I cheated on my girlfriend - Lay Report

So after completing my approach journal and dating various women I finally found one worthy of an LTR with me. We have been together for about a year.

We have had our ups and downs but I have been conditioned to have a mindset that all men cheat. Anyway while I've been together with this girl I have dated a few other girls on the side here or there... but the furthest its really gone was just kissing/feeling.... My commitment to my LTR really stopped it from going any further due to its time contraints. In other words I never put the time/effort in on the other girls necessary to go all the way.

Well that finally changed.... Last Saturday I went out with a european girl I've been talking to for about a week. We had met prior for a drink and everything was platonic. Anyway we know each other through a mutual friend.... but without even knowing who I was she had me pick her up late 1 night to go out for a drink. This was 2 weeks ago.. and we basically just talked.. and I dropped her home. She expressed that she wanted to see me again and basically was calling or texting me everyday since.... She is here for a few months and wanted to meet American people. She is also a lot younger than me... almost 10 years at 21



Ok so last Friday she said she wanted to go out partying with me... I basically picked her up late and she was dressed in really tight clothing.. as the weather was chilly it really wasn't appropriate for the climate... but I had no complaints...

So we get to this bar... and she says she wants to sit down. She ends up going to a booth.... I ask her what she wants... and I go and get us some drinks. When I get to the booth I decide to sit right next to her (an AFC would have sat across from her) She wasn't really showing any signs of IL... but was just talking to me like a friend as we had our drinks.

I played it cool.... I did some light kino but then acted like I wasn't interested... kind of like a coy game... Anyway I ended up getting us 2 more drinks before the night was over.... We went outside to smoke and she was being very friendly with other guys at the bar... but I played it cool. She wasn't being disrespectful imho she is just a friendly extroverted person...

So we sat back down and basically had our last drink... I did some light kino again.. looking her her ring (touching her hand) rubbing her shoulder.... but 1 possible key IOI I noticed was that my leg was up against hers and she didn't move it or get out of the way.... This of course is a very light example and not definitive.... but I've evolved in my PUA skills to assume the sale...

So we decide to leave after the drink.... I asked her if she wanted to go get coffee and she said sure. So we got in my car and she put her seat belt on immediately.... I told her I just wanted to see if my heat was working so I started the car.... She basically just sat there... didn't really show any IOIs.... I was a bit buzzed though and I know she was too.... In my head I'm thinking what the f... I have nothing to lose here... plus my libido was starting to take over as she looked good as hell in those tight clothes....

So I asked her if she was cold and started rubbing her shoulder.... She said she was fine... I started leaning in slowly to get myself closer to her... I then started touching her hair... I told her it felt so soft.... she smiled and said mine did too and touched it quickly... At this point our faces were close to each other... I kissed her on the cheek lightly... She seemed a little surprised but let me.... I then just went right in for her mouth.... We started making out hardcore!

She then says "do you really want me to go home....." I told her of course not... and I said we could go back to my place.... She said that would be great but she needed me to bring her back in the morning...

Anyway we get to my place... I turn on the tv.. and she's like lets go to bed... I get into my room... she starts taking off her clothes and jumps into my bed.... I pause for like a minute (is this seriously happening lol..) I then rip off my clothes jump into bed... and start sucking on her breasts... She starts playing with my cvock... and then gives me head.... I then finger her... get her all wet and we start doing it......

I guess I am so used to sex with my girlfriend that even though she was a decent lay it wasn't as fufilling... but anyway I told her she had to go home (I made up some bs) but we got coffee and talked for a bit... She said in Europe sex and One night stands are more normal than they are here... and she is very open sexually....... She told me she lost her virginity at 16 and a lot of other things.... So basically she is experienced......

Anyway since then she's been calling/texting me everyday to hang out... I've been making excuses... I am not sure if I should just cut her off or continue to have her around as a booty call

As far as how I feel emotionally towards myself and LTR.... honestly I feel no different.... I don't feel insanely guilty but I realize that I do prefer my LTR to just having sex with women..... The sex is going to be better with my LTR because we are used to each other.....

Anyway I guess I am just as confused as I was prior... no more confused and no less

Should I continue to have little flings on the side until I decide to marry or should I just stop this BS and focus 100% on my relationship?????

Jayer said:

As far as how I feel emotionally towards myself and LTR.... honestly I feel no different.... I don't feel insanely guilty but I realize that I do prefer my LTR to just having sex with women..... The sex is going to be better with my LTR because we are used to each other.....

Anyway I guess I am just as confused as I was prior... no more confused and no less

Should I continue to have little flings on the side until I decide to marry or should I just stop this BS and focus 100% on my relationship?????

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I used to do the cheating thing too. And I didn't feel any extreme guilt either. But I gotta say, it reflects badly on our character as men. If we love our girlfriends so much ( or my ex, in my case), then how do we betray someone who trusts us? And if we're such DJs, then why don't we break up with these girls, let them pursue more stable men, and go out on the town banging new girls?

And I'm not just judging you. I say the same about myself. It's a character flaw. You think a ring on your finger is going to change that? Fix it now....don't assume marriage is going to stop you. It's easier said than done, of course...but I'm telling you this because I wanna fix this flaw in myself as well.

If I like a girl enough to make her my LTR, that means you see her as an extension of myself. And if I'm out on the town, screwing other chicks, then this girlfriend, this extension of myself, is a dumbass for trusting me. So, my girl is a dumbass for dating me. And I'm a dumbass for dating a dumbass. That's my philosophy anyway. Learning this DJ stuff has done wonders for my confidence...perhaps too much. Because these days, the difficulty is learning how to keep your d*** in your pants...and in the old days, it was a struggle to find somewhere to put my d***.

option c breakup with your girlfriend because your obviously not ready to settle down.

Dirty Tread

YOU CHEATED ON YOUR GIRL FRIEND AND SO WHAT.I CANT EVEN READ YOUR MESSAGE BECAUSE ITS TOOO LONG TRY TYPING A SHORT TEXT SO I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TAKING ABOUT BATARD.:yes:

that's very wrong what you did. i always tell cheaters this:

how would YOU feel if she did it to YOU!

Iceberg said:

I used to do the cheating thing too. And I didn't feel any extreme guilt either. But I gotta say, it reflects badly on our character as men. If we love our girlfriends so much ( or my ex, in my case), then how do we betray someone who trusts us? And if we're such DJs, then why don't we break up with these girls, let them pursue more stable men, and go out on the town banging new girls?

And I'm not just judging you. I say the same about myself. It's a character flaw. You think a ring on your finger is going to change that? Fix it now....don't assume marriage is going to stop you. It's easier said than done, of course...but I'm telling you this because I wanna fix this flaw in myself as well.

If I like a girl enough to make her my LTR, that means you see her as an extension of myself. And if I'm out on the town, screwing other chicks, then this girlfriend, this extension of myself, is a dumbass for trusting me. So, my girl is a dumbass for dating me. And I'm a dumbass for dating a dumbass. That's my philosophy anyway. Learning this DJ stuff has done wonders for my confidence...perhaps too much. Because these days, the difficulty is learning how to keep your d*** in your pants...and in the old days, it was a struggle to find somewhere to put my d***.

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Iceberg I really appreciate your response, thank you. Just curious but what is your situation? It sounds like you did this to your now "ex"..... Did she find out about it and thats why you broke up? How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

Anyway in response to what you said;

I agree its probably wrong to do so when looking at it objectively..... but so is lying and everyone is guilty of that.... I don't want to break up with her because I enjoy being with her and I can see us being together for the long term. I seperate it by seeing sex on the side as just that... sex on the side.... I have my own internal issues which have nothing to do with my girlfriend.. thats why I do it... I do agree though thats its wrong... at least if you are married... I technically am single.... I don't see my girlfriend as a dumb ass either... believe me I hide this very well... I work extra hard to make sure this is on the Down Low.....

It is a character flaw I agree..... I think its just that I didn't get this all out of my system because I was such an AFC... I agree a ring won't stop it.. so I need to fix this character flaw... Thats what I'd like to do....

believe me I hide this very well... I work extra hard to make sure this is on the Down Low.....


It just gets to be too much work after a while. Women leave hairs everywhere, plus all sorts of chick accessories. You will have to wash your sheets, plus all the clothes you were wearing around her. Sweep and vacuum up all rogue hairs. Being a smart criminal is a lot of work.

Ugh, personally I'm not a fan of giving women the illusion that were together BUT mess with other women.

If that's what you want then don't be in exclusive relationships. Every chick who I mess with knows I have other women because I won't have it no other way, they either accept or walk away...

Thing are alot easier and stress-free especially if you are into marriage (Not my thing) because eventually after many years you can finally decide to just be exclusive and go into marriage.

It's just no my thing to be lying...

Jayer said:

Iceberg I really appreciate your response, thank you. Just curious but what is your situation? It sounds like you did this to your now "ex"..... Did she find out about it and thats why you broke up? How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

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I'm 28...I'll be 29 in a week or two...

No she never found out. The reason I broke up with her was that she started talking about "moving in" and "a future", and I wasn't ready for all that. And my own personal evidence of that was that I was so obsessive about sex with other women (of course I didn't SAY that). So at its root, the reason I left her was because of the stuff that I told you. She's by far, the best girl I've ever dated. Not the richest...not the hottest...but just a combination of being an adorable, intelligent girl with similar interests, and a great heart. And after a few episodes of my cheating, I felt that she could do better than me.

I'm not going to lie, I still want her in my life, but not at the expense of my feelings about myself. I can't walk around, cheating on someone I care about, and still think that I'm the "great guy" everyone else thinks I am.

If I can work out whatever issues I have with hooking up with new girls, I'd definitely love to go back to her. Right now though, maybe this is something I have to get out of my system.

I think you're kind of in the same boat. And I'm not going to tell you what to do. A couple of my friends got married, and they cheated on their girls beforehand. Their relationships seem fine now. So it's just a matter of what you're comfortable with. I don't wanna settle down with a girl, and think that 10 years from now I might end up banging some secretary or something like that. When I settle down, I wanna leave that part of life behind...and right now it's hard to turn this DJ-philosophy off.

Bible_Belt said:

believe me I hide this very well... I work extra hard to make sure this is on the Down Low.....


It just gets to be too much work after a while. Women leave hairs everywhere, plus all sorts of chick accessories. You will have to wash your sheets, plus all the clothes you were wearing around her. Sweep and vacuum up all rogue hairs. Being a smart criminal is a lot of work.

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Amen.... this is exactly one of the reasons I don't like doing it... It makes living life hard to relax... The girl I cheated with wanted to sleep over... it was a mission to get her to leave that same night....


Iceberg

Thanks for the info. You are a noble person.... your girlfriend never knew you cheated on her and you broke it off because it wasn't fair to her. Few people would do that. I of course am being selfish... but I think its all how you frame things. I think its acceptable for men to cheat at times... especially if they aren't married. And you know what.. even if they are married I think as a male you are allowed to make a mistake at some point. As long as you do your functions as a husband and father its a mistake thats almost expected and should be forgiven.....

Like you I don't want to cheat either when I am married. But our minds are in constant flux. When we have our mid life crisis we may be thinking completely different than we are now.

I don't want to leave my girlfriend becasue I really feel comfortable with her and I feel a warm feeling when we are together. Now it isn't perfect.. we fight at times.. and those times I don't mind thinking about cheating lol... But nothing in life is perfect... I think you have to be a realist and treat marriage pragmatically

Being single sucks just as bad man.... dealing with chicks constant flakey and game playing attitudes... I am glad I have something warm to come home too... Like you I hope I do stop this when I decide to get married or possibly sooner.... But being single doesn't mean you will have constant sex... and you imho its worse than being with someone you care for.

fvck it I am so confused man!

Jayer said:

Amen.... this is exactly one of the reasons I don't like doing it... It makes living life hard to relax... The girl I cheated with wanted to sleep over... it was a mission to get her to leave that same night....


Iceberg

Thanks for the info. You are a noble person.... your girlfriend never knew you cheated on her and you broke it off because it wasn't fair to her. Few people would do that. I of course am being selfish... but I think its all how you frame things. I think its acceptable for men to cheat at times... especially if they aren't married. And you know what.. even if they are married I think as a male you are allowed to make a mistake at some point. As long as you do your functions as a husband and father its a mistake thats almost expected and should be forgiven.....

Like you I don't want to cheat either when I am married. But our minds are in constant flux. When we have our mid life crisis we may be thinking completely different than we are now.

I don't want to leave my girlfriend becasue I really feel comfortable with her and I feel a warm feeling when we are together. Now it isn't perfect.. we fight at times.. and those times I don't mind thinking about cheating lol... But nothing in life is perfect... I think you have to be a realist and treat marriage pragmatically

Being single sucks just as bad man.... dealing with chicks constant flakey and game playing attitudes... I am glad I have something warm to come home too... Like you I hope I do stop this when I decide to get married or possibly sooner.... But being single doesn't mean you will have constant sex... and you imho its worse than being with someone you care for.

fvck it I am so confused man!

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Sounds like you wanna have your cake and eat it too. I have cheated on a few ex-girlfriends and can sort of relate to your problem because its great having a steady back up when all your other plates fall through. Not to mention having a "serious" relationship is nice once in a while, which you can rarely have with FBs or ONS.

Glad you realize its wrong, because it is. It doesn't sound like you want to change this either. That is entirely up to you. Nobody here will encourage something that is blatantly wrong, but like every other piece of advice on here, its up to you to take in whatever you see fit for your life.

2crudedudes said:

Sounds like you wanna have your cake and eat it too. I have cheated on a few ex-girlfriends and can sort of relate to your problem because its great having a steady back up when all your other plates fall through. Not to mention having a "serious" relationship is nice once in a while, which you can rarely have with FBs or ONS.

Glad you realize its wrong, because it is. It doesn't sound like you want to change this either. That is entirely up to you. Nobody here will encourage something that is blatantly wrong, but like every other piece of advice on here, its up to you to take in whatever you see fit for your life.

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Thanks for the input... How old are you.. and are you married?

Dont listen to these estrogenated pussies

'How would you feel if she did that to you'

Thats terrible advice. Since when is this game fair?

The same rules dont apply to men and women. A man cheats on a woman for different reasons. It can make a man sometimes appreciate his girl more. It keeps a man healthy and confident to keep his game in check during a LTR.

A woman cheats because of all sorts of emotional and deep problems and feelings. The only reason a woman cheats is because of LOW INTEREST level. A woman who cheats is getting ready to jump ship to better prospect.

Such bs. Cheating is ******* behaviour. It is down to a man to decide what he does or doesnt do. Cheating is better than pedestalling your girlfriend, 110%. Cheating on your girlfriend will increase her interest level in you subconsiously, while pedestalling and treating her like a princess will make it fall.

So basically, you cant think of it like that.

Dont cheat unless you can handle it. But a man needs to keep his options open and his skills in good condition to stay SANE and HEALTHY in a LTR.

Iv never been married, but i think thats a whole different game in itself so these rules may have to be adjusted. Then again, if tiger woods can, we should follow example.

Jayer said:

Thanks for the input... How old are you.. and are you married?

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27 and single. I'm not anywhere near married, nor do I intend to in the near future. Cheating gets tricky when you're married because divorce f*cks you over financially, and as the offending party you have everything to lose.

I'd rather lose 10 girlfriends than have to support an ex-wife and her deadbeat boyfriend.

edit:

Ease said:

Then again, if tiger woods can, we should follow example.

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And that's exactly what I mean in terms of marriage. That b*tch is getting a hefty severance package. He could have easily avoided all of this by not getting married at all.

Ease said:

Dont listen to these estrogenated pussies

'How would you feel if she did that to you'

Thats terrible advice. Since when is this game fair?

The same rules dont apply to men and women. A man cheats on a woman for different reasons. It can make a man sometimes appreciate his girl more. It keeps a man healthy and confident to keep his game in check during a LTR.

A woman cheats because of all sorts of emotional and deep problems and feelings. The only reason a woman cheats is because of LOW INTEREST level. A woman who cheats is getting ready to jump ship to better prospect.

Such bs. Cheating is ******* behaviour. It is down to a man to decide what he does or doesnt do. Cheating is better than pedestalling your girlfriend, 110%. Cheating on your girlfriend will increase her interest level in you subconsiously, while pedestalling and treating her like a princess will make it fall.

So basically, you cant think of it like that.

Dont cheat unless you can handle it. But a man needs to keep his options open and his skills in good condition to stay SANE and HEALTHY in a LTR.

Iv never been married, but i think thats a whole different game in itself so these rules may have to be adjusted. Then again, if tiger woods can, we should follow example.

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Thank you! I think what you just wrote is exactly what I've been trying to get across. You just were able to put it into words better than I do.

That is how i feel!

2crudedudes said:

And that's exactly what I mean in terms of marriage. That b*tch is getting a hefty severance package. He could have easily avoided all of this by not getting married at all.

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.......Or by Keeping it in his pants and not cheating maybe?

IF you really love this girl and plan on having a future with her i would stop cheating. If she finds out your future is done with her because she will never believe you again even if she does forgive you....

You are 31 bro, you are not young (meaning you are not 19-20), if i was at your age i would be looking for a wifey material not ONS...

Thats my opinion and what i would do.

Prodigy746 said:

IF you really love this girl and plan on having a future with her i would stop cheating. If she finds out your future is done with her because she will never believe you again even if she does forgive you....

You are 31 bro, you are not young (meaning you are not 19-20), if i was at your age i would be looking for a wifey material not ONS...

Thats my opinion and what i would do.

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I know..... I know if she finds out its probably done... I'm going to be honest with you... I'm not 100% sure I want a future with her... but its the same uncertainty I have towards marriage to begin with... if I do decide on marriage then I think she would be a good companion.....

I'd rather be with her than without her....

I guess I'll have to do this at my own risk.. but I do agree when I do make the commitment at least to myself the cheating should stop.... some days I feel that way and other days I feel the opposite.

Maybe I'm just abnormal?

Ease said:

Dont listen to these estrogenated pussies

'How would you feel if she did that to you'

Thats terrible advice. Since when is this game fair?

The same rules dont apply to men and women. A man cheats on a woman for different reasons. It can make a man sometimes appreciate his girl more. It keeps a man healthy and confident to keep his game in check during a LTR.

A woman cheats because of all sorts of emotional and deep problems and feelings. The only reason a woman cheats is because of LOW INTEREST level. A woman who cheats is getting ready to jump ship to better prospect.

Such bs. Cheating is ******* behaviour. It is down to a man to decide what he does or doesnt do. Cheating is better than pedestalling your girlfriend, 110%. Cheating on your girlfriend will increase her interest level in you subconsiously, while pedestalling and treating her like a princess will make it fall.

So basically, you cant think of it like that.

Dont cheat unless you can handle it. But a man needs to keep his options open and his skills in good condition to stay SANE and HEALTHY in a LTR.

Iv never been married, but i think thats a whole different game in itself so these rules may have to be adjusted. Then again, if tiger woods can, we should follow example.

Click to expand...

Whatever works for you, bro. As a single man, I have my option of hoes and one night stands any time I go out. If I like a chick enough to date her long-term, that means I see her as my equal (which she should be honored by, of course). And as my equal, I can't justify betraying her trust. It's just a respect thing. What separates a LTR girlfriend from some skank that I might "date" for a month or two is respect.

If cheating on your girl makes you happy, go for it. It doesn't impact me in any way. But I wouldn't necessarily define myself as a "estrogenated p**sy" for having standards to how I'm supposed to treat someone I respect.

Now for all of you DJ fundamentalists who are about to jump down my throat about being comfortable with the girl.. haven't we decided that Love is something can be experienced with multiple people and that there is not 1 true soulmate????

This belief should actually reinforce polyogamy..... But regardless I couldn't tell you what else I'd want in a woman other than my girlfriend aside from an upgrade in looks (my girlfriend is attractive but there's more attractive women out there) That being said most more attractive woman do not have a good head on their shoulders and it would be superficial to dump someone to search out a superficial quality

Thats why I don't mind messing with hot air heads or at least shallow women but keeping 1 thats got wife material aside.

That being said, I'll state again that once I decide to commit internally this cheating should stop.....