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Old 12-15-2009, 10:06 AM   #1
Confusedchef
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Blew it with a girl I like, any way to get her back?

Hi,

I'm just starting to get out of the AFC position I am in and I met a gorgeous looking girl where I work. We talked briefly for a week before she started to flirt with me (constant touching, resting her head on my shoulder, etc). She came up to me, gave her business card and told me to give her a call.

I was going to wait but she called me that night asking if I wanted to hang out at her place. I agreed and went over. I was a wuss, I inititated no game whatsoever and we just ended up talking for about 3 hours, then I went home. She texts me the next day, as soon as she wakes up, asking me what I'm up to. She invites me out to the bar, but I told her I couldnt make it because I was busy helping my friend build a computer. She says I let her down in a jokingly manner, so I was pleased to hear that.

Next day I explain to her why I couldnt make it again (I know..stupid idea) and she said "Haha, I'll give you another chance." She drives me home that night with another guy, who turned out to be her ex boyfriend who she is still friends with. She told me he was crashing on her couch for the night. To me, she seemed to be telling the truth so I didn't really care.

She asked me out for coffee on Monday in the car when she dropped me off but she blew me off, so I told her I would make other plans, so I invited her over to my house for the next day and I made her lunch. Things seem to be going well, I can tell this girl is extremely shy, so I didn't want to rush into things.

On Friday night she calls me, asking me to go to this pub crawl with her and her two friends (one girl, one guy). I went out (didn't get drunk, wanted to keep my head in the game). I chatted it up with her friends, we got along GREAT, everything was going smooth.

At the bar she was constantly play slapping my face, she even put gum on my face and ran away (she was getting a little tipsy) and our legs were touching the entire time.

First cue that I ****ed up on. She said "I'm sleeping my bed with my teddy bear again tonight, I just can't seem to the find the right guy for me." I should of instantly took that as a chance to make my move, but I still held back.

She comes back out from the washroom and I thought I'd try the forehead trick with her, we pressed our foreheads against one another and I held the stare with her for 3 seconds but I didn't make a move again! ARGH!

So we're going from bar to bar (we grinded briefly at one bar) and we're now at the last place. Her best friend comes up to me and says "You really like her, don't you?" I stood there, trying to think of what to say and said "Well, yea, I like her. I'd love to get to know her better."

Her best friend, who was drunk at the time, said "Sorry, hate to break it to you but she's seeing another guy." I said "Oh well, least I know now." I was pretty choked and confused, so I was thinking she was a huge flirt but I was just in the friend zone.

The next day I text her asking her if my ID was around her place, I couldn't find it. She says no but offers me a drive to work, I accept. She drives me there, tried to talk to her but she in such a rush to get to her job she drove me there in literally 5 minutes.

I see her at work that day and she seemed really distant from me, I could tell something was up.

This is the kicker. I text her the next day and say "Hey "FRIEND", what's going on," cause I thought since she's seeing another guy I must of been looking at all the signs wrong, or she's just a natural flirt. She ALWAYS would text me back within 15 minutes, but she never texted me that night.

Now I'm sitting here dwelling and trying to figure out what the hell to do. Am I too late? I know I should of made a move and by me calling her "friend," which I don't want to be at all, she might be taking it as a rejection.

On the other hand, she could of just been a natural flirt, maybe she is like this with all of her guy friends? Do I approach her and talk to her about this, break the ice, or do I move on?

Thanks.
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Old 12-15-2009, 10:15 AM   #2
Murse
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Go out with her again and bring another girl along with you as a 'friend' and use her as a pawn to get a jealousy plot line going. Flirt with the your friend and don't pay so much attention to the girl you like.
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Old 12-15-2009, 10:17 AM   #3
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And don't let her act like a spoiled little ***** by putting gum on your face. Even if it was playful.
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Old 12-15-2009, 10:21 AM   #4
Confusedchef
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I don't know, I don't think she's going to go out with me again you see, I really feel like I ****ed up big time. I felt as if we had a spark but I never made a move to see if that spark was there. Why would she flirt with me so much if she didn't see me as more than a friend?

Then again, when I hear she's seeing another guy from one of her best friends (her roommate) and she's still good friends with her ex (Her two friends said they're not a good couple, but better friends instead) I instantly take that as me being in the friend zone, hence why I texted her saying "Hey friend," I wanted her to not feel creeped out I guess.

Argh. I want to call her and talk to her privately and break the ice, I need to know what's going on, but I know everyone on this forum will say I'm a being a little wuss if I do that. These headgames are confusing the **** out of me.
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Old 12-15-2009, 10:42 AM   #5
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all girls are flirts they love the attention. The ex bf is probably railed her that night too. What you should have done was flirt with her friends too if she became jelous then she probably has feelings too. If she doesn't respond to your texts then don't text her,instead withdraw all forms of attention from her and talk to some other chicks or find something else to do.

She is the prize cause she has a whole bunch of other guys to pick from ,her ex, the other guy and possibly more guys and you. You should do the same by seeing other chicks and not getting oneitus with this girl.
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Old 12-15-2009, 11:01 AM   #6
Confusedchef
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True, good advice. Still confused by how she was hinting at me with "I just can't find the right guy for me," then I find out from her best friend that she's seeing someone (who, by the way, lives 3 hours away).

Why is my gut telling me I blew it and that I should talk to her about the problem? Damn AFC is pouring out of my veins.
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Old 12-15-2009, 01:31 PM   #7
CarlitosWay
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Wow...You had many opportunities to initiate something and see if she was truly interested or not...Don't worry I kind of did the same thing not to long ago (let my emotions run the game and not my head, (at least I kissed her! you puss j/k:P) I'm hookin up with another girl tonight....the other one I gave her 50% odds. So it's hit or miss. Sooner you realize this the better. IMO she wanted to F that first night or at least something sexual to happen. Now she prob wrote you off as, inexperienced/boring/to shy.

Said girl I mentioned invited me over for tequila tonight, I prob gonna bring this hot blond I'm taking out and have some fun with the whole thing
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Old 12-15-2009, 01:41 PM   #8
ThatMysteriousGuy
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She gave you 5 obvious chances and you didn't "take the ball and run with it". During that time she began losing respect and started treating you as being weak and lower status.

Move on and stop waiting for a girl to pay for a plane to skywrite what she wants you to do. Just go for it and stop thinking so hard.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
Argh. I want to call her and talk to her privately and break the ice, I need to know what's going on, but I know everyone on this forum will say I'm a being a little wuss if I do that. These headgames are confusing the **** out of me
They're headgames you played on yourself by trying to interpret stuff too much instead of seeing things for what they obviously were. She was just probing around to see why the hell you weren't getting the blatant hints or doing anything about them. Then she started messing with you because she was disappointed.

Quote:
Her best friend, who was drunk at the time, said "Sorry, hate to break it to you but she's seeing another guy." I said "Oh well, least I know now." I was pretty choked and confused, so I was thinking she was a huge flirt but I was just in the friend zone.
Stop doing that crap by reacting to what other people say. Her friend instantly got COMPLETE power over your feelings and thoughts by you doing that. And, you didn't even stop to analyze what her motives might be (you shouldn't, you should ignore that stuff) but you've got the other girl's actions under an electron microscope. You really need to see what you're doing...sabotaging yourself, assuming negatives, etc....

You can do it. Work on that stuff and you'll be ok and do a lot better.
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Old 12-15-2009, 02:14 PM   #9
Gangster Of Love
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
Hi,

I'm just starting to get out of the AFC position I am in and I met a gorgeous looking girl where I work. We talked briefly for a week before she started to flirt with me (constant touching, resting her head on my shoulder, etc). She came up to me, gave her business card and told me to give her a call.

I was going to wait but she called me that night asking if I wanted to hang out at her place. I agreed and went over. I was a wuss, I inititated no game whatsoever and we just ended up talking for about 3 hours, then I went home. She texts me the next day, as soon as she wakes up, asking me what I'm up to. She invites me out to the bar, but I told her I couldnt make it because I was busy helping my friend build a computer. She says I let her down in a jokingly manner, so I was pleased to hear that.

Next day I explain to her why I couldnt make it again (I know..stupid idea) and she said "Haha, I'll give you another chance." She drives me home that night with another guy, who turned out to be her ex boyfriend who she is still friends with. She told me he was crashing on her couch for the night. To me, she seemed to be telling the truth so I didn't really care.

She asked me out for coffee on Monday in the car when she dropped me off but she blew me off, so I told her I would make other plans, so I invited her over to my house for the next day and I made her lunch. Things seem to be going well, I can tell this girl is extremely shy, so I didn't want to rush into things.

On Friday night she calls me, asking me to go to this pub crawl with her and her two friends (one girl, one guy). I went out (didn't get drunk, wanted to keep my head in the game). I chatted it up with her friends, we got along GREAT, everything was going smooth.

At the bar she was constantly play slapping my face, she even put gum on my face and ran away (she was getting a little tipsy) and our legs were touching the entire time.

First cue that I ****ed up on. She said "I'm sleeping my bed with my teddy bear again tonight, I just can't seem to the find the right guy for me." I should of instantly took that as a chance to make my move, but I still held back.

She comes back out from the washroom and I thought I'd try the forehead trick with her, we pressed our foreheads against one another and I held the stare with her for 3 seconds but I didn't make a move again! ARGH!

So we're going from bar to bar (we grinded briefly at one bar) and we're now at the last place. Her best friend comes up to me and says "You really like her, don't you?" I stood there, trying to think of what to say and said "Well, yea, I like her. I'd love to get to know her better."

Her best friend, who was drunk at the time, said "Sorry, hate to break it to you but she's seeing another guy." I said "Oh well, least I know now." I was pretty choked and confused, so I was thinking she was a huge flirt but I was just in the friend zone.

The next day I text her asking her if my ID was around her place, I couldn't find it. She says no but offers me a drive to work, I accept. She drives me there, tried to talk to her but she in such a rush to get to her job she drove me there in literally 5 minutes.

I see her at work that day and she seemed really distant from me, I could tell something was up.

This is the kicker. I text her the next day and say "Hey "FRIEND", what's going on," cause I thought since she's seeing another guy I must of been looking at all the signs wrong, or she's just a natural flirt. She ALWAYS would text me back within 15 minutes, but she never texted me that night.

Now I'm sitting here dwelling and trying to figure out what the hell to do. Am I too late? I know I should of made a move and by me calling her "friend," which I don't want to be at all, she might be taking it as a rejection.

On the other hand, she could of just been a natural flirt, maybe she is like this with all of her guy friends? Do I approach her and talk to her about this, break the ice, or do I move on?

Thanks.

What is up with all these afc guys posting the same story under different names? You were given a complete breakdown/disection of your situation, and were told to cut her loose and told what was going to happen. The guys responding to that thread are among the best I've seen in my years here, and you decide to ignore them and re-create the scenario?

So what do you do? You erase your previous thread on this woman and start a new one? Are you that determine to re-write what actually happened? You left out a lot of details in this version. Was that in hope to get a response you like more? Are you related to Pikachu/drift king/pete101?

Here's the original thread. Why did you delete it?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=168813

To answer your question, NO, there is no way to get her back, since you never had her. Go read what the advice and wisdom some of the fellows took the time to post for you.
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Old 12-15-2009, 02:37 PM   #10
Recon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gangster Of Love
What is up with all these afc guys posting the same story under different names? You were given a complete breakdown/disection of your situation, and were told to cut her loose and told what was going to happen. The guys responding to that thread are among the best I've seen in my years here, and you decide to ignore them and re-create the scenario?

So what do you do? You erase your previous thread on this woman and start a new one? Are you that determine to re-write what actually happened? You left out a lot of details in this version. Was that in hope to get a response you like more? Are you related to Pikachu/drift king/pete101?

Here's the original thread. Why did you delete it?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=168813

To answer your question, NO, there is no way to get her back, since you never had her. Go read what the advice and wisdom some of the fellows took the time to post for you.


Wow, nice call on finding the old thread. OP, why are you posting when you've been helped by some of the BEST this site has to offer??

When you get advice from Igetit! and Gangster of Love you take it.

Now stop wasting everyone's time by acting AFC and not listening.
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Old 12-15-2009, 02:57 PM   #11
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I'll take this entire post as your update/follow up to that other post.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
Hi,

Well, hello there player!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
I'm just starting to get out of the AFC position I am in and I met a gorgeous looking girl where I work. We talked briefly for a week before she started to flirt with me (constant touching, resting her head on my shoulder, etc). She came up to me, gave her business card and told me to give her a call.

Story the same as before.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
I was going to wait but she called me that night asking if I wanted to hang out at her place. I agreed and went over. I was a wuss, I inititated no game whatsoever and we just ended up talking for about 3 hours, then I went home.

You said you were at her house for 5 hours. 3 hours, 5 hours, is a long time, but 5 hours is much more telling. She expected you to make your move.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
She texts me the next day, as soon as she wakes up, asking me what I'm up to. She invites me out to the bar, but I told her I couldnt make it because I was busy helping my friend build a computer. She says I let her down in a jokingly manner, so I was pleased to hear that.

I thought she had invited you to go hang out with her at her place again. You previously mentioned you didn't go because you were too tired from staying up all night.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
Next day I explain to her why I couldnt make it again (I know..stupid idea) and she said "Haha, I'll give you another chance."

Same as before.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
She drives me home that night with another guy, who turned out to be her ex boyfriend who she is still friends with. She told me he was crashing on her couch for the night. To me, she seemed to be telling the truth so I didn't really care.

You didn't mention this part in your other post. This is very telling. Do you think that guy waited 5 hours and didn't make it to her bed? Who do you think girls have sex with between relationships? Two choices, 1) ex boyfriends, 2) random guys they find attractive. Her "ex boyfriend" and you were her two options. You didn't have killer instinct the night before, so somehow her "ex" showed up in the picture.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
She asked me out for coffee on Monday in the car when she dropped me off but she blew me off, so I told her I would make other plans, so I invited her over to my house for the next day and I made her lunch. Things seem to be going well, I can tell this girl is extremely shy, so I didn't want to rush into things.

You didn't make a mention of this on your other post? Are you lying to make it seem like this is a different situation by a different poster, or are you omitting important info, on purpose? Was this after you got grilled on your other posts? Why didn't you make a move on her? Did you kiss her? After so many hours/chances, the more time you spend with a broad, the less likely you'll ever see her naked.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
On Friday night she calls me, asking me to go to this pub crawl with her and her two friends (one girl, one guy). I went out (didn't get drunk, wanted to keep my head in the game). I chatted it up with her friends, we got along GREAT, everything was going smooth.

Again, was this after your coffee date, and after you were adviced how/what to do? You were told to get her into a similar situation, where you are both alone, one on one. You seem to head in the opposite direction. Initially your meetings were just the two of you, now it has become a friends gathering. Not good.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
At the bar she was constantly play slapping my face, she even put gum on my face and ran away (she was getting a little tipsy) and our legs were touching the entire time.

She's just confirming, more and more, what a spineless man you are. There is no way she respects you. Perhaps she was "showing" her friend, as words could not explain, what an afc you really are.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
First cue that I ****ed up on. She said "I'm sleeping my bed with my teddy bear again tonight, I just can't seem to the find the right guy for me." I should of instantly took that as a chance to make my move, but I still held back.

Why did you hold back? She doesn't care why. She's just judging, and cementing your demise, with each action you take, or lack thereof.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
She comes back out from the washroom and I thought I'd try the forehead trick with her, we pressed our foreheads against one another and I held the stare with her for 3 seconds but I didn't make a move again! ARGH!

I am very embarrased for you at this point. Wait, I need to step away and take a shower after reading that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
So we're going from bar to bar (we grinded briefly at one bar) and we're now at the last place. Her best friend comes up to me and says "You really like her, don't you?" I stood there, trying to think of what to say and said "Well, yea, I like her. I'd love to get to know her better."

Duh!!! Now even the friend sees how much you are into this chick, and she's feeling pretty sorry for you. "I'd love to get to know her better"? So you just communicated how you would have blown an additional 30 more chances to make your move. Now the friend understands, yet can't believe what a chump her friend is dealing with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
Her best friend, who was drunk at the time, said "Sorry, hate to break it to you but she's seeing another guy." I said "Oh well, least I know now." I was pretty choked and confused, so I was thinking she was a huge flirt but I was just in the friend zone.

She wasn't a huge flirt, with you at least. She was screaming and tyring to make it very obvious she was interested in you, at one point.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
The next day I text her asking her if my ID was around her place, I couldn't find it. She says no but offers me a drive to work, I accept. She drives me there, tried to talk to her but she in such a rush to get to her job she drove me there in literally 5 minutes.

Irrelevant.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
I see her at work that day and she seemed really distant from me, I could tell something was up.

She is really down on the male species, and has you to blame at this very moment. She's done coming on to you. She is very dissapointed you didn't have the huevos to take her and give her what she wanted, but she wouldn't do it for you. She let you die in the vine before making the move herself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
This is the kicker. I text her the next day and say "Hey "FRIEND", what's going on," cause I thought since she's seeing another guy I must of been looking at all the signs wrong, or she's just a natural flirt. She ALWAYS would text me back within 15 minutes, but she never texted me that night.

You are very right. It is the kicker. Why do you even put much stock in what her friend tells you. You reacted to her friend, and to her. Her signs were all right, at one point.

She clearly saw that you were affected by what her friend told you. This makes them realize how insecure, needy, clingy and jealous a guy has the potential to become/be. Add that to your lack of action. It doesn't add for a high score on the attraction scale.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
Now I'm sitting here dwelling and trying to figure out what the hell to do. Am I too late? I know I should of made a move and by me calling her "friend," which I don't want to be at all, she might be taking it as a rejection.

What the hell to do? Nothing at this point. You are not about doing. Not yet, at least. You had plenty of time and chance to "do" something, and you stayed passive.

Yes, off course you are late. After you didn't make your move, the first few times, it was already too late.

You calling her "friend" is not making her feel rejection. You NOT doing anything when you had a bunch of chances, is making her feel rejected. Now she is repulsed.

Now, don't go and create a new name and post this same story again. As I told you, learn from this, so you don't let it happen again. I told you in the other thread, go search for the archive "Most obvious sign that was missed" and learn.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
On the other hand, she could of just been a natural flirt, maybe she is like this with all of her guy friends? Do I approach her and talk to her about this, break the ice, or do I move on?

Well, I would tell you to escape with any trace of dignity you still have left, but I have a very strong feeling you WILL go talk to her in search of a logical explantion. You have nothing more to loose at this point, so it is up to you. Maybe talking to her will convince you that pretty much everything you were told before, actually was accurate.

If you do talk to her, expect her to deny most of your perceptions. She will say you two are just co-workers and friends, and that she was just being friendly. The more you confront her with facts, the more she will deny it and see you as creepy. Do you want to go through that? Like I said, it can't get any worse, so maybe you might want to go through it so you can see that we are not just talking out of our A$s when we offer advice, and off course, so you can have peace of mind, closure. When I was inexperienced with women, I used to have that mentality, "If she's gonna reject me, I would like her to reject me directly and not play games with me, or lead me on." soon you'll be able to see the obvious tell tale sigs of not only interest, but also when she is starting to loose it, or when there is nothing there anymore.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedchef
Thanks.

You're welcome, but only if you actually start listening, and learning.
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