Did she just reject me?

There’s this girl at work that I’ve been talking to lately and I tought I was hitting it off pretty good with her. She was kind of withdrawn at first and apparently had a lot of tough things going on in her life at the time, but I kept talking to her and I got her to warm up to me a little bit, but I didn’t think anything about her as a prospective mate o anything like that. Then like a week or so ago she got like extra friendly and almost flirty with me so I started to run with it, and got flirty back and I think everything was going good o I decided that I want to take this out of the workplace.

So we were talking at work today and I ended the conversation with “ Hey X, I’m going to see True Grit this Saturday, what are you doing?”
She says “I work this weekend”
Me: “So you work for 24 hours straight this weekend?”
Her: “No I don’t know what I’m doing. Whats True Grit?”
Me: “It’s that cowboy movie that’s out. It’s supposed to be good.”
Her: “A western? Mayby. I don’t know. Sometimes I get lazy and just don’t do things I’m supposed to do, I’ll let you know.”

And I go all right let me know and I go home. And I’m feeling bad because I went into this one KNOWING that she would go. I really thought I did it this time, and I had it all worked out in my head how it was going to go down, that I’d ask and shed be excited to go and all that , but I’m thinking this is really an long drawn out “no” now, and I don’t know what to think. What do you think, is she turning me down? What would you guys have done?

I think that was a long drawn out rejection. I would drop it and not ask again. Normally I would follow f283000's two strike rule, but dating in the workplace is risky, so I would not recommend being persistent. One strike is enough.

Yes means yes
No means no
Maybe means no

Das said:

And I’m feeling bad because I went into this one KNOWING that she would go.

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Biggest mistake ever.

I used to think like this also and it provides no upside at all. I changed because after a while of dealing with various chicks (chicks that I thought were 1000% into me), nothing, and I mean NOTHING, surprises me anymore.

Always do your best to have a sense of indifference and no expectations, IMO.

Its a lot less stressful and gives you more of a carefree attitude, but I think it takes some time to adjust your thinking.

this is a "soft" rejection, no need to feel bad, trust me, it could have been worse, especially since you are collegues

if she returns to the subject = go for it, but I would not ask her out again.

Korrupt said:

Yes means yes
No means no
Maybe means no

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Nah-ah. More like:

No = no
Maybe = yes or no (depending on the tone)
Yes = what are you waiting for?

yes = yes
no = no
maybe = you're low on the list, if no one better asks me to do something. then yes. ( you should take this as a no.)

I really dislike saying "let me know" because that usually turns into them NOT letting you know. I would have probably said "it's nice that you think I was asking you out" instead.

terran2k said:

I really dislike saying "let me know" because that usually turns into them NOT letting you know. I would have probably said "it's nice that you think I was asking you out" instead.

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God I hate that as well, Ive used it so often myself too! it hands so much power straight to her and you may as well pull your pants down and bend over.

what to use instead?

I knew she rejected me when i posted this. I was hoping that I was wrong and I just was being overly pessimistic and that there might be a glimmer of hope.

I just want the monkey off my back so bad and it seemed like this time was it . I'm just kind of numb right now. I really thought I did it this time. And I wonder what is it about me that I just can't get it done. Nobody ever wants me. I'm tired, so tired of coming up short, and I don't know what to do

Das. a movie first date? how old is she? 16? 17? I suspect a lot older, anyway, she has had some tough stuff going on? suggest something fun not a 'western'! a drink, a dance, bowling, a comedy club, get her laughing/smiling and your chances increase and dont be afraid to sexualise things, continue with the flirting, crank it up, the western sugestion probably un crancked it

Remember this:

If you have to ask, it's a "no."

Das said:

There’s this girl at work that I’ve been talking to lately and I tought I was hitting it off pretty good with her. She was kind of withdrawn at first and apparently had a lot of tough things going on in her life at the time, but I kept talking to her and I got her to warm up to me a little bit,

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What was it you said to her to get her "warmed up"? You can usually tell how an interaction with a girl is going to end up by how things start out in the beginning. The reason I ask is because a girl has to feel some type of attraction/chemistry to be interested in you.


You said that you got her to "warm up" to you,but warming her up and making her feel attraction are two different things.

Das said:

Then like a week or so ago she got like extra friendly and almost flirty with me so I started to run with it,

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This would have made my spider sense tingle. I'm out minding my own business,not bothering anybody,then all of the sudden,out of the blue,she just comes up to you and starts being all flirty?


I'd wonder what's up. Logically,you'd think that maybe she likes you or something,but seeing how she blew off your invite to go to a movie with you,then apparently she had some other reason for being all "flirty".

Das said:

Her: “A western? Mayby. I don’t know. Sometimes I get lazy and just don’t do things I’m supposed to do, I’ll let you know.”

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Well that "I'll let you know" line from her was bad.

Sexual attraction/chemistry in a woman makes her feel like a million dollars. So her "I'll let you know" line in response to you asking her out is like someone offering her a million dollars,and instead of jumping up and down and being happy like most people would,she just responds with,"Maybe. I don't know. I'll let you know later on if I'm interest in getting the money or not.".


Obviously her interest is low to non-existant.

Das said:

I really thought I did it this time, and I had it all worked out in my head how it was going to go down, that I’d ask and shed be excited to go and all that ,

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I NEVER take a woman's interest for granted.

I asked a girl out before,and she said yes. She said YES...and then we didn't go out.


I've asked a girl out before,and she said no. She said NO.....and then we did go out.



Like I said,my first sign that something was "off" or "weird" was when she just out of the blue got all flirty with you. I would have been looking at her out of the corner of my eyes,lol.

Das said:

I just want the monkey off my back so bad and it seemed like this time was it . I'm just kind of numb right now. I really thought I did it this time. And I wonder what is it about me that I just can't get it done. Nobody ever wants me. I'm tired, so tired of coming up short, and I don't know what to do

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Best thing you could do is give us an example of how you approach girls. What you say,how you say it,and how long is it after you start interacting with a girl before you start to notice problems. Then we should be able to give you some direction.

Igetit! said:

What was it you said to her to get her "warmed up"? You can usually tell how an interaction with a girl is going to end up by how things start out in the beginning. The reason I ask is because a girl has to feel some type of attraction/chemistry to be interested in you.

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Tesing her and being playful mostly.

Igetit! said:

You said that you got her to "warm up" to you,but warming her up and making her feel attraction are two different things..

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Go on.

Igetit! said:

This would have made my spider sense tingle. I'm out minding my own business,not bothering anybody,then all of the sudden,out of the blue,she just comes up to you and starts being all flirty?


I'd wonder what's up. Logically,you'd think that maybe she likes you or something,but seeing how she blew off your invite to go to a movie with you,then apparently she had some other reason for being all "flirty"..

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Why would someone do that?

Igetit! said:

Well that "I'll let you know" line from her was bad.

Sexual attraction/chemistry in a woman makes her feel like a million dollars. So her "I'll let you know" line in response to you asking her out is like someone offering her a million dollars,and instead of jumping up and down and being happy like most people would,she just responds with,"Maybe. I don't know. I'll let you know later on if I'm interest in getting the money or not.".


Obviously her interest is low to non-existant.

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I get that now, but she seemed into me until I asked her out.

Igetit! said:

I NEVER take a woman's interest for granted.

I asked a girl out before,and she said yes. She said YES...and then we didn't go out.


I've asked a girl out before,and she said no. She said NO.....and then we did go out.



Like I said,my first sign that something was "off" or "weird" was when she just out of the blue got all flirty with you. I would have been looking at her out of the corner of my eyes,lol.

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I thought I was doing good for a change.

Igetit! said:

Best thing you could do is give us an example of how you approach girls. What you say,how you say it,and how long is it after you start interacting with a girl before you start to notice problems. Then we should be able to give you some direction.

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I don't have a set routine if thats what your asking. I make eye contact. I smile. I say hi. I try to tease them about something I notice, or compliment them about it and thats about as far as I get before they rush of ar get annoyed that I tried to meet them.

The ones at work have to talk to me at some point so I try to tease them and try to be ****y, but they don'tseem to want me either.