You can put in a lot of time and effort to pursue a girl.... raise her IL.... and seem to be on the right track.... They can flake or lose IL in an instant!

Not at all hard to accept.

The contemporary understanding of this, especially in this forum, is that you should not care about flakes or "failures" because you shall strive to be that fantabulous man you know you can be. Ultimately, you must either be too cool or too happy to give a fvck.

Then individuals from the hordes shall become insignificant because their true values will be coldly judged with a rational and content mindset.

In short, this is accepting the reality and taking it as it is.

Caring about a woman who you don't even know and feeling bad about her flakiness, therefore, is pure folly and nothing more.

Boilermaker said:

Not at all hard to accept.

The contemporary understanding of this, especially in this forum, is that you should not care about flakes or "failures" because you shall strive to be that fantabulous man you know you can be. Ultimately, you must either be too cool or too happy to give a fvck.

Then individuals from the hordes shall become insignificant because their true values will be coldly judged with a rational and content mindset.

In short, this is accepting the reality and taking it as it is.

Caring about a woman who you don't even know and feeling bad about her flakiness, therefore, is pure folly and nothing more.

Click to expand...

Agreed.

Girls will flake at various times for various reasons.

If you can't accept that it's her loss and move on to the next hot girl, you will get too emotionally attached, rather than playing the numbers game.

Boilermaker said:

Not at all hard to accept.

The contemporary understanding of this, especially in this forum, is that you should not care about flakes or "failures" because you shall strive to be that fantabulous man you know you can be. Ultimately, you must either be too cool or too happy to give a fvck.

Then individuals from the hordes shall become insignificant because their true values will be coldly judged with a rational and content mindset.

In short, this is accepting the reality and taking it as it is.

Caring about a woman who you don't even know and feeling bad about her flakiness, therefore, is pure folly and nothing more.

Click to expand...

Yes this is the underlying theory this forum preaches... I think it is the right approach as well. However when you do put some effort in, and it seems like you are making progress only to have it crash and burn so rapidly does get a bit discouraging. I am just stating that this reality of the game is difficult.. especially if you are human. The worst is when you can't explain what happend.... I like to know everything

runner83 said:

Agreed.

Girls will flake always at various time for various reasons.

If you can't accept that it's her loss and move on to the next hot girl, you will get too emotionally attached, rather than playing the numbers.

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I agree completely. But sometimes you may actually "like the girl" you are pursuing.... Do you have to keep all your emotions guarded at all times??

I know that you read Kailex's post. Read it again. Savor it.

What are your goals in life? STOP putting so much effort in cold approaching women... It puts you in a vulnerable position FROM THE START.

What do you want to do with your life? You must be focusing on your goals, your views, your life and your fun.

Seems like having made all this effort isn't making you a happier person. Try to be that happier person and don't fvcking worry about women so much.

The more I read on this forum, and the more I chew over what I read; I realize that I am enjoying my life much more ...! Every little thing is making me happy.

Let go of your insecurities .. Practice staying single for 6 months and improving YOUR LIFE and you'll see you'll be getting those b!tches left and right.

Just change your focus, man,

It's level UP time.

I agree. A piece of you kinda dies everytime something crashes and burns too. I can't explain it. It's sad but not fatalistic. Disappointing, at the same time it can make you humble. It's okay to feel that way towards a woman. When you want something to work, but it fails, it always leaves a scar in your heart. You just can't let it jade you. It's unfair to the next one. But yeah, I'm glad you brought this up. After years of dating and screwing many women, I always remember the ones I tried hardest on that never worked. It's sad, but that is life. If life was simple, you and I wouldn't be writing on these boards right now.

There are times when I watch a movie, go to a certain place, I remember those girls in the past. It's a part of the reason I don't have a facebook account. I don't like seeing them right now, I wan't to remember them from ten years ago (I live in small city) that is why I'm glad I'm moving too. There were a bunch that I fuvked up on, or they lost interest in me just when I was doing all the right things. Someof them I treated like crap and took them for granted and rightfully they left me. Some that I moved mountains for, and they left me. Some that moved mountains for me, and I left them. It sucks. Just try to move on.

The ones you love the most always seem to get away, and the ones who love you the most can never seem to win your heart. It is sad, but that seems to be the irony of life. Maybe there is some middle ground, or once in a blue moon probability will fall in your favor and you'll find one you share equal feelings with. I've yet to reach either one though.

The contemporary understanding of this, especially in this forum, is that you should not care about flakes or "failures" because you shall strive to be that fantabulous man you know you can be.

Click to expand...

It's a little strange to tell guys what emotions they "should" feel. That's like telling them when they "should" be hungry or when they "should" have to use the bathroom.

To the OP, flaking is hurtful. I see 1000 other posts here b/tching about flaking too. I've been flaked on, and it sucks.

I think a lot of guys here want to be completely insulated from bad feelings in the dating game--like they have 100% control over everything. That's not how dating works, and it's only possible if you're an inhuman robot. Other people will do stuff that makes you feel sh/tty, that's part of the game.

Reyaj said:

Do you have to keep all your emotions guarded at all times??

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Abso-fvcking-lutely!!!

It doesn't matter how great or strong your relationship seems. Always, always, always protect your yourself.

Sure it seems unfair or ironic the way things happen sometimes. We as men have to be stronger. Women seem to be able to shrug off a man's flakiness without problem. Learn from that and those little scars will get smaller and smaller.

Eventually you will meet a woman who is "ready" to be real. Will you?

Zarky said:

. I've been flaked on, and it sucks.

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Haha, yeah I can see why you are sensitive about the issue.

One can feel however he pleases, but then again, not everyone seeks shelter in the random musings of fellow men in shady internet corners ...

OP was whining about an insignificant detail NOT realizing his OWN, INTRINSIC value ...

Let's not do this again, let's whine no more .. Please guys

Slickster said:

Abso-fvcking-lutely!!!

It doesn't matter how great or strong your relationship seems. Always, always, always protect your yourself.

Sure it seems unfair or ironic the way things happen sometimes. We as men have to be stronger. Women seem to be able to shrug off a man's flakiness without problem. Learn from that and those little scars will get smaller and smaller.

Eventually you will meet a woman who is "ready" to be real. Will you?

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^^

Gold.

Read again.

What you should do and what you feel are not always in synegry.

When you get flaked on or her IL wanes - of course it is going to hurt. Some guys talk on these boards abut how easy it is for them to just blow them out of your head and heart - but for me is is not that easy.

Damnit - it its a blow to your ego when some chick flakes or loses interest.

What I am saying is until you are one of the lucky guys that can just blow this off outa your mind in a second - well I say it is OK FOR IT TO HURT. Feel the HURT but use the HURT to make yourself even stronger - becasue YOU ARE WORTH IT AND IT IS HER GODMANNED LOSS!!

I know what I am about to say is a cliche - but some of the most common cliches are common because they are gold: THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER.

It's been my philosophy since age 17. "If a woman isn't smart enough to know what I AM and what I'm GOING to BE,she isn't smart enough to be the mother of my children" I've kept it-even during the divorce.[she can suffer with her decision for the rest of her life,I'm moving on and having fun and banking my retirement plans]. SO, a flake disqualifies herself...move on,nothing to see here.

Slickster said:

Abso-fvcking-lutely!!!

It doesn't matter how great or strong your relationship seems. Always, always, always protect your yourself.

Sure it seems unfair or ironic the way things happen sometimes. We as men have to be stronger. Women seem to be able to shrug off a man's flakiness without problem. Learn from that and those little scars will get smaller and smaller.

Eventually you will meet a woman who is "ready" to be real. Will you?

Click to expand...

This is the best.

Stop letting it get to you and "protect your heart"!

No one is perfect at this, and I've made the mistake of getting too emotional in the past as well. But remember this:

Women will gladly branch-swing when it suits them and who can blame them? They are simply searching for the best guy out there, just like we are for the best girl!

Stop all the p8ssing and moaning and focus on self improvement for yourself.

If a woman leaves you and doesn't recognise your good points and potential, find one who does!

Guys come to the pickup community and they hear all this hype the gurus put out. Basically they tell you you can behave and carry yourself in a certain way which will make you irresistable to women ("Attraction is not a choice"). There are guys on this forum who will still maintain this.

But then you get into it and you hear about all the flaking and the low interest girls and IODs. You don't want to act like a chump, but aside from that, it's just a numbers game.

Reyaj said:

However when you do put some effort in, and it seems like you are making progress only to have it crash and burn so rapidly does get a bit discouraging. I am just stating that this reality of the game is difficult.. especially if you are human. The worst is when you can't explain what happend.... I like to know everything

Click to expand...

I do agree it can be really frustrating, sometimes quite hurtful if you really like a girl, but the lesson here is not to put too much emphasis on her and to treat every approach, date, escalation etc as an experience.

I had a LOT of girls flake out on me last year, going from acting quite obsessive to just plain ignoring me. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt and confused by this, but I just moved on and learned from the experience.

After a few flakes I realised one of the things I was doing wrong was letting my guard down when she showed high interest. I'd take all her calls, reply to her texts quickly and even move planned dates forward because that's what she wanted and I saw no reason to pull back. Once she backed off and left me wondering what had gone wrong, I realised I was not being a challenge any more and was giving them their own way too much. My point is, I needed to experience those flakes in order to learn what I was doing wrong. Next time I meet a girl I really like, I won't make that same mistake.

I don't put "effort" in with women any more.

Your career, your other pursuits...they are "labors". The people you work with along the way...if it is a "labor" to make them want to spend time with you and do things with you, then it's a wasted effort. Instead, look for people who WANT your company and WANT to be your partner in these endeavors.

A woman is the ultimate expression of this concept. Do you really want to come home from one job every day and come home to ANOTHER? That isn't to say that you don't spend TIME with your woman, but it should be a labor of love, something you do because it makes you feel good, not some BS quest to "earn" the love of another person. Life is too short for that.

That's why whenever I hear this drivel about "making it work" or "you have to sacrifice/compromise", I just shake my head.

If she flakes, let her flake. If she needs space, give her space. This is why you always have options, and why women never take "center stage".

It's like fishing, man. You can get all the best equipment, find the perfect spot, bait your line, and play everything right, and the fish may still not bite. Yeah, you might get bummed out a little, and sure, you can curse the fish, but is it really the fish's fault? Maybe it just wasn't hungry. Or maybe there's something you can do a little better. But there really ARE "plenty of fish" out there, as the old saying goes.

Maybe you need to get a couple more lines in the water.

Maybe you need to get some better bait.

And if they aren't biting on any particular day, crack a beer, relax, and enjoy the water...get 'em next time.

Flaking isn't black and white

You can't always move on and guys who say they aren't affected by this are lying or don't get flaked on(which I highly doubt unless you Brad Pitt Status). The reality is Flaking is disrespectful, and depending on the disrespect you may take it personal or not. When my buddies flake on me, i don't just "ignore" it, I call them out on it. Sometimes I do the same with women but most of the time why bother. The thing is you can't get emotionally invested however even for those most seasoned of gamer this can throw him of when he has a girl with high IL flake out the blue.

The best thing you can do is have a mentality of abundance and know that there more women out there!

My mentally is always, I'll meet another she may not be as hot as this one but eventually I will meet another one just as hot or hotter!

Solomon said:

Flaking isn't black and white

You can't always move on and guys who say they aren't affected by this are lying or don't get flaked on(which I highly doubt unless you Brad Pitt Status). The reality is Flaking is disrespectful, and depending on the disrespect you may take it personal or not. When my buddies flake on me, i don't just "ignore" it, I call them out on it. Sometimes I do the same with women but most of the time why bother. The thing is you can't get emotionally invested however even for those most seasoned of gamer this can throw him of when he has a girl with high IL flake out the blue.

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The difference is that a girl isn't one of your "buds". If she flakes, she gets replaced. If there's a commitment...I wouldn't be committed to a girl who pulls that crap. And if she does, I WOULD let her know it's not cool, but I'd consider it partly my fault for not seeing it coming.

The best thing you can do is have a mentality of abundance and know that there more women out there!

My mentally is always, I'll meet another she may not be as hot as this one but eventually I will meet another one just as hot or hotter!

Click to expand...

That's the right attitude to have.

I remember maybe like 3-4 years ago I met this girl on MySpace. We met up one night and I went back to her place, but I didn't bang her because I had ridden up with a dude her friend brought back and HE was splitting out. Anyway, long story short, I called her up once or twice and she either flaked on me or gave me some excuse about hanging out. She was one of the finer pieces of ass I had been out with...borderline 9 material, but I went out that night and said, "F**k it, I'm gonna replace THIS girl TONIGHT."

And I did...with a solid 9. She was dressed down and I didn't even realize it when I copped her digits, but when she came up to my house dressed in this cute little skirt, I was like...DAMN.

That was one of those events that was so unreal, I was like, "Holy f**k...have I finally DONE it?? Am I really that much of a MACK that I can do this??" And then I dropped it...like Skywalker trying to pull the X-wing out of the bog, I just dropped it. I could NOT believe that it was that easy, that I had that kind of "power".

It's true what people say...we don't fear failure half as much as we fear the consequences of success. ****, this girl I banged tonight...I'm less worried about never talking to her again than I am worried about what'll happen if she starts catching feelings...whether I really want a "girlfriend"...because it's a time commitment.

Be glad when girls flake. It means you're "off the hook" with regard to responsibility. You don't have to worry about her feelings, what you're going to do with her if she keeps hanging around...she just disqualified herself. Date like five girls at once, so when two flake and you're left with three, you'll be quite relieved.