be more like "Wow, he seemed like a cool dude, but flowers from a guy that I barely know seems a bit desperate. And kinda creepy."

If a girl tells you that her birthday is coming up, just say "Oh really? We'll have to get a drink and celebrate." Don't do weird sh*t like this. On a scale of 1 - 10, I give this idea a 2. The only possible lower-level idea is stalking.

Hell, just go back to the store in a week, ask her how her birthday was and tell her that you owe her a birthday beer. You know....what normal people do. Dates are fun and casual....a girl isn't going to want to go on a date with a guy who's sending her flowers before he even has her number. It just makes it seem like you don't meet girls very often.
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Old 09-12-2011, 12:47 PM   #3
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If you really like p1ssing your money away that much just send how much the flowers cost to my address. I'll be more than happy to accept it. I might even give you a thank you card.

There are a lot of things wrong with what you're wanting to do. You say you understand the circumstances in which to give a girl flowers, yet you want to do it anyway?

#1.)You talked to this girl 3 times AT HER PLACE OF WORK. It's not like she had much of a choice to talk to you. She was working.

#2.)You don't even have her phone number or have talked to her outside her place of work.

3#.)"Sure why not" = Eh, I have nothing else going on might as well.(Unless something better pops up.)

4.#)Really? You have to be trollin or something. Wait until you actually know a girl first at least. Geez.
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Old 09-12-2011, 12:53 PM   #4
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TheGunner,

There you have it.

Nobody will feel like it's an ok idea. Actually you'll appear like a weirdo in her eyes.

A very basic fact of life is that you can even show that you like someone but never say it (unless much later in the relationship).
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Old 09-12-2011, 01:27 PM   #5
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Sending flowers is a great idea under the right circumstances. But I'm not so sure that you've really established any reason to send them. Besides being born on this day, what has she done to deserve them? I can see how any woman would encourage you to do such a thing, but don't get sucked in by the romanticism.

I don't recommend it right now. Keep in mind that you'll set a burdening precedent. If you send them now, she'll expect them more readily in the future. Flowers are expensive, and the only reward you'll likely get from her is a text: "You're so nice. Thanks!" while she gets to enjoy a huge ego boost at work (probably the main reason women love being sent flowers at work: ego trip).
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Last edited by Espi : 09-12-2011 at 03:26 PM.
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Old 09-12-2011, 01:46 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Espi
I don't recommend it right now. Keep in mind that you'll set a burdening precedent. If you send them now, she'll expect them more readily in the future. Flowers are expensive, and the only reward you'll likely get from her is a text: "You're so nice. Thanks!" while she gets to enjoy a huge ego boost at work (probably the main reason women love being sent flowers at work: ego trip).

More importantly, if he sends them now, she'll be freaked out because some customer she spoke to 3 times sent her birthday flowers.

Girlfriends get flowers. Random girls you think are cute get a hug, or an invitation for drinks.
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Old 09-12-2011, 02:51 PM   #7
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You have nothing to lose (except money, pride and her interest).

No flowers until after sex, or if you've at least spent the night with her.

Just show up and wish her a happy birthday in person, with no gift. It will be a nice change from her FB Birthday list.
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Old 09-12-2011, 03:08 PM   #8
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Gunner: Its important to realize that you are experiencing a fantasy whereby you imagine you can use this special occasion (her birthday) to send her flowers (a romantic gesture) in order to bypass the normal course of events with respect to meeting women and taking them on dates.

Its an irrational fantasy on your part to believe that there is a chance that she already shares your feelings and will see your gesture as a confirmation of her hopes and dreams (that you love her too) and will "do the work for you" now that she is secure in the knowledge that you won't reject her. Attraction simply doesn't work that way. If it did, this website would not exist and in its place would be a thriving florist business.

The reality is that this process of meeting women, getting their phone numbers, and inviting them on dates cannot be circumvented in this manner.

Look at your post. You start by affirming your logical understanding that you should not give a woman flowers in this scenario, then you use the word "but" as if it somehow negates this fact and you are different and special and somehow none of this applies to you.

There is no "but." Why are you even coming to this website and learning this material if you are so special that none of it applies to you? Do you really think we should stroke your ego and tell you its okay for you to go ahead and engage in behaviors that will virtually guarantee that you never sleep with this woman?

Use this as an opportunity to examine your internal beliefs with respect to women, dating and relationships and to realize that you are a victim of social conditioning and that your current beliefs are inconsistent with reality and detrimental to you in general.

You sending her flowers is weird to her because she's not stupid and she knows she hasn't done anything to deserve them. Treat her like a human being with a brain instead of innocent, naive, and childlike creature that you think you can trick into sleeping with you.

Unearned romantic gestures are weird. Period. No "but's"
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Old 09-12-2011, 03:16 PM   #9
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IMO, the only woman you should ever send flowers to under any circumstances is your mother.
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Old 09-12-2011, 03:23 PM   #10
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Old 09-12-2011, 04:26 PM   #11
TheGunner
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joverby
If you really like p1ssing your money away that much just send how much the flowers cost to my address. I'll be more than happy to accept it. I might even give you a thank you card.

There are a lot of things wrong with what you're wanting to do. You say you understand the circumstances in which to give a girl flowers, yet you want to do it anyway?

#1.)You talked to this girl 3 times AT HER PLACE OF WORK. It's not like she had much of a choice to talk to you. She was working.

#2.)You don't even have her phone number or have talked to her outside her place of work.

3#.)"Sure why not" = Eh, I have nothing else going on might as well.(Unless something better pops up.)

4.#)Really? You have to be trollin or something. Wait until you actually know a girl first at least. Geez.


Calm down casanova, first of all i dont think you have a vagina and a nice pair of boobs so no flowers for you mr.

"sure why not'' is not exactly what she said, we speak spanish so i had to translate it and change it a little bit... Believe me she didnt say it in the ''eh, i have nothing else to do way''

Other than that, thanks for all of the advice guys, i already decided what to do... will let you guys know what happens.
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Old 09-12-2011, 04:32 PM   #12
TheGunner
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aaron B
Gunner: Its important to realize that you are experiencing a fantasy whereby you imagine you can use this special occasion (her birthday) to send her flowers (a romantic gesture) in order to bypass the normal course of events with respect to meeting women and taking them on dates.

Its an irrational fantasy on your part to believe that there is a chance that she already shares your feelings and will see your gesture as a confirmation of her hopes and dreams (that you love her too) and will "do the work for you" now that she is secure in the knowledge that you won't reject her. Attraction simply doesn't work that way. If it did, this website would not exist and in its place would be a thriving florist business.

The reality is that this process of meeting women, getting their phone numbers, and inviting them on dates cannot be circumvented in this manner.

Look at your post. You start by affirming your logical understanding that you should not give a woman flowers in this scenario, then you use the word "but" as if it somehow negates this fact and you are different and special and somehow none of this applies to you.

There is no "but." Why are you even coming to this website and learning this material if you are so special that none of it applies to you? Do you really think we should stroke your ego and tell you its okay for you to go ahead and engage in behaviors that will virtually guarantee that you never sleep with this woman?

Use this as an opportunity to examine your internal beliefs with respect to women, dating and relationships and to realize that you are a victim of social conditioning and that your current beliefs are inconsistent with reality and detrimental to you in general.

You sending her flowers is weird to her because she's not stupid and she knows she hasn't done anything to deserve them. Treat her like a human being with a brain instead of innocent, naive, and childlike creature that you think you can trick into sleeping with you.

Unearned romantic gestures are weird. Period. No "but's"

Thanks, i apreciate your adivce... will take it into consideration...

The way i see it is, im gonna change things up a little bit, if it works good and and if it dosent its ok too, not gonna sweat it. I have plenty of women in my life rightnow and i dont mean it in a braging way, so im gonna experiment a little bit to see what happens with this girl. To me its really no big deal.
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Old 09-12-2011, 05:01 PM   #13
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Tough call, but in the end who cares? Take a risk and see what happens. Maybe something like 3-4 not expensive flowers and a small attached card saying "happy birthday". Less is more in this case.
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Old 09-12-2011, 06:27 PM   #14
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I think you should just pick a single flower from a garden or whatever, even just a daisy...it's the thought that counts. I'd be flattered if I was given a bunch of flowers by a guy I barely knew on my birthday..but equally a little embarrassed and if I was her I'd feel obliged to go on this dinner now. You need to make her want to go on a date with you not feel obliged to. (Yes she may already want to but 3 ten minute chats means nothing. You still have no idea) She'll only love the bunch of flowers if she already fancies you.
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Old 09-13-2011, 11:54 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CuriousGirl
I think you should just pick a single flower from a garden or whatever, even just a daisy...it's the thought that counts. I'd be flattered if I was given a bunch of flowers by a guy I barely knew on my birthday..but equally a little embarrassed and if I was her I'd feel obliged to go on this dinner now. You need to make her want to go on a date with you not feel obliged to. (Yes she may already want to but 3 ten minute chats means nothing. You still have no idea) She'll only love the bunch of flowers if she already fancies you.


Youre completely right, i knew it was wrong but wanted to try something different... in the end she ended up calling me and thanking me for the flowers. I know i kinda went a way i shouldnt have gone and maybe things dont lead to anything.

In the future i think i wouldnt do anything like this again, I also am aware that i dont want her to go with me on the date because she feels obligated after the flowers.. Im gonna be very cool with whatever happens next with this girl. Not gonna pressure her in any way, if something happens and we date or make something out of this well coool, but if nothing happens im gonna move on the better and different things.
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Old 09-14-2011, 01:26 PM   #16
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Gunner erase her from your mind. You ignored the board's advice and you even knew that sending flowers wasn't a good diea. Yet you did it anyway, and now you'll gonna play it cool?

The only way to get how it all works is to learn to accept failure, listen to good advice and keep at it with all sorts of women.

So far you're 0 for 3.

We don't tell people not to send flowers for kick we tell people from experience, the reason why it doesn't work, and what it does.

Of course nobody is bound to follow and advicwe can be wrong but msot of the time the board is correct and you've just wasted advice and cost yourself money for the flowers and the time invested that could have been spent on someone more worthy of your time.
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Old 09-14-2011, 02:17 PM   #17
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I love dudes who come on here, make a thread, ask for advice, get damn good solid advice with reasons that back up their thoughts, then do what they already know is wrong.....

Its like why did you even ask in the first place then?

You might have plenty of women in your life, but if this is how you deal with them I bet you that you will never see any of them naked.




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Old 09-14-2011, 02:32 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pimp-sicle
I love dudes who come on here, make a thread, ask for advice, get damn good solid advice with reasons that back up their thoughts, then do what they already know is wrong.....

Its like why did you even ask in the first place then?

You might have plenty of women in your life, but if this is how you deal with them I bet you that you will never see any of them naked.




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Old 09-14-2011, 03:31 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pimp-sicle
I love dudes who come on here, make a thread, ask for advice, get damn good solid advice with reasons that back up their thoughts, then do what they already know is wrong.....

Its like why did you even ask in the first place then?

You might have plenty of women in your life, but if this is how you deal with them I bet you that you will never see any of them naked.




PIMP

Yeah. There was another dude like that recently. I gave him some harsh truth about it and he got all p1ssy and just tried justifying that he was right.

Notice this guy only responded(positively) to a female and Aaron who really softend it up for him?

He obviously already had it in his head he was right already, I agree about that statement with "his other women" too.

Pro tip for us trying to give advice. Remember to not actually give real advice and just reinforce what the person wants to hear. Because you will be wrong, always. Even if they say themselves it's stupid in the OP.

/sarcasm

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Old 09-14-2011, 03:34 PM   #20
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Whoever told you that you cant send flowers has some real issues. You can do anything, just do it as a man should. Dont blush when you give them. Rather give them with a smile that says that "you know girls fall for stupid stuff, but its okay because you find them cute". Dont make a big deal out of it. You can even send them when its not her birthday, and theyll have way better effect
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